My Life's Dilemma, which is now made worse by cats :(.

do you love this guy?

I try really hard not to fall in love with my friends. Since friends are all I have in this world. So, I am terrified to ruin a friendship. I hope that makes sense. If not, I will try and rephrase. But, yes I have had a crush on him.

like really love or would it be more of a "friendship"marriage?.

I have tried very hard to "not fall in love" with him, over the years.

i fear he has the nightingale syndrome where someone who has been very sick falls for their caretaker because this person has done sooo much...

I swear to God, I was going to post that last night. But, I did not want to sound like that ungrateful _ _ _ _ _.

I would take a wait and see approach as to when he is completly recovered would na d will he feel the same way.. if he does GO FOR IT.....

We will be doing that. Since A) we live in different places most of the time, B) has a son that needs to have structure and C) Loki. Now, if we can get all that worked out then yay. If not, I have no idea.

as with loki and th small child i don't know what to say, but only to try it out and see what happens maybe loki and the child will get along if they are around each other all the time

I have no idea what to say about his son and Loki. But, we will see how they get along over winter break, I think.

... oh what a dilema this is.. i wish i could help some more but vibes to you cat person, to help you figure out this situation soon and put your mind at ease... and i hope all works out as you deserve some more happiness in your life and if this guy brings you happiness then why not give it a go...

Only you think I deserve more happiness . Thank you for the vibes, I will be needing them .

I think this is really wrong.

I am sure many of you do. But, I believe my happiness and a humans happiness and safety comes before any animals.

You won't rehome Loki but would consider getting rid of your other cats? Why?

They are all "normal" domestic cats. By that I mean they do not require baby locks on everything. They do not brake cups, dishes, antiques, they are not prone to pica, they do injure themselves by being so rough in there environment. So in closing, if someone could handle a cat like that, go for it. I can barely handle it, I do not think many people could/would.

Those cats, all of them, are your first responsibility.

Yes, but not at the expense of my happiness or any humans safety or happiness.

He didn't ask you to get rid of them. (If he did, I'd advise you to run the other way, no one has the right to suggest someone give up their pets, and anyone who would does not have your best interest at heart.).

Nope he did not, I did. He feels his son can manage with Loki. He also feels his son can "learn lessons" from living with such animal. So, we will see.

I don't understand why are you even thinking of such a thing?

I do not few my cats as "babies". I view them as animals for me to enjoy, which I do. But, I would NEVER ALLOW ANY of my animals to stand in the way of my happiness or make another person, especially a small child unhappy, Or risk any humans safety. Most of all a child.

You also don't want to teach a child that animals are disposable objects.

That is very very true. I was going to try and rehome Loki before the child and his father moved into my home or I moved into his. But, his father does not feel that is necessary. So, we will see if a small human child can live with a foundation Savannah cat.

I don't understand why you are assuming your 'regular' cats are going to be a problem.

I know my 'regular cats' will not be a problem. Since, I have know his son since he was 72 two hours old. Whenever the baby/infant/child was over, the 'regular cats' would hide inside a closet or another room (Panda my DLH) or run outside till "the cost was clear" (Shadow and Momma). Then come inside.

While Loki, would NOT RUN and HIDE from the child. He in fact got more excited/ampted up in the presence of a small child. Loki's behavior around the small child was VERY unsettling to me, so he was just locked in the cat safe room until the child left. But, if the child, Loki and my sanity are to all "get along" then major modification of Loki's behavior will need to happen, if he is to stay in my home.

There isn't any reason why the cats and the child cannot learn to get along together.

I agree with you in most cases, but Loki is NOT most cats.

And it will be good for him, too.

That is what the child's father says, so I am going to work on modifying Loki's behavior.

Cats have feelings. They suffer when they lose their homes, their humans, their animal companions.

While I agree with that, I still WOULD NOT RISK a child's safety.

The child has parents. He will have school, his friends, his life.

Yes, you are correct. Since he is now in my life, I feel it is important I insure his safety regarding  his and Loki's interaction.

The cats have only you.

That is true, but I am not the cats slave nor are the cats my reason for living. They are part of my life, but not my whole life.

I won't say anymore.

Please say anything you wish. I have a great deal of respect for you and your views. .

First of all, face it, you've been in love with this guy for a while and he's been in love with you. So CONGRATS!!!!! 

Yes, I working on it. I am just shocked, happy, amazed, and worried all at one time. Thank you for the congratulations.

 I bet you are still reeling from this whole change of events!!

Indeed, I am.

I married my best friend 6 years ago. We had been best friends for..ummm..14 years before that. We got each other though many other rough spots (bad relationships, family deaths, etc). He knew my stories and I knew his and there were no surprises (at least, not that I've found yet!).

Wow, I am glad to see I am not the only one who has been threw such a "situation". The only difference is I only had two relationships, they where not bad. But the men died, so maybe it was bad . His only relationship/mother of his son is a real nut. She killed her own mother, hence is now in jail for life. I spent quite a while consoling him telling him it would be okay and such over the years. So yes, we have both been there for each other over the years.

It sounds like you and he know each other well enough and are comfortable with each other. AND you want to jump his bones!!

Yes, to all of the above .

(Can I say that on a family site??? )

I have no idea .

GO FOR IT!!! (You DID say yes, right?)

I did say yes, I just said we need to make sure we all ( me, him, his son, my cats, and his dogs) can all get along safely.

About Loki...how old is Loki?

One year and five moths.

If he is young, he may grow out of this phase.

Savannah cats and hybrids in general to to "mellow out" as soon or as much as pure domestic cats. But, he is somewhat calmer then when I first acquired him. So maybe there is some hope .

And while I agree kids should be taught how to handle animals, it sounds like your Loki may be very young and maybe just needs to mature a bit himself?

I am not sure if he is "young" to you or not, but he sure needs to mature a lot himself .

If he's older (as in over 4) then it may just be his personality. 

I suspect from what I have experienced with pure exotic cats and Jungle cat hybrids, he will calm down somewhat. But not like a domestic cat. So, part of this is his personality.

I, personally, don't think there is anything wrong with re-homing an animal if you can't handle it or it becomes a detriment to your household.

Glad I am not the only one! I was just scared Loki was going to be a detriment to the household. So, that is why I was considering re-homing him. But his father feels they (child and cat) can "work it out". So, I am going to try my hardest to make it work.

That is how we got Buttercup (our Pug). Her old mommy had extensive "female" surgery and couldn't take Buttercup jumping up on her all the time. So she tried to find a new home for her.

That is how I acquired all my "regular domestics". Plus, Loki's breeder contact me, since I was looking for a nonstandard Savannah, that most people would not want. Tada, Loki enters my life .

My husband was suckered into taking her. I swear this dog won't let you alone and has to be in your lap or at your feet constantly. I call her my "little lieutenant" because even if I go to the bathroom she is one step behind me.

That so perfectly describes my DLH Panda.

But she went to a loving home (yeah, I love her but I can still complain about her).

Trust me, I know how you feel. Since I do the same with my four. But, if I did not love them all they would not be part of my life.

Now, just dropping animals off at the animal shelter I DON'T agree with. And I don't think you would do that. 

I not only do not agree with that, doing that to a foundation Savannah or any foundation cat is like "signing its death warrant".

Having suffered from medical losses already, is he really truly healthy now or is this just setting you up for a possible strike three?

He did not have any "childhood" illness like my other men. He was EXTREMELY injured at work. But he is no longer at risk of dying. He is going to have a horrible recovery though. But, that should not kill him.

I would find it difficult to be casual friends with someone that rejected my marriage proposal.

I agree with you, but I did not reject his marriage proposal. I said we need to find a way for all of us (his son, his dogs, and my cats) to cohabit a house. That is all.

   When it comes to rejection, I can't think of anything that would hit harder than that, so regarding the friendship thing the decision was already made by the other party IMO.

I am just so lost, can you rephrase?

I'd just wait and see how Loki adapts and try to retrain,

I am most definitely going to try and retrain him. I just want to keep his son safe!

and worst case scenario start giving mild sedatives if nothing else works. 

Due to him being a exotic hybrid sedatives are very dangerious for him. So, I would re-home him before I made him live on sedatives.

  I don't believe in rehoming bar extreme cases.

