We've taken on a new cat - Tigger

The photographs of Tigger working undercover:

http://good-times.webshots.com/album...hFwBa?start=28

Master Tigger was working the night before last, while we were watching the Olympics. That, in and of itself, is not noteworthy since our masters have a work ethic far beyond the ken of normal and mundane humans. What was somewhat different is the Master Tigger was talking in his slee........... uh while he worked. Twitches and talking.

Last night, we were once again watching the olympics, when master Tigger awoke and started hissing. Actually it was:

1. Work peacefully on the workstation.
2. Head pops up
3. Hisssssssss (to warn whatever that he was about to defend himself)
4. Finish opening eyes and realize that he was working and...

"What....huh?......oh. I was

uh..DAY dreaming. I repy?

"I was demonstrating a warning sound. THAT'S what I was doing."

Yes sire. We agree.... (we all nod our heads knowingly)

"Don't laugh at me slave. I was working."

Yes... we believe you. We were not laughing. We were demonstrating a happy sound somewhat like you demonstrated a warning sound. That's what we did.

"hrmmmmmppppppppfffff. Yeah... right. You don't know what you're talking about or think you know about. I going to spend more time training you. Let me check the training schedule."

and so he puts his head down and starts contemplating the training.

and goes back to work.

I was approaching the front door as I came home from work. I spied my master Tigger running to the front door.

"Oh good. You're home. I want out."

I'll let you ou.....

"Good. I want out now. It's a beautiful day outsid........."

out as soon as you've become a dog.

"I am going to hurt you for leading me on like that."

You interrupted me master.

DW came to the front door to pick up our master. She had heard the interchange.
No need to be insulting she said.

"Yes you were." Tigger stated.

Master. Dogs I will allow outside (in the fenced back yard) Have you become a dog?

"You're insulting again!"

No. I just don't want you hurt by wandering wildlife. You were a outside cat 16 years ago. You've.......

"I have not forgotten how to defend mysellf!"

Be that as it may. I will not allow you out.

Master Tigger had walked off. Thus I was shunned.

A short time later, I walked up to the masters work station and Tigger was looking up.

"I want attention slave."

Yes master. I picked up my master and started wratchign his tummy.

"Ah.... purrr purrr purrr purrrr"

DW came into the room.

"I want down now. My primary slave is here."

Yes master.

"I WANT DOWN NOW!!!!!!!!!!"

Yes master. (I remembered the times past when I would have had a bloody stump for scritching his tummy) I let him down.

I could hear the purrr half the room away as he went to his primary slave and convinced her that he needed attention. (like she wasn't going to give hime any?)

I am being ignored again... so I come in and post his chronicle.

Master Tigger was working. Primary slave and I started giving him attention, since he was talking while he worked.

Silly kitty. You're talking and twitching while you work, DW remarks. She starts petting.

I start scritching his tummy.

"ahhhhhh I like that. PURR PURRR PURRR!!!"

Primary slave is petting.

Secondary slave is scritching.

Tertiary starts rubbing head, between ears.

"Ahhhhhhh purrrrrrrr purrrrrrrrrrrr Life just doesn't get any better than this."

At this point we're unsure if Master Tigger is talking in his slee... uh... work time or not.
His eyes are glazed over.

We slowly stop all t eh attention.

Tigger contiunes to work. If he had been taking a break from his labors, he would have objected methinks.

Master Tigger was working. Primary slave and I started giving him attention, since he was talking while he worked.

Silly kitty. You're talking and twitching while you work, DW remarks. She starts petting.

I start scritching his tummy.

"ahhhhhh I like that. PURR PURRR PURRR!!!"

Primary slave is petting.

Secondary slave is scritching.

Tertiary starts rubbing head, between ears.

"Ahhhhhhh purrrrrrrr purrrrrrrrrrrr Life just doesn't get any better than this."

At this point we're unsure if Master Tigger is talking in his slee... uh... work time or not.
His eyes are glazed over.

We slowly stop all t eh attention.

Tigger contiunes to work. If he had been taking a break from his labors, he would have objected methinks.

Last night, I was standing beside the masters work station, when I had to blow my nose. I have a sinus infection and special precautions must be taken. (Other than blowing my nose that is) Shadow Ram, AKA Shadow, Fluff and Mr. Whine Kitty, will pounce upon any samll white paper object and proceed to shred to exceedingly small pieces. He has been known to steal small white objects as well, taking large globs of tissue from the box.

