It's Over

i am so sorry..sending lotsa positive vibes your way

you made the best and most difficult decision you could have made. surround yourself with your friends and family to help you through it all, things will get better.

I'm so sorry to hear this

From your previous posts things sounded like magic between the 2 of you.

I don't have access to the private forum as I'm not a member so I don't know if he changed after the wedding or if you were just blind with love to what was an existing problem before you married him and hoped that he would change. I do know that marriage sometimes brings out the worst in some people because that little piece of paper seems to give them a sense of ownership or entitlement.

Whatever the cause or the reason, if you aren't happy, then it's time to get out. Good for you for recognizing that. Way too many women (and men) stay in bad relationships out of insecurity and neediness to be with someone, even if that person and relationship is toxic to us and our well-being.

If you need to talk to someone, feel free to PM me. You said that you aren't "what he wants". I don't know what that means in your case, but I was in a relationship with a guy that I was absolutely crazy about who despite claiming he loved me too and wanted to marry me, after 18 months together he tells me that he had a "love-hate relationship" with me. Basically he loved my soul and personality, but he hated my exterior packaging. IE: I wasn't model thin and he decided that he wanted his wife to be a show piece on his arm. In the end we broke up because he found his "model" and they married within 7 months of meeting one another and had a baby a year later. Last year he contacted me. He said he and his wife were separated and a divorce was in the process. He said he made a mistake in letting me go and didn't realize it until it was too late. As much as I still love him to this day, and I always will, I told him that I had moved on, and that he should to. I knew in my heart that nothing would be different. I'm 8 years older, still not the model-type that he was searching for and I haven't forgotten the hurt that he caused me.

Anyway, if you need to talk to someone who can understand a little of what you are going through, feel free to contact me.

Oh Nikki I am so sorry to hear this. You will be held close in my thoughts and prayers.

I`m so sorry it over between you two But from what you`ve said here and in the PL you deserve much, much better

I really hope you can still have some happiness over the holidays.

Thanks for the kind responses everyone.

I just wanted to updated that I did in fact get an apartment today, and they were great- i have the keys already and everything. I can move in whenever i want, but i'm planning to start on Friday probably after Christmas. in the mean time i'm staying at my sister's house and going back and forth to check on my animals. He leaves to go out of town in the morning, so i'm planning to move while he's gone. He was not so nice today, but he at least did cover my apartment so i'm greatful for that at least i guess....i'd rather have my husband love me though but that's not the case right now. I'm just going to try and make the best out of it.

It's a 6 month lease, I guess we're going to just seperate for a few months and see where we go from there...maybe we'll get divorced, maybe we'll work it out. Eithor way i think we both need to go to counseling, but we'll see if he's willing to go now. We tried once and he didn't react well, so i dunno, we're going to try individual for a while. I just need to be away from him right now and all the negativity.

I won't have internet at the apartment for a while (got some other things I need to worry about financially for a while, so i'll try to get on as often as i can at my sister's house to update.)

Nikki, I'm so sorry to hear this. Take things one step at a time for now. If you need anything, feel free to PM me. Many vibes to you for strength and happiness

Originally Posted by yam102284

Nikki, I'm so sorry to hear this.

Take things one step at a time for now. If you need anything, feel free to PM me.

Many vibes to you for strength and happiness

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Thankyou I appreciate that. (Same to all of you who replied, sorry I didn't respond to everyone individually.) I'm not on my pc, i'm using my sister's at her house while i'm staying here. DH leaves tomorrow morning so i'm planning to go back tomrorow night and maybe move a few things into the new apartment tomrorow after Christmas dinner and then on Friday I'll do more.

The nice thing (and I'm REALLY trying to think on the positive side right now so I don't get depressed) about the apartment is that I can paint and do ANYTHING I want pretty much- so long as I paint it back before i move out....so that's nice, i'll at least be allowed to personalize it a little.

I'll try to get some pictures of it if I can so you guys can see maybe once I get things situated. Please just keep me in your prayers if you can. i've never lived alone before so this is just going to be difficult but hopefully i'll be ok.

Originally Posted by laureen227

you might just find that you like it, living alone. i know i'd prefer it to living w/someone i don't get along with. i've lived along for 25 years, now - i have my furbabies, plus the internet, books, tv - i can keep myself busy!
decorating will help a lot initially - lots of work to do, great rewards! glad you can paint - none of my apartments would ever let me do that...

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I'm honestly a little terrified at the thought of being alone But maybe it'll be ok. I think that what makes matters worse is that I can't take my dogs with me and i've never been alone and i've never not had a dog with me so that to me is just crushing.

