My Roommate hit my cat.

Hey,

I'm a bit shaken up as I write this but I would really love some advice as to what to do in this situation. First, I need to go over the history of my spayed, almost two year old kitty, named Missy. Missy is a Black cat mixed with a tortoiseshell cat. She is very beautiful. She can be the sweetest cuddler and she always follows me around the house when I'm home. I talk to her, I give her treats and play with her. And this week she cuddled with me when I was struggling through strep throat. She takes care of me and I take care of her thats just how its always been. 

Missy has moved with me through three homes (in her whole life time) and in each one she adapted to the new roommates and the dogs.

I am currently in a apartment with my boyfriend, his brother and his girlfriend (and their baby who the cat ALWAYS loves and cuddles with) and the last roommate is in his 30's and he has a a daughter between the ages of 6-8 who comes over when she's not at her moms. As I am a babysitter, I knew off the bat she'd want to meet the cat...

but they don't seem to get along ever well... And now its causing problems.

My cat never swipes, bites or even growls at anyone unless she's sick or is feeling uncomfortable, and with me around there is a even less  of a chance of her becoming in anyway aggressive.  She's not always the most social, so she and I have an understanding that she will usually initiate the attention with a slow blink or her coming to me on her own (but like i said she follows me all over the apartment so she usually wants some sort of attention or to be near me)

The daughter of me roommate doesn't understand this. She constantly chases the cat around while she calls her name and isn't quiet about it either.

an example is a game i call peek-a-boo which we all know where you hide and peek your face around a corner and they jump scare you. Missy does this with me but is always happy and gentle. When the child does it, Missy is just playing along as she would with me but when she jumps out, the girl screams and chases her. Missy will get scared, poof up and run into my room. Which the girl understands is off limits to her, Missy needs her room of peace so the girl stays out.

But she has many games that end in chasing and loud noises. She is scaring my cat more than trying to get her attention and she knows this. I've had this talk with her many times and she understands BUT she gets frustrated the cat doesn't just "Click" and change her mind into loving her. So the daughter when i'm not looking (or when she thinks i'm not) chases her, and she makes as much noise as possible to upset Missy. I told her dad (my roommate) and he says thats not his problem or, i don't see her playing mean with the cat. I tell him its fine if she did this with a dog, but cats don't play like that. just ask her to stop. He says i will. then He does nothing...

So, this week was winter break for my roommate's daughter. Meaning she was at the apartment all week. Missy loves wandering the living room and roaming freely in the apartment but she's cooped up in our room because my daughters roommate is too loud for her. I ask her to quite down and she does for the matter of two minutes then goes right at it again. So, at some point while I was out this week (either sleeping or actually out and about at school), the daughter annoyed Missy enough to make her hiss and take a swipe at her. Her claws are always trimmed and so there was no mark left on the daughter, but my roommate was with her and he hit my cat. I mean he slapped her hard enough to get her to start showing aggression to me and almost everyone she is usually sweet to. I know she's scared and doesn't know who to trust right now, i give her treats and her space. She has finally gotten to the point of cuddling with me on my feet but she immediatly runs when she sees me reach to pet her or she growls when i do. I don't like seeing her unhappy. 

What do I do to comfort her? she still plays and everything but she doesn't want anyone to touch her. I just want my Missy to be happy. And this situation is not good.

Tomorrow I'm having a very long chat with my roommate. But i just need help with Missy.

My Friend! I'm shaking as I read this! This is a problem that I have had some experience with several times in my life, even to the point of a long time friend becoming quite angry with me because I would not allow my kitties to be treated as tys. Please don't hesitate to put your foot down hard with the people and their behavior.
As for your kitty, I would make sure she is safe in your room when you are gone. I would also allow her to hear you standing up for her and then cuddle her, tell her how sorry you are that are that someone hurt her like that! And that she has to be shut up, that you have no choice. They understand! I'm so sorry this is happening to you, I don't know why people think that toddlers and young children should be able to maul cats at will, but the cats should NEVER scratch or bite! I hope it gets better! Give kitty a cuddle from me

My sympathies. If you cannot move or make your roommate move, then you need to keep your cat safe. It sounds like your room is safe. So until you can get a place away from your roommate, you need to keep your cat safely in your room. You WILL NOT change your roommate no matter how much you try to talk this out. This will happen again. Keep the cat safe until you can extricate yourself from this situation. Best wishes.

Thank you so much! yeah keeping her in my room sounds best. Missy opened up this morning at 5am and cuddled on my face like she usually does but she is not open to anyone else touching her quite yet. and now more than ever she has to initiate the contact.