Meanwhile back to Master Tigger:

Master Tigger was sitting on the work station, looking at me with wide eyes.

"What is that white thing in your hand?" he asked.

Have you never seen me blow my nose? I answered.

"Yes, but you sound like a fog horn."

I'm sick.

"and you're telling me this because? I've known since I first met you that you are not balanced and really don't think correctly." (heheheh he's falling for the bait methinks)

I hope you're not confusing thinking and blowing my.... oh. I get it. My brains are in the tissue now. Is that what you were going to say?

("Drat....) No. Not at all. I was going to ..............eh? What was that?" he looked out the door.

Zooomm... he was gone. (Nice way to change the subject hehehehe)

-----------insert a nights fitful sleep-----------

Shadow Ram is rounding the turn into the kitchen. Three Legged Charlie is a close second. Tigger is standing by his food bowl.... watching the race to the water station.

Zooooom Tigger follows

Shadow is drinking. Charlie decides he can share to he crouches down. Tigger is sitting on the toilet.

(We get a picture of this BTW)

Tigger looks at me with some disdain and tells me.....

"Go away slave. We're in a meeting."

Yes master.....

Wow, to think they were going to put him down. That picture of him in the covers is so adorable.

Such a Cat. You should teach Tigger to fetch. He might be that smart.

And you should write a book.

"Stop looking at me, slave. I want nothing to do with you right now." Tigger remarked.

Uh... I was just looking at you and wondering why you were sitting in the hallway with your back turned to me.

" (little does he suspect I'm just playing mind games with him) Did I or did I not tell you to ignore me?"

No. You were just sitting there looking at the ceiling.

"You didn't turn on the water."

You didn't ask........ or even demand so how was I to know?

"Be that as it may, I am trying to IGNORE YOU!"

So I'm in trouble because you didn't ask or tell me about something you wanted and that I was not even in the room?

"Yep... that's it. Go away."

Yes master.

"HEY! You're leaving! Why are you leaving me?"

Uh... you told me to go away.

"(shaking head) Oh bother."

Yes master?

Tigger had gotten up and walked down to the juncture of the hall, kitchen and foyer. He sat down beside Shadow Ram - who was watching the entire exchange.

"He's a slave." Shadow said.

"Yeah... I should spend more time training him, but he keeps forgetting everything." Tigger muttered.

Both my masters just looked at me............actually they looked through me, as if I wasn't there. I was being shunned I guess.

------------insert one night-------------------

I was in the process of trundeling a load of recycle materiel out to the truck, since I was going to drop a load of recycle off at work. (we have a recycle dumpster)

Tigger comes RUNNING to the door. It's open and inviting.

"Ah... I can go outside and survey my domain."

"HEY!!! Why did you pick me up slave! I want to go outside." Tigger said with some consternation to his primary slave. (DW had scooped him up as he passed her by on the way to the closing door)

Sorry Tigger. You know DH will ask if you became a dog and you'll be insulted.

"Where did you come from?"

I was standing right here. You tried to run past me to the closing door and you were so intent on escaping the confines of the house you didn't see me.

"I have a singlemindedness of purpose now and again. Let me out." Tigger exclaimed.

DH will..........

"Oh never mind. I don't want to put up with his insults anyway. Just pet me. I need attention because I'm being abused."

Yes master...

In the meantime I finished loading recycyle and went to work.

Walking out of the computer room/home office I spied Master Tigger sitting with his head in the door jam, as if to be relegated to the corner because he's been a bad person. Inasmuch Master Tigger is master of all he surveys and is alpha I seriously doubt this has occured. The other option is that Master Tigger wishes to enter forbidden territory.

Master, you know that room is off limits?

"What part of: 'I want in this room!' don't you understand?"

You need to talk to your primary slave, master. She controls who gets into that room. It contains all sort of items that she feels that masters would be tempted
to play with and the possibility that you might hurt yourself. (it contains all sort of knitting, sewing and craft things that are of a complete mystery to those of us who
know nothing of those particular arts and crafts. Strings that are swallowed harmful to our masters)

"I'll have to go have a talk with her right now. I must know what's on the other side of that door."

