My cat Vs. Girlfriend

Originally Posted by Rianna

You shouldn't pick your cat over your girlfriend if you really love her.
... just like you shouldn't pick your girlfriend over your cat.

It might not be the easiest transition, but it's possible. My cat Jazz HATED all my boyfriends. If I were to sit down next to my boyfriend, Jazz would sit in the middle and glare at him. If he slept over, Jazz (who always slept on my pillow) would walk on him and hit him with his tail as he passed. They eventually leaned to deal with each other. When I had to put Jazz down 6 months ago, my boyfriend cried pretty hard.

Solution? Accept it might not ever be 100% perfect. Your girlfriend may never be crazy about your cat... and your cat may never be crazy about your girlfriend.... but as long as they both have you to love them, then they'll be okay.

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I agree completely with you. I'm not a big fan of "get rid of the cat or get rid of the boy/girlfriend" talk. There is often more than one solution to a problem and if both parties are willing to put in the effort, then it doesn't have to be a "do or die" situation. It's called tolerance and understanding.

I do think that everyone can learn to live with one another, my dad was never a big fan of cats when he married my mom. He never really got attached, until about four years ago, when I brought home a siamese kitten, who we named Zorro. He has now absolutely fallen for this cat, they are best buddies and he is the only one Zorro with sleep with for any length of time

I think that though it may take some time, if your girlfriend is willing to give your cat a try, and if you really love each other, things will work out

How can you hate cats? Like actually hate them?… that doesnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t make sense… thatâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s messed up. I donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t get that… I can get a person not caring much to own one because of responsibility, or not being around them in life much so they donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t totally love cats, but hate? Sheesh… thatâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s weird in my mind. I agree that anyone who hates, or strongly dislikes cats might have issues. I just donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t get hating any living thing. I would say the same thing to some who said they hate dogs, or babies… thatâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s just odd to me.

Anyway, your cat hates her because she hates the cat. Plain and simple. My old dog was really friendly, but she knew who was bad and who wasnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t, or who didnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t like her and who did. I never interfered with her emotions. If she didnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t like someone, I learned on multiple occasions that eventually I didnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t like him or her either.

Please donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t get rid of your cat for your girlfriend. My boyfriend wasnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t fond of animals, yet we now have 2 cats and a dog that he babies like crazy. I told him I wouldnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t move in with him unless we were able to have animals and he agreed. Thatâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s how much my boyfriend loves me, and thatâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s one reason why I love him so much. He didnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t want pets, yet because he loved and respected my passions he made a sacrifice. This is something you need to talk about with her.

Also, please be careful. Like I said I had a dog that had her own opinions of people. One person she hated was the first guy I lived with. I thought she was just jealous because this boyfriend was amazing in every way possible. Anyway it turned out when I wasnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t looking he would kick her, and chase her around growling and staring her down to the point where she would pee. This is a guy who was so sweet, romantic, and handsome, did anything for me. I was shocked, and he did it a lot. The day I caught him was the day we broke up, after 2 years of dating. He said he hated dogs, but would just ignore mine for me… ya right.

As an added note. I am not a big fan of picking either pets or boyfriends. I would discuss it with her and make sure she knows you are not picking, and you cat has a forever home with you… I still just donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t get the whole hate part… how can you hate something living and defenseless?

I can understand someone saying they hate cats (or whatever). I have a very good friend who rarely comes to my house because she is terrified of cats. She was attacked by a cat when she was a young child and has this horrible fear of them ever since. She has had birds as pets and likes dogs, but she is just extremely uncomfortable around cats. I would imagine it would be like having a rape victim left alone with a suspected rapist - not a pleasant experience I would imagine. As my old dad used to say, don't judge someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. I think your girlfriend may have had a bad experience with cats in her earlier years and that fear/distrust is contributing to your situation. Talking openly is the best thing you can do in any relationship and that's what the two of you probably need to do.