I agree, but to me an animal, most of all my animal, hurting a human child would be an extreme circumstance.

I think the majority of us on this site feel very strongly about our pets, to many of our they're our "children",

I most definitely agree with that. I am not one of them however. I love my animals, but they are just that, animals. Or I live with my animals and not for them.

but until you have been put in the position where your pets are causing problems, making you unhappy, ruining your relationship, or putting another person in harm's way, you will never truly understand the thought process and what needs to be done in such circumstances.

I agree with you a hundred percent!!!!

It is an incredibly difficult time for the owner that has to do something like that and sometimes there is just no other option.

This is not directed at you, Cat Person, just a thought in general that I wanted to share because of some of the things that have been said.

Then why is it on my thread ? No seriously I am very very very glad you posted what you did!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;

I have been in that situation a few times. I adopted a bouvier from the pound in the next city a few months after I got Fynn. I had the finances to take on a bigger dog, I had a roommate that also wanted to get him and would help out, I had the time and space and I wanted a bigger dog that I could get into alternative training (my small dogs hunt, compete in earth dog and conformation, but I wanted something more hands on and interactive, if that makes sense). I tested him at the pound and he was fine, he seemed to have a good temperament, got along fine with my dogs, had the drives I was looking for and seemed to be a good fit. After having him for just over a month, he started attacking my other dogs for no reason - literally no reason, he would just go after them. We started to crate and rotate - the doxies would be out and Eli, the bouvier, would be in my bedroom. After a few hours, the doxies would go in their crate and Eli would be out in the rest of the apartment. We worked to correct Eli's behaviour and reintroduce them. I tried for almost 6 months but was getting nowhere. We had a behaviourist come in as well, nothing worked. I made the painful decision to rehome him to a home without other dogs, even though I loved him and really wanted to keep him, I was being selfish and it wasn't fair to any of the dogs - to Eli for having to be locked in a room for half the day, to the doxies for the same and being in a situation that could potentially kill them. Up until I was in that situation (that was the first time I ever had to rehome one of my own pets), I felt very strongly about rehoming an animal for a "stupid" reason. 

I recently had to rehome my pit bull mix. She was/is literally the perfect dog, but my circumstances changed - my husband and I briefly separated and he moved out. We have decided to work on our relationship and things are going great, but the fact was that I could not financially, mentally, or physically take care of everyone at that point. Mike was not in the position to help me out financially and we made the decision together to find Josh a better home. Even if we could have afforded to keep her - what kind of life would it have been? She would have been locked in the apartment for most of the day, very few walks (the doxies are fine just running around the apartment but that wasn't enough for Josh), and just not enough attention. I received a lot of mean emails and comments from "friends" when they found out - but they had never been in that position. 

I can say all I saw was my foundation Savannah living in his cat safe room, twenty four seven. I did not consider that a humane way for an animal to live. Plus living with a child, means Loki would not get much attention.

IMO, you need to relax a bit, lol.

I am working on doing that, I swear .

Things WILL be crazy for the first bit - you're entire life is changing.

I am starting to notice that .

There will be times that the cats hurt the child,

That is what he (Tommy) says. Tommy says I need to relax about it. So, I am trying to do that.

there will time times that the child hurts the cats,

I am not worried about that truthfully. I worry much more about a human child then my cats.

but both are resilient and will bounce back.

That is what Tommy says. I will take your word and his for that .

You will need to give everything time, things will not calm down or become "normal" in a matter of days, weeks or possibly even months,

I vote months .

but eventually things will get there.

I sure hope you are all right .

It's a big change for every animal and person involved. 

I agree, 1,000 percent .

I think it's wonderful!!

I do too. It is also very overwhelming to me.

Do you mean to tell me that you had no idea when he asked you to pick out the ring...come on!!!! LOL!!!

I am a real ditz. So really I was clueless. Plus, I have picked out rings for other mens women, so I have done it before.

I think you are a lucky woman to have someone who has loved you for what seems like a long time,

I agree I am a lucky women. You would also be right. He has loved me for six years.

and who has planned for this.

Yes, he is a very good plainer.

I'm sure he has taken Loki into consideration,

You are correct again ,

and like others have said, Loki and the child can be worked with and I think it will work out.

