Just remember WE are here to listen to you, at any point in time, there is someone on here from somewhere all over the world. Feel free to vent, chat, whatever you need. Hugs.
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Love of my life passed away...
- Thread starter tink80
- Start Date
That is terrible, and i'm so pleased they don't do that here in the UK because a lot of people would be up in arms with it. We have very good data protection here, so maybe someone needs to take a leaf out of our book when it comes to sensitive issues like this.
I lost 3 family members within 10 months of each other, and people wondered how l coped?. I always say you have two paths in life when it comes to grief, one path where you can stay in bed being depressed and letting it drag you further down each day, but it's not going to bring them back?. Or the path that l took which as l said earlier to take it one day at a time, but to cry when the tears wanted to come because that's all part of the grieving process.
Right now your probably thinking things won't ever be normal again, but they will....eventually
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #63
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #64
I have a few friends but only one girlfriend and she is so busy with last minute wedding arrangements. Plus, I am kind of a loner and I process things better when I am alone. I enjoy friends for brief periods but I don't think it'd help me if they were here. They've done a pretty good job checking in on me but these last few days I've asked for time alone.Originally Posted by kluchetta
Mary, do you have any girlfriends? Anyone who can be with you in some of those long hours? Realize that people will act like they are avoiding you because they have no clue what to do. If you can possibly reach out and tell people what you need, I'm sure you will find them happy to help. Thinking about you a LOT.
And there will be days you probably will lie in bed and just cry. It's OK. Well - it's not OK. None of it is OK. You feel ripped apart, because you found not "just" love, but your soul mate, and he was taken from you FAR too young. That's the really crappy thing about life. It ends. And when we don't get to spend "the rest of our lives" with that person... that grief and that pain is just that much worse. Tink, I can only imagine your grief and your pain, and it just hurts my heart so much.
I'm so glad you cut just the once, and I'm so glad you're reaching out for help, and getting help.
I'm married to the love of my life. And he suffers. He suffers horribly, from unimaginable pain, all the time, with extra pain piled on top of that multiple times a day, every day, day in and day out. Such pain that we've talked about him ending his life, on numerous occassions. The pain began in 1999, the condition diagnosed in 2006 when it became every day. It moved to all the time in January of 2007. It is incapacitating. But it isn't killing him. Sometimes I've thought it would be a blessing for him if it were. He has begged for death. He's asked me to get him a hammer, thinking if he smashed his head, it would at least distract him from this pain. He's begged me to hit him with a 2x4. He's thought about trying to slice out his eye. He can no longer bang his head on the wall or punch himself in the face, as it knocks his teeth loose and then they get infected.
If this were killing him, then he/we wouldn't be faced with these discussions, or with his at times intense depression.
But now I know what it would be like without him. I would be lost and screaming, wandering aimlessly, talking to his ashes. I guess I would be glad for him, that his suffering ended. I've wondered - which is worse? Watching him suffer to be with me? Or being without him?
I honestly can't say.
I think I'd wonder what lesson I'm supposed to learn - why am I still here and he's not? In the meantime, he searches for his answers. Why is he suffering like this?
All I know Tink, is that you are hurting beyond hurt, and it's a reflection of how much you loved him, and how deeply passionate you are.
It isn't fair. It does suck. The legal process and the vultures just make it worse.
But that will end, and you'll have space to heal. You may feel right now like you don't WANT to, because the pain is better than numb, and the pain is all you have to FEEL the love you had with Kevin.
And that pain will transform. It will transform, because you were truly in love. So you will find a way to honor that.
Right now, you are raw.
And I wish I could do something to help take some of the pain away. But I think right now you need the pain.
Howl from the depth of your soul. Kevin doesn't want you to suffer, but I'm sure he understands why you are.
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #67
Thanks, guys.
Our regular vet contacted me and assured me it was for the best. The vet last night also told me that Bounce showed some signs of brain tumor which would explain some of her unpredictable behavior. Poor girl.
There was a peace after she left. Almost felt like Kevin had been waiting for his dog before moving on.
There's something wrong with my car so I have a friend who is handy stopping by to give me his opinion. I hope it's not too expensive to fix. Last thing I'd need right now.
LDG, your post was very meaningful to me. Thank you for taking the time to write it
Our regular vet contacted me and assured me it was for the best. The vet last night also told me that Bounce showed some signs of brain tumor which would explain some of her unpredictable behavior. Poor girl.
There was a peace after she left. Almost felt like Kevin had been waiting for his dog before moving on.
There's something wrong with my car so I have a friend who is handy stopping by to give me his opinion. I hope it's not too expensive to fix. Last thing I'd need right now.
LDG, your post was very meaningful to me. Thank you for taking the time to write it
I'm so sorry she had a brain tumor... but at least now for sure you're not left second-guessing that decision.
your friend will be able to fix the car easily. You're right, it is the last thing you need.
Originally Posted by Tink80
LDG, your post was very meaningful to me. Thank you for taking the time to write it
OMG, sweetie, I am just catching up here in the Lounge tonight. I just want you to know that we are all here for you and you have a lot of people praying for you and supporting you here. Mega, massive prayers to you tonight. My God, I can feel your pain and heartbreak, sweetie. Be kind to yourself, you need to allow yourself to have all of these emotions, to let it all out. I am also sorry about the dog,
Bounce. I once had a doberman that became very, very vicious, like you describe. We found out he had a brain tumor too. He was then euthanized. That very well could have been the cause. I am just so very heartsick for all of your loss. Hold on, things will get better, but it takes time, and it is different for everyone. There is no time frame for the grief you are dealing with. :vi bes:
