Was I too harsh?

[turtlecat]

Ugh, Amy!!

I'd throttle him.. but really.. I agree with beth and susan-

he's just trying to have someplace to go if you're steamed at him, or if he doesn't want to fess up to his own stuff. I can understand that type 1 diabetes can throw your world sprawling backwards, but for all that- 26 is time to get his arse in gear!

I think trying a backhanded sort of thing would be a good way of handling this.. you know.. not.. "why the hell can't you just live here" but more of.. "It's no trouble to me at all if you live here...."

*hugs* I hope he realizes how good he's got it!

 

[rockcat]

Ok, here's a different perspective. Amy, we know what you said, but how did you say it? Is it possible that he wanted you to ask him to move in rather than just telling him it would be ok because it would be more logical financially? Maybe something like - "I would love it if you lived here with me. I'll even give you a dresser drawer."

From all of your other posts, it seems that you two have a wonderful relationship, so its hard for me to believe he is not as happy as you are.

 

[berylayn]

Amy,

I agree that you were not out of line. When Brendan and I got together 3 years ago he had a lot of growing up to do and we've been through many of the same arguments.

One thing I was wondering is, was Bradley caught off gaurd by your comment about the rent. Its hard for us not knowing exactly what went on. What I mean is, he may not have been expecting a serious conversation about cohabitating, or contributing to rent, and was just caught completely off gaurd. I know that I have been stewing over certain things with Brendan before, and just lash out about them when he isn't expecting it, and from experience I know that there has never been a good outcome from those moments.

What I also do know, is that moments like these, that force us to sit down and have serious conversations about our future is what moves us forward. One other suggestion I have (you can take it or leave it), is why not write a letter to Bradley about how you feel? You said he's really busy this week. By writing him a letter, you get out your feelings now, he can read it when he has time, and then respond accordingly. I have done that with Brendan before simply because Brendan expresses himself much better through writing as he is not the most socially adept person.

Also, when Brendan and I were having commitment issues, I sat down with him and asked what he felt his timeline was. I saw all my friends around me getting engaged and married and was really jealous. I wanted it to be my turn. But I had no idea what Brendan's feelings were. So we sat down and had a long chat. We now have a road map for where we are going. I feel a lot better knowing he has a road map inside his head too and he is not just giving me excuses for not committing for no reason.

*whew* I said a lot. I hope some of it helps. I know how you are feeling girl. Please feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to.

 

[rosiemac]

Originally Posted by ugaimes

Hehe, you are too funny! Do explain the "huffy bed" to me!

Amy the "huffy bed" is when you won't let him share yours if you've both fallen out over something?!.

In other words throw him a pillow and a blanket and point him in the direction of the couch, then say goodnight!!

Can you tell i've done that before?!

 

[kellyyfaber]

Originally Posted by rosiemac

Amy the "huffy bed" is when you won't let him share yours if you've both fallen out over something?!.

In other words throw him a pillow and a blanket and point him in the direction of the couch, then say goodnight!!

Can you tell i've done that before?!

Can I suggest the "huffy doorway"? Let him find somewhere else to sleep until he comes to his senses.

 

[ugaimes]

LOL, Kelly and Susan! I LOVE the huffy bed AND the huffy doorway!!!
He actually DID get the huffy bed Sunday night when all this came up; he slept on the couch and was no doubt covered in cats all night!

Beryl, I followed your advice about the letter (Katherine said to do the same thing, as did my mom- y'all are some sage women!

). I wrote it last night. I don't know if I'll ever actually GIVE it to him, but it did feel good to get my thoughts down on paper.
Bradley and I spoke for a few minutes here and there yesterday, but he is so busy with work and sea school and this is not the type of conversation that you have in 10 minutes. He keeps going back to the money issue and I am sorry I said anything about it. I used money as a way to bring up what I was REALLY feeling, about the commitment issue. That's not even a big deal; I wouldn't have rented this apt. if I couldn't afford anything. I guess I shouldn't have mentioned money at ALL since it's not the real issue here.
Oh well. I'm just sick to my stomach with this since we won't really get to talk until Sat. night.
I did, though, tell him last night that I am through bringing up living together, through bringing up our future, through with bringing up anything of that sort. I told him the ball is in his corner, he knows where I stand, and he needs to start communicating with me what he wants and what he sees happening between us. If he is incapable of that, then we need to have a more serious chat...
Anywho, thank you EVERYONE for caring and offering such great advice. I love you guys so much!