Hi there! Replying to your message here - Have you talked to your roommate? How does your boyfriend feel about this? And his brother and girlfriend? Sometimes more than one person bringing up an issue can help - like this is a 'household' problem as opposed to just you having an issue.

Definitely keep her in your room when the daughter visits. Maybe you can see if you can spruce up your room a bit, perhaps add some vertical height or toys for her to feel less 'cooped' up?

The other thing I suggest is putting relaxing cat music (the 8hr one on youtube works great for me!) on a medium volume to help dampen the noise when she's over. We were moving with lots of loud voices and banging and construction and installation and stuff over a week and we kept Waffles in a bedroom with the music on so that the sudden loud noises aren't as scary if there's a constant ambient background - plus it's soothing!

This might be a burnt bridge or a never again thing, but IF you wanted to get the daughter to learn how to interact properly with Missy and if you can get her dad on board, is maybe only let her interact with Missy by feeding her  a treat and then you put her in the room so she at least can have some positive associations with her if she has to be around? But if it's safer to never let her and the roommate near Missy again then do that. 

Everyone in the household is a bit upset (then my and my boyfriend are fuming) by this because the cat is sweet with everyone. I mean she cuddles with the 7 month baby and plays so nicely with her, making her laugh as much as she can. shoe doesn't dislike children. she just dislikes the one (i'm starting to think of her as an anti-cat) daughter.

When this girl doesnt get what she wants she throws a fit and this is exactly that. she has experience with lots of dogs. and even when a dog doesn't give her all the love she wants she gets the animal in trouble rough housing with it and then "getting hurt" like a bite or a scratch. I just found out about this from some mutual friends of the daughters dad and mine.

Could you give me the link for the 8hour cat music?

I tried the treat thing with the daughter and her dad a while ago when i saw the daughter might be an issue, the daughter will hold the treat really tight so that missy cant get it, then missy gets annoyed and loses interest and walks away... and whats even better is she throws the treat at missy after that....

So i think for how i'll add more cat stuff into my room for now. she loves watching outside the window and playing with the toys while i do my college homework. 

This makes me so angry I can barely see straight.     Since everyone else has given you such good advice, there are really only two things I'd add.  First:  Is there anyway to make this person move out? Right away? Second:  Is there anyway to put a lock on your door so the daughter can't go in your room when you aren't there?  I honestly wouldn't trust this brat to respect your boundaries.  

Although I'm tempted to launch into a diatribe about this nasty child and the parenting (or lack of) she's getting, it won't help the situation so I'll hold back but......grrrrrrrrrr!!!!!   

Wow. There's a saying in the Harry Potter books that goes, "If you want to know what a man's like, look at how he treats his inferiors - not his equals." And I've always applied this to people who treat innocent animals like theyre less than them. So sorry for this situation. I've been in a similar situation when I hung out at my best friend's house a lot when I was a teenager. Without going into too much detail, we both thought her (now ex-) boyfriend was being cruel to her cats, and for a long time she tried correcting his behavior. He never changed though.

I'd be livid if someone treated my Elfie this way. But I agree with Myrth: people like this don't change, and it might happen again if you aren't careful.

People already gave you great suggestions. I have a few too. If possible, I'd provide a scratching post with a high perch that the kid can't reach in the livingroom. Along with a hiding spot or two. Meaning something like this. It'll give her a place to de-stress when the kid is chasing her or something.

Kids and cats don't go together all that well but, at the same time, kids are way more adaptable than adults. Try to have a talk with her and say things like, "Kitties don't like to be startled, so you need to be careful and relaxed if you want her to like you" or "If you want to play with the kitty, use this --" and give her one of those toys on rods, like daBird or something. She'll be able to engage and play with the cat from a safe distance. And watching a cat play can teach her a lot about cats, and may help with how she deals with her.

Hope this gave you some ideas, and good luck   

I am so upset reading this!! I am furious.. I will control myself..

Yes, You have great advice here.

I would keep Missy in your room with a lock on the door; a key lock which you have the key to. I know it is keeping her in prison, but while this girl is in the house, Missy is not safe.

A Child of 6-8 yrs old should know how to properly play with animals. Yes, sounds as if she is spoiled...sounds as if she needs discipline and to learn the word, "NO" and what it means.

I would only allow that child to visit Missy while you supervise. I think Missy is traumatized to both her and the roommate.

It will take a while for her to feel safe. She may eventually end up enjoying the quiet of your bedroom.

