Why Does Life have to be this way?

[butterflydream]

Went to the American Legion today, they sent me to the Veterans Services center here in town, I signed over a power of attorney (limited) to them to handle my VA claim.

I think I have an easier time communicating with people online because there is no body language.

I read a smile (or lack thereof) as a sign of rejection/acceptance. I had a really bad day at work one time because a person who would say hello to me every morning, one morning didn't. I took it to mean she was mad at me for some not known mistake I made and would never speak to me again.

My history with friends is the same. Or I misinterpret something they say to me and get totally angry with them to the point where I decide never to speak to them again...(I'm like that with alot of people).

My MIL is a nice woman, don't get me wrong, she has alot of issues herself which she is trying to deal with....she takes psychiatrict meds and has mood disorders, Lyme Disease, and God knows what else since she refuses to have her medical tests done (she is also on blood thinners).

Today was an okay day with the kids...it's all relative with her mood. DH backs me up on the whole situation and has spoken to his father, who will then speak to his mother (My FIL backs us up as well).

The American Legion also suggested I go to the nearest VA medical facility and register with them....they can take care of my medical care and my psychiatrict care as well (and my meds should only cost $7.00 vs the $350 and $250 that I pay for them).

So that should help tremendously. DH is looking for work in the various warehouses and such doing basic machinery work. There are several companies around here that are hiring and he is in the process of calling them and setting up interviews (they are hiring people that don't have experiance, which is great).

And starting pay is 12.50-14.50 an hour.

If I'm rambling around I apologize, I've got a bit of a headache and am just not feeling well today....very down today. Possible it's the cloudy/rainy weather combined with all the stress.

 

[lunasmom]

:claps:

Yea, it sounds like your day ended better!

Last night my class and I were talking about the Psychology online. Going online you can choose to be someone else or the same person you are everyday. Typically if you're shy, its quite difficult to be shy online (thinking as in not talking to anyone) and still be known to be present.
I personally like to think of typing online as another way to tap into a side of our personality that we don't get to exercise on a day to day basis...whether its because we feel insecure in person and suffer anxiety because of this and then go online and become friends with a ton of people or whatever.
Just my input.

Zissou'sMom did make a good point. Really if you think abuot it, who in this day and age doesn't have some sort of personality or mental disorder. Whether its Anxiety, PTSD, Depression, Bi-Polar, etc...in the end though you have to determine whether you want it to be your crutch or excuse the rest of your life, or embrace it as a part of your personality

 

[butterflydream]

Well we are starting to suspect that my problem may not be entirely a mental health issue afterall.

Just because of my headaches, tired-ness, and mood liability, we decided that today we'd test my blood sugar levels (which do vary throughout the day).

After we got back from the VA stuff.....we had stopped to get Wendy's...I got a large Mello Yello.

DH checked my blood sugar using a glucometer (my FIL has a couple)...it was 124.

3 hours later it was 90.

Then before I ate supper (just now)....DH checked it real quick....and my blood sugar was 66.

I was having blood sugar problems during my pregnancy with my son but it wasn't gestational diabetes....I was having extreme bouts of dizziness and one day I was walking back to work after picking up the EKGs from the various floors and this nurse came up behind me cause I was walking weird...

She walked me to L&D. They checked my urine, my BPs, and then the Doc said, why doesn't someone go ahead and check her blood sugar. Sure enough, it was 51. (They said IF it had dropped one more point I would have passed out).

I am a totally different persona online but I'm not. I get off of here some nights and think.....what if that thing I said was so stupid that no one will comment or maybe they are just saying I'm okay just to be nice...yadda yadda yadda.

My brain sort of fires these negatives at me all the time. It's all I heard when I was growing up, it's all I heard from my peers, and it's all I heard from my ex. So for 21 years of my 26 years all I heard from other people in my life was negative comments about myself.

It's hard to change what your mind has accepted as truth, even if it isn't. Without alot of work and some help.

 

[butterflydream]

We tested my blood sugar again (we ate 45 minutes ago) and it went from 66 to 135. Something is going on here that could explain my mood stability. But what?

Anyways....like I said today was a better day...all things considered....my BIL will be here tomorrow and DH is not on good terms with him....due to a major difference of opinion about helping people out (my BIL thinks people should fend for themselves but DH and I as well as my ILs think if someone needs help and it's yours to give you should give it....).

We are all Christians....my BIL is campus directer for the Campus Crusade for Christ, so it's hard to understand why he feels that way. DH, me and the ILs here think it's our duty if you will as Christians to give when we can and esp if it's needed more than we need it (if that makes sense?)

 

[pat]

Originally Posted by ButterflyDream

We tested my blood sugar again (we ate 45 minutes ago) and it went from 66 to 135. Something is going on here that could explain my mood stability. But what?

Anyways....like I said today was a better day...all things considered....my BIL will be here tomorrow and DH is not on good terms with him....due to a major difference of opinion about helping people out (my BIL thinks people should fend for themselves but DH and I as well as my ILs think if someone needs help and it's yours to give you should give it....).

We are all Christians....my BIL is campus directer for the Campus Crusade for Christ, so it's hard to understand why he feels that way. DH, me and the ILs here think it's our duty if you will as Christians to give when we can and esp if it's needed more than we need it (if that makes sense?)

Take your log of blood sugars in to your doctor/a doctor...to me..it sounds like doing a 3 hour glucose tolerance test would be a good idea, or whatever they currently do to track several hour reaction to a shot of glucola.

I am pre-diabetic, and to help not proceed, I track my blood sugars. I shoot for a fasting under 100, but accept anything under 110 as okay. I test pre my one meal of the day where I eat complex carbs, and then again 2 hours after. My goal is to not go over 120 at that 2 hour post dinner test, and I'm usually 87 to 89 pre-this meal.

You are having a pretty good swing up from that 66 to 135, enough that I'd honestly get right in to be evaluated for this. Then you can adjust diet and get this under control (whatever this is).

best wishes to you, all I can say is I've been down so low there truly was no place left except death or up. I made it, I think you will to. You have lots of support here, and what sounds like a wonderful dh.

 

[lunasmom]

Originally Posted by ButterflyDream

We tested my blood sugar again (we ate 45 minutes ago) and it went from 66 to 135. Something is going on here that could explain my mood stability. But what?

B is diabetic and when his blood sugar drops, he is very moody and irritable. The weird thing with him is that his body is comfortable btwn 350-400 sugar level. When he had to get a physical for work, he spent 3 weeks maintaining a healthy blood sugar level and his blood sugar would do this. He'd finish eating and be at 125. Thirty minutes later he would be in a cold sweat but still at 100. An hour later he would be at 85. Then sometime after that 65-70. So then the bag of chocolates gets eaten...blood sugar goes back up to 105. It's a crazy crazy cycle.
Good thing you're beginning to watch it!

 

[bob'smom]

Originally Posted by ButterflyDream

As an answer to a question, it's not social anxiety that I have it's Avoidant Personality Disorder.


Avoidant personality disorder (sometimes abbreviated APD or AvPD), or anxious personality disorder, is a personality disorder characterised by a pervasive pattern of social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy, and extreme sensitivity to negative evaluation. People with avoidant personality disorder often consider themselves to be socially inept or personally unappealing, and avoid social interaction for fear of being ridiculed or humiliated.
Avoidant personality disorder usually is first noticed in early adulthood, and is associated with perceived or actual rejection by parent or peers during childhood. Whether the rejection is due to the extreme interpersonal monitoring attributed to people with the disorder is still an open question.

Thank you for posting this. It describes me to a T, and explains why just counsilling has never worked for me. I'm going to bring this up with my doctor. Just knowing it has a name makes me feel better. I do hope that things get better for you real soon. I know what holding patterns (such as waiting for a job or house) are like - for some family reasons I have to put off getting a new car and mine probably won't last much longer.