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I am a neutral party in the war between my husband and my cat

post #1 of 23
Thread Starter 
PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE help me.
My cat is a female, husband is a male.
Cat is 9 years old, husband is 26.
My cat is neutered...husband is the opposite of that.
Husband is an engineer, cat is a urine factory.and I am a urine cleaning slave
One of them is fat and furry...Ill let u guess which one.

This is what happens on a nearly daily basis.

My husband leaves one of his possessions on the floor, couch, bed, or other place easily accessible by my cat.

My husband goes to work. I run errands or clean or do art...and try to keep an eye on the cat...but I have obviously failed at this......

My husband comes home and picks up his possession....this has ranged from baseball cap to graduation outfit to business shirt, bookbags, blankets and sheets (usually a garment but not necessarily..always HIS though, never mine.) and finds in doused in the worst smelling pee ever...somehow it smells worse than what ever she puts in the litter box.

Then my husband gets angry and chases her around the house , stomps the floor where she is sitting...picks her up by the scruff of her neck and scolds her like a child...then she gets all submissive and runs and hides and curls up underneath the bookcase..

Then he feels guilty for yelling at her and gives her tuna fish with tuna fish water...the people version ...her favorite.
Then she purrs and he pets her.

Sometimes when he pets her she gets um, well, sexual...she sticks her ass in his face and basically, well. bends over. and "presents" herself. She does not do this when I pet her. Then when he is on the computer, she will go and lay down at his feet and wiggle her body and try to get his attention.

They have a very dysfunctional, emotional blackmail filled, passive aggressive, pain and pleasure sort of hell that I try to stay out of....reminds me too much of one of my X boyfriends..

Coincidentally...she also would pee on that X boyfriends stuff too...infact one time he was on the couch and she hopped up on his lap and peed right on his lap..

Now when I have lived alone, this cat has not peed on anything of mine, except, one incident where she peed on leather boots...but I thought maybe that was because they smelled like a dead animal to her...not to mention my X boyfriend was the one who bought them for me and he had them in his car.....

I am certainly not a clean freak...my underwear is often on the floor for a long enough stretch of time for her to pee, and then some.............so are some of my silk blouses on occasion....so is a authentic lambswool Persian rug from my mom which I was sure she would defile but did not.

I have come to the conclusion that either. She hates men. or has a love hate relationship with men. Or she just thinks that my husband who sweats quite a bit smells groovy and would smell even better with some of her stank on him.

Either way I am looking to end the insanity in this house....I would prefer a solution which does not result in my giving away my cat or my husband.

and all the advice I have read involves spraying citrus smelling stuff or putting foil around, and my husband wants none of that....on his clothing or personage.

All advice though, is of course, very welcomed!!!!!!!!!
post #2 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by gibsongirl View Post
Then my husband gets angry and chases her around the house , stomps the floor where she is sitting...picks her up by the scruff of her neck and scolds her like a child..
First - don't let him do that - it won't accomplish anything with a feline. I'll ask the obvious first, is the litter box clean and do you have at least two or more available?
post #3 of 23
Hi, I so get where you're coming from! May I ask, is there some intrinsic reason why your husband won't pick up his stuff before he leaves home, and put the sicko game to rest? And can you not (if necessary) do it after he leaves to at least save the cat from the horror show? I'm so sorry, don't want to make you the gofer, etc., but someone has to be that cat's hero (as Dr. P. would say!) and unless your husband steps up, you may have to.
post #4 of 23
Just my opinion:

#1 he has to STOP chasing and screaming and stomping his foot. If I were her, I would crrap on his stuff.

#2. he has to PICK UP HIS STUFF!

#3. He has to make nice with her at all times, pay special attention to her.

#4 You must not ignore her when you are cuddling with him. Include her in the couch sitting.

#5 Just guessing, but I bet she is not allowed to sleep with you both. change that.

#6 A companion for her will help, but not if you don't do all of the above.

Your kitty feels neglected when you have a boyfriend. Perhaps you choose men that reject cats, or you are negligent to her when you are "involved".

