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Ani's in the hospital - Page 7

post #181 of 197
Well if this will help you believe, than let me try to tell you what I feel and what I know. As you know they both passed on very close to each other, only 3 months apart. It is quite common for loved ones to pass on close to each other. You hear about it in human life all of the time, where a wife passes on and shortly after that her husband passes. So, it stands to reason that two cats that have been together all of their lives might want to remain together. Also there's the fact that Trent was at the Rainbow Bridge, alone (not in the sense that there weren't other cats and dogs there to great him or keep him company-but in the sense that there was no "family" with him). Skylar came in to your life, so you wouldn't be alone and as soon as you had bonded with Skylar, Ani felt it was safe for her to go be with her brother. I don't think she would have left you, if she hadn't felt you would be OK.

However, my heart still goes out to you, and I think you've had about more pain than anyone should have to go through, and I pray that this coming year will be a wonderful new beginning for you and that cute little Skylar. And always remember that both Trent and Ani will be watching over you and Skylar, and they will be waiting for you, when it's your time to cross over.
post #182 of 197
Quote:
Originally Posted by AniSkyofTrent
Thank you for saying all this. When I hear that perhaps it was just Ani's time, it does, in a certain way, give me comfort To believe that my baby held on for me touches my heart in a way that I have never felt before.
As far as "guilt".. I guess that's something I REALLY need help with in all aspects of my life

If there is some way to just allow myself to believe that "Ani wanted to be with her brother", I can feel peace in that..

Thank you so much
Hey girl. How are ya? I know myself, I had a thought that maybe Ani kinda let herself go cuz of her sadness over her brother. I didn't want to say it, but I did think it. I don't know why either... Maybe I thought it would hurt your feelings more? I do believe that Ani did hang on for you. I do believe that she missed her brother... maybe more then you missed him, but not the same way... if you know what I mean. They were friends on a different level. They had a bond so much different then yours with them. You are a wonderful mamma, for all you've done for them. All that you put yourself through over them. I can tell.

I also believe that some events in our lives happen just because they need to. Not like our lives are all planned out for us, but I think some events have to happen to get us to where we are going. Our loved ones passing, is just a part of life. I lost my mom, a very special friend (at the time, my step sister now), 2 grandmas, and an uncle, oh, I can't forget my Cockatiel Arwyn, He passed too, in 3 years. That was a lot. They each effected me in different ways, they each hurt. The one I have trouble with is my mom. But I think that has made me feel, and care a little more for others. I feel so bad for other's feelings when they loose someone, just cuz I know how it feels.

I've never lost a cat though. I've only lost to of my 'babies' while they were with me, my rat Bino, and my ferret RaeLeeYn(alien with an R). Never such a short time frame as you had with your Trent and Ani.

Your babies are there though. Even if you never see, feel, hear, or even suspect. They are. To be honest, even if energies and spirits and ghosts don't exist, they are still there, because they will be with you as long as you love, remember, and have them in your heart. I completely believe that.

post #183 of 197
Thread Starter 
Hi everyone.. I had made this a while ago. It's a collage of my babies.. I tried my best to take pictures of it to show all of you..









(The rest are in fur pictures)
post #184 of 197
They are so beautiful. Thankyou
post #185 of 197
Thread Starter 
Dear Myrage You are so beautiful. You have been through so much and you really are an amazing woman. Thank you so much for everything

Quote:
Your babies are there though. Even if you never see, feel, hear, or even suspect. They are. To be honest, even if energies and spirits and ghosts don't exist, they are still there, because they will be with you as long as you love, remember, and have them in your heart. I completely believe that.
This is just beautiful..

