Question of the Day, Wednesday, May 8, 2024

[neely]

Good morning and Happy Whiskers Wednesday! We often talk about our favorite this or that, e.g. favorite dessert, fast food, vacation spot, color, flower, etc. But what about our least favorite? The other day I was thinking about my husband’s sister and how spiteful she was to our children and us. She was extremely controlling and as far as I can tell we never did anything to warrant this behavior. However, time and time again she criticized everything we did. It was bad enough to do this to us but hurtful and uncalled for to do it to our kids. It's a shame she had this attitude/behavior because she missed out on having a closer relationship.

WHO IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE RELATIVE AND WHY?

 

[Jem]

As for blood relatives. It's a tie between my aunt and my cousin (mother/daughter). My aunt has severe mental health issues and is always in conflict with someone in the family. She is always stirring the pot and seems to thrive on confrontation. That doesn't sound too horrible, but how she stirs the pot, and what she's done over the years is simply unforgivable. She just can't be trusted. My cousin, also has mental health issues but is also a drug addict. Along with her addiction, comes everything stereotypical of them. Lost custody of kids, prostitution, lying, stealing and very quick to anger and prone to violence...along with other things. After decades of the family trying to help them both over the years...we're just over it. Some family still talk to them but I no longer associate with them, nor are they welcome in my home. I'm not bitter or angry...I'm just done. I wish they would get the help they need and get better, but they can't be trusted and are just not nice people to be around.
As for non blood relatives. My MIL is my least favorite. I know...very cliché! lol. She's very manipulative and has done some horrible things to my husband. The last "big blow up" she caused was the last straw for me when it comes to any shred of respect I had for her. I usually stayed out of the conflicts with hubby and was just there for him after the fact, but the last one, was just so bad, and I was present for it, that I had to intervene when she escalated things to the point where she made my husband cry. I'm actually really proud of how I handled the situation. I was the stern yet calm adult and I don't think she expected how "commanding" I could be because I really don't like confrontation. I put her in her place and she of course flipped the switch and started with the crocodile tears and the "I'm the victim" bull poop. You see, my Dad's second wife (no longer in the picture) was a vindictive manipulator, so I learned early on how to spot them and I refuse to be sucked into that type of relationship and can spot them from a mile away. My husband of course caved a bit and accepted her apology, I did not and made it known that I did not and we left shortly after. Since that blow up, she has significantly changed her tune and no longer picks fights but she still has that "fake nice" personality and will try to guilt trip my husband. Of course we still see her occasionally for holidays and what not but thankfully not very often.

 

[NY cat man]

My 'baby' sister. As the youngest of seven kids, she always was able to get away with things that would get any of the rest of us clobbered. As an adult, she got a very well-paying government job, and yet because of her extravagant spending ways, twice declared bankruptcy. What really did it, though, was when I found out that an uncle had set up a trust for each of us, but those of my older brother and me had been cashed in, and the money- around $40,000 total- had been given to her "because she needed it".

 

[Lari]

My one aunt (dad's older sister). She's just very much a taker. Like we would go out of our way to do things for her and her family that would never be reciprocated because it would be slightly inconvenient. My dad would check with her on days that would work for visits and plan vacations around them (his whole family lived out of state) and then last minute she'd cancel because she'd found something better to do.

When she sent me a card congratulating me on my wedding (because it was too inconvenient to come) she added in a note about how her DIL was 6 weeks pregnant and could I share the news? Like really? Time and place.

 

[sivyaleah]

My husband's very grown up daughter. She was already in her mid-20's or so when I met her. She's now IDK 40ish. In the years that have passed she's turned out to be an emotional and financial leech to him and I've lost all patience with the situation as it's effected him greatly.

I don't think she fully realizes how much older he is now and not as able to let these things slide off of him. Let alone his own health issues that are fairly serious. Honestly she's done some really dumb, hurtful and dangerous things and we see no improvement, it just gets worse as each year passes.

Plus, she's not MY kid and I resent him sending her any money because I don't believe a word she says is true. Such tall tails come out of her mouth - nobody could have the kind of bad luck she has every single week. And truth be told the money comes from me since I'm the only person working. She's an adult and should be able to figure these things out for herself without coming to him crying every week to assist her. She's completely inept and unmotivated to take charge of her life.

IDK she thinks we should be paying her rent and all other expenses? We're on the verge of retiring which means a more strict budget and if it isn't possible now it certainly won't be in 6 months. Last we heard she said she's going to go live in a tent with her (newish) husband because they had nowhere else to go. And she hadn't eaten in 2 weeks (doubtful) and won't go to a shelter because of her cats. Oh and she "broke her hip" a few weeks ago (again, this clearly was some kind of exaggeration) and now her husband broke his leg. But yea they are going to pack up all their stuff with all these physical problems and lug it into the woods let alone, with 3 cats. Would rather life with no bathroom, heat or a/c, possible meals provided, with access to the health care she needs than go to a shelter. Let alone those cats are going to run off into the woods anyway because I don't see them being confined to a tent 24/7. And how is she feeding them anyway? It's all nuts.

I just can't even. I don't believe any of it. And honestly, sadly, do not care at this point.

FYI this felt good to get off my chest. Not a lot of people I can complain to about this.

 

[sivyaleah]

As for blood relatives. It's a tie between my aunt and my cousin (mother/daughter). My aunt has severe mental health issues and is always in conflict with someone in the family. She is always stirring the pot and seems to thrive on confrontation. That doesn't sound too horrible, but how she stirs the pot, and what she's done over the years is simply unforgivable. She just can't be trusted. My cousin, also has mental health issues but is also a drug addict. Along with her addiction, comes everything stereotypical of them. Lost custody of kids, prostitution, lying, stealing and very quick to anger and prone to violence...along with other things. After decades of the family trying to help them both over the years...we're just over it. Some family still talk to them but I no longer associate with them, nor are they welcome in my home. I'm not bitter or angry...I'm just done. I wish they would get the help they need and get better, but they can't be trusted and are just not nice people to be around > snippped

I feel this. That whole 1st paragraph is what I just wrote about here too but left out the details of the "why they are what the are" which you included.

 

[sivyaleah]

"But yea they are going to pack up all their stuff with all these physical problems and lug it into the woods let alone, with 3 cats. Would rather life with no bathroom, heat or a/c, possible meals provided, with access to the health care she needs than go to a shelter. Let alone those cats are going to run off into the woods anyway because I don't see them being confined to a tent 24/7. And how is she feeding them anyway? It's all nuts."

Replying to myself: Now she says she has no tent. She wants us to buy it for her. I nixed that. Not happening.
And one of her cats ran away already. I don't blame it.

 

[KittyFriday]

My grandma. She and my grandpa were both terrible to my dad; really all of their children except for the youngest. The other kids all moved out of state, but my dad and us still lived close, so anytime they needed anything it was him that would go and help. He did a ton for them over the years, and they never reciprocated at all. Their favorite child was given money, her kids were all given lavish presents and cars; our presents were things my grandma won at bingo (and my other cousins didn't get anything since their parents essentially went no contact).

A few years ago they went to sell their house. My mom, dad, and brother went to help move furniture and other items for them. The favorite family was there as well. Any keepsake my dad or brother wanted from the home was denied - everything in the house and later the profits from the sale went to the favorite child. When my grandpa died, we went to the funeral; we had to stand in the back and no one acknowledged us at all.

I don't know my cousins very well from that family, but the times I've met them they seemed pretty cool. I haven't spoken to my grandma in years; she's nearly 100 I think. I know she tried to send cards or contact my brother when his kids were born, but she's never tried to contact me or my dad and that's probably fine.

 

[neely]

FYI this felt good to get off my chest. Not a lot of people I can complain to about this.

I'm glad you can vent here and we certainly understand. Do you think she'll ever give up trying to get money from your husband?

 

[MoochNNoodles]

Since that blow up, she has significantly changed her tune and no longer picks fights but she still has that "fake nice" personality

I had to tell a family member off once. DD was 4 days old and one day out of the NICU. They accused my mom of purposely not answering friend requests on Facebook so they couldn’t see the baby. None of us had smartphones back then. My mom had been out of town for one day. They chose this tirade over the phone to me while DH and my mom were setting up the nursery (because DD was also 3 weeks early) and I was needing medication for preeclampsia with a blood pressure in the 150s.

They’ve never tried it again. Sometimes people need to know they aren’t going to get away with it.


