Please send your thoughts to Peanut, a tiny feral kitten that I tried desperately to trap and bring inside. She left this world before I could save her. I didn't get to touch her until I buried her, but I loved her from the first moment I saw her. I was so close to getting her so many times. I wanted so much to bring her in and make her part of our large family, many of whom are former ferals. I'm blaming myself and would gladly take the pain I imagine she suffered at the end, if I could. I've been through this so many times before, but it never gets easier. I blame myself. I feel as though I deserve to be punished. What redemption is there for someone who fails a tiny kitten ? I know that's the grief talking, but the voice is loud and comes out of nowhere. I'm going to see a counselor tomorrow for help. FYI, many pet loss 800 numbers including the ASPCA's are no longer in service which makes me doubly grateful for this forum.