Yes, I would defend your cat, to the bitter end!   Kind sounds as if YOU  have to set the boundaries and cannot rely on your roommate (her dad). I would also tell the roommate that hitting YOUR cat is not allowed; even if he feels he is defending his daughter...

He should have just gotten Missy into your room and closed the door...Missy is an animal..anyone who would harm an animal, especially a pet, is a debatable human as far as I am concerned...

Could your boyfriend be with you, as in backing you up, when you have your 'talk" with Him...and the daughter?????

It would be a untied front...

You are doing the right thing..Much better than I would be under the circumstances..

I cannot add anything else except to say that I am behind you...you sound like a very kind caring person...You and Missy deserved to be respected...

((Hugs)))

I can't see why this is under 'Cat Behaviour', when it is so plainly  a human behaviour problem. So angry about this that I have signed up to comment.

Artiemom said:

 
A Child of 6-8 yrs old should know how to properly play with animals. Yes, sounds as if she is spoiled...sounds as if she needs discipline and to learn the word, "NO" and what it means.

I would only allow that child to visit Missy while you supervise.

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Catalina, I think from now on, you must ban the girl from interacting with your cat, full stop. Never mind the father, you tell the girl yourself. And if she steps out of line, in respect of your cat, rebuke her yourself. Not the girl's fault, it is the fault of the dimwit of a father.

And I don't agree with shutting the cat away while the girl is there. While the cat is about, the girl must be made not to interact with it.

Catalina Miller said:

 
Everyone in the household is a bit upset (then my and my boyfriend are fuming) by this because the cat is sweet with everyone. I mean she cuddles with the 7 month baby and plays so nicely with her, making her laugh as much as she can. shoe doesn't dislike children. she just dislikes the one (i'm starting to think of her as an anti-cat) daughter.

When this girl doesnt get what she wants she throws a fit and this is exactly that. she has experience with lots of dogs. and even when a dog doesn't give her all the love she wants she gets the animal in trouble rough housing with it and then "getting hurt" like a bite or a scratch. I just found out about this from some mutual friends of the daughters dad and mine.

Could you give me the link for the 8hour cat music?

I tried the treat thing with the daughter and her dad a while ago when i saw the daughter might be an issue, the daughter will hold the treat really tight so that missy cant get it, then missy gets annoyed and loses interest and walks away... and whats even better is she throws the treat at missy after that....

So i think for how i'll add more cat stuff into my room for now. she loves watching outside the window and playing with the toys while i do my college homework.

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They have a 10hr version too! There's a bunch if you see the same channel

Omg, what kind of person enjoys 'taunting' an animal with the treat and then taking it out on the animal for not getting it! That child will have issues later on if she doesn't understand boundaries, discipline, and respect in general :/ How much attention is she expecting? Dogs are pretty much in your face with affection... I wonder if she has issues at school with other children with this type of behaviour. 

Try the music video, just leave it running all day long. I used my ipad and just kept it plugged in with the screen off. Missy will probably prefer more space but if you can tire her out and get her to use up her energy vertically with jumping, esp up and down the bed repeatedly, she won't miss the horizontal space for running to burn off energy as much!  

FYI:

I keep the FM classical music radio station running when I leave the house...

You could try a Feliway plug in--a bit expensive. Amazon has it cheaper than anywhere else.

Or if there is a Whole Foods Store near you, Bach's Rescue Remedy can be added to his water, just a couple of drops.

These are all calming things I have tried with my guy.

I would not trust that little girl with Missy. Who knows what she would do to her next, and then the dad would react to what his daughter precipitated...Missy needs some peace...

I would keep Missy in your room when the daughter is there as well. She's probably not going to be comfortable around this roommate and his daughter again, which will only make her more likely to react if they scare her, which will make the roommate more likely to repeat his past actions, and that's a cycle you do not want to continue.

I'm so sad Missy had to learn that some humans are mean and dangerous. She will learn that it's just some though, and not all of them, with time. To make her more comfortable, be extra conscious about your body language when you approach her. Come to her from the side, lower yourself down to her level, and be very aware of what your hands are doing, because she definitely is! For petting, offer her your hand from below her eye level, and make it into a fist or just one or two fingers rather than an open hand (because she's learned open hands are dangerous). Be very respectful of her growls and hisses. If she knows you will listen to her and back off when she asks, she will trust you more. Trust is a learning process for cats, which means they can learn to distrust people from bad experiences but they also learn to trust people from good experiences. She will be back to her usual self with you in time, although her interactions with new people from now on will be more cautious.