Does she hate cats? Or is afraid of cats? I might have missed something since I scrolled through the posts fast. I understand being afraid, but not hating. Hate is just not nice, fear is normal. I have my fears, like bugs. I scream like a maniac and run around stupidly, believe it or not I have cried once or twice (maybe more ) if a particularly big bug is on me until my boyfriend comes and rescues me BUT if he kills or mains the bug, he has me to deal with. I am scared, but I donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t hate them.

I agree with talking to her. I am sure if she loves you she will be understanding of your furbaby and tolerate, and maybe even learn to love your cat. I love the stories on this thread of SO's and Hubby's getting converted lol.

Originally Posted by silvionc

Does she hate cats? Or is afraid of cats? I might have missed something since I scrolled through the posts fast. I understand being afraid, but not hating. Hate is just not nice, fear is normal. I have my fears, like bugs. I scream like a maniac and run around stupidly, believe it or not I have cried once or twice (maybe more

) if a particularly big bug is on me until my boyfriend comes and rescues me BUT if he kills or mains the bug, he has me to deal with. I am scared, but I donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t hate them.

I agree with talking to her. I am sure if she loves you she will be understanding of your furbaby and tolerate, and maybe even learn to love your cat. I love the stories on this thread of SO's and Hubby's getting converted lol.

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It's probably just a case of semantics. Just as you "fear" bugs, some people who feel the same way as you may well say they "hate" bugs. Different folks will use different ways to express themselves, i.e., I really don't like escargot and may have been heard to say I "hate" escargot. Often younger people tend to exaggerate issues as well and may say they "hate" something instead of saying they don't like something.

I don't know Ranger. This seems like a huge red flag to me. Take it from me and all of the other people on this board. If it's been 2 years and she still doesn't like your cat... you've had all this time, and I promise you if you let her move in before this is resolved you will regret it greatly. There will be problems and it will get ugly. There isn't even room for speculation here. It's not a good idea. We are all here not to scold you at all but to be your cat buddies and we are all here to look out for what's best for our babies.

I know it seems weird to dump your girlfriend over your cat. But that's just it. Would you put your child up for adoption if he/she didn't get along with your new girlfriend? You wouldn't. You'd dump the girl! People think that cats are less important because... because why? Because they can't talk? Because they can't tell you in plain English how they feel?

I am glad you posted here, no matter what your decision. It shows you have a great love for your cat and I hope the fact that you are even in conflict about this helps you. Go with your gut.

I think your girlfriend is being selfish.

Originally Posted by greenvillegal

I know it seems weird to dump your girlfriend over your cat. But that's just it. Would you put your child up for adoption if he/she didn't get along with your new girlfriend? You wouldn't. You'd dump the girl! People think that cats are less important because... because why? Because they can't talk? Because they can't tell you in plain English how they feel?

I am glad you posted here, no matter what your decision. It shows you have a great love for your cat and I hope the fact that you are even in conflict about this helps you. Go with your gut.

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People who don't like animals are generally not nice people. She may have other good qualities, but for a LTR, not liking the cat should be a deal-breaker. As Greenvillegal said, if you were a single parent and your new girlfriend didn't like your kid, would you send the kid to an orphanage, or to live with relatives? Assuredly not! Alternatively, with a step-parent who didn't like the kid--well, you read Grimm's Fairy Tales when you were young, didn't you?

I'm kind of surprised at all the anti-girlfriend sentiments. Considering we don't don't know much about this girl, I think it's unfair that there is so much insinuation that she's a horrible person because she does not like cats. (of course, on the site it's a sin) Everyone here loves cats and that's why were so quick to defend them. Obviously Ranger is a very dedicated owner so that's why he seeking our advice. I think it's kind of disrespectful that so many are posting negative things about someone he loves.

Honestly, I think the way this will be played out is up to the girlfriend. Ranger should make it clear that the cat is a part of his life that he is not willing to sacrifice it. She will have accept it and tolerate living with the cat if she wants to remain with him. In time, who knows, they may just grow on each other.

