It was always assumed that I would marry. After 20+ years of dating, it just isn't going to happen. I took myself off the "market". The first year was tough, but its really amazing how easy it becomes.
Being alone does not equate with being lonely.
Many men in my age group are still looking for their teenage fantasy. The little size 2 young woman who looks up to them with big doe eyes
If that is what they want, they look right over women like me
These same men whine because there are no "good women" out there. The trick is to look for a woman. This is all okay - I would never want a man like that.
Or the men have the "rescuer syndrome" (women do this, too). They hook up with women who are in need of, and expect, rescuing from some dilemma; bad boyfriend/ex-husband/husband, financial problems, parent/child issues.
I am not considered a hot commodity by men because:
I am a large woman
I am 42
I am not traditionally attractive and will not plaster on the make-up in an effort to create something that isn't me
I have a lot of debt from school and past relationship mistakes (which I am taking care of on my own)
I am not well-off financially but am self- (and cat) supporting
I am independent and do not NEED a man or relationship to define who I am
I will not lie or pretend to be someone I am not just to obtain, or remain in, a relationship
I enjoy alone time (lots of men are threatened by this)
I will not tolerate cheating, abuse of any type or cruelty for one millisecond
I don't enjoy housework as much as a good woman should
I am reasonably intelligent - lots of men like "dumb" acting women
When I did date, I never had a type as far as the appearance department. The outside was never as important as the inside. Even with that, I still made lousy choices.
Yes, good men get pooed on but so do good women. Many women try to fit exactly what the man wants. Of course, it still doesn't work.
To me, and yes I realize this is a cliche, but the friendship aspect of a relationship seems to be the most important. If you cannot be yourself, why be with someone? I often hear people say that friendships are the most important thing. Shouldn't the big relationship in our lives be with one of our best friends?
Too many people go looking for the big romance and end up disappointed.
edit: I wasn't always like this
I used to be naive and trusting