I'm planning to at least think about getting another dog soon just to try and make things a little better for me, but we'll see. I just don't know what to think...part of me is a little excited at the thought of being able to have my own place and be away from all the negativity and bad things, but part of me knows i'm going to miss him (well, who he used to be anyways), our home we made together, and my dogs that and i'm social, i don't like being alone....so i dunno.

I'm also not going to have internet for a while there because I need to take care of some of other finanical things and secure a second job so it'll stink not being able to get on TCS at all for a while. (I'll try and get on as often as I can when I visit my sister's house.)

Nikki, i always tell people, as long as you have family and good friends your never alone.

One of my friends finally left her loveless marriage after 30 years 4 months ago. She was scared because she was having to make the big move on her own after being with someone for such a long time, but now she wishes she had done it sooner.

I was in my forties before I lived alone for the first time. Once I got used to it, which really didn't take that long, I liked it. I sometimes think maybe I like it a little too much. Counseling for yourself, even if he won't go, is a great idea. When you get right down to it the only person we can change is ourselves.

I am truly sorry to hear about what happened. To says it's rough for you now would be a gross understatement, but I think you did the right thing. You now need to worry about yourself. I was once involved for 2 years with a man, whom I loved so much, and thought I would be married to (he did propose 3 times). He was Prince Charming most of the time, but had undercurrents of nastiness--emotional and verbal (I think he didn't see it as being abusive, as he never used profanity then). It took 2 years to get to the point of a meltdown, with a bit of physical abuse one night, when I was visiting him in his state (700 miles from my home). I felt trapped in his house, nowhere to go (the train didn't leave until late the next night), and I was a bit scared. It was so awful--I loved him, but knew I had to save myself, and end the relationship THEN. Even though you know it's the right thing to do for yourself, it still hurts to end the relationship.

I am so glad you had the strength to leave. Take care of yourself, and keep us posted, please????

I know this may sound callous to say right now, but I mean it nicely, woman-to-woman: things WILL get better for you on your own. You will find true happiness in the future. The right man is out there somewhere, and you'll probably meet him when you least expect it. Of course, you probably aren't concerned with this right now, but this piece of advice is for you to remember when things settle a bit in your life, and it may seem as if there's nobody out there for you. And, if you're not interested in a future relationship, you can still be content and happy in life, too!

I used my bad relationship as a yardstick to measure future ones. When I look back, I can't believe I was willing to accept that other guy! I finally met my soulmate (though we do have problems once in awhile; and you poor guys here end up hearing about them! ) when I had decided I was not interested in finding anyone. I compare Dh to the jerk, and like I said, it's like night and day--what WAS I thinking with the other one???

I know 2009 will be so much better for you! It's a rotten way to start it, though, isn't it???

Sending mega-vibes your way:

Thankyou everyone again for helping keep my spirits up a little. I really do appreciate all of the support

Today my family and I are going to have some Christmas lunch around 3:00 and then after that they're going to help me move a few things in tonight and the rest of the weekend. Everyone here has been really sweet and supportive so that helps a lot. I know it's gonna be hard but i'm sort of looking foward to a little bit of a fresh start in a while....i won't have to come home everyday to someone who doesn't seem to love me right now so i mean at least maybe i can feel a little better in that sense.I wish things were different, this isn't what I wanted at all, especially not right now...but I know God has a plan so I'm just going to try and be positive a little about everything.

I'm so glad you have such a good, loving family, Nikki. It's all going to work out right... whatever "right" turns out to be. I dearly hope you have a happy Christmas in spite of it all!

This is the floor plan of my apartment. http://www.heritageproperties.com/fo...oup=QUAILRIDGE (It's actually flipped around)

Originally Posted by laureen227

so, it's a 2bdr/2bath? that's plenty of room! the cats can have their own bedroom & bathroom [you can put the litterboxes in those]. very nice! almost as large as my house, too.

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Yea it is, it's the only thing they had available right now (they didn't have any 1 bedrooms left). Not only that but the 2 bedroom 2 bath in this complex is almost $200 less than the 1 bedroom tinsy place in the apartment across the street that! I love the new apartment...I know it'll be weird going from a house to an apartment, but this one is pretty big and spacious so I won't get claustrophobic at all. They had a special going on too so it was even less so that helps.

Originally Posted by StarryEyedTiGeR

Yea it is, it's the only thing they had available right now (they didn't have any 1 bedrooms left). Not only that but the 2 bedroom 2 bath in this complex is almost $200 less than the 1 bedroom tinsy place in the apartment across the street that! I love the new apartment...I know it'll be weird going from a house to an apartment, but this one is pretty big and spacious so I won't get claustrophobic at all. They had a special going on too so it was even less so that helps.

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Merry Christmas, Nikki!

I never lived on my own, without roommates or DH. I sometimes think that I would have liked to live on my own.

I hope things work out for you soon.

I'm so sorry...Hugs being sent your way!!! :hug: