Love of my life passed away...

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

What a beautiful tribute you put together. I'm so sorry for your loss and pray for God's peace and comfort to surround you during this difficult time.

I am so sorry for your loss

So terrible painful grief has set in. I'm not sure what to say or how to explain.
I cut myself yesterday for the first time in years.
I have an appt. with the psychiatrist in a few hours.
Nights are the worst and absolutely horrific.
I want to lie in bed and give up and die.
I want Kevin to be alive again.
I want to live through one day without it taking everything in me.

Oh hun as awful as it is; it sound normal. I'm glad you have an appointment. You need support to get through this. Grief takes time. Your grief is proof of your love. I've been thinking of you and praying for you too. Hang in there!!

Oh hunny,I don't know what to say,I am so glad that you have sought help though.Please keep talking to us all on here,we are here for you.x

I'm so sorry, just remember we are here, and it's such a good thing that you've told us and that you are going to see someone today. There are people her ROUND THE CLOCK, if you need anything!!!

i'm very sorry for your loss. that was a beautiful tribute

i went to the psychiatrist. got sleeping pills for the nights. stopped cutting it was just that once.
have had some disagreements with his family about certain things but i guess we're alright now.
my stomach feels shredded. it is upset and i eat a lot of tums. my intestines are not happy.
lots of people stopping by the house. some helpful, some not.
got a tattoo of Kevin's initials on my shoulder.
have the crappy task of figuring out what to do with this dogs. got his turtle rehomed. his oldest and dearest dog went with his sister. heart wrenching decisions on the other two.
i got his ashes. i talk to them alot.
i wander aimlessly.
i listen to sad songs and watch movies and order books about being a widow.
i go from passive despair to anger and fury to numb and distant.
i have heard horrible screams come out of me from the bottom of my soul.
i have felt bitterness towards happy people or others moving on.
i have been lost.

Originally Posted by Tink80

i went to the psychiatrist. got sleeping pills for the nights. stopped cutting it was just that once.
have had some disagreements with his family about certain things but i guess we're alright now.
my stomach feels shredded. it is upset and i eat a lot of tums. my intestines are not happy.
lots of people stopping by the house. some helpful, some not.
got a tattoo of Kevin's initials on my shoulder.
have the crappy task of figuring out what to do with this dogs. got his turtle rehomed. his oldest and dearest dog went with his sister. heart wrenching decisions on the other two.
i got his ashes. i talk to them alot.
i wander aimlessly.
i listen to sad songs and watch movies and order books about being a widow.
i go from passive despair to anger and fury to numb and distant.
i have heard horrible screams come out of me from the bottom of my soul.
i have felt bitterness towards happy people or others moving on.
i have been lost.

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My heart is just aching for you after reading this post! I have no idea what to say. You are in my prayers.

Originally Posted by Tink80

i went to the psychiatrist. got sleeping pills for the nights. stopped cutting it was just that once.
have had some disagreements with his family about certain things but i guess we're alright now.
my stomach feels shredded. it is upset and i eat a lot of tums. my intestines are not happy.
lots of people stopping by the house. some helpful, some not.
got a tattoo of Kevin's initials on my shoulder.
have the crappy task of figuring out what to do with this dogs. got his turtle rehomed. his oldest and dearest dog went with his sister. heart wrenching decisions on the other two.
i got his ashes. i talk to them alot.
i wander aimlessly.
i listen to sad songs and watch movies and order books about being a widow.
i go from passive despair to anger and fury to numb and distant.
i have heard horrible screams come out of me from the bottom of my soul.
i have felt bitterness towards happy people or others moving on.
i have been lost.

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I have tears in my eyes from this post and my heart breaks for you

Originally Posted by Tara & Rob

I have tears in my eyes from this post and my heart breaks for you

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My prayers are still with you.

How did miss this thread. I am so sorry for your loss. My heart aches for you. A beautiful tribute.

All the emotions your feeling are natural. I've been where you are and thanks to my friends and family they helped me get through it.

A lot of people get rid of their partners personal things straight away thinking it will make them feel better, it doesn't, and i've got friends and family who regret doing it so soon because they can't get them back.

If it upsets you to see any of his things, box them up out of sight until your ready. Take one day at a time, and don't wonder when you'll start feeling better, it'll come eventually

Mary, do you have any girlfriends? Anyone who can be with you in some of those long hours? Realize that people will act like they are avoiding you because they have no clue what to do. If you can possibly reach out and tell people what you need, I'm sure you will find them happy to help. Thinking about you a LOT.

I am in the process of getting euthanasia for Kevin's highly aggressive dog. I felt guilty and like a murderer but she is just not adoptable and then last night the vet came out to our home to do it and then attacked both of us and in a way it made it easier because she validated for me that this dog is not at fault but we cannot rehome her, she really needs to join her Papa in Heaven. I prayed all day for him to be there to help her cross and it didn't go very well. Today I get to pick up lots of drugs to get her pretty looped before the vet shows up to try again tonight.
I couldn't keep Kevin alive and now I can't even kill his dog. I'm just not very good at any of this without you, babe.
I so badly want peace. I want all the crappy parts to be over with. All the legal/technical things to be out of the way. The bill collector to stop calling for his pound of flesh from his unpaid medical bills. Did you know there's a mailing list you get put on when they die? I'm getting advertisements in the mail for monuments. Isn't that incredibly sad? Vultures are swarming.
And my loved ones they are moving on and they are happy and have love and I am angry and bitter at them that they have what I once had and was ripped away. And I hate myself for feeling that way. But this is what I am now. An angry bitter person. So be it.

Dear, you are being too hard on yourself. Others probably are not moving on as easily as it appears, but you can only see into your own soul. Everything right now is so raw, and so very difficult. The peace you seek will come in time. But for now allow yourself to feel the pain and grief. Break every task into small pieces and tackle them as you can.

You will have the strength to do the things that need to be done. Trust in yourself.

Originally Posted by Tink80

I am in the process of getting euthanasia for Kevin's highly aggressive dog. I felt guilty and like a murderer but she is just not adoptable and then last night the vet came out to our home to do it and then attacked both of us and in a way it made it easier because she validated for me that this dog is not at fault but we cannot rehome her, she really needs to join her Papa in Heaven. I prayed all day for him to be there to help her cross and it didn't go very well. Today I get to pick up lots of drugs to get her pretty looped before the vet shows up to try again tonight.
I couldn't keep Kevin alive and now I can't even kill his dog.

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I can only say when the love of my life died, I was in your place. I had to put his dog down. His dog always hated me and everyone else. But it still was not easy for me to do. He told me before he passed away I do not want Topper (the dog) to treat you like like Sh*T. I still feel horrible for doing it almost a year later. I know it is for the best though.

Originally Posted by Tink80

I'm just not very good at any of this without you, babe. I so badly want peace. I want all the crappy parts to be over with. All the legal/technical things to be out of the way. The bill collector to stop calling for his pound of flesh from his unpaid medical bills. Did you know there's a mailing list you get put on when they die? I'm getting advertisements in the mail for monuments. Isn't that incredibly sad? Vultures are swarming. And my loved ones they are moving on and they are happy and have love and I am angry and bitter at them that they have what I once had and was ripped away. And I hate myself for feeling that way. But this is what I am now. An angry bitter person. So be it.

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As far as all the rest goes all I can say is as much as it hurts you, it is people's jobs to do what they are doing. So I can understand how you feel, but just try and take some solace from that it is just someones job.

Trust me, you will with time get over the anger and bitterness. You are most certainly not an angry bitter person. !

I am so very sorry for your loss