Fingers crossed that this roommate gets enough bad vibes from everyone else in the apartment that he just decides to move out on his own. If that's not likely I'd look for someplace else as soon as your lease is up!

My first reaction would probably have been to smack the roommate and see how he likes it!!

Sorry, it makes me so mad to hear about that.

It's a rough situation when it involves roommates. It's even a rougher situation when it involves their children.

Let me get my bearings straight here. 

There is your boyfriend and you, your boyfriend's brother, his girlfriend and their 7 month old baby, and a single guy with a daughter (approximately 7 yrs old) who visits occasionally. The problem stems from the single guys daughter who doesn't treat your cat with respect when she visits. I will assume that when she is there, her father is always present.

Because she provoked your cat to the point of hissing, her father struck your cat.  

Whewwwwwww!  He should be grateful I wasn't there! Is he aware that animal abuse is a felony is all 50 states (again, I am making an assumption that you live in the states) and that you WILL  notify the authorities if it ever happens again?  I would make that clear and I would make it clear when all the adults in the household are present so there are no misunderstandings in the matter. Then explain to everyone that you have a potential solution to the problem and ask for everyone's cooperation and involvement.

On the days when is daughter visits, I would certainly keep your cat locked in your room to avoid any further physical or emotional abuse from your roommate or his daughter. If you are home when she arrives, make a BIG ta-do about having to lock the cat away while she is there because she doesn't respect you or your cat and you will NOT allow her to continue aggravating your cat while she is there. Throw a little guilt trip on her by amplifying the fact that your poor kitty now has to stay in your room all alone because she is scared of being frightened or hit again. 

You know... the little girl might just be acting out because of the situation she is in: Her Mom and Dad are obviously not together and parental discipline is often used as a tug-of-war with young children (good parent vs bad parent). She might very well be bored in a household with mostly adults and an infant (who I am sure gets a lot of attention). It seems as if she is attention seeking. You stated that you are a babysitter. Do you play with the little girl while she is there? You could go to the store and buy a doll that comes with a cat (Barbie has one, and there is the Crazy Cat Lady doll. I'm sure there are others available). Play with the girl and the doll and show her appropriate ways to play with the cat. You can also go to the library and check out books that teach children how to care for and interact with cats. You will be giving her something to do so she isn't bored, teaching her how to read, AND teaching her how to care for and play with cats! 

If you bring your cat out while she is there, make it very known that she may NOT play with the cat at all until she learns how to treat it kindly.  

"No, you may not touch or play with Missy because you scare her when you get loud and chase her. That is NOT how you treat a cat. Would you like me to teach you how Missy likes to play and have fun?". or   

"No, you may not play with Missy because you play too rough and if she hisses to defend yourself, your Daddy might hit her again and hurt her. Let's go read this book and learn how to play with Missy. This will be fun!"  or

No, you may not play with Missy until you learn how to be nice. I found a really cool book all about cats and playing nice. Let's see if Missy likes it"! 

Show her how to get down on Missy's level instead of standing over her. Have the little girl curl up on the floor and pretend she is a cat. Stand over her and yell and chase her, then get down on the floor at her eye level and talk softly and pet her. Ask which one she liked better and explain to her that that is how Missy feels too.  Get a wand type toy and teach her how to interactively play with Missy without scaring her. Show her how to give treats. (When she holds the treat so that Missy can't get it, and then throws it at her, let her know that is not the nice way to do it. How would she feel if you offered HER a treat (candy) but wouldn't let her take it from your hand, and then threw it at her). 

Discipline means to teach. Punishment is inflicting harm. Children need to disiplines (taught) because punishment doesn't do anything but breed resentment and anger and they still don't know what to do or how to do it. 

Use these tools to develop a bond with her. Let her know you aren't angry with her and that you would really like her and Missy to be friends so Missy doesn't have to be locked away all the time. 

Make this a learning situation for everyone. I think, in the long run, you and Missy will come out on top! And, hopefully, the little girl (and her father) will learn to respect cats!

Ack! My brain is on over-ride and I have so many things going on -- I think you get what I am driving at and I hope this type of approach works. 

Keep us posted as to how you decided to handle the situation!

Fyllis said:

Show her how to get down on Missy's level instead of standing over her. Have the little girl curl up on the floor and pretend she is a cat. Stand over her and yell and chase her, then get down on the floor at her eye level and talk softly and pet her. Ask which one she liked better and explain to her that that is how Missy feels too.

