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A Man's View of Relationships

post #1 of 89
Thread Starter 
Okay..I've got my protective gear on,my life insurance is up to date,emergency services on standby and my fragile ego is in a safety deposit box...here we go.

I read many posts here detailing the woes of your relationships with your menfolks. Frankly I think it's a little one-sided here. Geez Louise ladies...you all seem to be married/living with/dating the same insensitive,knuckle dragging,cat hating cave man. WAAAAAAAHHH!!!!

Now understand here...I'm not trying to make light of the real problems any of you are having. I don't know each individual's circumstances or background so don't think I'm aiming at anyone in particular.

Firstly,I see so often a young lady take up with a very obvious loser;the boozing,womanizing,greasy punk type. They all get starry-eyed over these morons and have big plans to CHANGE him. DOES NOT HAPPEN,EVER!!!!! A punk will be a punk until the day he dies. So if this is your problem..grow up. Get the heck out of there and don't look back.

That being said,there are a lot of nice guys out here; but we have problems too. Guys are taught from birth that we are supposed to be the caretaker,the strong one who shoulders all the burden...father,husband,brother,protector and the magician who has the answer to all problems. We are supposed to be a crying towel but never shed a tear ourselves. You females all wail that you want sensitive guys..ha!!! Let a man show his pain and the whispers start..What a wuss,He must be gay....

"My man doesn't like my cats","my man resents my computer"....well maybe,just maybe he has cause to feel that you care more about them than you do about him?? We need a sympathetic ear sometimes too. Sometimes after facing a world all day where he is a meaningless cipher he just needs that hug and a feeling that he is more to you than a damn wallet. It takes two to make a relationship and they both have to be grown-ups. Sex only means "I'm horny at this particular moment". Love is much more than that. Love can exist without sex and last for years. Sex is just better when love is there too.

So get off your crying towel and have a serious talk with your partner about what you BOTH want from a marriage/relationship. If you can BOTH fit your dreams together..fine. If not..part company and move on. And if either or both of you can't get past the "I WANT" stage get out and do not enter another relationship until you have become an emotional adult.

There...now swing away folks!!!!! :foot:
post #2 of 89
That is a good insightful post. I am lucky that the second time around, I married my best friend. The first time I married for chemistry reasons alone and though we were in lust, we were never in love. he had his bad points, as did I and we lasted 10 years before we realized that it was a major mistake to have hooked up together.

When I first met Mike it was through letters, then we started sending cassette tapes back and forth (yep it was that long ago! LOL) Then came the phone calls, the meeting finally happened after 4 years of letter writing and so forth. Through that time period we developed a friendship unlike any I have ever experienced in my life. He is my best friend and we have a lot of fun together. He is much more than a pay check to me, and I am more than just his chief cook and bottle washer. It took years to get to the point in my life of me being able to live with and like myself before going on and adding another partner to the mix.
post #3 of 89
Honestly, I see a lot of good points in your post. There are a LOT of women out there who seem to go for the "bad boy" type. They get hurt %90 of the time. I never could fathom why a woman would stay with a man like that. Then again.. I was with a man like that for a year before I finally realized that I deserved better and being in a relationship like that was unhealthy for me.

Almost 2 years later... I met my current boyfriend. We actually met over the internet. Started talking... got to know eachother. Started having phone calls.. and eventually decided that we enjoyed each other a lot and decided to try a long distance relationship. (THANK GOD WE DID!)

For a year we did the phone calls, email, whatever form of possible communication. Boy, was it hard not having him around to hold me everyday... but you know.. we got to know eachother so well and I wouldn't change any of it. We met after 9 months.. he flew out to see me... it was wonderful. 3 months later.. I moved out here to live with him.

It's wonderful.. he treats me really well and makes me laugh like no other person. Yeah, we have our "little petty arguements" but they've never been anything serious and most of them turn into something playful rather than either of us hurting one anothers feelings.

We have our differences... but if we were too much alike our relationship would be boring.

post #4 of 89
You'll get no argument from me.

I really enjoyed your post, and saw a lot of truth in it, and much of my past self.

I was the girl you described, hooking up with losers with the intention of reforming them. Yeah, right!

