I hope you can continue to see things with a lot of clarity (and sometimes, just posting, like you did, seeing what others wrote/think, AND going back and looking at YOUR post a few days or a week or more later, and seeing how YOU think, really opens your eyes, as to how severe the problems are, or have become with time!)
One thing I've found over the years, is if we really, really are upset at things someone we love or care about does, and don't verbalize it to them, a person ends up feeling victimized. If it just continues with that same routine being repeated often, it becomes a way of life.... The one person continues being thoughtless, while the other continues being hurt and angry...
You and your DH are human and both of you only have so many hours in a day, and so much energy to be expended in those hours. If you are both exhausted all the time, there is going to be a lot less energy and patience on both your parts... That is just the way our bodies work! So, if you both keep running yourselves so much, in the joint effort to be able to retire early, you will probably do either one of two things: Become angry strangers to each other, or develop severe health problems down the road. And after ALL the hard work you are both putting into your days, it would be beyond sad to end up on either one of those roads!!!!
I think if you find you cannot talk enough to him, to make an obvious difference, that you need to write him a letter and let him know how all this is affecting you AND him. With a letter, he can read it, and not interject mumblings under his breath to your thoughts, while you say them to him! He can see right in front of him, what your true feelings are--and where YOU are at, emotionally, on all these very real issues!
I wish you ALL the best, in getting through to him ((HUGS)) to you!
****Also I wish the other poster; "HeatherRagan" a lot of luck with her fiancee. I found out the really hard way, that a person is NOT going to change unless it is THEY who want to change! No amount of reasoning, argueing, crying, yelling will make them change. It HAS to be them who thinks, "You know what? *I* don't like the person I am right now, and *I* want to change from being that person, to a person I would be proud to know!!! Their behavior is who they are, just like your behaviors are who you are. Their behaviors may be beyond difficult to put up with, and be obnoxious or hateful, but they will not change until THEY decide they need or want to change! Have you considered counselling? You do NOT deserve to be treated the way he is treating you (Nor does your little baby!) ((HUGS)) to you too. I hope you will see that you NEED to be treated with respect and kindness (THAT is what love is based on!!!) --That is NOT too much to ask!!!