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Am I the only one? - Page 2

post #31 of 86
Thread Starter 
Trust does play a huge part of why many of us are alone. We have to force ourselves to give the benifit of the doubt. Maybe we should spend a month and try to cultivate a friendship. Pick just one person and make sure to say hello and really listen to what they have to say. I am working hard not to do the "compare" thing. I will be listening to someone and all of a sudden I find myself telling my story of how something similar happened to me. I need to let the conversation focus on the other person, or something we have in common.

It is so hard to open up if we think everything we say will be used against us later. Too many people do this, maybe because they are afraid you will do it first, I don't know.

At least I know I can talk to you guys and feel better.
post #32 of 86
I don't have any really close friends, either. I have always felt like the Simon & Garfunkel song, "I am a Rock, I am an Island. All alone. My closest friend is my cat, Snoopy. I have aquaintances, but no real friends. I've tried, but I don't think I know how to relate to other people all that well.

I sometimes think I spend too much time on the computer, for one thing, but I didn't have a lot of friends even before the computer.

Dragonlady, I noticed that you live in California as well, but you probably live in Northern California. I'm not familiar with Citrus Heights.
post #33 of 86
Since my divorce(other half never let me go anywhere or have friends)
I've been a bit on the shy side and am not really good at making friends. I do have one friend that I can call to do stuff but I find it hard to just open up and tell her how I feel cause I'm afraid she will think of me as a silly person. So she is my friend/aquaintence.
There is another lady that I had a falling out with when we lived together a long time ago(before I met the a** that I stupidly married and thankfully divorced) but it seems recently we have been seeing more and more of each other since we share the same circle of people(my s/o's friends mostly he has lots of them!) at first it was ackward to see her again, but it seems like more and more we are talking and my s/o and I were even invited to her party a couple of days ago. I was pretty floored because I never thought we'd get together like that again! I dont' know, it's still really weird but I think we might be forming(at least a little)a small bond again. but what do I know? like I said, I'm not good at making friends. We moved all over the place when I was younger(preacher for a father) so after the first move, i shut down and whenever someone came into my life, I'd close them out so I wasn't hurt again when we moved. and my marriage didnt' help either, but I guess now since I'm free of him and have an especially outgoing man now, I'm having to do more things and maybe find out how to make friends again??? who knows?
post #34 of 86
Thread Starter 
HopeHacker I live just outside of Sacramento. It is quite a drive from here to there. However half way is only 4 hours away Perhaps we can get some of us together around Fresno for a lunch/dinner get together?


I know what it is like to be kept from your friends by a jerk of a husband. My first was like that. Keep in touch with your old/new friend it sounds like things ae going better there.

Keep on trying to meet folks. I know you will be glad you did.

Maybe we should all invite our neighbors to a bar-b-que/pot luck as an ice breaker. Have a list of subjects ready in case your mind goes blank. Bob Hope comes to mind as a topic.
post #35 of 86
I don't have many "real life" friends either. Or maybe I should say, I don't have many friends that live in the same area I do. I have one good friend here in Denver, but it's difficult for us to get together and do stuff because she has two kids and her husband is on call about every other weekend, so he can't go out. I've always found it difficult to make friends in real life, but the ones I do have are very good friends.

I really don't have much time to go seeking out friends. I work 40+ hours a week, and now I work on Save Samoa, Stray Pet Advocacy, and I'm trying to start my little graphics venture on the side. And I have to take care of hubby so he can maintain his image (darn Gemini! ) as the cool DJ and radio producer, and apparently in that world I'm just "the wife." So in reality, he doesn't do much for my social life.

This site has really opened up a whole new world for me. I have made more than a few true friends here, and I value these friendships as much as any "real life" ones. Just because we haven't met face to face doesn't mean that you guys are any less real to me, that I care any less about you than someone I can sit down and have a cup of coffee or a rum & diet coke with. I'm very grateful for everyone here, because this is by far the best all around group of people I have ever had the honor of meeting.
post #36 of 86
Looks like you're definitely not the only one!

When I moved to this city I worked 3 part-time jobs, including every night and every weekend. Not a great way to build a social life, especially if you're an introvert. Then I ended up living with a man who turned out to be extremely posessive - he freaked out every time I even talked on the phone with someone - that sure didn't help, plus for some reason I've always gotten along better with men than with other women.

