Who is really more to blame?

[yayi]

Recently my sister-in-law discovered that her "very devout Catholic" husband has a second family with 3 children. SIL confronted the mistress and blamed her for everything. COME ON. Don't tell me she thinks her husband is innocent in fathering 3 kids with this woman. What is that?
He's still with SIL and their own children and probably taking care of his other family. Sheesh!!!

If you were my sister in law, what would you have done?

 

[loveysmummy]

This is your brother then? How horrible! She shouldn't blame the woman. That is sad.
THis happened to my sister as well when the sheriff's dept showed up at her door regarding back pay to children she didn't know about (TWICE IN ONE MONTH FOR TWO DIFFERENT CHILDREN!)

It also happened to me kind of when one of my best friends blamed me when her boyfriend hit on me and I told her. She attempted to blame me for "provoking" him as I am "Better Looking" than her.. That didn't fly and I let her know so.

SO sad for your family!

 

[marie-p]

Wow. Sorry for your SIL to be in a situation like that!

Did the other woman know he had another family? Maybe she was just as innocent in all this as your SIL. If she did know, she does deserve a good part of the blame.

If it happened to me, I would probably be more mad at my husband than the other woman... he's the one who's been lying your SIL's face for years and betraying her trust.

If your SIL is very religious, maybe she is hesitant to blame her husband because she is scared of having to divorce.

 

[yayi]

Originally Posted by Loveysmummy

This is your brother then?

Nope. SIL is my late husband's sis. AND I have no brothers.

 

[captiva]

I would be mad at him. You know, when people are first faced with shocking news, I would suppose it's just natural to blame the person that they don't know or removed from her immediate family. Maybe she will get angry at him very soon

 

[scamperfarms]

if this happened to me? it takes two to tango..and he would be on the curb. period.

 

[arlyn]

It's not the other woman's fault, not going to say it's SIL's hubby's fault, or SIL's fault either, could be something was seriously wrong in their marriage.

 

[catsknowme]

Well, as my mom used to say - the French woman gets rid of the man; the Italian woman gets rid of the other woman; the Spanish woman gets rid of them both and gets another man! .... that Spanish blood runs true in this girl, as I have found out from my own experience. Your poor SIL - what an awful situation! Does your country make the man give his wife decent spousal support - too, too often divorce is a business decision, no matter how humiliating the marriage is...

 

[journey]

Originally Posted by yayi

Recently my sister-in-law discovered that her "very devout Catholic" husband has a second family with 3 children. SIL confronted the mistress and blamed her for everything. COME ON. Don't tell me she thinks her husband is innocent in fathering 3 kids with this woman. What is that?
He's still with SIL and their own children and probably taking care of his other family. Sheesh!!!

If you were my sister in law, what would you have done?

Oh my goodness! I would be so shocked I wouldn't even know what to do!! But yeah, did this other woman KNOW about your SIL? If she did, I would kick her a**. Then kick his.

 

[MoochNNoodles]

Oh my! The poor thing! I'd be lost if I had to deal with that! I have no idea what I would do!

This is not a stab against Catholics in any way(my Great Aunt is a nun and the majority of my family is Catholic also), but my Grandmother did tell me once about a 'devout Catholic' man in thier church who considered divorce a greater 'sin' than adultry, hence it was better to cheat than divorce??? She didn't get it either.

I hope she is able to think clearly soon and do what is best for her.

 

[sunnicat]

I guess that I agree, if the other woman knew about your SIL, then she is as much to blame. If not, then this guy was wayyy too good at lying to both of them! I think he needs to be put out on his butt, with a healthy dose of child support to remind him every month of what a jerk he was!

 

[purr]

People usually blame the other woman/man because it's easier for them to see that person as the one that caused the pain, rather than the person they're in love with.

I'm sorry that happened to her.

If I were her I'd have gotten a lawyer and filed for divorce the next day.

 

[ollyextra05]

Originally Posted by ScamperFarms

if this happened to me? it takes two to tango..and he would be on the curb. period.

Plus, if it were me, he'd be on the curb with a very, very bruised groin area.

 

[chiclett_33]

i would be peeved mostly at my husband!! (lol) whenever something like that happens..the husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/wife are like never to blame! actually..i mean who knows what the 'other' wife knew? if she honestly thought this was some single charming man..then poor her also..but..i would..try at least, to forget about the scum man and..i dont know! i cant even imagine that im only 19! what has this world come to man! lol. good luck in it all though..

 

[yayi]

Originally Posted by journey

Oh my goodness! I would be so shocked I wouldn't even know what to do!! But yeah, did this other woman KNOW about your SIL? If she did, I would kick her a**. Then kick his.

Yes. She's his business associate.

 

[tigerfanfrv]

you know what i would have done if my husband had children on the side??? i would have kicked his behind to the curb.

 

[journey]

Originally Posted by yayi

Yes. She's his business associate.

yup, kick hers first then.
how horribly cruel - what horrible people.

 

[yayi]

Originally Posted by MoochNNoodles

... my Grandmother did tell me once about a 'devout Catholic' man in thier church who considered divorce a greater 'sin' than adultry, hence it was better to cheat than divorce???

He probably thinks that way too and has convinced my sister in law too.

 

[miss mew]

She should be mad at the man!!, he's the one who's supposed to be true to her.. She doens't know the woman.

 

[pandybear]

Recently my sister-in-law discovered that her "very devout Catholic" husband has a second family with 3 children.

nothing aginst the author of this thread but lots of men do stuff like this and every time a Catholic or Christian man does it their faith is mentioned, if a non religious man cheated i doubt we would have a thread saying 'extremely non-religious' husband, i just don't think it's fair to spotlight it, all people do bad things, some are religious and some aren't, just because someone is religious it doesn't mean they don't do aweful things and lots of non religious people are totally caring and kind, it's just people, there are good and bad, religion doesn't always make a difference in what people do.

sorry to thread hijack and i do realise that religious men should know better etc but in the end they are still just men and make mistakes just like everyone else.

back on topis, what is she going to do? will she stay with him?



felicia