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Strong Vibes Needed For Me.... PLEASE? - Page 2

post #31 of 42
Originally Posted by DixieDarlin256 View Post
I'm tired of walking on eggshells around him and his family. This isn't good for me or my kids.
It's not good for the animals either. Where are they because they must be stressed out hearing shouting going on
post #32 of 42
I'm sorry that you're going through this.

I have no words of advice or comfort either, but you are in my thoughts and prayers.
post #33 of 42
I am sorry that you are going through this. You and your kids deserve better and it doesn't seem like he is willing to change any time soon. Stay strong.
post #34 of 42

I have been sober now for 17 years. One of my most shameful moments that keep me sober today is the Thanksgiving my dad drove to pick me up to spend time with the family and after one hour I told him I would rather be drinking then be with the family. He drove me back to the place I was staying knowing I was killing myself and there was nothing he could do. I will never forget the look on his face. The reason I am telling you this is I want you to know that this is not personal. There is nothing you can do if an alcoholic want to drink. I love my Dad, always had, but the compulsion to drink was too strong and I was too weak. In Al-anon we liken the alcoholic to a tornado that rip through peoples lives uprootiing family, home, work and friends. Whatever you do you must be strong. Seek help from people who have been there and have sucessfully acheived serenity in their lives whether the alcoholic is in their life or out of it at this point. It can be done. There is no doubt that living with alcoholism can be devastating and emotionally draining. I will be thinking about you and sending vibes for you and your husband.

post #35 of 42
Originally Posted by DixieDarlin256 View Post
Trust me, he can be VERY violent when he's drunk.
Oh I have just read this whole thread through and I am sending my vibes of strength & positiveness to you

I do not know you well, only from our common interest here on TCS, and I hope you can hear my words as good intentions, your comment above has frightened me
It seems you have been "here" before to some lesser or greater degree, do you really want this to carry on year after year. You must be totally drained and I know its sounds very cliched but you are worth more than all this distress and pain.
I cannot tell you what to do, all I suggest is you give yourself time to focus on the important things in your life, YOU, your children and the people that you love and love you back. Then I hope your decision takes you to a better place.
post #36 of 42
I have a friend who is a alcoholic, though dry now for 4 years, and my second husband lost two jobs through heavy drinking, though he never quite became an alcoholic. As said, if people want to drink, then nothing will stand in their way, it is a sickness. But you do not have to put up with it - it is a sickness that affects everyone the drinker is near. And they will never even start the process of recovery while someone close is supporting their drinking. So I would make sure you and hte kids and cats have some security, in the sense of bills being paid if that is possible and then kick him hard by throwing him out. If he thinks he can get way with it he will, and only by tough love will he have any chance. His mother may be the problem after that though, but there is nothing you can do about that. I am so sorry that this is happening now - you have had such a bad time.
post #37 of 42
I am sorry that you are going through this, especially at Christmas. I would strongly recommend checking into an Alanon group in your area. They provide counseling for spouses of alcoholics. It would be a wonderful support system for you, and I think you would way away with a better understanding of the illness and the best way for you to deal with it, if that is what you choose to do. If you decide that you prefer not to deal with it any longer, the support would be beneficial and I am sure you would meet people who have been in the same boat as you are.
There is also a program for children of alcoholics called Alateen.

I am not sure if you were aware of these programs or not all ready, but I wanted to mention them just in case.
post #38 of 42
Originally Posted by DixieDarlin256 View Post
It's just going to be a cycle of this over and over.
Repeat this to yourself over and over every time you have second doubts about accepting him into your life.

Alcoholism runs in my family, the worst being my brother who has been going thru these "cycles" for about 35 years now. For the first 20 years, he always showed up on my doorstep when he was at his worst (no one would marry him so he doesn't have a family of his own). He even went so far to bring a gun with him and threaten to commit suicide if no one "helped" him.

There is nothing you can do to help him. Trying to do so will simply enable him to carry on with his alcoholism games. The only way to break his cycle is to break yourself free of it. Alcoholics Anonymous calls it tough love. It's the hardest thing that a person can do with someone they love but it is really the only thing that you can do to help him.

My brother would come over and steal from me, lie to me, put me thru emotional turmoil, then leave, only to come back and do the same the next visit. I finally told him that once he joins AA, gets himself on antibuse for life, and turns his life around, that I would accept him as my brother. It was a liberating experience. He has actually been sober now for about 5 years.

I know Christmas is the hardest time of year to deal with this, but do realize that it is holidays that bring out the worst in an alcoholic. You have done nothing wrong, but they all have a knack of making you feel that you are the one that is causing the problem. It is the deceipt of the alcoholic and the game that they master first. Do not blame yourself for this!!

You can look at it this way: forcing the issue on him right now could be the best christmas present to yourself ever. Think about how you feel right now, and how you might feel if you didn't have to live thru the turmoil day after day after day.

Big to you. I hope you find some peace this Christmas.
post #39 of 42
Alycia, I am so sorry to read this, I feel for you and your children. I will pray for God to give you the strength to get through this. To quote Dr. Phil:"Children would rather come from a broken home then live in one."
We are all here for you
post #40 of 42
I really don't know what to say...sending you lots of positive energy...you will be able to make it through.

I'm here if you need a friend or someone to vent on...

I hope Christmas is peaceful and may god shower his blessings on you and your boys.
post #41 of 42
Alycia........hon, I am so heart broken for you and the boys.You all deserve someone who WANTS to stay clean and be there for his family.He needs to grow up and take the responsibility that he took on when you all married.
My first marraige was just like this.He drank,smoked pot and did drugs instead of supporting me and the kids.He would beat the crap out of me, because he didn't have the $$ for his pot.If I had a nickle for evey abuse that I took, I would be a millionare.
PLEASE know that I am only a phone call away and like so many others here, are supporting you and the boys and wanting only the best for you all.
As for his Mom, he runs to her...because he knows he CAN!!Even though he was in an abusive childhood, Mommy is a safe place where he can go and do what he wants to without thought or fear of anything.His Mom will uphold the drinking and stuff because she is a sick woman and thinks he is doing NOTHING wrong.
Stay strong and lean on your friends during this time.
MAJOR hugs and vibes coming your way.
post #42 of 42
I am so very sorry, sweetie. try to be strong for your children even know I know it's easier said than done. they need you right now. and you and your children will be in my thoughts and prayers. again I am so very sorry. I wish you peace and please try to have a good Christmas with your kids, okay? I wish bad things didn't have to happen to such good people as you are a good person. but maybe it's a good thing that you aren't with him anymore.. if all he does is cause you and your family stress. you guys deserve so much better than that. please consider going to counseling, it will help when you need someone to talk to. we all are here for you, too please know that and if you need anything at all please don't hesitate to PM me.
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