After I got away from him I made a few acquaintances at work, but since I worked such terrible hours I could never go out. Also I'm allergic to tobacco, so clubs are out, and my "friends" got tired of me turning them down when they wanted me to go to clubs with them. I'll probably get flamed for saying this (ducking) but I love to dance & listen to live bands, so I really wish that smoking would be banned in clubs!

Then I met my husband, who is absolutely my best friend in the world. He's an introvert like me, so we do well together. We spend a lot of time hiking and walking together. We have a few mutual friends and do OK, but I still wish I knew how to warm up to people more & meet people.
post #37 of 86
Thread Starter 
I quit smoking 7 years ago and hate to even smell the stuff. I almost walked out of a comedy club as the Comedian lit up during his routine. We were in the back, but he was right under the intake for the A/C Bleah and Hubby has asthma!

This guy had his wife and kid there too! The little girl was a cute 18 month old.

Hope you try the Bar-B-Que/Pot luck thing as it helps to start with getting people together!
post #38 of 86
Wow...what an interesting thread! I guess I'm not alone even though I thought I was the only one who didn't have many "real" friends. It's not a trust issue with me, it's just the fact that I don't have a real active social life. I have a few close friends, but they all live an hour or more away from me. Plus, they have lives too and I hate bugging them all the time to do sometime with me. In highschool & in college I had lots of friends, but as we all grew older we went our separate ways. I lost a lot of friends when I broke off my engagement back in 1999. They were all his friends to begin with and they took his side. It hurt me SO MUCH to lose almost all of my friends. Now looking back, I realize that they really weren't friends because if they were they wouldn't have turned their backs on me.

It sucks being alone! Just last week my boss Brandon and I were chatting about our weekend plans. I told him I'd be at home hanging out with the family and the animals. He called me a Hermit! He just doesn't understand that I'm not a social butterfly and that I don't have friends galore.

I'm just glad that I found this place. I've spilled my heart to people on this site...I've shared things that even my closest friends don't know. I cherish the great friends that I've made on TCS...I wish I could meet each and every one of you! I definitely think I'm closer to people on here than I am with my "real" friends.

Anyone near Nebraska? I'd love to meet fellow members...maybe I'll hit the lotto and we'll have a BIG convention!
Once again, thank you all for being so good to me...I love you guys!
post #39 of 86
Thread Starter 
Oh I almost forgot to get a lottery ticket!
post #40 of 86
u know guys, if i could just save up enough cash to go over to anywhere anyone of u stay, i would really wish to meet up with u ppl... u guys are just as real as anybody..just like friends who stay a few hundred miles away...
post #41 of 86
No fair....
I live on the other side of the world....!
post #42 of 86
I know it's a long shot, but if any of you guys happen to come to Nebraska...let me know! You can crash at my place!! But the chances of any of you coming to Nebraska is pretty slim...not much exciting things here for travelers or tourists, unless you'd like to see ALOT OF CORN!

Honestly though, get a hold of me if any of you happen to come to Nebraska.
post #43 of 86
What Shell said - anyone is welcome to come and visit here in the mountains of western north carolina - theres a lot to see here!!!! Seriously, you are invited!
post #44 of 86
yzma, u and me stay pretty close compared to them in the states...
post #45 of 86
well Dragonlady you can call me your friend, if you need to share something just pm a message to me, i usally dont have a problem getting to know people, i love to talk,never meet a stranger, and as for friends, i have a few, my best friend, besides my husband is my sister, we are very close, and btw i graduated in 1977 also. i feel a friendship with people here they are so nice, some of them you can just see and feel their personality on the board.
post #46 of 86
Thread Starter 
You guys are the greatest! If we ever travel I may take you up on the offer to put us up. Do you have room for 5 ?!?!?!?
post #47 of 86
I'll MAKE room!
post #48 of 86
Dear Teresa and all of you in the same boat! I worked 35 years, retired, re-did my home for 2 years then "What Do I Do Now"!
A friend asked me to join the Womens Club and it was a lifesaver, as my husband died suddeny at 55 yrs old in 1999. I worked in the women's club and found it so much fun to be in charge of two Fashion Shows each year and entertainment. I have now been nailed for Pesident, last year this coming year. I must admit, I have really learned to deal with all sorts of women and I love being President. I found I'm a good leader. I don't do anything else except love my Mom and eight furrpurrsons very much. Just TV and Computer. I won't drive the freeways to get very far from home. I love being in here with you-all and hope to call you my "friends in the little square box". Oh by the way, I'm MOM TO TYBALT!! No, I didn't teach him to talk that way, he is just talented and educated and very psychic, not to mention drop dead gorgeous. (O he's gonna kill me LOL). Also dear to my heart is MOM OF 15 CATS (My Hero).LOL Thanks for listening - I'll be around to gab anytime! Barb
post #49 of 86
RHbarb is Tybalt'S Mom? How cool is that?
post #50 of 86
OH MY GAWD - HE GOT ME! I'm just a little older than that picture now! But - not to far off! LOL
post #51 of 86
I just joined here as you can see...so as for friends here, not yet.