I sure hope so.

You'd be surprised by animals reaction to children.

Loki is not a normal animal. He loves to run around his son at warp speed. Then make the child run and trip him. Or just plain knock him over with one flying leap. Yes, Loki is not Lacy or Rin Tin Tin. Or your normal house cat .

My animals have always worried me when I brought home each of my children from the hospital as little infants. My daughter was brought into a house with my full grown, intact male doberman.

I would be far less worried about a dog then a fundation Savannah. But that is just me.

Gentry had never been in contact with a child before. He seemed to know how NOT to behave around her. 

Well your dog is much better behaved then my Savannah. He sure knows how to not behave with a small child . As you can see from above comments/posts.

I have a 6 year old right now, Kairi is a bit, um, shall we say, rough with my older children and my husband...but with my 6 year old it's like he knows what his limits are. Loki may surprise you. 

Nope not likely, but one never knows. Since Loki and his sons interaction has always resulted in Loki going into his cat safe room. Till his son leaves.

My advice and feelings are as such-be happy.

I am . I like your advice, by the way.

be with the man you love, and the child you both love, and with the cats you both love. It will work out. You are giving yourself a life, and in turn, you are broadening your cats lives as well.

Congratulations and good luck!

Thank you, very very very very wise women!!!!

Another thing I have to add is I think kids HAVE to get scratched at times, otherwise they won't know when things are getting too much for the cat.

My pure domestics are prone to scratching. Also some biting. However Loki, does not bite or scratch.He is jus t prone to running all over you. Using you like a jungle gym. That is so much better I know .

Heck, that's how I learned each of my cat's limits when I first got them.

That is thrilling .

If they were getting over stimulated or getting tired of the attention they would swipe at me and I learned when enough was enough.

.

Each cat is different and has different tolerant levels.

That is for sure,

And they "tail wagging" thing doesn't work with half your cats have 1/2 tails or no tails at all!

My foundation cat wags his tails, puffs it up, and purrs while he kneads you.  He also drools too . Good old Loki .

1 yr 4 months, to me, is still young.

Yep, he is one little whipper snapper .

Harley and LittleOne didn't get out of kitten/attack/destroy mode until around 3.

What breed/type of cat is he?

Harley is 7 now and still has his playful moments but he's not tearing up the house or trying to climb up my back anymore.

There is some hope for Loki huh . He is always climbing on me or hurling himself onto me from a piece of furniture.

At 2 years he was 12 lbs and thought he could still climb up my jeans and shirt and sit on my shoulder like he did when he was a kitten. NOT!

Sounds just like my Loki. Weight, behavior, general disaster in his path too. Only Loki is about twelve pounds at less then two years old.

I still have the scars to prove it (and many pairs of holey threadbare jeans). 

I can odd add destroyed bra, panties, and tops to your list .

I honestly think it will be fine, it will just take some time.

I sure hope you are right. I do not care how long it takes, as long as it gets done.

Like everyone else has said, everyone will have to make adjustments.

Yes, true true. I just need to remember that.

How does Loki feel about the dogs?

He loves them. He chases them, jumps on them and wrestles with them. The Rottweilers and the German Shepherds end up panting and calling "uncle" before Loki does .

Has she met them yet? 

Yes he has, I think he would like them (dogs) to move in. Not sure about the pure domestics. If only they (pure domestics) knew the dogs would get Loki off there back. Then, I am sure they would not mind the dogs .

Oh, I didn't realize you had already given an answer to the marriage proposal.

I did, But it was different . I said, I would love to marry you. I just need to make sure we are all safe (humans and animals) and get along. But at the time, I thought to do that it was going to mean I would need to re-home Loki. But that is hopefully not the case.

I thought there was a dilemma between accepting the proposal or just keeping the friendship,

Well like the night I first wrote the post I was feeling that way. But, I was still in shock.

and so just wanted to point out that for some guys the "keeping the friendship" would be thrown out the window anyway after a marriage proposal rejection.

Got ya, thank you for pointing that out .

 I misunderstood which is probably why my response was so confusing.   Grats.  

Also, my thought process and typing pattern tends to confuse me too.