Will New Female Kitten Change My Adult Male Cat's Personality? Is It Worth The Risk?

[Kitcat2017]

I am feeling really depressed...

Kit Cat snuggled up to me all night last night and this morning followed me around till I left the house for work. As I pulled the car out of the garage he ran to the upstairs window to get to see me one more time before I left.

And it just sunk in... - this might be the last day he loves me this much as the new kitten will come tomorrow. It broke my heart into pieces. I really want this to work out and provide a good home to another beautiful animal forever. But if this is the price that I have to pay... is it worth it? Is it worth risking our current solid relationship? Am I being selfish for thinking / feeling this way? Is this even fair to my cat who seems pretty happy with his life right now? Is it fair to the kitten who deserves a good, loving home like ours but ultimately might not get to stay with us because of my selfish thinking?

I also thought wow.. I'm about to add a new member to the family and I'm supposed to be over the moon - why am I being this tensed and upset? I feel like a ridiculous person.

 

[danteshuman]

Depressed? Doubting your cat's love?

Usually I just think I'm going to be annoying them by lettting the kitten stay & "baby!!!!"

He may be annoyed temporarily. In my experience your cat goes back to acting normal within 6 months max.... you just need to master petting 2 cats at once They do get jealous and if one cat is getting something the other one comes running. I have found that calling the other cat's name gets my jealous little punk to come running towards me. 2 cats means twice the cuddles

 

[maggiedemi]

I don't think he'll love you any less. In my experience, friendly male cats stay friendly, they don't just change. I had a friendly male tuxedo cat that loved me until the day he died, he never changed.

 

[neely]

I am feeling really depressed...

If you are feeling depressed your cat will pick up on your stress/anxiety. You really need to think this through clearly and give it a lot of thought not just for your cat's sake but the new kitten as well. That is why you have to make this decision for yourself. It's great to come here for advice and we will always be here to lend our support and guidance but you know your situation best. I will be thinking of you and crossing my fingers for a happy outcome.

 

[Friend's Friend]

As someone with similar anxieties, my heart goes out to you. <3 However, reading your posts, a few things struck me:

1) A cat, as far as I know, should always be given pain meds and antibiotics post-spay or neuter. It's surgery. Especially for a spay, which is more invasive, there's a risk of infection. I'm concerned that the shelter claims she won't have or need those things.

2) A shelter of all places should know that cat intros can take weeks, if not months. The fact that they're suggesting three days is all it'll take for them to get acclimated (or even to just have a sense of if it might work out or not) is ridiculous. Some cats do get along right away, and some take months to stop hissing at each other and sit in the same room.

3) Do you think the time constraints the shelter's putting on you are part of what's stressing you out? If so, then accept that this kitten will be adopted by someone else and, when you're ready, if you decide to, go to a different shelter and find another little baby. (I also second the idea of getting a wee little one, 2 months old or so.)

4) I think we as cat owners tend to project a lot of our own emotions onto our cats. Believe me, I'm in the same boat, friend! I'm currently going through the same debate about getting a kitten (Is it good for my cat?), and it's hard hard hard. But yes, if you're feeling this anxious and depressed about it, then personally I'm not sure now is the time, or maybe this just isn't the kitten. <3

For whatever it's worth, "fighting" with her sister . . . well. This shelter, IMHO, doesn't quite sound like they know what they're doing? They could have been playing roughly. Or maybe it was her sister who was being aggressive to begin with, not the kitten you're looking at adopting.

Anyway . . . my heart really goes out to you, friend. I know what a hard decision this can be. <3 Hang in there.

 

[Kitcat2017]

Update:

I have decided not to go with the 3 day fostering..I cried for hours. I called the shelter and apologized. Thank you all for your help and support. It was a very tough decision. But ultimately I thought I wasn't ready to risk my relationship with Kit Cat and I wasn't ready to be responsible for a new tiny healing life. I walked in the shelter just to drop off donation and left with a kitten picked up to join our family. My intentions were good but I think it was too impulsive. I hadn't done any reasearch on any of the details on second cat integration and care. As heartbroken and guilty as I feel I don't think it'd be fair to bring in a little one without being prepared for the best and worst case scenario. Besides, returning her back or not being able to provide a happy and stress free life even for 3 days would really make me feel like a jerk. In the last 2 days I also started having issues at work that made things worse, same with my spouse. I think we're both going through a bad time now and I'm fearful of making all our lives miserable instead of better.

I plan to do some major preparation, soul searching, resolve work related stress, gather all the essentials for the new kitten and then get back to the shelter. Because I do want to provide a good loving home to another little one and hopefully I'll be ready before Kit Cat turns 2. Thank you for all your advice and feedback. I'll be back with more questions once I gain the confidence and mental stability to make such a big change at home.

 

[neely]

If it helps I think you were wise to think your situation through carefully before bringing another kitten into your home. If you're not ready it would be unfair both to your present boy and the new kitty. When the time is right you will know it and we will be here to offer guidance and support. Thank you for the update. Best wishes to Kit Cat and you.

 

[Friend's Friend]

I second neely! That lovely kitten will find a home that's right for her--she probably has already--and the right kitten will come along for you, at the right time, if that's how things are supposed to be.

I know that decision's hard, though. Sending you many good thoughts, friend. <3 Get some good snuggles with your little boy!