After reading this post, I somehow how felt a little better about not having many friends also. I'm not alone!!!!! I use to have a lot....my ex-husband got to the point he wanted me to put up office hours...for my friends.

But times have changed, we moved to a small town, knowing no one and now we are divoriced. So here I am in a town where I know no one, my old friends gone or else I cut them off because of the divorce. (long story...lets just say they got involved to much in my divorce) Anyway I have a animal rescue here at my home, so I don't get out much to meet people. Those I do meet are just animal calls...come get the animal...thanks....and by, is about it. It seem the older I get the harder it is to make new friends, maybe its me, who knows. But it would be nice to be able to call someone and just chat/vent/cry...whatever.

I did thanks to my X meet a man. The X husband broke into my home and cleaned the house out, so in having to replace things....I meet a man. 18 years my younger....that was a little odd for me at first....but I love him to death. He's my new husband now, 4 years. So I am lucky that I do have him...my best friend.

But no you are not the only one.....and thanks for reminding me that I'm not alone on this.
post #52 of 86
I was sad to see the google adds at the bottom were on depression.

I think I have some very good friends here that I PM nearly every day and talk to on email , there are also alot of people here that have touched my heart but we don't have such a close relation ship, alot of people here dislike me and that's fine, I wont go into detail. I come on here every day I get the chance and just chat to you guys, I wont be leaving here anytime soon.
This thread has really touched me in a way so emotional that I was reduced to tears, Please nobody think that you don't have any friends, if I lived closer I would be more than happy to socialise with you and be your offline friend but seeing as I live on a tiny little island with only my cats for company lol it's not possible so it's "online" friends we stay for now.

May god be with you-
post #53 of 86
Are Tybalt & Mom Of 10 cats In a relationship? I have been eager to know this for ages.....
post #54 of 86

I feel is one of the main keys in a relationship wether two people are just friends or more than friends. I have a lot of trust and there have ben situations where I feel I have been "used" my close friends say I'm too nice and shouldn't let people take advantage of me.

People at school call me fat and that really lets down my trust barrior - call me names and I no longer trust you, people say you're not fat .. etc etc and say just forget it but that's something I can't forgive.
post #55 of 86
This whole thread reminds me of a quote from the movie, "You've Got Mail." Here it is:

KATHLEEN: Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, not small, but circumscribed. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around?

I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So goodnight, dear void.
post #56 of 86
RHBarb - you are BEAUTIFUL!!
Now we need to see a pic of Sue and Tybalt!
post #57 of 86
Here I am!
post #58 of 86
Great pictures you guys..Now let's see you all behind the masks....ya have one together possibly??
post #59 of 86
LOL Kathy!

I don't have any unmasked photos of me. I don't like to have my picture taken, actually. And we don't have any pics of us together!
post #60 of 86
I guess, too, it's a matter of whether you're OK with having a couple of good friends or you'd like more. I'm very much a hermit - I'm lucky to leave the house once in a week. I'm not very good with people and don't actually have any friends. I probably prefer it that way, though so it's OK. I know it's not a 'normal' or ideal way to live but it makes my life a bit easier. LOL

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