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Am I wrong? - Page 2

post #31 of 40
Originally Posted by Kiwideus
I am with Sweets here
Me too.

Originally Posted by Kiwideus
I feel that some people here are belittling Catherine, when she wanted a place to vent and to ask if she is wrong, which I dont think she is.
Agreed - although I think everyone had the best intentions and is only trying to help.

Heres another thought: Catherine, although you and your husband both work very hard and long hours so that someday you can retire early, will you still know each other then? Are you sacrificing too much of your time together right now? Planning and saving is an essential part of life, but maybe you have both been going overboard and its neither of your faults - you just have no time or energy left for each other.
post #32 of 40
Thread Starter 
Thank you eveyone for your advice. I have slept on it and have decided to take a little bit from eveyone.

First, as of right now..........the bathrooms can be dirty, the essential clothes will be washed, and meals will be fixed. Other than that, if I feel like it or have time for it- it may or may not get done.

Next, I am going to keep a journal so that when I approach him, he can actually see what I do. As I've said before, I understand HIS job but he does not understand mine. I'm not asking him to do much.....just little things without mumbleing under his breath.

I am going to continue hitting the books.......the sooner I complete my education, the sooner I can afford to hire people and have more time for myself and my family. Also, as soon as I finish college, we are selling our business so that he can have a 9-5 job. We will both have a 9-5 job.

I think right now, thanks to all of your advice, this is my best solution and attitude to take on for now. I'm not looking for a confrontation at the moment and have been trying to keep my mouth shut to him b/c his mother has passed away only 2 months ago. I know he has added stress right now but I also know that this problem has not happened since or b/c of her death. I just want to keep the peace while he works through his greiving. I do plan on having a chat with him this weekend just to let him know how I feel when he does grumble.

Thanks again everyone!
post #33 of 40
Today you sound more peaceful and clearer about things. You did the right thing giving yourself time to mull things over and talk to others.

Do keep hitting the books. Your education is so important and will give you independence and stability later on.

I know you said that hubby didn't want a college education - it's great that he has supported you, do you think it could worry him that as you come to the end of your study he may not be enough for you. I went to University as a mature student, and whilst it wasn't an issue for me and my hubby, it was an issue for some of my friends at Uni.

Best of luck. I hope it works out for you.
post #34 of 40
Thread Starter 
He's such a laid back guy, I don't think it would bother him if I had a degree and he didn't or if I make more money or not. Our money is just that "our money". There is no "mine" and "yours", all the money goes in the same pot.
We've talked about it before and I don't care what others say. That's who he is and this is who I am. Some people just aren't college material. I'm not very good in school but am pretty smart and business savvy, therefor, I have to work hard at my school work. But I do it b/c I want to move forward in life and give my son the best. Also, how could I tell my son to go to college if at least one of us has not finished?

You're right, I am feeling better today. I went to bed at 1am instead of 2 or 3 and got up late today so I am thinking more clearly now.

Thanks again eveyone!
post #35 of 40
I am going through the same thing so I feel for you. I'm in the middle of trying to work things out too. My fiance works 40 hours a week, while I work 20, go to school full-time, take care of our 15 month old and clean house. He expects me to do everything. Example, a couple of days ago I asked him to feed Aubrey so I could get in a quick shower. He had just gotten home from work, he only worked 5 hours, and I had been taking care of her all day. This was too much for him and resulted in a HUGE fight. He has never given her a bath. I'm lucky if he changes her diaper or feeds her once a week. We have a date night where my mom watches our daughter. I tell him how much I love and appreciate him. All he does is complain when the house isn't spotless. I think I do agree with whoever said it had to do with his mom. She is practically perfect. She keeps the house spotless, hardly complains, makes homecooked meals every night from scratch. She also is just a stay at home mom but all kids are now in school. He thinks that when I'm home I should spend every last minute cleaning while when he's home he can watch tv or play video games. We are working on things, as I left for about a week and stayed with my mom and this has finally opened his eyes a little. Good luck working things out.

