There were two sausages in a frying pan. One sausage said to the other "Gosh isn't it hot in here" The other sausage said "OH MY GOSH, a talking sausage"
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What's your favourite bad joke?
- Thread starter KitEKats4Eva!
- Start Date
Another elephant one I'm afraid.
If you shoot a pink elephant with a pink gun,
and a blue elephant with a blue gun,
what do you shoot a green elephant with?
You tickle it pink and shoot it with the pink gun.
P.S (no elephants were hurt or shot in the writing of this joke)
If you shoot a pink elephant with a pink gun,
and a blue elephant with a blue gun,
what do you shoot a green elephant with?
You tickle it pink and shoot it with the pink gun.
P.S (no elephants were hurt or shot in the writing of this joke)
What do you get if you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
Big holes all over Australia!
What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?
A woolley jumper!
Big holes all over Australia!
What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?
A woolley jumper!
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #24
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Groan I should never have started this thread
Another one but with no elephants this time.
It was in the Readers Digest, so I hope I'm not upsetting any unwritten laws, but it tickled me, and I thought I'd pass it on.
A 70yr old lady, against the advice of her friends and family, had fertility treatment and had a baby. Her family came around and asked to see him, she said "not yet". Accepting he must be asleep and she didn't want him waking, they carried on chatting. A while later they asked again, and got the same reply. After a third enquiry, they got impatient, "why can't we see him" they asked, "we have to wait till he cries" she replied. "why on earth do we have to wait till he cries?" "Because I can't remember where I put him"
P.S (no babies were hurt or abandoned in the writing of this joke
)
It was in the Readers Digest, so I hope I'm not upsetting any unwritten laws, but it tickled me, and I thought I'd pass it on.
A 70yr old lady, against the advice of her friends and family, had fertility treatment and had a baby. Her family came around and asked to see him, she said "not yet". Accepting he must be asleep and she didn't want him waking, they carried on chatting. A while later they asked again, and got the same reply. After a third enquiry, they got impatient, "why can't we see him" they asked, "we have to wait till he cries" she replied. "why on earth do we have to wait till he cries?" "Because I can't remember where I put him"
P.S (no babies were hurt or abandoned in the writing of this joke
Now this one is only for the women so guys stop reading now
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This is a visual joke
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Why do women prefer old gynocologists?
Shaky hands!
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This is a visual joke
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Why do women prefer old gynocologists?
How do you catch a polar bear?
You chop a hole, in the ice and surround it with a ring of peas. When the polar bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole!
You chop a hole, in the ice and surround it with a ring of peas. When the polar bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole!
Cindy, very funny!
OK, I could think of 2:
Why did the owl fall out of the tree?
It was dead.
How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
Fish
(I actually LMAO when I heard that one, to the delight of the person telling it.)
OK, I could think of 2:
Why did the owl fall out of the tree?
It was dead.
How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
Fish
(I actually LMAO when I heard that one, to the delight of the person telling it.)
here's one I just got by email: (sorry it's kinda long)
A construction Boss in Boston was interviewing men when
along came a guy named Vinny from New York. I'm not hiring
any wise-ass New Yorker, the foreman thought, so he made
up a test hoping that Vinny wouldn't be able to answer the
questions, and he'd be able to refuse him the job without
getting into a dispute.
"Here's your first question," the foreman said. "Without
using numbers, represent the number 9."
"Widout numbiz?" Vinny says. "Dat's easy," and he proceeds
to draw 3 trees.
"What's this?" the boss asks.
The New Yorker Vinny replies, "Ain't you got no :censor::censor::censor::censor:'in brains?
Tree 'n Tree 'n Tree makes nine. Faghedaboutit......"
"Fair enough," says the Boss. "Here's your second question.
Use the same rules, but this time use the number 99."
Vinny stares into space for a minute, then picks up the
picture he has drawn and makes a smudge on each tree.
"Dare ya go, Buddy."
The Boss scratches his head and says,
"How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
Vinny says "Each a da tree's is dirty now!
So it's dirty tree 'n dirty tree' n dirty tree-dat's 99".
The Boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire Vinny
from New York, so he says, "All right, last question. Same
rules but this time use 100."
Vinny stares into space again, then picks up the picture once
again, makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says,
"Dare ya go, Mac, a hunnert."
The Boss looks at the picture for a moment and says, "You must
be nuts if you think that represents 100!"
Vinny leans forward and points to the marks at the base of the
trees. "A little doggie comes along and takes a poop on each a
dem trees, so now ya got dirty tree an' a turd, dirty tree an'
a turd, dirty tree an' a turd - which makes one hundred.
Bada boom , bada bing. When do I freakin' start?"