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Hmm. While I see the thrust of where you are going and can see a lot of merit in your approach, I would also say that specifically the bit I have quoted could be turned into spurious allegations of child abuse which would completely dwarf the abuse of the cat.

So far Missy has stayed in the room, I went out today and got some stuff for me and her. Some clothes for me, some cat nip and toys for her since she destroyed her old ones haha.

She seems content for now while i write this and she watches her "tv" (the window). She's ok with me and my boyfriend who have been careful with her. I gave her, some of her favorite food and she's eating it little by little instead of all at once haha. She's taking her time to heal and i'm Alright with that

Update on the situation, My boyfriend and i talked to the roommate and his daughter when we got back from shopping and pretty much no progress was made. Me and my boyfriend asked what had happened giving the roommate a chance to tell his side and the daughter immediatly got tense while cuddling with her dad and glared at the both of us. I almost laughed from the scared look on her face while she though she was gonna get in trouble. 

He said the cat was playing with his daughter and suddenly out of no where got aggressive and scratched her. I couldn't help but get furious cause i KNOW she NEVER does that EVER. When she plays she never goes to aggression for NO reason. but i let him finish. he said i tapped her on the side and yelled at her to make her leave my daughter alone.

I quickly jumped in and talked about how missy behaves all the time when she's around the baby and how she plays with her when she is practicing walking. I talked about how she plays with her toys with me and other people and said i've never been told she got aggressive while she plays unless given a reason. i gave an example of when she accidently scratched my face but i knew it was all my fault. she was cuddling with me one night and i had a nightmare so i woke up gasping and a little freaked out and she scratched me and ran under the bed. but i washed my face off, i called her out from under the bed and gave her a treat and talked to her quietly and she when back to purring and being sweet a few minutes later. I gave all these examples and he cut in and said what is that all supposed to mean for this? i said i'm proving a point that she has always been a sweet playful cat, not a cat who's unpredictable or scary. and i said so you're either lying to me or i need to go get my cat checked to a vet or somewhere to see how her behavior is to be fixed. He didn't say anything so i looked at his daughter who was still glaring at me and said "i don't want you to be around missy anymore. When you're here, you do not ever go into my room for anything unless you ask me and i say its ok. Thats missy's room. Thats where she relaxes and feels safe. I don't like the way you've played with her and by her scratching you, she doesn't like it either. You can play like that with dogs, but cats like quiet, they like playing nice, or with toys, they like chasing and hunting. You scare her and yell, and aren't being nice. So maybe we can try again in a couple weeks when Missy recovers. But right now if you see missy don't look at her, just give her space. " She just glared at me. (i have this thing if someone glares at me i will not back out of a stare so thats what i did) I looked right back at her till she got uncomfortable and looked away.

"As for you (me talking to the roommate), you are not to touch my cat again without mine or my boyfriends permission. You are usually a cool guy and i get you were just protecting your daughter but you need to take more responsibility in disciplining her and teaching her whats not ok. Because you're always with her and you see her doing these things, but instead of stepping in and stopping it or putting missy in my room, you just go back to watching tv and being on your phone. So never touch my cat again. She's terrified of the both of you and i need to calm her down and get her to start trusting again before i can get her to be with either of you. and if either of you hit or scare her anymore there are laws agains animal abuse i am not scared to take you to court and deal with this the hard way.

I left the conversation and by boyfriend took care of the rest. So, currently i am cuddling with a black fur ball of warmth. <3 I think she'll be ok soon

You all helped a ton <3

OHWS said:

Hmm. While I see the thrust of where you are going and can see a lot of merit in your approach, I would also say that specifically the bit I have quoted could be turned into spurious allegations of child abuse which would completely dwarf the abuse of the cat.

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Indeed, in a household where someone would hit a cat for hissing, and with a child who has a history of getting dogs in trouble when she's unhappy, I would have NOTHING to do with the child or the violent father. If the OP tries to discipline such a spoiled brat, it will come back on the OP. The best course of action is to have a safety plan, implement it, and find a new place to live (or a new roommate) ASAP.

It sounds like you were very firm with them - good!  I still think you should lock Missy in when you are not home.  I am willing to bet that child will try to get in there if you're not around.  The defiant stare she gave is not the reaction of a child feeling remorse or guilt but the stare of a child saying "You can't tell me what to do."    

I'm glad to hear Missy is doing better.  She had a shock, poor darling, but she's getting lots of love now and her world is starting to come back together again.  

Good show!!! firm but fair