Will my cats ever settle down?

[jetta1400]

I currently have a 4 year old domestic long hair female and a 1 year old male Ragdoll. It will be one year next month that they have been together. I am finding that I still have to monitor when they are "playing" together because it seems like it can get out of hand. There is still chasing and the female will try to bite the male on his back legs. And then there are times when the male will pounce on the female, definately outweighing her. There have been times when the male is giving a long meow (enough to pull me to the scene and clap my hands loudly to stop it) and looking like he is ready to fight?? Sometimes they both have their mouths open like they are ready to bite. There is no hissing or arched backs. I do find fur, more so his because he is so fluffy and has so much fur fluff. And other times it looks like they are chasing to play because she will roll on her tummy or he will be on his tummy while she is biting him, but it doesn't look like it hurts him because he just lays there and kinda pats her with his paw. They are not cuddly (not even with us), but if I lay him down next to her, she will begin to groom his head and he will let her for a little bit. And when he has licked her, she doesn't like it. For the most part, it seems like they can tolerate each other. I am not sure what is going on. They are fed next to each other and share the water fountains/litterboxes. I'm thinking since he is still young and is driving her nuts?? Anyone have any experience with this??

 

[calicosrspecial]

Well, it sounds like this is just play albeit a bit rough at times. Pretty normal stuff. He is a kitten with boundless energy and wanting to play. The fact that they eat together, groom, expose their bellies etc and don't cause injury tells me that they do not want to hurt each other. That is very good. So the future of them together should be positive.

With that said, I like to get them to play. Da bird works really well. You can one to play and have the other one watch (and vice versa) and possibly get them to play together. After the play give them treats or feed. The benefits are twofold, you can tire them out (so they will be less inclined to chase etc) and the cats realize that they can be near and interested in something other than the other cat. The older cat might not have the stamina that the younger kitten has but you can do another play session with the younger cat to tire him out.

I take care of a colony of ferals. And sometimes a couple of the boys get a bit rough with each other. They love each other but the one will do the nip (like a love bite) but he knows the limitations that they learned as kittens. And they will swat and it will look worse than what it really is. I know the cats so I don't worry but I do say "knock it off" in a stern voice but I don't worry they will hurt each other. To an outsider they would worry. My point really is, cats learn the boundaries early in life and it sounds like your cats know the boundaries. But it is always good to encourage them to get along. Playing with something other than each other helps in that.

Give them a lot of love, a lot of places to go high (cat trees, window perches etc) and they should settle down after a while (they are still young with a lot of energy so a lot of play should help tire them out but they will continue to play).

I hope this helps and please ask anything. 

 

[jetta1400]

Thank you for your response. I do try to get them to play together, but usually one watches the other play. The only thing they seem to do together is play with real insects that come into the house...lol. They seem to take turns batting at it. I'm hoping it will get better, but the fact that the male outweighs the female and pounces on her, scaring her (it seems) and resulting in her running away is what concerns me. I try to intervene and separate when that happens. I just hope he is not bulling her. I know dogs settle their place in regards to the alpha male, but cats are harder to read.

 

[calicosrspecial]

You are welcome.

Cats have a hierarchy as well. My guess is she will be/remain "Top Cat".

I think he is just playing since it does not seem like there is any real aggression. When she runs what does he do?

It is hard to know exactly what is going on as I don't see it. Does the male show any aggression at any time? How do their ears look? Their tails? Their eyes?

Kittens learn a lot when they are beginning to interact, how to play, where the limits are, etc. As long as he was around his siblings for a little while I would guess he learned the appropriate behavior.

Sometimes cats get a little rough playing. My inside cats and the feral colony I take care do at times. Last night one of the feral boys wrestled one of the girls to the ground and she got up and ran. It was just play. She ran before I could open the door and say "knock it off". They tend to know their limits.

If you do see him ready to pounce on her you can always either say "no" in a stern voice or if you have a toy or it is nearby distract with a toy. Also, try to tire him out with a lot of play (though I am sure he has boundless energy).

I would rather doubt that he has any intention of hurting her and if he did she would let out a sound or even defend herself (or run) but accidents can happen. But cats are pretty resilient. 

Any more details you can provide could help shed more light on the situation but it all sounds pretty normal and eventually it will settle down. 

 

[jetta1400]

When he pounces on her, she runs and he chases her into another room. Sometimes the chases seem intense. Then I intervene so that the chase does not continue. Sometimes their ears are back and the male is kinda looking at her like he is sizing her up. There have been times when he suddenly takes off running her over in the process and then she chases him. The female will stalk him with a wagging tail and dilated pupils. Yesterday the male was a demon and was running around like crazy with his mouth opened (I don't think he was hot). I had to give him a time out in another room. Today they have been calm, but then again they have been sleeping for most of the day. I don't know if they get into their moods which affects their "play"?? Sometimes they can walk right past each other, but when he tries to smell her backside, she swats him and tries to bite him. He is fixed and has been since we brought him home.

