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Can I ask for some good vibes, please?

post #1 of 25
Thread Starter 
Some of you might have read my ranting thread from last week. Thank you everyone for your sincere replies, emails and PM's. It really means a lot to me! You helped more than you could ever know!

Here's a short update on whats happening. My Dad came home this weekend and we had a chat. We both agreed that we are hot tempered at times with each other and we both said things that we regret. He also admitted that he has a problem with drinking and he is thinking about seeing a Doctor for depression. I tried to explain to him the alchol is a depressant and medication will not help if he still plans on drinking. He still drank this weekend, but it was a lot less than usual. I was proud of him for trying at least. It also looks like I'm not going to be kicked out of the house anytime soon. He understands that I can not afford to move out right now and he knows that I am trying to save up the money to do so. BTW, we were afraid of him losing his job over the accident, but luckily he is still employed! Mom and Dad are both very happy over that!

Now...the next issue...My BF. He finally called me on Thursday and we had a short chat. I told him that I didn't think our relationship was the same as before and I was tired of waiting for him to move me out there. We've been together for 3 1/2 years and the entire time he has promised me that I'd move out there as soon as possible. It always seems like there is an excuse and frankly I'm tired of the excuses. He said that he wanted to me to think about all of this and he would call me on Tuesday to hear my final answer. I've been a nervous wreck about it! I love him and I've invested a lot of time, energy and love for it all to be wasted. BUT...if I don't see a future with him, there will only be more wasted time, energy and love. I want to be strong and tell him like it is...but I feel so weak. He is such a smooth talker and always knows what to say to sucker me back into it all. He's done this once before (almost a year ago) and it broke my heart terribly. I do not want to go through that pain again...but I know that it is for the best.

Will all of you please send some good vibes my way? I'm really going to need it! Thank you all for listening to me rant once again...You all are such great listeners ( you have a choice?*LOL*)!
Thank you once again!
post #2 of 25
Shell I don't have any great advice for you but I will definitely be thinking about you and wishing you many good vibes to help you through both of these difficult situations!
post #3 of 25
Hang in there Hon,good postive vibs coming your way!
post #4 of 25
You deserve the very best! THE ONE is out there! Just take your time and don't settle for anything less than the best!
post #5 of 25
Good vibes coming from PA!
post #6 of 25
Thread Starter 
Thanks Guys...You all are so sweet!
post #7 of 25
Michelle, i hope and pray all is well with you, and all is well with your family relationships.

Take care of you Michelle, and hugs and kisses for your furbabies!

post #8 of 25
Whatever happens with both situations I'm here sending you positive thoughts from Iowa!
post #9 of 25
Your tuff, and whatever happens do whats best for u. Afterall your the important person in your life.
post #10 of 25
Shell, I'm so glad you had that talk with your Dad. I'm really glad he listened to your concerns about his drinking.

About your boyfriend, don't stay in a situation just because it's comfortable, especially if it's not comfortable anymore. You are strong, and no matter what happens it wasn't wasted time. It helped to shape you as a person, taught you things about yourself and other people. Maybe it's time to move on, maybe not - that is your decision. No matter what your decision, stick to it. You are strong, and it is YOUR life!

And yes, we do have the choice to listen or not. We don't have to read the thread and reply, we do it because we care about YOU!
post #11 of 25
I hope you sort things out with your boyfriend - one way or another. Just because you've invested 3.5 years in the relationship is not a reason to go on. I'm not saying you should leave him - only that this wouldn't be the right reason to stay. You're a wonderful beautiful woman - don't let anyone trap you in a relationship you don't feel comfortable in.
post #12 of 25
Shell, you have done amazing things, tackling the issues with your dad and your boyfriend like this. It sounds like the love you and your dad have for each other will really help you get through this. It will be hard work, but you have made the most important first step, and both admitted your own contribution to the fight. He will need your support and strength to beat this, and you are a wonderful daughter to work through this with him.

And all I can say about the boyfriend is, you deserve to choose the life you want. If he truly loves you, he will do what is best for you. And you also have to do what is best for you and for the relationship. Sometimes that means realizing that it has run its course, and its time for both of you to move on.

I just suspect that its very easy for him to just carry on the way you are - long distance, no big demands, no committment. And that is not a reason to stick together. You can still love him, and decide that its best for both of you to move on.
post #13 of 25
+++Vibes going your way!!!
post #14 of 25
Good vibes going your way hon.

It's important that you make YOU happy, and do whats right for you. You're a great lady and very pretty! I wish I had HALF of your looks! Keep your head up and remember that you're a great person and deserve the best
post #15 of 25
I'm also glad you talked with your dad, and that he's willing to try to tackle his problem.