Two years and they still haven't grown on each other. I seriously doubt they will now, Rianna.

I stand by my original opinion.....lose her! I guarantee this will cause all kinds of conflict in the future. And like some others have said....people who don't like animals are general weirdos. Heck, I don't even want to associate with these type people, let alone get romantically involved with them.

Originally Posted by greenvillegal

Two years and they still haven't grown on each other. I seriously doubt they will now, Rianna.

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I agree. If he makes it clear that the cat stays and she agrees to move in, I predict that the cat will 'accedentally' get out of the house some time and 'run away', or will 'accidentally' get into something toxic. That's what happens when you make a cat live with someone who hates cats.

It may be a slim chance... but I guess I'm just the eternal optimist. I just wish Ranger the best in this very difficult time.

There is a difference between 'doesn't like' and 'hate', people...

I mayn't like my neighbor's dog running about all the time but I'd never lay down antifreeze for it...

I am newly single and I come with 6 cats. Period. I could not love someone who didn't like my cats.
But obviously there are some qualities about this woman that he likes or he would not be in a quandary. I think the important factor would be why does she not like the cat. Is it this cat mostly but can tolerate even like other cats? Is it fear? I think the reason matters a lot.
He can't go back in time so he is where he is right now. If she is extreme in her cat hate then I would be concerned.
If she was like me, ill informed and horribly allergic then that can be fixed.

When I begin to date I want an animal lover because it is a huge part of my life now. Maybe you need to explain to her how important this truly is to you if you have not already.

I'm a little concerned about all this bashing of people who don't like animals - that they're bad people, weirdos, etc. That's not true. I have family and friends who are NOT animal people ... but they are terrific human beings... they would never HURT an animal, etc., but just don't want one.

That said, if you have a pet and your SO doesn't like them or even "hates" them... that will/could be a real point of conflict if you are living together.

Originally Posted by Rianna

It may be a slim chance... but I guess I'm just the eternal optimist. I just wish Ranger the best in this very difficult time.

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As do I.

Originally Posted by Forensic

There is a difference between 'doesn't like' and 'hate', people...

I mayn't like my neighbor's dog running about all the time but I'd never lay down antifreeze for it...

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Well said.

Originally Posted by AddieBee

I'm a little concerned about all this bashing of people who don't like animals - that they're bad people, weirdos, etc. That's not true. I have family and friends who are NOT animal people ... but they are terrific human beings... they would never HURT an animal, etc., but just don't want one.

That said, if you have a pet and your SO doesn't like them or even "hates" them... that will/could be a real point of conflict if you are living together.

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I agree - some of these responses seem a bit extreme. I also have friends that are not animal people but they wouldn't deliberately hurt an animal and they are wonderful, warm and caring people (or have been to me at least). Whatever the situation, it seems as if we have successfully driven the OP away anyway so it's all a moot point.

Originally Posted by Ranger7489

She hates my cat, and cats and dogs in general. Basicly mose pets.

She has tryed to convince me to get rid of my cat, but i refused.

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I normally donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t bash people. But the quote above was a HUGE red flag to me. If you donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t like animals, then cool, I donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t care. But hating is something totally different. We have all heard stories of the nasty neighbor, or the nasty friend or SO that hated animals, its pretty scary.

Also to hate something so bad that you would try and convince someone you supposedly loved and respected to get rid of it? Not cool IMO. I would not like to date a guy who hated cats nor would I ever date a guy who tried to convince me to get rid of my babies who I love and cherish, my bf needs to respect my passions, not try and eliminate them. Just IMO.

Originally Posted by silvionc

Also to hate something so bad that you would try and convince someone you supposedly loved and respected to get rid of it? Not cool IMO. I would not like to date a guy who hated cats nor would I ever date a guy who tried to convince me to get rid of my babies who I love and cherish, my bf needs to respect my passions, not try and eliminate them. Just IMO.

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Precisely. Love me, love my cat. Hate my cat, hate me.

Ranger you pretty much have it spelled out for you. What are you going to do?