I'm really in need of some good ears.

Amen, Elizabeth.
My divorce was the hardest decision I've ever made, but it was the right one, no matter how painful it was at first. If not for God, my friends and family I'd have had it very rough. I don't regret the relationship at all, I learned a lot both from him and about myself during those ten years, and thankfully I'm still young enough to put that knowledge to good use.

Cindy, take your time, let yourself grieve, love on your furkids and eventually you'll get "back to" a new degree of normal. We're all here for you!!

Glad you have been feeling a bit better. You say it is a long road ahead, but at least you're on it now. On your way, and it may not be as long you think. You are being brave and you will get there. Loads of good vibes.

Aw Honey,

I truly feel for you, and am sorry you've been going through all this.. Hugs from me and nuzzles and rough toungue licks form Paige. Wish there was some better way to help you out!
-d

the one thing that really gets me is the depression caused by all of this. I had a great day yesterday. Happy smiling and just feeling like life was great! Then today I get off work go home and I didn't want it to go down hill so I went to my aunts house to play with the babies she watches, and to just talk and hang out with her until I got so tired I knew I could go home and curl up and go to sleep. Things were great! I got to sit and hold this little 2 month old baby girl names Leah for about 4 hours. Played with her fed her and just cuddled her. When I worked in day care the kids in my class were what kept me going each day. I got as many hugs and smiles as anyone could get and because of those kids in my class I knew I had to make it through because THEY loved me. And I thought that if I went and did the same thing at my aunts house that it would make me feel better. It did until I went home. I walked in the door of my apartment had Willow and Blade waiting for me. Then it hit me. I wanted to call him and tell him I was sorry, That I loved him and that I wanted him to move back. I started crying yet again curled up in my bed and just started asking Willow if I did the right thing. If I should call him and ask him to come back. Blade answered that one for my by laying on my phone lol I took that as a no. While Willow just curled up next to my chest and stared at me. I ended up crying myself to sleep. I'm still upset and still wanting to call him. It takes so much to keep me from callling him. And with every restraint I apply to myself the more I feel like my heart is falling to peices.

Elizabeth, I have to say that your post only gives me more strength alone then anything I have read nor heard in the past few days. It brought me to tears But now a days a commercial does that. That quote makes me smile, because it is so true.

I sure am glad that there are so many understanding people here on TCS. I am sure that if it weren't for alot of your guys posts I am sure I would be totally insane right now. Living in a padded room. I really appriciate it.

I'm glad you were able to enjoy yourself if only for a while at your aunt's and the childcare. It may not seem like it now, but each day will get easier. One day at a time.

Hello Cindy,
I am sorry to hear what you are going through You prayed to God to get you through this and he will, trust me. From what I have read in your post about your b/f, you did the right thing. No one needs someone that messes around with drugs, "making bad drug deals". That is how people get hurt or even worse. What ever you do, do not bring him back into your life no matter what he says. You are on a road to recovery and it will get better. I know how alone you may feel. I once lived with this girl for 5 years. She had some issues in her life and I tried so very hard to understand and help her. Yes, I loved her more than anything else. Well, to make a long long story very short, one day she got a new job and ended up meeting someone there. After 5 years, it was over. I can actually still feel the pain I felt that day I watched her move out. When she left, the house was sooo quiet. The hurt was so strong and with all the other feelings going on, I just did not know what to do. No matter where I went and what I did, there was no escaping the memories of her. But, you know what? I made it out of the hole and so will you. I am even married now to a wonderful, beautiful woman It takes time, but it WILL get better. Go ahead, give your kitties a hug and have a good cry,it will make you feel better. And remember, we are all here for you to talk too. May God bless you!!

Cindy, hang in there. You are doing the right thing for yourself. You will see that one day. I went through a similar situation with an ex of mine about 5 years ago, and he also dealt with drugs. Your life is just too precious to be mixed up in that. I had to learn that by stepping out of my shoes and looking at my life. It worked, and I am much happier today with my wonderful and loving husband. Willow and Blade seem like they are really helping you...please take it easy!

Cindy,

Take the time to cry and grieve. Everyday you'll cry a little less. In a little while you'll wonder why it took so long to get out of that abusive relationship. Thats right, I said abusive. It was mental abuse. Everytime he did something wrong he made it your fault, even when he cheated on you! You were always apologizing, which probably did nothing for your ego, but a whole heck of a lot for his!

Don't go backwards in life. You should always go forwards. You will make it. Call the utilities and explain what happened. Let them know you want to switch the service to your name as of July 1st. Also, make sure you block him from any of your credit cards and bank accounts you may have shared. I can tell you from experience, if he goes out and charges $2,000, you will be responsible for half!

Sandy

Hi Cindy, hope you are feeling a bit better at this moment. You are bound to get times you feel it unbearable, just don't give in to calling him. You are too precious for that. This is the beginning of your new life, although hard at the moment, it can only get better. As Stephanie said, 'one day at a time'. You can do it hon.

Doing pretty well today. No tears, Not every song on the radio seemed sad, And even ignored a call from him earlier today Actually ate a whole meal!!! and slept like a baby for the first time in a long time I dont' have to work friday or Saturday So I am going to go out with a few of my friends. And get back to being the fun and loveable women I once was. Instead of the fly on the wall I became. Called my Landlord and he's taking Mike off the lease. So YEAH!!!! I plan on calling the energy company first thing tomorrow to get it set up in my name. No worried about any credit cards of bank accounts. He only had access to one bank account of mine and I closed that account about 4 months ago. Slowly things are falling into where they need to be Just going to take time and alot of effort on my part It's all good! I'm done looking back at the closed door..........I'm just looking at all the other doors that are now starting to open for me.......The first one is my education

Wow Cindy you've got things moving. Good on you. Glad you are feeling a lot better today.

