Will my cat ever enjoy being touched?

[lissalouie]

Such a melodramatic title, I know, but I wanted to hear some people's experiences with touch-neutral cats.

Not touch-shy. Not touch-adverse. But touch-neutral.

I adopted Maisie about a month and a half ago. She's anywhere from 4-10 years old depending on which vet you ask (I'm guessing in the middle, 6-ish). Little is known about her history; she was rescued off the streets with a single kitten late last year, and then spent three months confined with her kitten in a bathroom before being brought to a shelter. The shelter spayed her, adopted out her kitten, and then moved her to my local SPCA to give her a better chance of finding her forever home. I adopted her a week after she arrived at the SPCA.

It's been wonderful so far. She and my other cat, Rory, had the most drama-free adult cat introduction possible. I would actually go as far as to say they're already friends. She LOVES to play. When I first got her, I thought she must be very old because her muscles were so weak; turns out they just needed some time to regain their strength! If allowed, she will play for hours without rest. She also LOVES to wrestle Rory, which is shocking to me! I was so nervous a girl cat would hate Rory's love of wrestling, but she's actually the more persistent one.

She is not fussy about food (except she always wants more), she has immaculate litter box habits, and she is generally a very easy cat.

The only issue--if we have to call it that--is that she... doesn't seem to care about being touched.

She was very snuggly with me when we first took her home, as is natural for some cats in a new environment. But once she became more comfortable with her surroundings, she has stopped seeking any sort of physical attention from me whatsoever. She will occasionally come over to head butt my hand, but she doesn't seem to care either way about being pet. She doesn't mind being brushed (to an extent) but will walk away with a little chirp if I pet her more than once. She doesn't seem scared--she doesn't hiss or anything--but just indifferent to being touched.

In fact, when I give the cats their nightly Churu, she will climb on top of me in bed to reach it. But if I pet her while she is eating, she just doesn't seem to register my touch at all.

If this is how she is, it's totally fine. But I am so used to cats who love to be pet, who purr when touched or scritched. However, all my other cats are/were former bottle babies, while her history is unknown. She does have fairly bad teeth and we have a dental scheduled for August, which may help her a bit with feeling comfortable being touched on her face. But I mostly just wanted to know whether or not other people have had similar kitties in their past, and if they ever decided that being touched was awesome, haha. I have zero expectations, but am trying to temper my hopes.

 

[Robyn5678]

I have a cat that prefers not to be touched unless it’s on her terms. She just shys away if I try. I’ve had her since she was 4 months old (almost 3 now) so I know it’s not abuse. She tends to be more open to pets and cuddles when I’m laying in bed.

my other cat is the total opposite and he’d be surgically attached to me if I allowed him

 

[FeebysOwner]

Hi. Anything is possible. It sounds like she was likely on her own a lot, given she was not spayed and had a kitten at her age. She is probably not all that accustomed to a domestic cat lifestyle, so it stands to reason that human touch hasn't been important to her in the potential life she has led.

The very fact that she was initially a bit cuddly says she can get to that place again. She was just insecure and is now coming into her own as her confidence re-builds into a life she has really never truly consistently known.

Just give it time - it hasn't been that long - and see what happens.

 

[Tobermory]

I agree with FeebysOwner . Maisie needs to learn how to socialize with people. It can be a slow process and requires patience, but with time, she should be more comfortable with pets and scritches. I suggest that you carry on a one-sided conversation with her. Talk to her a lot quietly, but often. Encourage her to approach you by getting on her level if you can. Let her give you head butts and rubs. Even the two older street cats I adopted finally came around. In Mocha’s case, it took months, but she’s now a lap cat and actually answers when I talk to her!

 

[Margot Lane]

Were it my cat, I’d sit near her, sit on the floor and soothingly talk to her…a lot.

 

[maggie101]

Such a melodramatic title, I know, but I wanted to hear some people's experiences with touch-neutral cats.

Not touch-shy. Not touch-adverse. But touch-neutral.

I adopted Maisie about a month and a half ago. She's anywhere from 4-10 years old depending on which vet you ask (I'm guessing in the middle, 6-ish). Little is known about her history; she was rescued off the streets with a single kitten late last year, and then spent three months confined with her kitten in a bathroom before being brought to a shelter. The shelter spayed her, adopted out her kitten, and then moved her to my local SPCA to give her a better chance of finding her forever home. I adopted her a week after she arrived at the SPCA.

It's been wonderful so far. She and my other cat, Rory, had the most drama-free adult cat introduction possible. I would actually go as far as to say they're already friends. She LOVES to play. When I first got her, I thought she must be very old because her muscles were so weak; turns out they just needed some time to regain their strength! If allowed, she will play for hours without rest. She also LOVES to wrestle Rory, which is shocking to me! I was so nervous a girl cat would hate Rory's love of wrestling, but she's actually the more persistent one.

She is not fussy about food (except she always wants more), she has immaculate litter box habits, and she is generally a very easy cat.

The only issue--if we have to call it that--is that she... doesn't seem to care about being touched.

She was very snuggly with me when we first took her home, as is natural for some cats in a new environment. But once she became more comfortable with her surroundings, she has stopped seeking any sort of physical attention from me whatsoever. She will occasionally come over to head butt my hand, but she doesn't seem to care either way about being pet. She doesn't mind being brushed (to an extent) but will walk away with a little chirp if I pet her more than once. She doesn't seem scared--she doesn't hiss or anything--but just indifferent to being touched.

In fact, when I give the cats their nightly Churu, she will climb on top of me in bed to reach it. But if I pet her while she is eating, she just doesn't seem to register my touch at all.

If this is how she is, it's totally fine. But I am so used to cats who love to be pet, who purr when touched or scritched. However, all my other cats are/were former bottle babies, while her history is unknown. She does have fairly bad teeth and we have a dental scheduled for August, which may help her a bit with feeling comfortable being touched on her face. But I mostly just wanted to know whether or not other people have had similar kitties in their past, and if they ever decided that being touched was awesome, haha. I have zero expectations, but am trying to temper my hopes.

That title made me laugh! My 11 year old cat has never liked to be touched since she was 5 weeks. Very hard to hold since she is squirmy and barely weighs anything. In her old age she is more willing to sit on my lap when she wants to. I am not the boss

 

[KittyCat_chitchat]

To add to all of the above, many people have observed that, (in general - there will always be exceptions), male cats tend to be cuddly goofballs and females, while they can be just as affectionate, tend to prefer that affection on their terms. Maisie may never be a touchy-feely cat, but she'll have other ways of showing affection. Good on you for being prepared to accept her as herself and not trying to force anything on her.

Having said that, my tortie girl Cleo had a similar background to Maisie. She was a stray mama, but she's younger than Maisie is estimated to be and she'd just been with the one foster family for two months. They told me she'd initially been scared and traumatised and had just hidden under a couch in her sanctuary room, but they'd put work into sitting with her, talking to her quietly and reading aloud to her, and letting her do things at her pace. By the time my family adopted her, she was really sweet with them and they could pick her up for fuss. On her first day home with us, she almost immediately started exploring her sanctuary room and interacting with us, but she wasn't sure about petting. She'd accept a quick scritch, but would be like "whatever", and walk off. She was never timid, just a bit uncertain. After a couple of nights, I was sitting on the floor talking to her and she came over and went to sleep on my legs. Seven months on, she's a super sweet lap cat who you wouldn't know had ever lived anywhere else.

Bottom line: Keep doing what you're doing. Engage with Maisie, even when she doesn't engage with you. She may never be a lapcat, but she may also surprise you!