post #36 of 40
Glad you are feeling better today Catherine! Here are some hugs for you -
post #37 of 40
I think that you are not being appreciated. An honest conversation would help. I agree with you. I'd be hurt and upset if it were me. From what I am hearing, he is appreciate of everyone but YOU, which is totally NOT cool.
post #38 of 40
Hey Cat, yeah! Looks like a good nights sleep and some really logical thinking are the key right now. I do know that when I'm sleep deprived everything is exacerbated. Everything seems so much worse than it is until I sleep! I think he's very lucky to have you as is your son, and where is it written that you have to have a perfect house? That's Stepford Wives stuff. Nobody does all the household chores everyday, it just cannot be done and I really like your attitude about that. It's a healthy attitude, I think, because what's essential gets done and if it does not get done, then it wasn't meant to get done. I think your game plan is a good one, and I like the idea of a journal. "...He's such a laid back guy, I don't think it would bother him if I had a degree and he didn't or if I make more money or not. Our money is just that "our money". There is no "mine" and "yours", all the money goes in the same pot." This is also a sign of a pretty healthy relationship, not to say other arrangements are not, but it sounds as if there is mutual trust and respect going on here, no matter what you say. I swear Eric is the most laid-back person I have ever met and because he is so laid-back he literally doesn't "see" how hard I work, or all the things I take care of at the house every day even when I work a 50 hr week downtown, and on and on and on..... I feel like I have to use an iron skillet upside that man's head as it is! I'm glad we had the chance to talk last night and I support you 101%.
post #39 of 40
It was once said that my hubby was so laid back he had hinges on his feet
post #40 of 40
I hope you can continue to see things with a lot of clarity (and sometimes, just posting, like you did, seeing what others wrote/think, AND going back and looking at YOUR post a few days or a week or more later, and seeing how YOU think, really opens your eyes, as to how severe the problems are, or have become with time!)
One thing I've found over the years, is if we really, really are upset at things someone we love or care about does, and don't verbalize it to them, a person ends up feeling victimized. If it just continues with that same routine being repeated often, it becomes a way of life.... The one person continues being thoughtless, while the other continues being hurt and angry...
You and your DH are human and both of you only have so many hours in a day, and so much energy to be expended in those hours. If you are both exhausted all the time, there is going to be a lot less energy and patience on both your parts... That is just the way our bodies work! So, if you both keep running yourselves so much, in the joint effort to be able to retire early, you will probably do either one of two things: Become angry strangers to each other, or develop severe health problems down the road. And after ALL the hard work you are both putting into your days, it would be beyond sad to end up on either one of those roads!!!!
I think if you find you cannot talk enough to him, to make an obvious difference, that you need to write him a letter and let him know how all this is affecting you AND him. With a letter, he can read it, and not interject mumblings under his breath to your thoughts, while you say them to him! He can see right in front of him, what your true feelings are--and where YOU are at, emotionally, on all these very real issues!
I wish you ALL the best, in getting through to him ((HUGS)) to you!

****Also I wish the other poster; "HeatherRagan" a lot of luck with her fiancee. I found out the really hard way, that a person is NOT going to change unless it is THEY who want to change! No amount of reasoning, argueing, crying, yelling will make them change. It HAS to be them who thinks, "You know what? *I* don't like the person I am right now, and *I* want to change from being that person, to a person I would be proud to know!!! Their behavior is who they are, just like your behaviors are who you are. Their behaviors may be beyond difficult to put up with, and be obnoxious or hateful, but they will not change until THEY decide they need or want to change! Have you considered counselling? You do NOT deserve to be treated the way he is treating you (Nor does your little baby!) ((HUGS)) to you too. I hope you will see that you NEED to be treated with respect and kindness (THAT is what love is based on!!!) --That is NOT too much to ask!!!
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