TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › How rude is this??
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

How rude is this?? - Page 2

post #31 of 45
If a member of my family died a few days before the wedding, I wouldn't want to be in the wedding -- I don't think I could handle that many happy, smiling people, and me having to fake being happy and smiling, too. Since I consider my cats a part of my family, the same logic would apply to them. Would I be absolutely devastated about not being in the wedding? Would I feel enormously guilty for the last-minute back-out? Sure. But I wouldn't want my personal grief to bleed into someone else's happiness, and if I knew I couldn't take it, I wouldn't be there. Maybe that's not entirely fair to the bride and groom, but it wouldn't be fair for me to attend and then rain all over their parade, either.

I, too, would ask for the replacement bridesmaid to pay for my dress. What, I'm supposed to just give it to her, when I had to eke out a small fortune for it? The dress for J's sister's wedding, which I'm a bridesmaid in, was $300, not counting the cost of alterations, the shoes, or the jewelry. I just don't have that kind of money -- J's mother actually paid for most of it and I'm gradually paying her back -- and for me to not be in the wedding, I'd essentially be throwing that money away, because it's not like I can wear that dress to anything else (it's far too fancy). I wouldn't be wenchy about it and I'd be understanding if the replacement bridesmaid couldn't pay me back right away (after all, I couldn't), but yes, I would expect reimbursement. (My other thought is, why should the replacement bridesmaid get a free ride? The other bridesmaids had to pay for their stuff. Just because she's a last-minute addition doesn't mean she shouldn't also have to pay. How is that fair to the other girls?)
post #32 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolPetunia View Post
Y'know, my brother is the only person I know of who had a groomsmaid in his wedding!

It was his first marriage, to a wonderful girl who is still a friend of the family. One of my brother's best friends at the time was a woman, so he asked her to be in the wedding! She suffered from a chronic illness that made it hard for her to walk, but by golly, she did it. I was proud of my brother (and the girl he was marrying) for making their wedding about the people who were important in their lives... even though it precluded the standard symmetrical arrangement of beautiful people in perfectly matched dresses and tuxes.
My husband did that. He asked a good friend of his from online. Stacy is a doll, and I was happy to have her in the wedding. She was psyched, too! She rented a tux and everything. It was fun - and it was OUR wedding, so it didn't matter to us that no one else we knew had done it.
post #33 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by fwan View Post
This is a reason why i wouldnt have any bridesmaids for my wedding
I stuck with family only. Since I have a huge family, that was no problem.
post #34 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natalie_ca View Post
I disagree.

Everyone handles grief differently. Some people deal with death "better" than others and can carry on with their life seemingly unaffected. Others fall to pieces and fall into a depression and can't function.

The dog obviously meant a great deal to her and she was apparently affected greatly by it's death. If it had been the death or her Mother or a sibling or any other relative, this wouldn't even be an issue because people would be more understanding, but because it was a pet, she is expected to suck it up and suppress her grief and put on a smiley face.

.
I agree completely. Just b/c it is her dog doesn't mean that life means any less to that person.
post #35 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by trixie23 View Post
That chick sounds like she needs a punch in the face
Thats awesome I don't agree or anything..but still, your comment made me LOL

I know you were joking anyway..
post #36 of 45
For the gown I just bought for my friend's wedding, I spent $175.00 plus another $100.00 for alterations. Give it away? I'd rather cut it down to wear to a party. I would lend it to the other bridesmaid, but she would have to have it dry cleaned before she returned it!

I agree that it was rude of the BRIDE to expect her friend to just hand everything over to a replacement. Did she replace her friend in her heart as quickly as she replaced her in the wedding?
post #37 of 45
I dunno, I guess it has more to do with how close the relationship is between you and your bride. I'm in a wedding in Sept, just plane ticket and dress have cost $330 so far and I still have alterations, hotel costs, hair, makeup shoes, gift etc to deal with. Even if one of my human family members died, unless the day of the wedding was the actual day of the funeral I'd still show up and play my part. Why, because I've known this person for 7 years and she's been there for my lows and highs and I wouldn't want to miss this important part of her life (especially after her constantly calling me asking for advice with her relationship for the past 3 years). Just like I wouldn't miss the birth of a friends baby if they asked me to be there. For me seeing a new life, two people coming together would be really comforting. I'd much rather be focusing on happy futures than painful presents. Then again like another poster mentioned I've lost/been abandoned by a lot of people in my life so I know my world can't stop when bad things happen. And I cherish the ones who are around a lot more.
post #38 of 45
I totally agree with you. The doggie had passed and nothing could be done about that. This bridesmaid was very wrong to do this esp. a couple of days before the wedding. She now has not just lost her dog but a friend as well as I don't think the bride will have anything to do with after this. Then to add insult to injury, she wants to be paid for a dress she will never wear. I would want to punch her lights out too.
post #39 of 45
That is definitely the way to go nowadays.
post #40 of 45
Your not being mean at all, your being realistic. I said in my post that I would've attended the wedding anyway, altho I wouldn't be a happy bridesmaid but I certainly would have showed up and did what I promised to do.
post #41 of 45
Wedding days are all-about-the-bride days. If the bridesmaid could not be genuinely happy for the bride and groom on their day, then she actually did the right thing to withdraw.
If the replacement bridemaids agreed to pay for the dress, then it was a verbal contract and shoould be honored. However, the bridesmaid should have let it go and considered it part of the bride's gift.