I found a wonderful man, at 40 I think it's about time, and we seem to be going somewhere...if not, that's ok too because it's terrific right now.

Gotta get my procrastinating, catsite addicted butt to PetSmart now, so will add to this later.

Again, I thought this post was very accurate.

post #5 of 89
I can't disagree with any of that. It sounds like plain, old fashioned commen sense to me.
post #6 of 89
Well, Kittyfoot, I was all prepared to come out swinging, but you had to go and write a sensible thread.

Why couldn't you just say what's really on all of you men's minds?

1. Implants or not, that's what you're lookin' at.
2. Howard Stern is the luckiest guy on Earth.
3. Honey, I can't hold a conversation with you, because my beer's getting warm.

(Boy, I really wanted to come out swinging, too. What a rip off).

-->Deb slinks out of thread.
post #7 of 89
Well Kittyfoot, you will also get no argument from me. I was married for 4 years and have been divorced for 24. I've had my share of relationships and all of them failed. Why? Because I tried too hard. Or at least that's what my father told me from a man's point of view. I gave too much to soon. I once settled for Mr. Right. I'm now holding out for Mr. Filthy Stinking Rich (just kidding).

I wish I could find someone. Being alone for 24 years has it's good and bad times. And you are absolutely 100% right when you say you'll never change a man. My mother always told me that don't marry a man to change him cuz it ain't gonna happen. Too bad I didn't listen to my mama.

By the way, are you seeing anyone at this moment??? Married? Care to start an internet relationship? You seem to make alot of sense and I like that in a man . I also like a man who isn't too proud to show his emotions or his pain. It shows his sensitive side.

So, if you wouldn't mind a pre-owned 48 year old staff writer with 7 cats, please feel free to PM me anytime. I'd love to hear from you. I'd love to know what you're all about and your interests.

You can take the riot gear off now. So far there's been no swinging here.

post #8 of 89
I'll swing.. heh.... but then ya'll knew I would huh?

After the first go round with marriage, I actually learned something, yes, I know ladies... we actually can do that occasionally, we can't pell reallly well, but that's for another story..

Anyway, I actually care about the cats as much as sandie does, although I dont act like for the afore mentioned reason and a;;,
I built Sandie her own puter so she would stop nagging me about how much time spent on it, when actually it was just my perception of her, so know I find myself occasionally saying something like, dang hon' you gonna be on there allllll night, then quickly turn to see where the words came from.

I originally started going to cat shows cuz I wanted to spend time with my girls, having spent most of our first 6 years of marriage apart, welp sir.... then I realized how comptetive it is.... heh, count me in.. shhhhhh don't tell sandie though... K?

Oh and yeah I spent ALOT of time not wanting to be wussie, and never went to doctors, cuz hey, ima guy... we dont need no stinkin doctors!!

Which I now am paying dearly for.

see, there are decent, notice I didn't say good/great/stupendous ones out here... trust I can be a great big

But what I really wanted to say is..

Yes deb

1. Implants or not, that's what we're lookin' at.
2. Howard Stern is the luckiest guy on Earth.
3. Honey, I can't hold a conversation with you, not cuz my beer's getting warm, cuz I really haven't got a clue what you're saying
4. Even though no one will EVER prove I said this...

we might talk smack about how we're the boss of the house with our friends, we really do know it's you, cuz hey, getting cut off and sleeping in the bath tub just plain sux.


The above material was meant for entertainment purposes only! No attempot was made at bodily or mental cruelty and if any is/was discovered please inform the management and the offending prose will be permanently and unrecoverably stricken from the record.
post #9 of 89

Disclaimers in small, hard to read print don't get you off the hook from being swung at. And talking about running smack proves that you're a Jim Rome devotee.


Are you also Mr. Filthy-Stinking Rich? Just wondering...
post #10 of 89
[quote]Okay..I've got my protective gear on,my life insurance is up to date,emergency services on standby and my fragile ego is in a safety deposit box...here we go. [quote]

See Kittyfoot, you didn't need all of the above at all. In fact I think it was a wonderful post!!!

post #11 of 89
since I have been able to post. Kittyfoot, I can't agree more. MY best lady friend(s) are Helen and Laura. Laura got her perfect guy, my best guy friend. She went thru the loser ones too. Helen has been thru the losers too and is married to a good guy now, but just one thats not right enough for her. She has made mentions many times (since getting married) that she and I would make the perfect couple. Yeah, say it now that your not in a perfect marriage, though its w/ a good guy.


1. I change litter boxes.
2. I like to cook.
3. I know how to clean house (and believe it or not, I'm not gay)
4. I love cats
5. Did I mention I loved cats?
6. I love to romance a woman (flowers on the pillow, breakfast in bed, poems just for her, etc)
7. I'm open minded
8. I hate beer
9. I hate all sports, especially football
10. I'm in touch with my feminine side and not afraid to say it, so deal with it! lol.
11. I believe that you have to be best friends with your mate
12. Communication, honesty, consideration, respect and trust are the most important relationship mottos for me.
13. I'm fun and playful, but...
14. I will be your pillar of strength as well
15. I think a woman's satisfaction and pleasure behind closed doors are more important than my own, because in giving it, I garner real satisfaction of my own.
16. I consider a relationship as an equal partnership, where both share equally. No :censor::censor::censor::censor::censor::censor::censor::censor: power plays!
17. I have a good sense of humor and I'm, generally, good natured.
18. I know how to compromise and not be Me! Me! Me! all of the time.
19. I know how to keep you excited about life
20. Did I mention I really loved cats?

Of course, I do have my faults. Noone is perfect. For example:

1. "Chuck, my eyes are up here" "
2. I want sex 24/7
3. I'm an ass and legs man
4. I like Startrek (but I'm not a trekkie, so don't worry too much)
5. You may someday be as important to me as my cats.lol.

I can't wait to see the responses to this.
post #12 of 89
MeowMan watzes in with all this information! :LOL:

You sound perfect, except I don't like Star Trek, and I do like beer!
Compromise is good though, don't you think?

Just kidding, but I think you sound like a good man, and if you ever do make that West Coast voyage, Have I got a girl for you! Oi! :laughing2

post #13 of 89
I have to admit, I'm a little disappointed. I was all ready for some good debates, and we all agree. Imagine that, men and women agreeing on something. Just kidding, my fiance and I usually agree. He loves cats, which is a definite bonus. We also both enjoy football, Star Trek, and beer. Maybe that's why we get along so well. . .
post #14 of 89

Liking Star Trek listed as a fault?!? Now maybe we can get the gloves on. I, of course, will stand facing away from you for the advantage of you getting distracted by ass and legs.

In all seriousness, have you seen anything about the new series coming this fall? TV Guide did an interview with Rick Berman. Sounds like it could be interesting. I am always willing to give a Trek show a fair shot. After all, it took a good half a season of groaning before the Next Generation even began to get interesting.

Now back to that list: #8: I hate beer. Translated that means "I drink expensive stuff." And how can we be openminded and hate all sports? I'm also a little iffy on #3: I know how to clean house. Well, Christ, I know how to, as well. My mother was the original clean freak. But is it getting done?

And finally, at least while you are reading this, I know where your eyes are!
post #15 of 89
Whoa! What a great post!
Honesetly, what valid points you all have made, so, my swinging gloves are back in the gym bag... :laughing: I couldn't care less if a guy like football, but the beer thing, well...I'm not so crazy about drinking or the smell of it...kinda stinks like cigarettes and isn't good for ya either. But that's just my opinion. I just wanted to tell Cassandra_Starr that I was so happy to see that her internet relationship is doing well. I am currently in love with a man I've met on AOL and I couldn't be more happy. I think what happens is that you get to appreciate each other so much on here. You can learn so much about someone through the net. When you finally see them, you've cut out all the bull ya know. Well, he's in Arizona and I'm in Florida. We finally met and I can't wait to be with him again. It's tough! But, there's hope after seeing these postings!

By the way, Ken, that was the funniest posting!!! :laughing: And Chuck,& Kittyfoot well, you're just plain, damn perfect! :laughing::laughing: Lucky women that gets you guys.

Take Care & God Bless,
post #16 of 89
Thanks Cat..
Now if I could just figure out who Jim rome is....