 

[calicosrspecial]

Ok, it is a little more than I thought. But they have not actually fought, correct?

I really believe in using play, food, height and love to get cats to get along. I would really get them to play either with one (and the other watching) and vice versa and if possible get them to play together. Cats tend to like to play and when they play they have good feelings and associate the other cat with good stuff (play). After play then feed either treats or food. Also, get them to eat together (again to associate the other cat with good stuff). Usually I do wet food for this and something special like warm chicken thighs. Warm chicken thighs have done miracles for me. Then try to give them a number of places they can go high (cat trees, tops of armoires, window perches, etc.). It also helps when if the cats will not play together if the one cat watches from up high while the other one plays. And if you can give them a lot of comfy beds in different areas of your home I find that helpful so they can go into different areas and be alone if they want. Finally, give a lot of love to each. If there is anyway to get them to purr around the other cat and vice versa. Anytime we associate the other cat with something good I think it helps. 

I usually do this in serious problem cat situations and have had good results. I don't think your situation is that bad (I am assuming there is no actual fighting) so this should help as well.

I personally tend not to like to take territory away. If he acts like a demon and if there is anyway you can get him to play to use up some of that energy I think that could help. After play then feed either food or treats. He should then calm down a bit.

He is young and full of energy so he will chase at times. But we want it to be play and nothing more. If the other cat is confident and puts him in his place then it should happen less often (and vice versa). Having confident cats (which the play, food, height and love builds) should reduce the risk of anything escalating. The more they know the other cat doesn't want to hurt them the less likely there will be an escalation.

Please let me know how things progress. I hope this helps. 

 

[jetta1400]

Thank you again. I will try to increase to play time. I do find that the female tends to watch him more than to participate, but I think it may be because she is older and maybe a little over chasing things on strings. I do have cat trees where the female retreats to. Unfortunately, I can't reward him with any other food because he is on a restricted diet due to intestinal issues. But I do try to feed them together and they have no problem with eating next to each other. Today the female ran towards him and then suddenly laid herself down on her side kinda exposing her belly. It looked like she was wanting to play. She is a skidish cat and I sometimes wonder if she doesn't understand how to play. I will continue to observe and I time play and treats (he can have a few treats, like 2...lol). Thank you again >^^

 

[jetta1400]

Thank you again. I will try to increase to play time. I do find that the female tends to watch him more than to participate, but I think it may be because she is older and maybe a little over chasing things on strings. I do have cat trees where the female retreats to. Unfortunately, I can't reward him with any other food because he is on a restricted diet due to intestinal issues. But I do try to feed them together and they have no problem with eating next to each other. Today the female ran towards him and then suddenly laid herself down on her side kinda exposing her belly. It looked like she was wanting to play. She is a skidish cat and I sometimes wonder if she doesn't understand how to play. I will continue to observe and I time play and treats (he can have a few treats, like 2...lol). Thank you again

 

[jetta1400]

i forgot to answer your question about them actually fighting. I would say no, but like I mentioned before I have seen him sizing her up (in fact today and had his back arched a little). And he has giving a meow when doing so. As far as her, she hasn't quite behaved like that. She has hissed at him before and ran away, but it has been a while since she last did that. I sometimes wonder if he may want to mate with her, because sometimes he tries to smell her backside as she is simply walking past. Then she will either swat him or sit down. They are both fix (since 8 weeks).

 

[catlover73]

My male cat Sonny sniffs my female cat Starbucks but. She hates it so she hisses at him and runs away.  If I am home when this happens she hisses at him and jumps in my lap to get away from him.  I don't think he is trying to  mate with her because he usually will try to groom her head afterwards which makes her hiss more.  When he is not sniffing her but they get a long fine.  He also does this to my other two male cats sometimes but they do not care. My male cats turn around and start grooming him when he sniffs their buts.  All of my cats are fixed.

It sounds like these two may still be establishing boundaries with each other and sometimes this can take a while.   When I adopted Sonny he used to chase Starbuck around to play.  She did not like and the noises she would make made it sound like she was being murdered.  I would try to re-direct Sonny with a toy when he would chase her.  We have other cats and they do chase each other around to play.  Over time Sonny learned that Starbuck just did not want to play with him.  He rarely chases her to play anymore. He does this to my two younger cats and they also chase him around.  Starbuck is older and not very playful anymore.  She will play with the other cats but she has to be the one to start the play.  Once in a while she will start chasing Sonny around and as long as she is leading the chase everything is fine.  Starbuck is my oldest cat and Sonny is the 2nd oldest.  Sonny is the alpha in my house.  All my cats are adults now the oldest one is 9 years old and the youngest is two years old.  Sonny was adopted in late kitten hood and was a big cat then.  My hubby and I think Starbuck may have been scared or Sonny when we first adopted him due to the size difference. Starbuck is the smallest cat in my home.  We adopted Apollo when he was three months old as a play mate for Sonny.  Sonny and Apollo bonded quickly and it really helped settle things down between Starbuck and Sonny.  Starbuck was not scared of Apollo and I think it is because he was smaller than her when we adopted him .  Plus Apollo never tried to chase Starbuck around.

