Originally Posted by DixieDarlin256
It's just going to be a cycle of this over and over.
Repeat this to yourself over and over every time you have second doubts about accepting him into your life.
Alcoholism runs in my family, the worst being my brother who has been going thru these "cycles" for about 35 years now. For the first 20 years, he always showed up on my doorstep when he was at his worst (no one would marry him so he doesn't have a family of his own). He even went so far to bring a gun with him and threaten to commit suicide if no one "helped" him.
There is nothing
you can do to help him. Trying to do so will simply enable him to carry on with his alcoholism games. The only way to break his cycle is to break yourself free of it. Alcoholics Anonymous calls it tough love. It's the hardest thing that a person can do with someone they love but it is really the only thing that you can do to help him.
My brother would come over and steal from me, lie to me, put me thru emotional turmoil, then leave, only to come back and do the same the next visit. I finally told him that once he joins AA, gets himself on antibuse for life, and turns his life around, that I would accept him as my brother. It was a liberating experience. He has actually been sober now for about 5 years.
I know Christmas is the hardest time of year to deal with this, but do realize that it is holidays that bring out the worst in an alcoholic. You have done nothing wrong, but they all have a knack of making you feel that you are the one that is causing the problem. It is the deceipt of the alcoholic and the game that they master first. Do not blame yourself for this!!
You can look at it this way: forcing the issue on him right now could be the best christmas present to yourself ever. Think about how you feel right now, and how you might feel if you didn't have to live thru the turmoil day after day after day.
to you. I hope you find some peace this Christmas.