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I feel violated!!

post #1 of 26
Thread Starter 
This morning on the bus journey to work, I was quite happily minding my own business as I usually do, with my headphones on and watching the world go by when a young arabic looking man got into the back row of seats with me. Now, bearing in mind that I was on the back row because I hadn't had much of a choice when I got on - when he got on, he could have had the entire row of seats. He sat at the other end. About three stops later, he sat himself next to me (which I ignored, because the sun was shining on the other end and those busses get really uncomfortably hot). Well he slid closer and closer and closer until I was more or less pressed on the window, then he grabbed my boobs!!! He just grabbed me and ran away!! Apparently it was really funny for him and I wish like anything I'd had the presence of mind to stick my foot out and trip him down all those stairs on his way out of the bus! I feel totally violated! I sent an sms to Rune and he told me I should take it as a compliment! Well, why should I? This is truly creepy, primative, ape-like behaviour and it's intrusive, abusive and not only that, but whoever he does this to has to suffer not only the anger and pain (he grabbed me really hard) and embarrassment the immediate situation causes, but then the indignity of not being able to do anything about it either!!! I'm so MAD right now!! If I report him to the police, they'll think I'm being petty and it's pointless trying to find a man who's long gone.... so where does that leave me?

I'm hoping I actually see him again tomorrow morning. Then I'll twist his balls really hard and see how he likes it
post #2 of 26
I would be totally and completely ticked

I would also inform the police and ring the guy's neck who told you to take it as a compliment.
post #3 of 26
Thread Starter 
well I'm engaged to Rune, I can't really wring his neck - but I did tell him that I wasn't impressed, I mean I'd been grabbed hard enough for it to really hurt. I did get an apology from him though, so that doesn't bother me so much. He didn't realise that I'd been cornered in my seat the way I was - I guess even I could see the funny side if was someone walking by and it having been accidental or whatever.... but this was just so wrong.
post #4 of 26
cause some of the bus have video camera? maybe they can see who it was. If you do see him again, tell him off.

sorry wish i could swing over and beat the snot out of him for you
post #5 of 26
You should have reported it to the police. It's assult and battery, and punishable by a jail term, if convicted.
post #6 of 26
I would have been terribly upset also. Hopefully you might see him again and the results will be different. Hope you are feeling ok.
post #7 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by GailC View Post
I would have been terribly upset also. Hopefully you might see him again and the results will be different. Hope you are feeling ok.
Yes, you are absolutely within your rights to be angry. Chances are you are not the first or only person he has assaulted this way...it may be the thrill of doing it, or it may be that he gets off on upsetting others. Either way this kind of creep often escalates to worse behavior.

I would report it at least to the public transit authorities if not the police. You may find you are only the latest complaint of many.
post #8 of 26
IMO, that was a pretty ignorant comment from your fiance and he should be ashamed of himself for even saying it.

It's too late to do much about the guy if there are no cameras or video.

I would take this as a notice to be more aware of your surroundings as a woman alone on public streets/transit. It's wonderful to be able to listen to ipods and such, but not to the point where you aren't aware of what is really going on until something untoward happens. As soon as the guy started getting closer and closer to me, I would definitely have gotten up and moved to one of those seats you said he had plenty of choices of sitting in when he got on the bus.
post #9 of 26
im offering a hug. i'm really sorry that happend.

ide twist his.... off too
post #10 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pookie-poo View Post
You should have reported it to the police. It's assult and battery, and punishable by a jail term, if convicted.


Report it to the police anyway. He's a masher and he is probably doing this on other buses, etc and needs to be caught if at all possible. Make sure they take it seriously.

EDIT: If I were your BF/fiance, I would want to do what Bruce said, catch him and beat the snot out of him. Would your fiance have had a different reaction if this guy hit you and took your purse? Geez!!! It's no different.
post #11 of 26
What a freak! I would be so !!!! He's sick!

And I'm sorry you had to deal with a such a sick sick man.

Do they have cameras on the bus?
post #12 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pookie-poo View Post
You should have reported it to the police. It's assult and battery, and punishable by a jail term, if convicted.
Exactly! You were physically assaulted, and in some places, it would be considered sexual assault!

And engaged or not, Rune needs some education on this. What if some strange person on a bus grabbed Rune's crotch? As disturbing as that might be to him, it's ten times more so for you, because as a woman, you're probably more private... and you're certainly more vulnerable!

Ask a plainclothes policeman to ride the bus with you until you spot this man again, and have the #&@%! arrested!

________________________

EDIT:

I've never told anyone this before, but maybe I should tell you. Around 1986 or so, Rush (my former SO) and I went to see Kris Kristofferson in Austin. After the show, as we were weaving through the crowd on our way out of the very dim auditorium, a man passing the other direction stuck his hand between my legs for an instant.