(it is a genetic imperative with some masters that they MUST get on the other side of a closed door)

Yes master, but I was talking to empty space. It would appear that my converstation with Master Tigger was over. (I didn't know at the time that I would pay a price later)

---------------insert several hours------------------

I walked into the kitchen.

"Slave. I must be fed right now! I'm hungry."

Yes master. I proceded to get his food and place some in the bowl.

"That doesn't look like my food." Tigger exclaimed.

He sniffed and sniffed and examined the food.

"You're trying to poison me."

No master. That's your normal food.


I want some decent food. NOW! "

This is ..........

but I was talking to a empty space once again. Master Tigger was trotting out of the kitchen, headed for the masters watering station. We, the slaves, know that trot.
We have been trained.

Thus I went down the hall to turn on the water.

Master Tigger was walking around the sink.

"Why have you not turned on the water?"

I turned on the water.

Master Tigger was in the process of bonking all surfaces by the the station. He...

"I want attention. Pet me."

Yes master. I hear and obey.

[pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet]

I want to start drinking now, slave.

Yes master.

but he looked and looked and looked at the water.

"You're trying to poison me."Tigger muttered

No master. It's the same water as always. You like this water.

"I want attention. Pet me."

Yes master. I hear and obey.

[pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet]


I want to start drinking now, slave.

repeat this process for another 5 minutes.

"Is this water cold?"

Yes master. It is cold.

"I'll drink now."

thus he sniffed and tested the water.

and he drank.

and he drank.

and he drank.

and he drank.

"I want attention. Pet me."

Yes master. I hear and obey.

and in a flash he was gone.

I was being treated like a slave once again.

DW and I were watching the vice presidenal candidate debate last night, while Master Tigger was working. He was using DW as a pillow, as do most of the masters. She seems to be a master magnet.

At the end....... a VERY L O N G stretch

"That was boring. Let me show you what I think!"

and he made a yawn so big I could see the inside of his belly button.

Really master. I take it you ..........

"What part of that statement did you not understand?" Tigger muttered.

Is that your final word on the subject? I asked?

"I am going to hurt you if you want to talk politics with me. I'm not a political cat. I'm the master around here and that's all you need to know."

Yes master.

DW took out a Ladybug that can be used as a masters distraction device as it can be batted around and dangled in front of a master.

"Take that away from my face slave!"

DW gently bounced it off his whiskers....

"Are you deaf? I'm not in the mood!"

he batted it away and started to turn his back.

DW..... you're not in a good mood.

"Astute of you. That's what we need more of in this world. Astutes"

and he stamped off.

DW and I both remarked that it looked like Master Tigger was not in a good mood. Dunno why.. as he had received lots of belly rubs and petting during the debate. I guess he got tired of the political talk.

Oh well....thistles for lunch again.

This is second hand information, but I trust the source:

DW reports that Master Tigger was walking a very tight circle (the top of a cat scratcher/cylinder we have for our masters enjoyment - maybe 18 inch round?) when the tigger striped snake that follows Tigger around all the time was spied and pounced upon. I'm unsure why master would bite his....

"I did NOT bite my tail slave! I was demonstrating how agile I am." sheesh... stupid slaves

Uh... yes master. That's what you were doing.

Chasing your....

"Did you listen to what I said?"

Yes master. You were showing how agile you are. Did it hurt when you bite....

"I'm going to hurt you. I'll fanger you and make you stop all this nonsense."

Yes master.

------insert several hours-------

Master Tigger once again showed how excited he was with the debates. (a very big yawn)

You slaves are a boring lot. I'm going back to work.

Yes master

I was standing at the kitchen sink, while DW was headed out the front door.

ZZZZZZZZZooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmm

Master Tigger was trying to trip DW and get outside at the same time.

"AH HA! I'm getting to go outside!"

but DW scooped him up, while remarking.

You are not a dog. Outside you do not get to go because you won't be able to survive.

"AAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!" Tigger exclaimed.

"I WANT OUTSIDE" he howled.

Sorry. It's going to be too cold and you are not prepared, so in you stay. (DW remarked)

I came over and took Master Tigger. I started petting....

and petting and petting.

"Purr purr purr purr purr Thank you slave. I needed some TLC after that abuse I just received."

