Why do some cats not like to be held?

[dejolane]

I have a 3 year old cat named Bella who is always up my rear and laying on me when ever she gets a chance. She sleeps on my hip at night and there when I wake up.

My problem is with our 7 month old Thunder. She plays like a kitten,very wild but when we pick her up she just wants down. What to do ? They both are indoor cats.

 

[sk_pacer]

Mine range from "Carry me" to 'If you even THINK about touching me, I will slap you and if you try to pick me up, your hands are toast!!". It's kinda like asking why another human doesn't like liver or whatever....there really is no answer

 

[catlover73]

I definitely think it is a personality thing with being held.  I have 3 cats.  Tegato my 17 year old hates being picked up.  He loves to cuddle and sleeps on my head.  He can be very demanding when he wants attention but will not tolerate being picked up.  I have owned him since the day he was born.  He was with his mother until he was 8 weeks old.  

Sonny I adopted when he was just under a year old.  I was around him when he was a baby though since a friend of mine rescued him, his siblings and mom.  I helped socialize Sonny when he was a baby.  He would climb all over me and take naps on me when I visited him.  He did not care for being held as a baby but was affectionate.  I had two senior cats when my friend had Sonny and was not looking to add a family member at that time.  Sonny was adopted by someone else and later returned to my friend.  Right when Sonny was returned to her my then 15 year old cat had a stroke and I had to put him to sleep.  My hubby was talking to my friend's hubby and found out about Sonny being returned and we decided to adopt him.  He is a total lap cat and will follow me around the house.  He will let me pick him up and put him in my lap if I am sitting somewhere that he can not jump in my lap.  He does not let  me pick him up and carry him around though.  He greets me at the door when I get home from work everyday and meows at me until I sit down on the couch so he can jump in my lap.  He sit in my lap purring and cleaning me.

Starbuck was adopted by us at around 6 weeks old.  We know she was separated from her mommy around 4 weeks old because she was thrown out a car window and wound up being taken in temporarily by a friend's family.  I think they had her for 2 weeks before we adopted her.  She loved to be picked up when she was a baby but not so much now.  My hubby can pick her up if he is sitting at his desk and hold her like a baby but it has to be on her terms. She walks up to him and puts her paws on his legs when she wants to be held.  She does not let me hold her.  She is daddy's little girl.

 

[levi68]

I think some its personality but I believe that some cats (especially nervous ones) feel trapped when held.  I know that alot of cats and kittens who have had to grow up on the street do  not like to be held. They feel like they can't defend themselves if necessary. Instead of considering your embrace as love, they feel like they are vulnerable. There "escape" option has been taken away.

I really noticed this in my last foster mom. Sweetest girl ever! As soon as I picked her up and there was any slight noise or movement she sprang from my arms on high alert. She needed to be able to "run" if necessary. In time, this did improve alot.

Most animals have the fight or flight instinct and feral or nervous cats feel safer on the ground.

I think some are just too busy to be bothered or just plain don't like it.

 

[redvelvetone]

I do think it's the personality of the cat, and to some degree, socialization.

I have a former feral, whom we adopted at the age of 5 months - before this he lived outside and was not socialized beyond someone setting out food for him and his brother and mother. He's not a lap cat - however he's a not quite a year and a half old now, and he still is racing around the house etc so it's possible that may change as he gets older. From what I remember of my old (RIP) cat when he was younger, he didn't start to snuggle until he was a little older.

That being said, Magnus (the new guy) was very shy when we first got him. To this day, he only is comfortable around my husband and I, and hides from strangers. However, we socialized him very slowly, and let him get his bearings at his own pace. he lived under my bed for a month, before deciding he could come out and explore the rest of the house, but we didn't rush him. I also slowly got him used to being picked up, and would put him down immediately if he wanted to get down, so he would not associate being picked up with being confined. At this point, he liked being picked up. I can pick him up and he'll purr against me and even stretch out and let you rub his belly. I should note I do normally hold him up against my shoulder in a sitting position with his front paws on my shoulder and his backpaws on my other arm. He likes this, and then also at this point will let me hold him horizontal and stretched out while I give him belly rubs. He'll purr and then at some point I can tell he'll want to be put down and I do so. He also likes it if you carry him around the house to let him look out windows and other things high up out of reach. 

He also loves it if you come up to him in his window perch or his bed  and give him lots of love and attention. I'll put my arms around him and let him snuggle in this way - he'll lie against my arm or drape his body over my arm and purr. But he won't come up to me and snuggle in bed or sit on my lap. (though lately he'll sometime burrow under the blankets and sit with me for maybe 5-10 minutes before running off.)

So maybe he'll change as he gets older or he may not. It's OK though. You have to accept each cat on their own terms.

 

[angels4mom]

None of mine like it unless on their terms when they want it. Cocoa smacks me upside my head or in my face. Someone with IAMS suggested puffing in their face when they do it. This worked with Holly. Not working with Cocoa. :kitty2:

 

[nigella11]

My cat HATES being picked up or being in your lap. She will struggle and howl and bite and scratch. I have multiple scars from attempts at giving her medicine or cleaning her ears.

I've basically given up. I take her to PetCo to get her claws trimmed whenever she needs them. I ask the vet to clean her ears whenever we go to visit (which isn't often, but it's better than nothing).

It makes me sad and frustrated that it has to be like this, but she becomes so stressed and angry at home. When we're outside the house (vet, PetCo), her tendency is to be paralyzed with fear which isn't great but it allows everyone else to get what needs to be done, done. Only problem with that is that no one believes how hard it is for me to get anything done with her at home!

 

[dejolane]

Thunder is becoming very nasty lately. I can pet her then she starts growling at me and I don't know when she will stop this behavior.  I then pick her up and give her a good talking too and release her.  Can someone give me some good advice ?

 

[gailuvscats]

Yes Dejolane, stop picking up Thunder and giving her a talking to. You are only making her angry and resentful to your touch. respect her, and back off when you think she is getting irritated at your touch. swishing tail. treat her gently and talk soft. she will reciprocate.

I had replied years ago in this post describing my Pansey who does not want to be held. He now allows me to pick him up, he purrs and kneads my shoulder. He also volunteers to jump up and sit on my lap, kneeding my chest. He is so big. Patience and kindness builds up their trust in you, and it may take years, but they do come around.  I currently have another girl cat that was a foster, same story, would not be social. She is coming around. she allows me to pick her up, but  I don't push it because I know it is not her favorite thing, she will sleep with me and play with my feet in bed. she hasn't graduated to jumping on my lap yet, but I know it is just a matter of time.  Below is Pansey (male) and Violet (female)

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• gailuvscats
• Oct 16, 2013

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• gailuvscats
• Oct 16, 2013

 

[dejolane]

gailuvscats.

  I don't talk harsh to Thunder  just a sweet 10 second talk. then she starts growling and let her go. I can play with her from under the sheets and she loves it.

 

[gailuvscats]

I guess I misunderstood, hopefully she will come around.