Your mom

[myrage]

A funny little thing. My dad's father goes by the name Duke. He's 83 or 84 and riding a harley Anyway... When I was younger, a baby, and toddler, and small child they all called me Duchess. I was a princess, AM a princess. My grandfather's princess. Some of my family still calls me Duchess. I actually glare at people who call me that, and I want to kill people that know that for telling others. My mom usually just called me Duch. I miss it now, but... it's kinda funny.

Be safe. Remember there are people out here that are more compasionate then others. Some people don't like to be in touch with their emotions, some people are scared of them. I wouldn't say that they (those people) should be avoided, and are worthless, they are just missing something. I think people who are in touch with their emotions, and understand their emotions live more rich lives, and have more room for love. My husband tells me I need to look from a 'logical' stand point. I tell him that when I want to be logical I will, right now I don't feel like a vulcan. Although Spock is HOT!! I love his ears, and his eyebrows! My hubby can be Vulcan as much as he wants, I will gladly be human!

Be safe.

 

[calico2222]

Originally Posted by MyRage

I hear what you are saying. I have people telling me still that I need to 'get over' it, and forget it. I won't. She was my mom. She is my mom. She is gone, it hurts. I live every day. I think about her every day. I miss her every day. I don't cry everyday. I'm not sad every day. But... at one point or another she enters my mind. I will not stop thinking about her. My hubby says I dwell. I mention her once in a while, and I am dwelling. He has no idea how I feel.

Honey, no one has any idea how it feels until they go through it themselves. My husband was there when my mom passed (5/04). He didn't understand why I got so upset over little things, or why I wanted to be alone sometimes. He worried about me constantly. Then, his dad passed in Jan, 2005 of a heart attack. Finally he understood.

You will never "get over it". But you can deal with it. I does get easier with time.

 

[kluchetta]

One thing that is amazing to me and I am so lucky for it, is that my daughter is the most amazing, loving person ever!!! She's almost 16 and still calls me "mommy" and volunteers me for everything at her school ever.

And she always wants me there with her for everything. I'm sure I never was that nice to my mom. I wish I had been.

 

[fwan]

I love my mum dearly, she is a wonderful person sober, unfortunately 90% of the time she is drunk, abusive and a miserable cow.
It's gotten to the point i had to block her on MSN, i cant call her, she is deaf, she was abusing my fax machine with really bad swear words and cursing things i didn't even do. I took out the fax machine and i finally had peace, she was sending me faxes at 3 or 4 in the morning.
While she was drunk over here this year she abused the cats.

I really do miss her, the doctor says that she could go any time now. Been looking at funeral homes and putting money aside in case i have to fly back to Europe or where ever she is at the time. It is a huge strain on me. I cry because she is just like a dead person to me.

She is going to be here next week. I know she will get drunk either show up or be drunk to see us off at the airport.

She does want grandchildren, and i would love to trust her with one. Unfortunately Fh has made up his mind and said she has no right to look after it with out us being around.

When ever i speak to her about the problem she says, I'll stop when your father goes.

Oh well I know i am going to be a loving mother and couldnt do this to my own child!

 

[swampwitch]

Originally Posted by fwan

I love my mum dearly, she is a wonderful person sober, unfortunately 90% of the time she is drunk, abusive and a miserable cow.
It's gotten to the point i had to block her on MSN, i cant call her, she is deaf, she was abusing my fax machine with really bad swear words and cursing things i didn't even do. I took out the fax machine and i finally had peace, she was sending me faxes at 3 or 4 in the morning.
While she was drunk over here this year she abused the cats.

I really do miss her, the doctor says that she could go any time now. Been looking at funeral homes and putting money aside in case i have to fly back to Europe or where ever she is at the time. It is a huge strain on me. I cry because she is just like a dead person to me.

She is going to be here next week. I know she will get drunk either show up or be drunk to see us off at the airport.

She does want grandchildren, and i would love to trust her with one. Unfortunately Fh has made up his mind and said she has no right to look after it with out us being around.

When ever i speak to her about the problem she says, I'll stop when your father goes.

Oh well I know i am going to be a loving mother and couldnt do this to my own child!

Hugs to you.

 

[duchess15]

Originally Posted by MyRage

A funny little thing. My dad's father goes by the name Duke. He's 83 or 84 and riding a harley Anyway... When I was younger, a baby, and toddler, and small child they all called me Duchess. I was a princess, AM a princess. My grandfather's princess. Some of my family still calls me Duchess. I actually glare at people who call me that, and I want to kill people that know that for telling others. My mom usually just called me Duch. I miss it now, but... it's kinda funny.
Be safe.