I was so stunned that I couldn't react for perhaps three seconds -- and by that time, he was gone in the crowd and the dark. Rush was right beside me, and he didn't even see what had happened... but he realized I'd suddenly gone quiet, and he asked me what was wrong.

Somehow, I felt ashamed that it had happened, so I pretended it hadn't. I said, "Nothing, I'm fine."

But I'm not fine. Twenty-two years later, I'm still embarrassed and angry, and it still makes me cry to think of it. I don't know whether I would feel any better if I'd reported it to the police -- but oh, I wish I had! Maybe some other victims might have also come forward and between us, we might have been able to identify him.

So please, it's not too late for you to do something -- whether you think it can succeed or not, you might feel better 22 years from now if you at least file a report.

I'm so sorry that happened to you.
post #13 of 26
That is out of control, I am so sorry this happened to you Hugs to you also Carol
post #14 of 26
There are some sick and disgusting people out there. Im so so sorry that either of you had to experience this.
post #15 of 26
Its not assault and battery, it IS sexual assault. And you need to not only report it to the transit authority, but to the police. You will probably remember more of his face and clothing than you think you will. But the longer you wait, the more other faces will interfere with your memory.
post #16 of 26
Report it. Even if the police can't do anything this time, if he does it (or worse) again the police may be able to use your evidence to show he is a repeat offender.


A guy recently came up to me in a club and just wouldn't leave me alone. He was obviously very drunk, and just wouldn't take no for an answer. He told me he "didn't fear the police". I had to hit him to get him to go away.
Even though I had managed to make him leave I felt a wave of powerlessness rush through me. I hadn't realised until afterwards how much it had affected me and I started shaking.
He had just been able to come up to me and harass me and it took nearly all my strength to make him go away. I couldn't believe that a person could so easily upset me.
post #17 of 26
I'm sorry that happened to you.

I hate buses for that reason. I've had the same and worse happen to me on public buses.

What he did is assault which is a crime.

You need to report it to the police and give them a description of the guy, so they can put out an APB and arrest the guy.

He grabbed your boob, but what will he do with the next woman? Eventually he will rape someone if he hasn't already.

You really need to report this to the police. It's a serious crime that he committed.

You have every right to feel violated. You were sexually assaulted.
post #18 of 26
Please report this to he police and the transit authority. Chances are you are not the first, and will not be the last unless someone speaks up does something. You should also speak to the bus driver. If it is their regular route, chances are he may know who this person is, even if he does not actually know him.
You will feel violated and powerless unless you do something. You have had a serious crime committed on you, and should be handled as such.
post #19 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bella713 View Post
That is out of control, I am so sorry this happened to you Hugs to you also Carol
Thats so awful, I would have swung my purse at his head

post #20 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by cata_mint View Post
Report it. Even if the police can't do anything this time, if he does it (or worse) again the police may be able to use your evidence to show he is a repeat offender.


I ride public transport on a regular basis, and there certainly are some crazy characters around. Even if you keep your wits about you, things can still happen. I'm so sorry that happened to you.
post #21 of 26
I'd report that to the police and the transport people as well! Report it to the bus company, that way if they have CCTV then it SHOULD show up on that!

(and I do NOT usually swear just so's you knows)
post #22 of 26
I am so sorry this happened to you. This guy is a real creep. I think you should report him. If he gets away with this, He may do worse harm to you or someone else. He had absolutely no right to touch you. He did violate you. I'd like to thump him myself
post #23 of 26
That man is a sexual predator, and did assault you. You are not over-reacting at all, and the police and transit authority should not treat it as such. Crimes like this very often escalate - he likely started as a Peeping Tom or a Flasher. He's moved up to physically violating a woman's space and body. It's very likely he will eventually move up to rape if he isn't stopped in these early stages. It likely wasn't just for a cheap thrill, which would be the only way that Rune (as a well adjusted and NORMAL man would think of grabbing a woman's breast) could comprehend it. It was about his having the power to not only violate you in a sexual way, but also to hurt you emotionally and physically.

Take the power back! Report him to the authorities. I doubt you're the only one he's done this to, and if enough women report it he can be apprehended before he escalates to doing much worse.
post #24 of 26
Thats disgusting. Report him. It is not petty - who knows how many women he has done this to and will do this to - please report him! Get him banned from the buses. That was sexual assault, no doubt. Do not let him have the power over you.

post #25 of 26
Thread Starter 
Thankyou people I have jsut reported it to the bus company and I will be reporting him to the police as well. I hope I get the chance to see him again today (I was bright enough to write a description of him when I got to work yesterday morning) just to either refresh my memory or do him a serious damage! Either one will do!
post #26 of 26
get some mace. or pepper spray.
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