You're welcome

and Tigger climbed up to stand on my shoulder.

Uh... Msater. You will not be able to get in the closet, I stated.

"I can look can't I?" Tigger muttered.

Yes... but that's all. Someday I'll let you up on the shelf.

"AH HAH! I'm going to hold you to that!"

spoo.... Now I've done it.

Tigger remained on my shoulder for about 5 minutes, all the while letting his tail thwap me in the face (if I had turned my head I'd get a close up view of base of his tail I might add)

"Ahh.... I shall explore you......."

DW came in the door and started laughing.

You silly kitty. Are you have fun with DH? (DW grinned)

"Why... yes. I am. He even told me that I could explore the top shelf sometime in the future. I'm going to hold him to that statement." Tigger gloated....

Spoo? (she asked inquiringly?)

Yep... Maybe he'll forget.

"Yeah... like that's going to happen anytime soon silly slave." my master remarked.

In the meantime, DW went to the sewing table and started reading the instructions on a mechanical device related to her sewing machine.

uh... lets see. I'm supposed to place the foot...

My foot is at the end of my ankle, I said.

Oh... somebody is going to hurt you for that statement. DW stated.

(we have a stuffed bear named Caroline who smacks us around because we utter too many puns. This is to keep us in line so she doesn't have to run screaming from the room because we punish each other all the time)

Yep... I've knot been beated in some time.

Meahwhile, Tigger marched over and sat on the instructions.

"I am here to help" Tigger said regally.

I see that. DW remarked. uh.. could you move just a little?

"If I move, I'll not be helpful. Don't you want my help?"

During this exchane, I had gotten the papercutter we use to trim printed matter so I could use them for book covers and such.

"Oh... look. I can help over there. "

So Tigger came over where I was getting ready to cut.....

Master. Please don't get close to me. I can cut off your tail or hurt you with this paper cutter.

"I'm here to help!"

Yes. I see that, but paper cutters can be dangerous.

"I'll be very careful." he stated

Yes master. So I waited for him to move off the paper that I was going to cut. Have you ever had a master stand/sit on something you were going to work on? Read? Fold?

and a short time later, my master decided that enough help was given....

off he ambled.

I came home from work and I espied my master peering through the door window. I fully expected Tigger to attempt to bolt out the open door as it was a nice day and my master LOVES to go outside to survey his domain.

"HA! Fooled you silly slave." Tigger exclaimed as I cautiously opened the door.

This is something different, but I still prepare to fetch him.

"I'm rolling on the floor with laughter you silly slave."

I could see the mirth but I held back the comment that he was a silly kitty. I let the door close.

"You really don't understand do you?" shaking his head.

Uh... I'm at a loss for words. Would you tell me...

"Pet me." he said, as he jumped up.

ah.. Ok.....

--------insert several minutes of petting and attention----------------

"Ah.... This is what I've needed. I've been abandoned all day. I have not one single slave here to give me the attention, love and caring that I so richly deserve. Where have you been?"

I''ve been at work getting the money needed to pay for you food, medicne and....

"Oh don't bother me with that. Where are the other slaves?" he demanded!

They must have forgotten to tell you that DW had to take son to dentist.

"If you say that word again I'll hurt you!"

That person they went to see is not one who does things to masters. He's a good guy. We like him to look in out mouth and.....

"He's not that person who jabs me with needles and does nasty things to my tail?"

No master. He only looks into humans.

"Good. I want nothing to do with that other evil person" (he refers to the evil vet)

That person checks to see

"I will NOT listen to this." and he punctuated this by flexing his needle claws....

Oh.. I get your point.

"Sometimes your slow, but I put up with you."

Yes master.

In the meantime I had sat on the bed and master circled my legs to prepare to hold me hostage. He finally settled down to work, after standing on my shins and legs for a couple of minutes. (this can be somewhat painful at times if he positions himself just right)

"ah...... work" (his eyes rolled up to the back of his head)

-------insert about 30 minutes------------

I hear the garage door opening.......

and DW comes into the house talking to son.....

She comes into the bedroom and comments......

Ah... working hard I see.

"What? Oh... it's you. Pet me slave" as he walked over to DW.

ratch... scritch.... pet......

[purr purr purr purr]

I head off to check my email.