Duchess was my mom's cat. She was as graceful as her name and one of a kind. She died the day after Thanksgiving a couple years ago to renal failure.

 

[sarahp]

Originally Posted by SwampWitch

are there really mothers like that? For real? I believe I missed out on something really special.

Yes there are, and you are one of them! You may not have been on the receiving end, but you're definitely on the giving end. You are doing something even more special - giving your daughter moments, experiences, and the love that you never received

 

[babywukong]

My mother and I have never gotten along for more than 5 days or so at a time.

When I was young, I'd already had a great love for animals. Unfortunately, she didn't share my interest, and often tried to beat it down by forbidding me to read books on animals or make friends with strays or even people's pets. I think she did that because she thought that an overall personal development wasn't as crucial as making sure that I did well at school, so she made me spend almost every single waking minute studying. She even put a cane next to my food to threaten me to finish my lunch on time so I could get back to studying.

She was always very strict. When I was small, and did things which displeased her (simple things like accidentally breaking a bowl, or getting my sweater zipper stuck) she would either cane me in places where she was sure my friends at school could see marks clearly, or use emotional abuse like "I had wanted to let you watch TV today, but you've given me problems by getting your sweater zipper stuck, so no TV for you!" That was heartbreaking for me back then because I was hardly allowed any TV at all. Of course now I know she never had any intention of letting me watch TV that day, she just wanted to teach me a lesson for giving her inconvenience.

Growing up, she made sure I never went out with friends. Had to go straight home everyday after school to (yep, you guessed it) study. Weekends were filled with extra lessons. If I didn't do well at school, she'd cane me so hard. Once, she just grabbed something handy and whacked the snot out of me. It turned out to be a wooden stick with a nail sticking out at one end.

She's overbearing, and never admits her mistakes. A few years ago, there was an incident. I was reading the newspapers in my room, and wanted to go downstairs to pass it to her, thinking she would like to read them before going to bed. When I got downstairs she was adjusting our old grandfather's clock, so I said (in a normal voice!) "Mum, would you like the papers?" She got such a shock she dropped a part of the clock and started screaming bloody murder saying I intentionally "sneaked up" on her and accusing me of other completely ridiculous stuff. we had such an argument about it I completely lost my head and before I knew it, I had my fingers wrapped around her neck. I was trying to throttle my own mother. Its not something I'm proud of, nor ashamed of. It just happened. I don't even think I knew what I was doing, but my father came downstairs upon hearing the commotion and separated us and threw me into my room.

I will NEVER forgive or forget what she did on my 21st birthday. My dad asked me to pick a restaurant so the three of us could go celebrate. A few weeks before that, my uncle brought both my parents to a Japanese restaurant which served good wagyu beef. I remembered that even my veggie-loving mum was raving about how great the beef was. Since I love Japanese food, I thought it would be a win-win situation if I suggested that we all went there (I didn't get to go the last time round because I was made to stay home and study). So we went, and we were all in great moods.

Well, we got there and found out that the beef wasn't in season anymore. We just ordered other stuff and my mother wasn't particularly upset till she discovered that she didn't like the food she ordered. Then and there, her face darkened and she put her chopsticks down and refused to talk to me or even look at me.

Back in the car, she suddenly started screaming about why I had to pick that restaurant when I knew she didn't like Japanese food. (This is true since I know she doesn't take raw fish, but I had no idea the beef was out of season.) I got really mad and said it was MY birthday and at least once a year I should get to choose what we eat since she only buys and cooks things she likes at home every other day. (This is true, I'm definitely not making it up. I've had to eat only boiled vegetables for dinner for years.) In fact, when she found out I hated celery, she made sure I had celery every single dinner for a few weeks straight.

After that outburst, she kept quiet and ignored me for 2 whole weeks. Finally, one evening, she exploded again. Yelled at me for bringing her to a Jap restaurant "on purpose", and said this, "You think your 21st birthday is so important? Go f%#k yourself!"

I don't know why she does these things. Although she's getting better now (I can have fried vegetables! yay~) she refuses to give me my space. She goes through my mail, my bag, my room. I'm embarrassed to admit she won't even let me lock the bathroom door when I'm in there. She claims its fine to let my parents barge in when I'm...ahem... BUSY, because "there's nothing to hide".

I'd move out, but my father has said quite clearly that if I move, they will disown me. Must be some wonky Asian thing.