I haven’t thought much about who my least favorite relative is though. I think we all have at least one who is toxic and/or makes everything about themselves. And takes advantage of everyone they can. There is one though that stole from his father’s company (as in did jail time over it), bought big toys he was never going to pay on (boats, trucks, jet skis), and roped his elderly grandparents into exhausting projects he volunteered them for. They enabled him from childhood; but still. I haven’t seen them in probably 15 years. The rest of the family is great though and I enjoy them.

I don’t have much trouble distancing myself from some of the more toxic ones on my side. But when its your spouse’s relative or a close one it brings out the mama bear in me. Its harder to draw those boundaries.

 

[lizzie]

My great aunt Elizabeth, who was also my namesake.She was my Mom's aunt....my Grandma's sister...and she just seemed to be a very cold,not an affectionate person at all,very uncaring,at least the few times I ever saw her,that's the way she treated my sister and myself.She was absolutely nothing like her sister at all I can tell you.My Grandma was the most loving and sweetest woman you'd ever want to meet.

 

[catloverfromwayback]

Only three living relatives now (ie immediate family - plenty of cousins but I don't know any of them), and that's easy: my drunken, violent brother. Haven't seen him in 45 years.

 

[sivyaleah]

I'm glad you can vent here and we certainly understand. Do you think she'll ever give up trying to get money from your husband?

Sadly no. It's a relief she doesn't live nearby (and has no car) so it's way too far and inconvenient for him to just pick up and see her (it's been years since he saw her in person). Not that he even really could. I stay out of all of it unless he happens to need me for emotional support and to talk him down from sending her money.

 

[Mia6]

i liked my aunts by marriage more than my aunts by blood.

 

[neely]

I don’t have much trouble distancing myself from some of the more toxic ones on my side. But when its your spouse’s relative or a close one it brings out the mama bear in me.

It's my spouse's side that has all the toxic ones. I'm convinced that's why they call them in-laws.

 

[Tobermory]

I have only two relatives, my brother and his wife, so it’s not a hard question to answer! We call her TEO, The Evil One. Too many examples, but I’ll describe two.

Many years ago, my dad had a heart attack. This was back when they didn’t treat these things as successfully. My brother and I got phone calls telling us we each needed to get on a plane and get there immediately because Dad was having emergency surgery and they were pessimistic about the outcome. We were there when he came out of surgery and spent days by his bedside. I slept in the hospital lounge at night. And we needed to keep my mom together. We dragged ourselves to the hotel room one night after he was out of the woods, and I could hear my brother on the phone with TEO. She was berating him for not calling her on her birthday or making sure she had presents to unwrap. We thought my dad was DYING you, you, you…

She got really mad at me one year at Christmas because instead of buying presents for my brother, TEO, and my parents, I took several tags off the local Giving Tree. These were elderly, disadvantaged people who asked for things like warm blankets or robes or nightgowns. I made cards for each of my family members that said something like, “In honor of the spirit of the season, I’ve given xxx to six seniors in need.” My parents and brother were really happy, but TEO said, “Oh. Isn’t that nice for them” in a tone of voice that suggested she was furious. My brother and TEO were living in a $2 million house and vacationing abroad a couple of times a year. My parents were retired and having always been frugal, were financially comfortable. Plus they were very charitable. TEO always hated anything I got her anyway. This way, others could benefit.

Gee, I wonder why I haven’t seen TEO and my brother for years?

 

[Winchester]

My parents, aunts, and uncle are all gone. While I do like my cousins, we just don’t get together often at all. It’s really Rick and me, our son, DIL, and The Grands. My sister and her family, my brother and SIL, Rick’s mom, and his sister and BIL. We all get along and there are no problems. And if there’s one thing that cancer has taught me, it’s to love my family.

 

[denice]

She was berating him for not calling her on her birthday or making sure she had presents to unwrap. We thought my dad was DYING you

One thing I have learned is that how much someone has materially has nothing to do with how charitable or selfless they are. I have seen people with very little but they aren't greedy and will share what little they have with someone who is in need.

 

[neely]

We call her TEO, The Evil One.

I hope you don't mind if I borrow that name since it not only describes my husband's sister but daughter's M-I-L and a few others.

 

[Tobermory]

I hope you don't mind if I borrow that name since it not only describes my husband's sister but daughter's M-I-L and a few others.

It’s yours!