Either way, she is getting her message across, and it is up to you to hear it. Screaming, spraying with orange, or anything else is not going to change this behavior. The only way it will change is for her to feel totally loved and accepted. Not a dysfunctional, love you one moment and ignore you, or terrorize you the next. No different than raising children.
post #5 of 23
I was also going to ask if she had 2 litter boxes since some cats do not like to pee and poo in the same box.

The other question is, has she been spayed?

Does she use the litter box to pee at all or does she always pee just on his clothing? If she doesn't use the litter to pee, I'd also suggest a vet visit to rule out a UTI.
post #6 of 23
What they all said and is your cat eating good, high quality food?

Usually behavior problems begin with food. If she is eating food with animal digest or meat by-products, she is not getting good food. She is lacking proper nutrition and proper nutrition is needed for proper behavior.
post #7 of 23
Thread Starter 
she eats what she wants which is human quality tuna. we also give her meow mix which she picks through now and then but she prefers tuna...actually she likes the water that comes in the tuna can (chicken of the sea brand) and goes crazy for that. If i eat a turkey sandwich i give her some of that too. She gets what ever she wants. She also eats onions...yup. she likes chives....alot so I got a chive plant that she eats. does not throw it up. She also eats catnip...alot of it. Sometimes I am eating potatoe chips and puts her head in the back and eats one or two of thouse
post #8 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by gailuvscats View Post
Just my opinion:

#1 he has to STOP chasing and screaming and stomping his foot. If I were her, I would crrap on his stuff.

#2. he has to PICK UP HIS STUFF!

#3. He has to make nice with her at all times, pay special attention to her.

#4 You must not ignore her when you are cuddling with him. Include her in the couch sitting.

#5 Just guessing, but I bet she is not allowed to sleep with you both. change that.

#6 A companion for her will help, but not if you don't do all of the above.

Your kitty feels neglected when you have a boyfriend. Perhaps you choose men that reject cats, or you are negligent to her when you are "involved".

Either way, she is getting her message across, and it is up to you to hear it. Screaming, spraying with orange, or anything else is not going to change this behavior. The only way it will change is for her to feel totally loved and accepted. Not a dysfunctional, love you one moment and ignore you, or terrorize you the next. No different than raising children.
I agree completely.


I also think she needs to see the vet to rule out a UTI and you need to stop feeding her junk food, especially the tuna and anything related to onions.
You can do a search on the health and nutrition forum to find a better diet for her.
post #9 of 23
Thread Starter 
just curious, how is tuna junk? I eat tuna and other fish and its good for you. and in the wild cats eat fish too. I know that potatoe chips are junk but she likes it and I dont like to turn her down. She doesnt eat the whole bag!! and she gets plenty of meow mix hairball formula, but I think shes a little bored of it.
post #10 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by gibsongirl View Post
just curious, how is tuna junk? I eat tuna and other fish and its good for you. and in the wild cats eat fish too. I know that potatoe chips are junk but she likes it and I dont like to turn her down. She doesnt eat the whole bag!! and she gets plenty of meow mix hairball formula, but I think shes a little bored of it.

Check out the "Health and Nutrition" forum. There are lots of threads with good info re: food.

Here's a thread from this summer with what food people feed their cats and why:
http://thecatsite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=137404

(FYI: Sharky is considered to be a "resident expert" when it comes to cat foods. If you start a thread in Health & Nutrition or pm her, I'm sure she can give you lots of good info.)
post #11 of 23
Tuna may be great for you, but for cats it can cause yellow fat disease (steatitus).
Onions (and their relatives) cause anemia.
Onions, and related plants, are members of the Lily family, which are known to be toxic to pets.
post #12 of 23
How did all this turn around and become about food? Your cat has a huge problem with your husband, and you're all talking about tunafish. ???
post #13 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosemite View Post
I was also going to ask if she had 2 litter boxes since some cats do not like to pee and poo in the same box.

The other question is, has she been spayed?

Does she use the litter box to pee at all or does she always pee just on his clothing? If she doesn't use the litter to pee, I'd also suggest a vet visit to rule out a UTI.
First off, I want to say welcome to TCS. I think the fact that you've asked for advice means that you do want to work this out in the best way for everyone.

I don't recall seeing answers to these questions above, and I think they're critical. If she's not spayed she is much more likely to pee on things when she's coming into heat.

Less than adequite (for your cat, this can be very individual) litter boxes will encourage activity outside the box.

If the vet says she doesn't have a UTI, then you have to look for a behavioral explanation.

I also have to say that the relationship she's having with your husband is probably confusing and stressful to both. She doesn't get the connection between peeing on his stuff and him yelling, picking her up by the scruff (which can cause permanent damage to an adult cat) and then feeding her tuna...she just knows she can't predict his behavior towards her.

Sometimes when a cat is stressed they will try to mix scents and create a combined one. You'll see this when an owner goes on vacation and the cat pees on the bed. They're scared, confused and they try to reinforce their connection to the owner by marking something that smells heavily of their owner.

BTW, I don't think tuna is poison, but people tuna shouldn't be a major component of her diet.
post #14 of 23
I used to feed my cats unhealthy cheap dry cat food and human tuna before I knew better. In 9 years of her eating this, she developed a bald condition underneath her belly that will never go away. She eats quality canned food now that does not contain garbage.

The food you mention above contains:

Ingredients:
Chicken By-Product Meal, Corn Gluten Meal, Ground Yellow Corn, Brewers Rice, Powdered Cellulose, Beef Tallow Preserved with Mixed Tocopherols (Source of Vitamin E), Soybean oil, Turkey By-Product Meal, Salmon Meal, Fish Meal (Source of Oceanfish Flavor), Brewers Dried Yeast, Gelatin, Calcium Carbonate, Phosphoric Acid, Potassium Chloride, Animal Digest, Yetra Sodium Pyrophosphate, Choline Chloride, Salt, DL-Methionine, Taurine, Zinc Sulfate, Ferrous Sulfate, Citric Acid, L-Alanine, Niacin, Manganese Sulfate, Red 40, Vitamin E Supplement, Tellow 5, Lysine, Blue 2, Copper Sulfate, Calcium Pantothenic, Vitamin A Supplement, Thiamine Mononitrate, Riboflavin Supplement, Pyridoxine Hydrochloride, Vitamin B12 Supplement, Sodium Selenite, Folic Acid, Calcium Iodate, vitamin D3 Supplement, Biotin, Menadione Sodium Bisulfite Complex (Source of Vitamin K Activity).

The chicken by-product meal is not healthy at all. There are better foods out there. Do a search in Health Forum for quality food.

Food has a lot to do with a cat's behavior!

GARBAGE IN, GARBAGE OUT

Forgot to add: My cat has been acting and looking so much more healthy after I switched her food. She is HAPPIER now. She does not attack the other cat anymore, she smiles more, her eyes are brighter, her whiskers are longer and she has more of them (I noticed her whiskers were getting shorter and they were falling out, I thought this happened to a 9 year-old cat). WHAT A DIFFERENCE, I WISH I WERE MORE EDUCATED ON THE SUBJECT 9 YEARS AGO.
post #15 of 23
It was a neutered male. He would pee on aghans, blankets, anything in the bottom of the bedroom closet. I always thought he was confused. A bunched up thing on the floor. Scratch scratch, it's all good. Not good for me or my kids. He seemed to do it more when he had food that contained fish. Dry or wet. He always had urinary tract infections. I'd see if your cat has an infection and then take away all fish flavored foods. That's a lot of foods. And then I would pick up everything off the floor.
post #16 of 23
Thread Starter 
my goodness!

so basically everthing that she craves is bad for her????

this is going to be hard to do because, after a few days of dry food she gets whiney, and stalks me around the house until I give her tuna!!!!!!

why in the world does she want all these bad things???
post #17 of 23
Maybe because you give them to her?

My three rarely, and I mean RARELY get any people food. It's important to me that they stay as healthy as possible for as long as possible.