Anyway, thanks for letting me rant. Typing this brought some tears, but I'm not looking for pity or anything. I just cannot understand how some people have such wonderful relationships with their parents, and its even harder for me to understand how some can forgive the horrible things their parents have done to them and still say they love their mum or dad. (I seldom refer to them as "my mum" or "my dad". Its always "my mother" and "my father"). You have such big hearts. I don't think I could ever be so forgiving, even though the things my mother's done to me doesn't seem half as bad as the stuff some of you have been through.

\t

 

[krazy kat2]

I feel your pain.
when I became of age, I found the first decent guy that would have me, and moved in with him. My parents threw my stuff in the yard. When we married after a couple of years, he died after only 3 weeks. His family was the law in that small Georgia county, and his mother was allowed to put me out of my house with only a few clothes, even took my wedding ring,and would not allow me to attend the funeral. I waited outside the church while my ride waited, and she slapped me on the way to the limo.
My mother told me I got what I deserved, and no way was I coming home. Thank God for my grandparents that let me live in their motel. If it had not been for my grandmother, I would have never known love or kindness.
I guess going through all that made me a stronger person.

 

[krazycatlover]

Well Maybe I will call her but it will cost her a doller

lol for real though she has to pay a doller everyday that she uses her phone so I try to only call her every few days or so.

 

[babywukong]

Originally Posted by krazy kat2

I feel your pain.
when I became of age, I found the first decent guy that would have me, and moved in with him. My parents threw my stuff in the yard. When we married after a couple of years, he died after only 3 weeks. His family was the law in that small Georgia county, and his mother was allowed to put me out of my house with only a few clothes, even took my wedding ring,and would not allow me to attend the funeral. I waited outside the church while my ride waited, and she slapped me on the way to the limo.
My mother told me I got what I deserved, and no way was I coming home. Thank God for my grandparents that let me live in their motel. If it had not been for my grandmother, I would have never known love or kindness.
I guess going through all that made me a stronger person.

Wow! You have really been through a lot. I can imagine how absolutely hurt and lost you must have felt when all that happened - especially not being allowed to go to your husband's funeral, and then your parents not letting you come home after that ordeal

 

[caprice]

I talk to my mother every day. We are very close. She has been through a lot lately. She was diagnosed with kidney cancer on Aug. 20. She had her left kidney removed on Sept. 4. She is now recovering at home with electricity-I am glad she was able to have the surgery before the storm. She is more dear to me because I thought I was about to lose her (the cancer was contained, so when they took the kidney-they took all the cancer!). I treasure our moments together. I don't have that luxury anymore with my father-he died April 2007. Tell the ones you love every day because you never know if there is going to be a tomorrow.

 

[myrage]

Originally Posted by caprice

Tell the ones you love every day because you never know if there is going to be a tomorrow.

My hubby always thouht it was strange that I told him I Love You everytime we ended a phone conversation or just parted, for him leaving or me leaving. He thought it was stranger that I was that way with my parents and brother and all my family. My mom told me when I was very young that if you don't tell the person leaving that you love them, you may never have the chance again.

For my brother and I it is such a habbit, it's been that way all our lives, we don't even think about it. People tell us they wish they were that close to their siblings. It isn't really about being close, I just don't want to regret not telling him, or anyone else I love, that I love them before they leave. Anything can happen any time.

Just like after my stepsis passed in a car wreck, my family is really good about telling everyone to drive safely.

Be safe.

 

[caprice]

Originally Posted by MyRage

My hubby always thouht it was strange that I told him I Love You everytime we ended a phone conversation or just parted, for him leaving or me leaving. He thought it was stranger that I was that way with my parents and brother and all my family. My mom told me when I was very young that if you don't tell the person leaving that you love them, you may never have the chance again.

For my brother and I it is such a habbit, it's been that way all our lives, we don't even think about it. People tell us they wish they were that close to their siblings. It isn't really about being close, I just don't want to regret not telling him, or anyone else I love, that I love them before they leave. Anything can happen any time.

Just like after my stepsis passed in a car wreck, my family is really good about telling everyone to drive safely.

Be safe.

This is the same thing with my family. It comes so natural, you just say it without really thinking about it. If someone doesn't say it, you know they are upset about something. My aunt always says don't go to bed angry. My dad died last year and I spoke to him last about 5 days before on his birthday. We had a wonderful talk and at the end of the conversation it was bittersweet when we said our goodbyes...I am so glad my parents instilled the importance of loving each other and those around you when I was younger.