My daughter was just in the wedding of one of her best friends. Besides the cost of the dresses/accessories for the ceremony, reception, rehearsal, and showers, there was the cost of the showers, gifts, bachlorette party, expense of travel and misc. During the reception, she found out the couple had actually been married three years ago - so the bride could get his service benefits while he was in Iraq. The part that hurt - her "best frined" told some peope, but not her. The bride doesn't understand why it should matter.
post #42 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by DeeLovely79 View Post
I dunno, I guess it has more to do with how close the relationship is between you and your bride. I'm in a wedding in Sept, just plane ticket and dress have cost $330 so far and I still have alterations, hotel costs, hair, makeup shoes, gift etc to deal with. Even if one of my human family members died, unless the day of the wedding was the actual day of the funeral I'd still show up and play my part. Why, because I've known this person for 7 years and she's been there for my lows and highs and I wouldn't want to miss this important part of her life (especially after her constantly calling me asking for advice with her relationship for the past 3 years). Just like I wouldn't miss the birth of a friends baby if they asked me to be there. For me seeing a new life, two people coming together would be really comforting. I'd much rather be focusing on happy futures than painful presents. Then again like another poster mentioned I've lost/been abandoned by a lot of people in my life so I know my world can't stop when bad things happen. And I cherish the ones who are around a lot more.
Thanks it's good to see that someone has a similar prospective and knows the experiences of many losses...Knowing you have to keep on going! I sad I thought I was mean earlier, but I really don't...Im just being me and being honest about the situation!
post #43 of 45
Yes, it's true that the dress and the shoes and the dye-to-match and all those things are a great big waste of money -- but the original bridesmaid was evidently willing to waste that money, because she agreed to be in the wedding.

But now that she doesn't want to be in the wedding, she expects to get that money back? It's as if she views the money she spent as payment for something she bought, and now she wants to return it, y'know? She's treating it like a ticket to a show she's decided not to go to after all. I guess that's how some people think, but... it's supposed to be about friends.

Also, consider the replacement bridesmaid's feelings. She wasn't asked to be in the wedding at first -- but now, in a pinch, she's swallowing her pride and filling in. And she's supposed to pay for this privilege?

Finally: okay, your beloved pet has just died and you're so heartbroken that you can't follow through on this commitment to your friend. I can understand that -- but this woman who couldn't stand up in a church and smile is somehow able to stand up and demand money? She's able to muster up the inner toughness to hold the blasted dress hostage two days before her friend's wedding?

I can't help thinking the poor dog's death is just being used as an excuse for this woman to back out of the wedding and recoup her losses.

Gosh, I'm not usually so cynical. But this story just doesn't sit right.
post #44 of 45
I was in my bf's sister's wedding as a last minute replacement.. Well actually it was decided about 2 mths before the wedding when another bm backed out. I had to buy my dress and everything even though i was a fill in. The worst part was, about 2 weeks before the wedding me and my bf broke up (and it was NOT a good one, broke off engagement, etc).. I struggled w/whether or not to drop out of the wedding but in the end decided I couldn't do that to her.. so we just pretended to be together for her sake, lol.. Ended up not speaking again after the wedding.. then a few months later hooked back up and are still together to this day! Boy I'm glad I did the wedding otherwise the family would probably hold that against me now.. but at the time it was REALLY uncomfortable.
post #45 of 45
I don't know...I'm sort of on the fence.

On one hand, losing a family member/pet is devastating, and I can understand how someone would want to have some necessary grieving time to themselves.

On the other hand, I feel that if the bridesmaid was very close friends or a relation to the bride, then she is somewhat obligated out of LOVE and SUPPORT on the bride's special day, and that it is a time to put the sorrow aside, if only just for a few hours.

But, it's easier said than done for some, so I do understand the bridesmaid's withdrawal from the ceremony.

And the money issue here is really assanine, I must say. THAT part I find inconsiderate.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: The Cat Lounge
TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › How rude is this??