Your heading in the right direction chick!!

But don't expect overnight miracles!. It's been over a year now since Richie and i split, and i'll be honest there are days when he comes into my head very easily because after living with someone for nearly 5 years you can't erase them from your mind all together.

When we first started seeing each other, "Simply Red" was OUR music, and what was playing on the radio at work this morning? Star by Simply Red.

As long as you make sure that you never lose your friends you will never be alone

And be strong like you are at not ringing him, it's his loss at the end of the day because your worth more than that.

And Sandys right it is mental abuse!, Richie would "try" and play mind games with me until i started calling his bluff!!.

Hi Cindy,
You rock. You've got stuff goin' ON and that's the best. I would definitely heed rosiemac's words above in that it takes a long time, sometimes longer than expected because we want the pain to go away FAST, and it can linger. Every relationship beats to its own drum, but some bang in our heads louder and longer. Two Excedrin, bubble bath with upbeat music and kitties and friends. That's what it's all about. Even though I am so far beyond where I was then, with Mr. Dysfunctional-Passive-Aggressive-Money Moocher, I still have visions of him finding me and trying to wreck everything I've rebuilt. But ya know what? Just like the President, I have created my "inner circle" - that fortress took the past 4 years to build and it is a network of friends, family, and resources around the sprawling metropolis of Maple Valley ( ) that will fly in formation if I raise the flag when trouble comes. Building my "inner circle" was the best thing I've ever done in my life and although I should've done it at 25, it's in place now.
HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND WONDERFUL CINDY!

I know what you are going through. I felt like such a failure when I divorced my husband. Now, I wouldn't go back to him.

I'm glad things are starting to look better, but like they said it will still linger around you.. but that's not a bad thing.. a year from now you can go.. "I remember him and he was a *beep* and I hope that if I'm ever in a situation like that again I won't sit there and let it get the better of me. Because I learned from that whole crappy experience.
I've found that generally the electric company is willing to switch who the bill belongs to as long as there is proof of residence to that apartment. they don't give two poos who pays as long as they get money.
I hope things stay positive with you.. don't be afraid to call out to us if you have any needs.

-D

I am glad to hear things are going better for you.

Cindy....I just read this! My heart is with you....please know we all care about you alot and I will be thinking of you and praying for you. You did the right thing....any man who is making drug deals is one to get rid of....you deserve better! I am glad to hear you are thinking of your education....are you thinking of going back to school? I did, and it was/is the best decision I ever made! And when you mentioned that you had lost friends because of your relationship with him....trust me....any friends you lost because of this were not real friends to begin with...I learned the hard way...a friend is one who sticks with you through thick and thin...does not desert you in a time of need. The others were not really friends so don't even think twice about them...other than pray for them, but they are the ones who have to answer to God for how they treated you. And you asked how someone could love someone so much and yet hate them....I have felt like that before with my husband. But only when I am just fed up with it...mostly I love him. You did do the right thing by kicking this man out....he has cheated on you and does drugs....you deserve WAY better...you are a beautiful person inside and out and don't you ever forget it! *hugs* We are here for you, hun!

Debby, I have to disagree on what you said about friends....sometimes friends can't just sit idly by and watch someone they care about make mistake after mistake after mistake in their eyes. Or they may tell the person they care about straight up what a mistake they are making and in doing so "destroy" the friendship because the person in the relationship can't see, or won't see the situation they are in. People on the outside of the situation can see it, but as they say, Love Is Blind. When they finally see the truth, they may realize what good friends they had to begin with...

Spoken from personal experience...

Well as for my friends...........They got tired of me calling them and crying to them about what an *** he was, They just stopped returning my calls. I am slowly getting them to call me. And slowly getting them to talk to me. It turns out that my Ex is going to be going to jail in 2 weeks since he can't get the money to pay for a ticket he got. The funniest thing about it is that around the time he's sitting in jail, There will be a warrent out for him because of his past due Child Support. So Instead of getting only a week's worth of time he's going to end up sitting in there for 6 months or so. He called me yesterday to ask to get his mail. Then proceeded to tell that in 2 weeks he will be droping off "a package" of stuff that he has of mine that he doesn't need.....Such as his Cell phone. which was a birthday present from me. I just hope that in this "package" is my computer LOL Haven't been feeling to bad actually spent the whole weekend at home feeling pretty good!!! Just a little stressed over some money matters. But those will clear up hopfully by the middle of July. But doing really great!!!!

I even got transfered to a hospital that I have wanted to work at for awhile now it's only a temp position but still totally new surroundings and actually in a hospital instead of this wearhouse I'm at(in case you guys are wondering why I am in a wearhouse moving to a Hospital....I'm a medical Records File clerk. I send the records from this wearhouse to the hospital. But the place I am giong to now keeps all their records at the hospital. So no more Wearhouse!!!!!) I start that tuesday nite! I don't know if they have access to the internet so it may be awhile before I can get back on. I don't know for sure. But I will be sure to let everyone know.


P.S. thank you everyone! You have all said things that has kept me strong in keeping him out of my life. I am very thankful that I foudn this site almost a year ago. You all are wonderful!

Cindy, Congrats on getting the transfer! Continue to keep your chin up and you'll be just fine!