Do you believe in marriage?

sofiecusion · Jul 12, 2005

Originally Posted by mferr84

I believe in Marriage, but my god, where are all the men worth marrying!!

They are either taken or gay....just kidding

In all seriousness, I have read some of your recent posts, and even though you are hurting, please do not shun love forever. You are young. It is wrong to compare your marriage to marriages in your family because when they took that walk down the aisle, they were probably feeling the exact same way you did on your wedding day. You can NEVER know what to expect!

I have a cousin who was with a lady for 12 years before marrying her. Things went downhill almost as soon as they tied the knot and she became really abusive. Here he lived with her for 11 years, and still didn't know what he really got into. They were only legally married for a year and a half. He had to get a few restaining orders on her when he bought a house for himself because she was destructive, stalking, and physically abusive. They did have a child together, and she now somewhat resents her mother for the games she played using her as bait.

That was 6 years ago. After dating a bit, he found a very nice lady who he has proposed to. They haven't set a date.

Take time to heal, and please note that you are only 21, and that you have your whole life ahead of you. Get the help you need (coming here is a great way to vent) and move on with your life for yourself. Do it for you!

rosiemac · Jul 12, 2005

I was married to my husband for 18 years before i left him. The reason being i met someone else.

I thought i was happy?, and he was and still is a wonderful person, but the spark had gone.

No one knows whats around the corner because i was the last person people thought would leave my marriage, including me!.

I have a friend at the moment who has been married twice. She's been living with her current partner for 11 years, and even though he wants to get married, she won't.

Her motto " If it isn't broke, why bother to fix it!"

julianne · Jul 12, 2005

I voted yes, even though a lot of the marriages in my family have ended in divorce.

I decided a long time ago that I would wait until the right man came along (31 and still waiting! lol). I have seen so many of my friends getting married for the sake of getting married, and then they wonder why they are so unhappy.

I read an article in my local newspaper about a couple who have been married for 65 years! and they say they are still as much in love as the day they married!

Juli

purity · Jul 12, 2005

I don't actually know many people who are happily married. Three couples who I thought were happy, the husbands later proposistioned me. They are still with their wives (who are none the wiser) and acting as if they're perfect husbands. If they tried it with me, who else have they tried it with? How many others said yes when I told them where to go?? Doesn't leave me with much faith in men I'm afraid. I realise that not all men can be tarred with the same brush, but for me to trust someone that completely would be a huge thing, and I'm not sure I'm capable.

Besides, I'm perfectly happy as I am. Just me and my boys, with no one to answer to and no one to argue with!

boys mum · Jul 12, 2005

i was in an abusive marrige for almost 20 years,but then i thought sod this and left him,i had nothing apart from a few belongings,but i met a wonderful man and we have been together 9 years now and out of that 9 we have been married 5,hes my best friends and i love him so intensly

my advice is communicate if u have a problem talk it over dont argue as things get said which cant be retracted.i can be with my husband charlie for 24/7 and not wind each other up.
i honestly thought when i split up from my ex i wouldnt find love but i was wrong its out there its just waiting till your ready to accept it

kittylover4ever · Jul 12, 2005

For me, I do believe in marriage. Even when I was going through my divorce and through a couple of rotten relationships before I met Jerry, I did. I guess it's because my grandparents were happily married for 67 years, and my parents for 50 years. I'm a believer that there is someone out there for everyone. I have friends who keep looking for greener pastures, and found out that what they had was good, they just didn't know it. Then when they try to get it back, the damage had been done and they couldn't go back.

daddycat · Jul 12, 2005

The worst day I've had being married is better than the best day I ever had being single. Nothing compares to knowing that there is someone that you belong to and who belongs to you.

batgirl2good · Jul 12, 2005

Meagan, I feel the same way that you do.

Originally Posted by mferr84

I believe in Marriage, but my god, where are all the men worth marrying!!

I thought I had a perfect guy, which I dont, in fact I have the exact opposite. Once hubby started abusing me, I completley lost all kinda of feelings for him. I cant just stop loving someone, so i do still love him. It is really hard to explain though. But all the trust, loyalty, and intimacy I felt towards him is completley gone. Its hard to feel all these emotions for someone who only shows you they "love" you after they have physically hurt you.

I tell people I will probably never get married again. How do I know that the next guy I meet and fall in love with wont turn out the exact same way. It was a year and a half into our marriage before hubby started being abusive.

So yes in general, but I am unsure about me.