Living under a rock

post #17 of 89
KittyFoot :foot: Chuck, and Ken; This post actually made sense; made me laugh, and made me HOPE!!! But, hey, I had a "Heat Stroke" yesterday and I'm EASY to SWAY. . . . Too bad Mr.Cat is out of town; I'm sure he would want to contribute. . . . .

I actually gave up on trying for a relationship over 25yrs ago after having way too many holes shot thru my heart by way too-o-o-o-o-o many losers. This "Three-legged kat is one tough "P___Y" batbatbat batbatbatbat:bat
post #18 of 89
Thread Starter 
You guys ain't foolin me....you just want me to take the helmet and pads off.:tounge2:

Sorry girls...I am instructed to tell you I'm off the market. I found a fantastic lady and hope to treat her as she deserves to be treated..like an angel.

Well,the road is calling..see you later. :foot:
post #19 of 89
He's a sportscaster, Ken, on the radio. I can't believe you didn't know who he was, given that you used his terminology!
post #20 of 89
Yeah, but... umm errrr.... i think I just inadvertantly added fuel to the fire....

what with not knowing him AND saying the same things....

WHAT HAVE I DONE???????????

post #21 of 89
Oh, Ken

You've just confirmed the fact that all you males are preprogramed the same from the get-go!

post #22 of 89
When a guy sees a woman across the room he isn`t thinking "I bet she`s a great conversationalist". C`mon, ALL men think "Man, what a great a**", etc and then if she IS a good conversationalist, smart, funny, etc., once he talks to her then that will usually seal the deal as to if a guy can be with her for more than just that one thing. The "inner beauty" IS the most important thing, but men have to work past their libido first. Now, some guys might disagree, but for all intensive purposes, this is a generally correct point-of-view.

I know I'm a catch for any woman because I spoil the ladies I date and romance the heck out of them, but I admitt, I don't look at a girl for the FIRST time and wonder "Has she got a good personality?". It's just a guy thing.

But, I have NEVER "been with" a woman I wasn't completely and totally in love with. And, I give 110% everytime.
post #23 of 89
Well, honesty is the best policy. It has been said that men first check out a woman's ass/chest/legs before even considering getting to know her. But... I have a few questions.

1) So... (we'll use the name Olivia) Olivia doesn't have the best looking figure.. she's slightly overweight. Do you still check her out?

2) If you do check her out... what would it be. "Hmmm nope.. she doesn't look that good... NEXT!" ?? I surely hope not.

3) It turns out.. Olivia has one of the best personalities known to our world. She's very smart, funny, considerate, and mature. Would you try to find this out... even if she wasn't the most attractive woman you've ever seen?

I appreciate your honesty MeowMan. You don't find that often. However, I don't think its fair that most men have to get past their "libido" before they try to get to know a woman. When you marry a person.. I'm hoping you marry them because you love them as a person not because of their body. Yes, being attracted to the person is important. It's just not fair to the women out there that don't have the perfect figure.. but have the near perfect personality.

If this is truly how most men look at women when they first see them. I feel sorry for you guys... there are a LOT of women out there that you're passing up.. that are soooooo awesome.

Anyways, thanks MeowMan... honesty is the best policy.. especially when you're dealing with women:laughing:

Quote: "But, I have NEVER "been with" a woman I wasn't completely and totally in love with. And, I give 110% everytime."

Lots and lots and lots of smilies to you for that!! That is a fading trait in both men and women! :tounge2: :jarswim: :pinky: :flash: :laughing2 :opposite: :blubturq: :splitter: :baloon: :rainbow: :daisy:
post #24 of 89
I would and do talk to any woman, a lil' overweight or not. I've got a close friend (married though) who isn't physically perfect, but I think she's the sexiest. She has an incredible personality and attitude and YES! That does make a BIG difference. It will get a woman further w/ me than looks alone.
post #25 of 89
Men like you are rare MeowMan!

Why is it all the great guys show their faces when I'm taken?

post #26 of 89
Well, Chuck, that was a refreshing and depressing piece of honesty.

Now exactly where does that leave us: the hopelessly average?

It's no wonder so many women spend thousands of $ trying to elevate themselves to the male standard.

Speaking strictly for myself, I would say that I don't zero in on looks in a guy first. I think I would have to say that personality, etc. are the first things that make an impression on me.

Then again, maybe that's why I'm hanging out unattached.

At any rate, since I know I don't fall into the category of the "hottie across the room", I'll just slink back into my corner.
post #27 of 89
I guess I need to clarify one very, very important thing again so that you (and the other ladies here) aren't burning my picture: I love all women and consider the female of the species to be far more powerful than that of the male. I am NOT prejudice against women who don't have so much in the way of looks. As I have said, personality, attitude and the way they carry themselves will go a LOT further with me than looks alone! It's just a simple male fact and I am not proud or ashamed of it; it is simply the way men generally are. I must admitt, however, that I am feeling a little embarrassed. I suppose most men can't be man enough to admitt these kind of things, but I try and be honest with my thoughts. I'm too damn old to play the "maybe I shouldn't say this" games (Even though I must contradict myself immediately by stating that I do keep myself in check at times in fear of death and mutilation. LOL). Suddenly I feel like I've opened a can of worms that I shouldn't have and I apologize wholeheartedly for that.

I think I'll slink away like a dog w/ his tail between his legs now. lol. Maybe I should just shut-up and stop talking! As Bugs Bunny frequently says "what a maroon".
post #28 of 89
Can't completely blame the guys though - some of it was "bred" into the human race. It isn't survial of the fittest it is the survial of the genes - who breeds children that breeds children. Those male genes that were passed on were those that sowed their oats and the female genes passed on were those who found good protectors and had the ability to have multiple children. So we have men who look for hot women. Kind of sad though that men look more at body then women - guys get off so easy! And heck I'm built for having babies (only kind I have or want are the fuzzy kind) so I'm not in the hottie group either - in fact I don't know many females over the age of 22-23 that are. But I also know I worry about how "fat" I am a LOT more than my husband! He won't even let me have a weight scale 'cuz he says I'm fine (according to the Dr. I'm a bit overweight) and I obsess. He says (like we ever believe them ) I look great...
post #29 of 89
Thread Starter 
AHA!!!! I knew it was too soon to take the gear off.

Now lessee here...guys are always checking out the bod and ignoring the less than perfect. Yup,we do unfortunately do that;I admit it. I suppose it runs back to the caveman/ape days of looking for prime breeding partners...animal instincts as it were. Plus all the re-inforcement of playboy,et al while we're growing up. Hopefully we grow wiser as we mature. I often look at the young guys drooling over the Hotties these days and chuckle at the heartaches they have in store.

Which brings me to the second point. You sweet young things are hardly discouraging all this attention to your "equipment".:tounge2: Bikini sales have never dropped and the jean companies are pouring those skin tight pants out by the truckload. Ain't nothing comfortable about them.

And finally,(edging closer to the exit) let's look at the female view of us guys. The Stomping Clydesdales or whoever(you all know their proper name)male stripper review is always a sellout. Playgirl sells every copy they print. Arnies movies aren't such a hit because he's a good actor(even tho I think he's better than he's given credit for).And may I point out(reeeeal close to the door now)the reaction here to the pics of a very handsome,well muscled young man on a different thread. I didn't see anything inquiring about his mind.

So lets remember the saying about glass houses and agree that both genders have a lot of learning to do.

Hit the dirt guys....INCOMING!!!!!!!!!!! :tounge2: :foot:
post #30 of 89
Movies are one thing - what we go out with is another story! Sure I like looking as much as the next woman - but the guys I've gone out with and or said "if I wasn't so happily married or married in general (though I am VERY happily married) this is a guy I would be interested in" have never been drop dead gorgeous. I love my husband but he isn't god's gift to women in the looks department. He isn't ugly either, but he's 6 foot tall, skinny as a bean pole (though his shoulders have filled out and he is getting a small pouch in the belly area) but he is intelligent, hates sports, is good to me and we just click - he's my other side, about half the time - my better side. However, when I asked unmarried men what are they looking for (I have a couple of 30 something men who REALLY want to find that someone special) the first thing out of their mouths is - good looking. Ask a women and it is usually nice or intelligent and then decent looking (so it is still high on the list )

Don't take this badly - I'm a big male basher! So take everything I say with a large grain of salt. Men just look at things differently than women - neither way is better... (or so I've been told! BIG :tounge2:

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