Hope , Thank you.. You are an Angel Your words really touched me..
post #186 of 197
Thread Starter 
When Trent passed, I had him cremated. For me, it helps me feel like he is always with me. I can talk to him, and I can imagine that he really hears me.. This is hard Anyway, I decided to do the same with My Ani . The vet called today and said "Ani's remains are in".. That just killed me I really wasn't expecting to hear from them so soon. Honestly, I have no idea how to bring myself (emotionally) to the vet's office. I start work on Monday and from then on, I will have no time for anything during the week. I guess I feel that I should pick them up before then, so I won't have to wait till next weekend. I don't know what I am trying to say. I think I am just starting to realize that this is actually happening .. That this happened.
I didn't get a phone call about Trent's "remains" (I hate that word). I was already at the vet's office for an appointment for Ani at the time. This time they called me, and I am real scared of going and picking them up. I just need some strength.. I don't want to cry anymore.
post #187 of 197
Quote:
Originally Posted by AniSkyofTrent
When Trent passed, I had him cremated. For me, it helps me feel like he is always with me. I can talk to him, and I can imagine that he really hears me.. This is hard Anyway, I decided to do the same with My Ani . The vet called today and said "Ani's remains are in".. That just killed me I really wasn't expecting to hear from them so soon. Honestly, I have no idea how to bring myself (emotionally) to the vet's office. I start work on Monday and from then on, I will have no time for anything during the week. I guess I feel that I should pick them up before then, so I won't have to wait till next weekend. I don't know what I am trying to say. I think I am just starting to realize that this is actually happening .. That this happened.
I didn't get a phone call about Trent's "remains" (I hate that word). I was already at the vet's office for an appointment for Ani at the time. This time they called me, and I am real scared of going and picking them up. I just need some strength.. I don't want to cry anymore.
I can't believe the vet talked about Ani like that -- that's awful. Vets can be so insensitive sometimes.

Lauren, do you have a friend or a relative that can drive you to the vet and pick up Ani with you? Maybe you could have a small service for her when you got back? I really think you need someone with you there, physically, to help pay tribute to Ani's life. If possible, take Skylar in the car with you. This is just a thought.

I'm so sorry for all this grief you are going through. I am praying for you to find strength.
post #188 of 197
Thread Starter 
Dear Colleen My Mom was with me for Trent, and I know she will come with me for Ani. She loves them both very much and without the support of all of you and my family, I could never have gotten through this..
She'll drive me there and sit with me as I cry.. I am lucky to have such compassionate and loving people in my life
post #189 of 197
Quote:
Originally Posted by AniSkyofTrent
Dear Colleen My Mom was with me for Trent, and I know she will come with me for Ani. She loves them both very much and without the support of all of you and my family, I could never have gotten through this..
She'll drive me there and sit with me as I cry.. I am lucky to have such compassionate and loving people in my life
Oh, Lauren, your mom sounds like mine. I know she would be the one who would do that for me. I think you need to call your mom and have her go with you this weekend. Otherwise, you will be thinking about it all next week at work. Also, I think you will feel better bringing Ani home with you where her soul and her spirit is
post #190 of 197
Quote:
Originally Posted by AniSkyofTrent
The vet called today and said "Ani's remains are in".. That just killed me I really wasn't expecting to hear from them so soon. Honestly, I have no idea how to bring myself (emotionally) to the vet's office.

I think I am just starting to realize that this is actually happening .. That this happened.


I just need some strength.. I don't want to cry anymore.
Hey... Yeah I hear ya. Seeing, or hearing about the ashes being ready (easier for me to say ashes)... that is reality smacking you in the face. I didn't know my mom's were in. I walked into the kitchen after getting home, and saw a white paper bag on the table. I looked in it and there were thankyou cards, a memory book, those cards that you give to people. I was smiling because I wanted to see how they turned out. I had them put an old black n white photo of my mom's favorite dog with a cat on the front. They were great.

I saw this thing on the table, and touched it. It was a cream color, big. I was going to open it when I suddenly realized what it was... my mom. Yeah, I lost it. I wouldn't go near it for a few days. If someone would have told me it was there... but to just see it. That was one moment that reality smacked me in the face and knocked away the numbness...


I can understand what I imagining you are feeling right now. I am so sorry. You know though, the nice thing is that with this part over, you just have to pick them up. Each is one little step, if you think of them that way, you've gone up the steps pretty far already.

I also understand not wanting to cry anymore. My face gets swollen, and red. My eyes swell shut the next day... lol Hang in there. We are still thinking of you.
post #191 of 197
Just thought of something... You said you need strength, it's coming. I know where you can find a little more... It is simply facing your fear. I'll be with you in my mind though. Don't forget.
post #192 of 197
Lauren, I am still reading and still here with you. I think so many of us are, whether you know it or not. MyRage seems to echo what I wanted to say so beautifully, too.
Peace be with you.
Namaste.
post #193 of 197
Dearest Laureen,

I've just finished reading Ani's thread from beginning to end. It's easy to see you were the best possible mom for her and Trent and created a wonderful home with love, play, good food and warm places to sleep. Your angels were fortunate to have you.

As time goes on you'll remember more and more of the good times you had together and the awful loss will get easier to bear.

My daughter and I shared a little cat, Nancy that died after 15 years with us when my daughter was 22. My daughter keeps her ashes on the mantle next to a statue of the Buddha and it helps to feel our little cat is "safe" there. Buddhists believe that love creates bonds that transcend death and that we are always reunited with our loved ones. I believe you will be reunited with Ani and Trent because of your deep love.

It's your deepness and sensitivity that make you feel so much guilt, but try to remember not everything is in your hands. Even though you wanted to make everything as wonderful as you could some things, like Ani and Trent's death are out of your control. You are still the same wonderful person you always have been.

Take care, sweetheart, your cat site friends are all praying and pulling for you.
post #194 of 197
We are all trying to help you be strong, but this is an awful thing to face. When I lost my Juniper to cancer at 17, the vet put his ashes in a beautiful little box. The next weekend I called some friends round and we buried him under a new juniper bush in the garden. Then we shared photos and memories. It made it all real and yet comforting. I shall be thinking of you all weekend, having been so close to the shadow of death myself this week.
post #195 of 197
Thread Starter 
It's amazing how well you all understand and can empathize with me. Thank you so much. I am so grateful to have this beautiful place to come and share my feelings.. What's even better is, people here listen

Jenny .. What you did for your Juniper brings tears to my eyes. It's beautiful

Posted by Katie
Quote:
My daughter and I shared a little cat, Nancy that died after 15 years with us when my daughter was 22. My daughter keeps her ashes on the mantle next to a statue of the Buddha and it helps to feel our little cat is "safe" there. Buddhists believe that love creates bonds that transcend death and that we are always reunited with our loved ones. I believe you will be reunited with Ani and Trent because of your deep love.


I always surround all of Trent and Ani's photos with my Buddha statues. It brings me comfort as well

Myrage , that had to be so shocking for you to see that without knowing. You are so strong to have dealt with all that you have faced along the way. You said things happen for a reason. I believe that very much. I can see that when I read your words. You have such compassion and love and understanding. Your Mother must have been truly wonderful.. Bless Her..

To All My Friends
You have all helped me along the way. Each and every one of you have made me feel that I am not alone. I wish you all a Beautiful New Year, filled with miracles and serenity
Love to each and every one of you


Love always, Lauren and Skylar
post #196 of 197
Quote:
Originally Posted by AniSkyofTrent
You are so strong to have dealt with all that you have faced along the way.
I've seen a lot. Been through a lot, but it's not about that. It's not about being strong really... It's the fact that you eventually figure out that life just goes on. You have to live. You learn to go on. The difference truely lies in if you can go on enjoying life. If you can still see the good things, or if you let all the bad experiences bring you down. They can make your life miserable, or you can focus on the good. I do understand the hurt. I do understand. The strength for me comes when I sit back and think of all I've faced, and that I still can smile, and have fun. That I make a point of laughing every day. I know the strength is as much in you as it is in me. It will just come out little by little as you find and as you need it.
post #197 of 197
Dear Lauren,

I'm glad your loved kitties are also "safe" and surrounded by Buddhas.

I feel that we can always have faith in is our connection to what I'm going to call the Mystery of Life. What we intuitively know is greater than ourselves. We can always rely on that and grow strong enough to bear our sorrows -- and our joys!

It's good to read your words getting stronger already. Were you able to go with your mom to get the ashes? If you cannot do it maybe she can go for you and keep them until you're ready.

I am praying for you and my kitties are sending purrs and kitty prayers your way.
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