-------insert night and it's now morning---------

I walk out of the bedroom and see master Tigger sitting in the dark computer room. He's having a quiet moment in the dark, looking out on his front yard.

So I sneak away...........

"Hello slave. Are you enjoying watching that box in the corner?" my master asked

Yes, but I'm waiting for these ads to get over.

"Well... let me take your mind off that subject. Look in my mouth"

Oh... you've just something to eat. I can tell.

"That's why I want you to look in my mouth. To see if I have anything...."

I get the point. You're not happy with me because I didn't feed you earlier.

"Not at all. I just wanted you to see the inside of my mouth and........"

your belly button inside?

"You're hopeless. I'm leaving"

Why did you show me your........

Tigger walked away and refused to talk.

This past weekind I upset my master. The plumbing in the slaves master bathroom had a dripping valve (it feeds the toilet) To prevent puddles of water on the floor, we set a small bucket to catch the drips (master Tigger, upon occasion has called me this) My master had discovered this new pool of water. Cold clear water in a larger than normal bowl (at least for him, but that did nothing to prevent master of partaking of water) that was available when we were not around to demand action of at the masters watering station. He was pleased at this new source.

Master Tigger still has his kidney disease that the only outward sign to us is that he demands more water. The increased water consumption has slowed the disease to a mere crawl and for the most part we have not a single problem turning on the water.

This, however, is rather difficult when we are asleep or not home, thus his joy at the new source.

--------insert dark clouds of irritation coming from a certain master-----------

I replaced the valve this weekend.


This may have accounted for Tiggers reaction by bowling me over with fresh kibble breath I discussed in the previous post. Tigger knew what I did as he observed part of the process. Helper kitty decided to depart when I was partially through the process.

Unhappy he was.

We no longer have a dripping toilet feed line but Master Tigger has been dripping some sarcasm with conversations with me.

I'm in the doghouse.

Sigh..........

"I must obstruct full passage down this hallway." Tigger muttered

Thus he walked 3 feet, stopped, looked back at me. I had to stop.

5 seconds later he walked another 3 feet, stopped and glanced back at me.

I started forward and had to stop.

Are you angry with me master? I queried

"No. Just demonstrating that I don't have to run around like you do. I can stop and smell the roses." Tigger mentioned....

I'm not going to fall....

Tigger once again walked forward, stopped and.....

You guessed it. He stopped, looked and sat.

"Am you starting to be annoyed?" my master asked

Nope. I could not notice if you're thirsty though.

"Really?" he asked.

and he walked forward 2 feet.

I'd not do that, of course.

"I know you won't. I would have to demonstrate accupuncture techniques again" he threatened. (not really, but it sounds good to the unknowing)

Tigger looked into the master watering station....

I had to stop short (gee I wonder why)

and master Tigger trotted off to his workstation and started to work.

He's such a workaholic.

For reasons known only to my master Tigger, he was running around in flaky mode, jumping up on the bed, using me for a bounce turn and running back down the hall. In and of itself, not a big deal. It was, however, 3:30 AM. Loud exclaimations of feline master and lord of the domain and running and bouncing me.

Another typical night..... (it's been several months since last this occured)

"You're trying to poison me!" Tigger exclaimed when checking his bowl for new food.

No. It's the same food as always.

"Poison I say. Why don't you get me other food?"

You turn your nose up at the other brand AND your tummy doesn't get upset with this food.

"Well.... find me other food I can eat." he grumbled

This is the only kind that evil ve.....

"If you say that word I'm going to hurt you."

I know you don't like that place, but we have to take you in to get you health monitored.

but I was talking to air. He had walked away.

Uh.. was this just a test to see if I'd feed you?

Master Tigger had walked out of the kitchen and turned the corner. (I think it was a test)

I walked down to the watering station and who should I spy?

"Turn on the water, slave." he ordered.

Yes master.

He looked at the water for quite a long time so I asked:

Are you going to drink?

"Oh don't bother me." (hehehhehe it's a test)

"Don't turn that water off. I'm going to drink!"

uh.. yes master

"Ah.... cold clear water. It's as it should be." Tigger said.

but you're still not drink.....

He started drinking just as I was about to turn off the water.

"heheheheh I do enjoy the occasional torment." Tigger said under his breath....

Yes master