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Why am I the black sheep of the family??

post #1 of 25
Thread Starter 
I have just rang my brother, his family, my other brother and his family and my dad are all going out for a meal! I never got invited, I never do!

Me and my dad were close when I was small, I'm the only girl. But as I got older it seems like he doesn't give a damn! He has also said in the past I was the worst child he had! I don't get it, I did on the odd occassion drink with friends when i was a teenager, I also snuck out a few times to go to parties, but usually i was always in on time, I did housework, if my parents worked late i'd cook for them, I'd do the washing etc.

I know I was almost 18 when I fell pregnant, and I was on the pill at the time! but he never spoke to me for 5 yrs because of it, just before mum died he made peace with me,and I really looked after him when she died, did everything for him, but he still says the most hurtful things!
He never rings, or visits, even though i no longer live in london even when I did he always visited my brothers houses, just never mine...I never recieve a birthday card or christmas card!

He always sends my nieces and nephews money or rings them, my daughter if on the odd occassion see's him, he does give her money, but not like the others, he never phones her either! it's like he's all for the other kids just not mine! Don't get me wrong the money isn't the big deal it's how he treats them different.

My brothers are the same, they always go out together, or on holiday and spend christmas together with dad, and I never get invited, if i speak to them it's because I have picked up the phone, not them. My aunt (my mums sister) always tells me when they have said stuff which is pretty often, and she always backs me up...other than her I feel like I have no family, and feel really unwanted, and the thing is I don't know what I have done to deserve this, all i've ever done is love them all and always been there for all of them!

I'm so sorry to spout all this off on here, but i cried when I came off the phone and Alan is working, I guess I just needed to get it off my chest.
post #2 of 25
Aw honey, I'm so sorry. I don't know why he does that, and I don't know if you really want an opinion... maybe you just wanted to vent? That's pretty sad of him to do that to you... but we're here for you, if that helps a little.

And hey, the next time I'm in your part of the world and I go out for dinner, you'll be the first person I invite! ?
post #3 of 25
Thread Starter 
Aww thankyou, I would accept too!
I'm not sure what I wanted, maybe just to get it off my chest, has nobody would have the answer. I always pretend I don't care anymore and put up this barrier, Ash always the fun lively one, but inside it tears me to pieces.
post #4 of 25
Well you don't have to pretend all the time, we're gonna love you no matter what's going on!

I think dad's sometimes have more of a bond with their sons, no matter what. My dad cares about me, sure... but if I'm there and my little brother is there, him and my bro will yak away for ages. It's sad because I have stuff I'd like to chat with him about too... but it's not as interesting as the latest computer they're trying to build or whatever.

Anyway, I don't want to say I know completely how you feel... but I'm still here for you. Have you tried talking about it with him? I know that somtimes that doesn't work with guys, but still...?

So where are we eating dinner?
post #5 of 25
Awwww Ashleigh! try not to get yourself upset sweetie. I agree with Ariana, can you not have a chat with him or is he the type who you would open up to?.

Hey Peterborough is only a couple of hours from me so if your ever in Newcastle the kettles always on!
post #6 of 25
Thread Starter 
The only time my dad opens up is after a drink, and then it's usually more insults, so I don't bother!

Well im easily pleased food wise, McDonalds is fine lol
post #7 of 25
McDonald's... are you serious? Uh no... I can get that over here! Mmm let's have Indian food or something equally yummy. And of course we'll have to stop at a shop so I can big up some Polos and chocolate... oh no, you've gotten me started on that again!

Sorry, being serious again... if he's going to insult you, don't bother. If it were me, I'd rather just avoid him to not get insulted even more, you know? It might be one of those "live and let live" situations, as sad as it sounds.
post #8 of 25
Thread Starter 
Yeh I do know you're right, I guess i'm having a soft moment, and being near christmas and everyone with their families etc I guess it just got to me more than usual.

But i'm lucky I have a beautiful daughter, a wonderful husband and I guess some people don't even have that.

As for McDonalds yes I was joking, I love Indian on the other hand
post #9 of 25
Mmm Indian... with papadums (spelling?) and a Chandy. Yum yum.

Yup, you're lucky... focus on that! I can understand wanting everything to work out because of the holidays... but if you have a great little family you've made on your own, you're better off than some people.
post #10 of 25
I will never get along with my dad unless i want to buy some electronic thing and he is in the mood to use it.
He was really upset when i was born because he was hoping id be a boy.
He was really dissapointed this is probably why we dont have a close bond either.
post #11 of 25
I´ll send you a Big Hug, please don´t give it up!
post #12 of 25
Thread Starter 
I feel so much better, thanks for listening to my woes...Indie just climbed up my leg and up on my shoulder and head, and is now playing with my hair! so i'm laughing again...but really thankyou so much, I appreciate having friends, I haven't made any up here yet.
post #13 of 25
Yay we helped! Glad you're feeling better! And I know how you feel, I don't have too many friends down here either. We'll make em, no worries! Now go play with Indie!
post #14 of 25
Thread Starter 
I'm going to feed the babies, the way Minx cries it's like she's never been fed before! Alan will be home soon too, so i'm gonna stop being a net nerd lol and spend some time with my husband. Thankyou everyone, i'm still amazed by the kindness of people i've never met and I'm so greatful to have tcs family xxx goodnight and sweet dreams.
post #15 of 25
That's horrible! You dad has no right to hurt your feelings like that. Just know we're always going to be here for you.
post #16 of 25
[quote=rosiemacHey Peterborough is only a couple of hours from me so if your ever in Newcastle the kettles always on! [/QUOTE]Hey Susan. I was in Newcastle for a night at the end of the summer. We came up to visit the University with my daughter. I'd never been to Newcastle before and thought it was a beautiful city. In fact, I liked it so much, I'm trying to make it back up there for the Tall Ships next summer.

Ashleigh, from someone else who plays second fiddle to the boy of the family I know how you feel. Yours sounds worse than mine - sorry!, but as you say you have a wonderful daughter and husband. You can't choose the family you're born with, but you do choose your partner and shape your children and it sounds like you're doing ok on that front.

Chin up - you come and vent to us anytime you're feeling blue.

oooh - by the way, which football club do you support The Posh?
post #17 of 25
Beth let me know next time your up and i'll meet you for a coffee!
post #18 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by rosiemac
Beth let me know next time your up and i'll meet you for a coffee!
I will - it would be great to meet up.
post #19 of 25
No problem, you know you can find me here at all times!
post #20 of 25
So sorry he is treating you like this. I know how it feels, because my dad always picked on me and treated me badly while growing up and even as an adult. He got on well with my brother, although my brother got into quite a bit of trouble and I didn't. But finally they had the big blow up and now my brother won't have anything to do with him, and I don't blame him, he has a really good reason which I am not going to go into here. In my case it isn't just me, my father has NO respect for ANY woman and just uses them as long as he can before moving on. You are a good person and if he can't appreciate you then it's his loss, I have had to distance myself emotionally from my own father because of his hurtful and abusive behavior. You may find that you must too in order to keep your sanity. I wish you the best and hope that you don't let him get you down, I know how much it hurts to try your best and it still isn't good enough. Hugs...
post #21 of 25
It sounds like your Dad has issues. You need to find a substitute for your family and don't let them bother you anymore. Just realize that this is the way they are and don't expect anything more from them. If you get along with your inlaws I'd suggest making them your familial focus. You don't need to keep getting hurt like this so change your expectations. It's hard to do, but it does make things better in the long run.
post #22 of 25
Thread Starter 
Just want to say a big thankyou to you all, I'm not one to usually spill my guts out loud, but I so needed that rant the other night! I appreciate your kind words, it meant so much.
I didn't tell Alan as I would normally, he would have cancelled his trip to London and I didn't want his nan being let down, so I was so greatful to you all.

flisssweetpea, I support Millwall, as I was born and bred in London and have only lived here 9 months.

TTMom, my mother in law is a bit like my dad! she doesn't really have much contact with Alan,I or our daughter, but his nan! she is a walking Angel and we love her to bits, I am very close to her
post #23 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashleigh
Just want to say a big thankyou to you all, I'm not one to usually spill my guts out loud, but I so needed that rant the other night! I appreciate your kind words, it meant so much.
Come and vent to us anytime I'm glad you feeling better now.

f
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashleigh
lisssweetpea, I support Millwall, as I was born and bred in London and have only lived here 9 months.
I support Leicester - we're in the same league!! Bit of rivalry between our teams though isn't there with the Dennis Wise connection!

[quote=Ashleigh]TTMom, my mother in law is a bit like my dad! she doesn't really have much contact with Alan,I or our daughter, but his nan! she is a walking Angel and we love her to bits, I am very close to her [quote]

Alan's nan sounds like my in-laws. They treat me like a daughter and would do anything for me, and I for them. I bet you have a really good relationship with your daughter - the one thing about poor family relationships elsewhere - it does show you how not to do it!!!
post #24 of 25
I have just caught this thread

so glad that you had some people on here to chat with and get it all off your chest

we are all here for you whenever you need it - and you can always pm me or anyone else for that matter

chin up my friend
post #25 of 25
My Dad and I didn't speak for over a year, and then he began to gradually come round. I know I was a tearaway as a teenager and never did the things he wanted me to do. But even now I have done something with my life I still can't get through to him. I have never felt I pleased him in any way, whereas he is always praising my brothers and sister. Families are like that - I don't htink he even realises he does it - he just doesn't think of me or how I feel. If I call home he just says Hallo and gives me straight to my mother. I just see him when it is appropriate and I am in the UK, and the rest of the time I enjoy the love of my daughter and my friends, both online and offline. Sometimes you can't win.
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