I wish you the best with her - and definitely suggest that you take her to a vet to rule out a UTI if you haven't already.
post #18 of 23
okay...no comment about tuna but you have to stop being neutral. you need to help foster a friendlier relationship between cat and spouse. My guess is the cat is simply trying to stamp out the smell of your spouse because he isn't all that nice to her.

when you and she are being lovey or having fun, let your husband join in and teach him how to play nice. it'll take time, but it can be done.
post #19 of 23
There are a lot of quality canned foods that will be good for her and I'm sure you can find one she likes

Even the meow mix pouches are decent for a grocery store brand, but the dry is garbage. Do you have access to a pet food store or a petsmart? Lots of threads in the health forum about food.

As for her peeing, definitely take her to the vet. A urinary infection should always be the first thing to rule out when a cat is peeing inappropriately. If she doesn't have one, then you can narrow it down to things going on in the house or with her that might cause the problem.

Tuna isn't "bad" for her, and an occasional treat would be fine, but it doesn't contain taurine and other necessary nutrients that cats must have to survive. Also, too much fish can cause urinary problems.

So, get her vet checked to rule out the URI and get her on a good food. If she still does it, then we can help you figure out why

p.s. Onions can be very toxic to cats. Please don't let her have any more of those. People food in general is bad for her, but an occasional potato chip or bite of cheese won't kill her. You just need to make sure its not part of her regular diet. Keep us posted!
post #20 of 23
Thread Starter 
husband bought her a new litter box and he got her some wet food and played with her on the floor for a good part of the night...

I walked past the two of them and when I tried to join in she turned away from me!!!!

I have noticed that when he is gone, she is all over me. Then he comes home and she is all over him in sexual way. and ignores me. She wiggles on the floor , belly up ....until he gets on the floor and rubs her belly...or she bends over and backs up into him like a dump truck! arches her back when he pets her and does not arch her back when I pet her. at all. She is definitely weird about him and its not just her peeing on his things and leaving mine untouched.....

and we arent going to feed her junk any more but I still am not sure that it is food related....

my mom thinks it is because my husband has a furry chest and she likes to be on it cause she thinks that he is more of an animal and relates to him, better than me...who shaves everything off..

is this crazy thinking or is this a possibility. and is it related to the peeing??
post #21 of 23
He's a guy, she's a girl, do the math! They're very sensual animals and certainly know which gender we are. My M. Coon princess played up to my husband just the same way and only tolerated me for feedings. My male Russian blue wouldn't let my husband near him, but treated me like we were engaged... It's just part of life... we're all animals after all!
post #22 of 23
My girl kitty prefers my husband too , but it's mostly just sitting on his lap all the time, not putting on a display like that (ok a little elevator butt if he scratches above the tail).

Is she spayed? Sounds like there's some hormone activity there.

Hopefully, getting a new litter box and having your husband act more consistently with her will make the difference. The poor thing just didn't understand why sometimes he yelled and picked her up roughly and other times he fed her tuna, so in her anxiety she peed on his stuff.

Also, there are a lot of wet foods out there that have some fish, but are better than the people tuna. Try the meow mix cups, they have a good deal of fish in them, but they're also a complete food for cats.

Sounds like you're heading in the right direction and you genuinely want to fix the situation. Welcome again to TCS!
post #23 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by Larke View Post
How did all this turn around and become about food? Your cat has a huge problem with your husband, and you're all talking about tunafish. ???
I think because part of the problem could very well be the food.

If you aren't giving her cat food she is missing out on nutrients cats need to be healthy. People tuna is fine for a treat occasionally, but it should never be fed as a steady diet. Even people are warned against eating tuna too often because of the mercury levels in our fish these days.

Cats don't eat fish "in the wild". You won't see many cats catching fish in the brooks and streams. Cats usually eat mice or small rodents. My cats actually won't eat ANYTHING with fish in it.

As the other posters have said, all that fish may be the cause of the problem. Try as many good quality wet foods as you can (I actually tried well over 10 before I found the ONLY one my kitties would eat - Merrick). Even then they won't touch any of the Merrick's with fish or seafood in them.

If your cat won't eat a quality wet food but will eat Fancy Feast (kitty crack ) then at least feed a quality dry food to supplement her diet.

As for her sexual behaviour toward your husband, I don't recall if you said she was spayed. If not, I'd definitely get that done - sooner the better.
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