A construction Boss in Boston was interviewing men when
along came a guy named Vinny from New York. I'm not hiring
any wise-ass New Yorker, the foreman thought, so he made
up a test hoping that Vinny wouldn't be able to answer the
questions, and he'd be able to refuse him the job without
getting into a dispute.
"Here's your first question," the foreman said. "Without
using numbers, represent the number 9."
"Widout numbiz?" Vinny says. "Dat's easy," and he proceeds
to draw 3 trees.
"What's this?" the boss asks.
The New Yorker Vinny replies, "Ain't you got no :censor::censor::censor::censor:'in brains?
Tree 'n Tree 'n Tree makes nine. Faghedaboutit......"
"Fair enough," says the Boss. "Here's your second question.
Use the same rules, but this time use the number 99."
Vinny stares into space for a minute, then picks up the
picture he has drawn and makes a smudge on each tree.
"Dare ya go, Buddy."
The Boss scratches his head and says,
"How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
Vinny says "Each a da tree's is dirty now!
So it's dirty tree 'n dirty tree' n dirty tree-dat's 99".
The Boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire Vinny
from New York, so he says, "All right, last question. Same
rules but this time use 100."
Vinny stares into space again, then picks up the picture once
again, makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says,
"Dare ya go, Mac, a hunnert."
The Boss looks at the picture for a moment and says, "You must
be nuts if you think that represents 100!"
Vinny leans forward and points to the marks at the base of the
trees. "A little doggie comes along and takes a poop on each a
dem trees, so now ya got dirty tree an' a turd, dirty tree an'
a turd, dirty tree an' a turd - which makes one hundred.
Bada boom , bada bing. When do I freakin' start?"
What happened to the wooden car?
It wooden go!
It wooden go!
I know they're awful, but these jokes are cracking me up.
A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'm sorry sir, but you can't come in here without a tie." So the guy goes back out to his car, grabs his jumper cables, and comes back in. The bartender says "Hey, that's not a tie!" The guy says "Yes it is." The bartender thinks for a minute then finally says "OK...I'll let you come in...but don't start anything."
Two guys walked into a bar. The third one ducked.
A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'm sorry sir, but you can't come in here without a tie." So the guy goes back out to his car, grabs his jumper cables, and comes back in. The bartender says "Hey, that's not a tie!" The guy says "Yes it is." The bartender thinks for a minute then finally says "OK...I'll let you come in...but don't start anything."
Two guys walked into a bar. The third one ducked.
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How can you tell a girl baby from a boy baby?
The girl baby wears pink booties.
I love this thread...more bad jokes, please.
The girl baby wears pink booties.
I love this thread...more bad jokes, please.
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I remember this one from when I was a kid...
What's black & white & red all over???
A newspaper.
What's black & white & red all over???
A newspaper.
It's Christmastime and a man walks into a bar... (this is in the South by the way
)
The bartender gives him his order and as he's sipping it he notices the nativity set up behind the bar. "Nice nativity, but ... why are the three wise men riding in a fire truck?"
"Well," replies the bartender, "that's what it says in the Bible."
The customer was somewhat taken aback. "Really? Where?"
"You know, where it says 'The three wise men come from afar'"
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Ahahaha (makes more sense with a Southern accent
)
Cindy
The bartender gives him his order and as he's sipping it he notices the nativity set up behind the bar. "Nice nativity, but ... why are the three wise men riding in a fire truck?"
"Well," replies the bartender, "that's what it says in the Bible."
The customer was somewhat taken aback. "Really? Where?"
"You know, where it says 'The three wise men come from afar'"
------------------
Ahahaha (makes more sense with a Southern accent
Cindy
I love this joke, one of my kids in daycare told me this:
How do you make a kleenex dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
How do you make a kleenex dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #37
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These are great!!
A bear walked into a bar and said, `I'll have a bourbon.... ..... ..... ..... ..... ..... ..... and coke'.
The bartender said, `Why the big pause (paws)?'
I love that one!!!
A bear walked into a bar and said, `I'll have a bourbon.... ..... ..... ..... ..... ..... ..... and coke'.
The bartender said, `Why the big pause (paws)?'
I love that one!!!
You know how ships have different letters to Identify who's navy they belong to...like HMS,Her Majestys Ship or USS United States Ship Or for the Italian Navy AMB....Atsa My Boat... It ain't PC but it still cracks me up for some reason...
What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?
A pickpocket snatches watches....
Thank Redd Foxx for that one!
A pickpocket snatches watches....
Thank Redd Foxx for that one!
Our new Pope, "Eggs" Benedict. (visualize Hollandaise running down his face)
Leonard.
Leonard.