If you don't see a future with your b/f, you should stay strong and end it, if that's what you want to do.

Heidi is right, we can choose not to listen to your rants. We don't because we want to support you through a rough time in your life.
post #16 of 25
Thread Starter's been 10 minutes since I spoke to Bill and it's a bit hard for me right now. We both talked it over and we came to terms with our relationship. It's over. In way he seemed a bit cold about it, but I understand that he was calling me from work and it wasn't the best time to talk about it. He told me that it is time for him to make some new life decisions and time for him to "Sh** or get off the pot". We agreed that we would stay friends and would occasionally chat with one another. But right now, we both need time to ourselves. We both have too much going on in our lives and it's not fair to one another. I do have to say that I'm taking this better than what I thought I would. It is definitely going to suck, but I know it is the right thing to do. I just need to remember that part during the hard times.
Thank you everyone for your loving support and encouragement. It means so very much to me!
post #17 of 25
Oh sweetie....I just now read this. You are in my thoughts and deserve so much are such a wonderful caring person and you will find someone who loves you so very very much, I just know it. We are all here for you!!!!
post #18 of 25
Oh Shell -

You're such an incredible person - hang in there! THIS is the hard part!!!! You've just made so many strides in your relationship with yourself and with your Dad... you may not feel like you're in a happy place in your life right now, but you're doing what's right for you even though it doesn't feel good (yet).

I left my ex-hubby three times before it "took." I invested 9 years from the time we started dating to when I left. And none of it was wasted. All I went through was so important to who I am now, and how I am in my relationship with Gary. There were some difficult lessons and painful times... and when I did leave, I felt an emptiness even though I wasn't really in love with him. You know in your heart there is a big difference between comfortable and fulfilling. It is at times like these that it is so important to follow your heart, not your head.

post #19 of 25
OMG--I just read this, and I want to tell you that you are a LOT stronger than you think you are. It takes a strong person, to REALLY look at their life, and assess what REALLY needs to change, and how to go about it. You will surely, be sad and have some rough days ahead. But you KNOW in your heart, that you really do deserve a relationship, where both of you can be there for each other, and not just marginally involved. As far as your Dad, I do hope he is able to get an antidepressant. With substance abuse, his "drug of choice" is alchohol. The pain is already there--and he is "self-medicating"... And you are so right. Alchohol in itself, is a depressant. So, I do hope he does go see his Doctor--the sooner, the better. I wish you strength and comfort in these difficult days... --And like poster; valanhb wrote, "we do have a choice..." and we chose to listen
post #20 of 25
Sending you big ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))! I'm glad your dad agreed with you that he has a problem. I hope he is able to see a doctor and get some help soon. I'm also happy to hear that he didn't lose his job (my dad is a truck driver too, and I know that any accident is serious).

As for your ex., well it took a lot of guts to make a decision and not let things continue just because it was more comfortable. You're so smart and loving and wonderful, I just know you'll find the love you're looking for. And when you do it will be incredible and worth the wait. I know it will be hard for a while, breakups are never easy even when it's for the right reason. We're all here for you!

Lots of love
post #21 of 25
Shell - I am here for you whenever you feel the need to talk, vent, scream and/or cry! You are a strong woman and everything will turn out ok!
post #22 of 25 are you doing? If you have posted it in another thread I am sorry, I haven't read very many threads yet. I have been thinking about you today.
post #23 of 25
Thread Starter 
Things have been going pretty good the past few days. Bill called the other night trying to manipulate me into getting back together. He just doesn't make sense at times! He agreed that things were not going good for us, but yet he still wants me. I feel that if he can't give me what I think I deserve (a stable relationship), then I can not be with him. I can not go through those ups and downs every few months. My heart has been broken enough by him already and I can not put myself through that again. He just gives me empty promises and excuses...he "knows" that I'll be 100% faithful to him and give him support not matter what. Well...I'm not gonna do it!

I'm actually looking forward to this weekend! I'm going out with some friends for a bachlorette party and I'm ready to cut loose. When I was with Bill, I rarely went out (maybe once every 2 months I go out on a Friday night). If I did go out, he wanted to know every detail. Then he'd accused me of flirting with guys and how guys are probably asking me out. Sorry, but that's not the case. I never put myself in that kind of situation because I was completely faithful to him and our relationship. Well girls...I'm breaking outta this shell (sorry for the pun!)!! I'm gonna get too wild and crazy...just a little!
Thanks Debby for the thoughts! You're such a sweetie!
post #24 of 25
Don't settle for less than you deserve...and you deserve better than what you are getting from Bill in my opinion. I hope you have a GREAT time with your friends!!! I wish I could go too!!!!!
post #25 of 25
GOOD VIBES coming from the Capital of New Zealand
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