When is it ever the right time?

[tisjaeso]

Hello fellow cat lovers.

My cat, Miballs, is not doing well and I don't want to say this but I'm giving up on hope that he will get better.

There are other threads about his condition (which is unknown to 3 vets) and I just don't have the money to fork out for expensive tests/treatment/MRIs. I want him to live as long as possible, I do...but he's just in SO MUCH pain it's hurting me to watch. I just feel like I haven't had enough time with him (we've had him for close to 2 years) and during the time we've had him, it's just one thing after another. 

He is diagnosed with FeLV and that might be the cause for everything, though I and the vets are not sure. 

I'm just asking those of you that had to go through certain situations similar to this, is when you think it's the right time to PTS. It kills me to think that's what I'm going to have to do if he doesn't get better. 

Please help.

Thank you.

 

[betsygee]

No, it's never the right time and it's always too soon.  I'm so sorry you're facing this decision.  Another member has been going through a similar sad time, perhaps some of the words offered by members could help you:  http://www.thecatsite.com/t/272567/...at-with-kidney-failure-has-changed-is-it-time

Here's an article that also might give you some things to think about:  http://www.thecatsite.com/a/when-is-it-time-making-the-difficult-decision

I think it's true, as many others have said, that you'll know when it's time, and I think our kitties help tell us, too.  

 

[mservant]

I am sorry that you are having to think about this and that it is so soon after Miballs came in to your life.  It always seems to feel like it is too soon, but I share the experience of others @betsygee has referred to.  I have had to make this decision three times in my life, and for all of them I felt the cat gave me the answer when I looked at them, watched them and felt how they moved, and what their expressions told me.  Their eyes were indeed the eyes to their soul.  While I felt emotional pain and grief, I never felt regret, or questioned whether I had done the right thing at the right time.  

Having a vet who will support and guide you but not take over is definitely of major importance and I have been lucky most of the time. However with the second time, my regular vet was away and an inexperienced locum didn't know what was wrong with my cat and didn't want to make any decision. This left me with a very sick cat for 3 days: thankfully my cat was not in pain or distressed as she had had such a serious neurological incident she was unaware of anything very much, but I certainly felt distressed for her.  My regular vet made an instant assessment that  her retinas were covered in little tumours and she probably had advanced tumours in her brain.  Although nothing was certain they said they agreed with what I felt was needed and everything happened straight away. Even without that definitive diagnosis there was no doubt in my mind because I knew my cat and I could look in her eyes and see her soul wasn't part of her body any more.

I hope that you will feel sure one day when you look at your cat, and because you love them you will be able to care for them and make the decision without any doubts or regrets too.  I feel it is something between a cat and the person who knows them the best, and it is your heart that will lead you.  What is right for you may not be the same as the next person but if they are a cat person they will support you. 

 

 

[tisjaeso]

Thank you for your responses.

Today, I took Miballs to the vet and I have made the heartbreaking decision to have him PTS. The vet said he might have a tumor developing near or on his spine and the root of the cause might be the leukemia. I brought him home today just so my family can say one last good-bye to a member of our family. 

Please keep us in your prayers.

Thank you.

 

[betsygee]

I'm so very sorry.  This is the hardest decision a pet owner ever has to face and I'm sorry you're going through it now.  

I don't have any wise words of consolation.  But one of our TCS members wrote this some time ago and it has helped so many of us feel at least a little bit of peace about the decision we've made--the one you've just made.  Perhaps it will help a bit (http://www.thecatsite.com/t/237066/when-the-moment-comes).

You and your family are in my thoughts.  

A note for those who have lost a cat, or are worrying about when that moment comes.

When we decide to share our lives with a cat, we are making a decision to break our own hearts. That's not melodrama. At some point, that bundle of fur will get under your skin. It doesn't matter how big and tough you are. I've seen British Army Special Forces soldiers cradling their beloved cats with tears in their eyes, hoping against hope that something will put off that fateful moment when they must part. I've seen busy mothers of five children who rule their household with an iron fist reduced to bawling children because they miss their cat. At some point, that cat will work its magic. Its eyes will connect with yours. Its head will rub against yours. Its heart will connect with yours. At that point, you secretly swear your devotion to the animal. It comes under your protection, and you will sacrifice anything to keep it safe. In return, the cat will share that look with you. The one that says "I love you too". That's a special gift, and unless you have been loved by a cat, it is a meaningless one. But if you HAVE been loved by a cat, then you know the value of that gift. It means that the cat will give you a lifetime of love. They will literally spend their entire life in your company. You will feed them, protect them, keep them warm and safe. And they will give you their entire life.

Their entire life. That's their commitment. And what is yours? Easy, you commit to the knowledge that at some point in the future you will be given a terrible decision to make. That decision will be the last you make for your cat. That decision will result in a transference of pain and suffering. You will take away all the pain and suffering of your cat, and you will begin a process of pain and suffering yourself. That's the price for the look. When they look in your eyes with love, that terrible decision is the price. It's a moment that all cat owners dread, but a moment that comes to us all.

So should we feel bad when our cat passes on? Of course we should. We are losing someone we loved, and someone that loved us. The grief will be terrible, but it will be transient. It WILL pass. You will then be left with memories. Some of these memories will bring you tears. Some of these memories will make you laugh. But the pain and the suffering will fade.

So when the moment comes, you have to find a strength within yourself. You're about to do something incredible. You're about to give a display of love and devotion rarely equalled. You will be given a decision about whether to allow your pet to suffer and thus save your own pain, or whether to remove all pain and suffering from the cat, and take it on yourself. If the time is right, you will know, and you will make the right decision. And then you should be so proud of yourself. In the midst of your own grief, and suffering, you should take such strength from the knowledge that when the moment came, you decided to choose your cat's welfare in favour of your own. What greater love can any pet owner display?

So for those that think they have to make that decision soon, take strength. Know that your moment has come. The moment where you wrap up all the love and devotion you have for your cat into one incredible moment and do what's right. For those on the other side of that decision, then well done. I'm proud of you, and your cat would be proud of you, too. Your cat is forever pain-free. You are in pain, but I promise it will pass. Don't worry, some of us know how bad that pain is. You are not alone, and we know how much it hurts. It's terrible, but it will pass. Then you will have the memories, which you should treasure.

I like to think one day I will be re-united with my pets. There will be no crashing together as we run towards each other as in the rainbow bridge poem. There will be no kisses. We will simply give each other that look. The look that says "I love you, and now I know how much you love me"

 

[mservant]

Sad news from the vet and hard decision for you.  I am so sorry you are having to go through this.  Treasure this family time, and may all your love and happy memories wrap around your heart tomorrow. 

 

[shadowsrescue]

You are in my thoughts and prayers.  I am so sorry you are having to go through this.  I know how difficult it is.

 

[mservant]

Thinking of you today.