We later ended up adding a 7 week old kitten to our household that adopted my hubby.  His name is Casey and he was really small when we got him.  Starbuck bonded very well with him.  If Casey was chasing her too much she would his at him and bop him with her paw.  She taught him boundaries and this was something she would not try to do with Sonny.

 

[jaxtabby]

I got three young boy brothers and most of the time the play is just for fun but there are times when it turns into a fight.  5 minutes later all is forgotten and they are grooming each other.

Just hope they do not accidentally hurt each other!

ThreeYoungMen.jpg

• jaxtabby
• Jun 28, 2016

 

[jetta1400]

Very cute kitties! Thank you all for your stories. I've heard about people getting a third cat and things getting a little better. I sometimes wonder if it's the female's skidishness that makes things intense because in the past my first cat was a male and did well when I brought in another cat. That male cat was very passive, unlike the current female I have now. I had heard that Ragdolls are passive and that is why we got one because our current female is skidish. I'm wondering if his size is intimidating to her.

 

[calicosrspecial]

She may be a bit bored with play since she is a little older. But it is good that she watches him play. Anytime they interact without going after each other is good. Great that she goes up high in a cat tree. A nice positive. We don't want her low and hiding under a couch or a bed. That tells me she is doing alright. And great that they eat together, again, something positive being associated with the other cat. Great.

Great that she ran towards him and exposed her belly. Again, if she was worried about him she wouldn't do that.

And so glad they haven't actually fought.

On the backside smelling sometimes cats do that, why I am not sure. I do not worry too much about it and it is normal for the cat that is getting sniffed to get a bit annoyed.

I think catlover73 is right about establishing the boundaries still. But I am not too worried given what you have written. Cats always have moments but they tend to know where to stop before hurting the other cat.

It could be that since your female was an only cat it is taking a bit of time to adjust. But he may just help her become less skittish.

The fact that they both sound pretty confident is a good thing. She goes high, she holds her ground, etc. Accidents can happen but I think everything you mention sounds pretty normal. I don't think you have to worry too much but please just keep up on building their confidence and I think things will work out fine.

JaxTabby,

Great pic!! What an adorable group!! There are two orange Tabby's in my feral colony and they are great cats. Love them. Thanks for sharing.

 

[jetta1400]

Thanks again for all the info. I'm feeling more positive. I've just never had cats that have taken so long to get along nicely. The good thing about the cat tree is that it truly is a safe place for the female because my male is not a climber or jumper, which is good for me because he is a messy litterbox user and will sometimes step in his poop, which is a whole other story along with his digestive problems! Today I intervened what could of been a chase session and got them playing, followed by treats, and leaving them napping. I will just try to be more involved in intervening potential aggression play. However, once I'm back at work, I will continue to keep them separated just in case anything goes wrong and I feel more comfortable leaving them unsupervised. Here's a picture of them. Don't let it fool you. She was napping and I placed him on the bed just to have her groom his head. She likes to lick him, but he can't decide if he enjoys it. He reminds me of a toddler who's hair needs to be brushed and doesn't quite want it because he wants to go play.

image.jpg

• jetta1400
• Jul 21, 2016

 

[calicosrspecial]

You are welcome.

Great pic, they are absolutely gorgeous!! It is great that she wants to groom him.

I don't think it is necessary to intervene on every chase session. Only if it looks like it might (or is) getting a bit too rough. They really need to figure it out between them. I don't think either one wants to hurt the other one. I know it can be nerve racking but they understand what is right and wrong more than we think. 

It was great that they were distracted by the play, then they ate and slept. Awesome. The fact they care more about playing than chasing tells me that the chasing isn't too bad (more of a play thing). 

I understand that you would feel comfortable keeping them separated when you go back to work but I do think that it would probably be best for them to be able to keep their territory they have now and be allowed to go wherever they go now. Sometimes taking territory away can cause issues. Most of the time during the day the cats will be sleeping anyway and as long as your girl has a safe place (the cat tree) things should be fine. If they had fights in the past I would be more concerned but they seem to get along pretty well. I think you will see some nice progress in how they get along in the near future so I hope that will help get you more comfortable that they'll be able to have the territory they normally have and be together when you go back to work.

Please ask anything and let me know how things progress. They look like such sweeties in that pic, they are so gorgeous.