It sucks, because my entire family all have beautiful marriages! Why not me?!?!

jakkies · Jul 12, 2005

I believe in marriage and have been blessed with a happy one. I do however also believe that marriage isn't right for everyone. I know of couples who lived together in peace and harmony and after getting married things went downhill. I don't think it is the lack of commitment that most people associate with living together...hubby and I lived together for five years before getting married and no problems here. I think there is a lot of pressure placed on newly married couples. For us the parents on both sides kept asking us when are we buying our first house, when is there gonna be grandchildren and the multitude of conflicting advice from everyone "knowing better" than we. We ignored it all and made our own mistakes, got over it and made a marriage that works for us...even if the in-laws (on both sides) don't agree with us.

darkeyedgirl · Jul 12, 2005

I used to believe in it, apparently, because I've been married twice. Flip side, I've also been divorced twice. The first one was more like a prison and I lost my entire 'self'. The second one was a blooper and I only married him because I was pregnant. I didn't marry either time for "love".

I doubt I'll ever get married again simply because I don't need to. I like to live alone, sleep alone, do stuff alone. I can't have any more kids so there's no use in signing papers & joining with someone. I have my own house, my own mind, and well people annoy me too much to live with anyone again. Even steady dating bothers me, let alone, a commitment!

krazy kat2 · Jul 12, 2005

I believe in marriage, especially if you are going to have children. The world was a much better place when the children came after marriage, even if it was very shortly.
I have been happily UNmarried to my current partner for 20 years, and we have no children together. We have discussed marrying several times, but decided we are happy the way we are, no reason to change.

rosiemac · Jul 12, 2005

Originally Posted by darkeyedgirl

I doubt I'll ever get married again simply because I don't need to.

I have my own house, my own mind

A woman of independence like me!

And same here, i doubt i'll get married again, and i'm keeping my own money as well!

miss mew · Jul 12, 2005

I truly do believe in marriage and I think that it can be a very beautiful thing. My parents have been married for 37 years and they still get along great. My mom says it's all about compromise and sharing the same values. I also believe that marriage isn't something that people should be expected to do. As long as you're happy with the way you live your life that's all that matters.

coolcat · Jul 12, 2005

YES!

I have 5 years and Running!

....

hopehacker · Jul 12, 2005

No, I don't believe in marriage. I've been married, and he was a nice person. I would have liked him a great deal better, had we never gotten married. As far as I'm concerned, being married is like a prison to pen you down from being who you want to be. I don't believe in monogamy, because I don't think it's natural for human beings to be with one person for the rest of their lives. The only GOOD thing I can see about marriage, is the security you might get from having another income in the household.

ullis_p · Jul 12, 2005

My dear grandparents have been married for 58 years!!! And they are still so in love

I've been with my DH for 10 years, married the last 1,5years. We are very very happy.

I don't think marriage is something that must follow, you can be just as happy living together your whole life without a marriage certificate, however it does make legal issues easier to deal with in case of divorce/split up/death...

rockcat · Jul 12, 2005

Absolutely, I believe in marriage. It can not be taken lightly, though. This happens far too often. BOTH parties MUST see it as a commitment and an honour to have each other. RESPECT, LOVE, & TRUST are imperative, even after the strong chemistry fades.

My BF and I have lived together for 4 years and will get married one day. We have both been married before. I've been married twice. The first time he cheated. The second time we had several good years, but after 9 he decided he wanted out. My dad has been married and divorced 5 times. All of this has not changed my mind about marriage. Barring infidelity and abuse, I do think many people give up too easily.

ugaimes · Jul 12, 2005

Originally Posted by mferr84

How do I know that the next guy I meet and fall in love with wont turn out the exact same way. It was a year and a half into our marriage before hubby started being abusive.

We can't always know that for certain, but there are certain red flags that you can look for in any relationship.

Personally, I do not see great marriages in my family (my parents divorced a few years ago after my father verbally/emotionally abused my mother and us kids for 22 years. However, I believe that marriages between the right people do work. It should never be entered into lightly and there should be NO ABUSE whatsoever. Both partners should respect the other and should not deny the other of any of their rights. Bradley and I agreed when we started dating 2 years ago that we would never marry unless we were marrying our best friend. Fortunately, we are definitely best friends

and I cannot wait until we're married!

eatrawfish · Jul 12, 2005

I'm with all the mixed ppl.

Of my friends, my bf, and my boyfriends friends I am the ONLY ONE whose parents are still together, and my father was married once before my mother.

Now, a lot of them are happily remarried... I don't know, it just makes me think and I know that a lot of people get married for the wrong reasons. As a status symbol, to please their parents, because they are getting older, because they want kids, because they want money, because they want security...

I want to marry my bf one day, but if he doesn't, I'll be happy just being with him too.

rockcat · Jul 12, 2005

Originally Posted by ugaimes

Bradley and I agreed when we started dating 2 years ago that we would never marry unless we were marrying our best friend. Fortunately, we are definitely best friends

and I cannot wait until we're married!

Best friends is definately the way to go!

Do you believe in marriage?

TCS Member

TCS Member

TCS Member

TCS Member

TCS Member

TCS Member

TCS Member

TCS Member

TCS Member

TCS Member

TCS Member

TCS Member

TCS Member

TCS Member

TCS Member

TCS Member

TCS Member

TCS Member

TCS Member

TCS Member