For those of you who remember me & my babies, I'm so sorry to have disappeared so long.. so much changed so fast due to very sudden changes in life circumstances, but oh boy, I always missed the board and you guys & hoped everyone was well.
Meanwhile, over here, due to financial troubles, I had to cut all unnecessary expenses asap (the internet being one of them). Soon after I had to rehome my sweet Moosiekins, and am now having to go through the agonizing rehoming over and over again with MoJo, Kita and Shadow. I never dreamed this could have ever been remotely possible, losing my babies, but it's all happening and then some. Billy, Johnboy & Kitten might very well be going into foster until I find a place we can all live (have to move soon).
Pumpkin also has been intermittently and increasingly ill since November with diarrhea, dehydration, lost two pounds in a year, etc.. I contacted many vets, but couldn't find one that would see him without my being able to pay 45%-75% of their estimate for full treatment after the first exam. It made/makes no sense to me.. I should have rehomed him from the very start of it, yet I made the awful decision not to do more.. what I should have done for him. Everything was so overwhelming, I was too selfish and in denial, not wanting to face the pain of giving him up, so I kept looking.
I can't stand when someone doesn't get immediate care for their ill pet.. and yet, there I was.
Recently I faced the reality of how selfish I was being and was looking at giving him up for treatment (obviously making sure he'd be rehomed to loving people) until this Friday when a vet was finally willing to see him at the last minute. He was being his super friendly, silly self.. loved being there, ran everywhere, said hello to everyone possible.. he even rolled over for his temp check. They got such a kick out of him. Anyway.. the doctor said that #1) he has tooth resorption and will need a full mouth extraction. #2) She strongly believes FIV is the culprit behind everything. He was tested before I adopted him and was negative, but he's going to be tested again on Monday. They were wonderful, though, and donated meds (dewormer in case of parasites, antibiotic for his inflamed gums, lysine since the previous vet diagnosed him with herpes) + a steroid injection for the inflammation until I get my ID on Monday and can get care credit for his treatment. He's been a little more perky, his gums likely less painful, playing a bit.. but not fully himself. On top of it all.. when we got home Friday, Billy had green discharge starting from one of his eyes, and now he's sneezing a lot. JB has coughed a couple of times. They will both be going with us to the vet on Monday for their own exams since I'll have care credit.
I'm just in this terrified panic, and feel overwhelmingly guilty, like I basically just killed Pumpkin because of the decisions I've made, including my other sweet boys by adopting Pumpkin in the first place, possibly spreading the FIV. If I hadn't have adopted him, he'd would have been cared for and wouldn't have gone through this, which I put him through basically, and my boys/kitten/fosters would have never been at risk. Can't stop bawling, having panic attacks, those "what if?" and "what have I done?" questions tumbling over in my head..
I'm sorry if this sounded pathetically dramatic or overboard to you guys, and I admit I'm a complete emotional and mental mess that's having a real difficult time coping right now, but I just had to get it out somewhere. I understand if some of you feel like giving me the "what for" over my horrible decisions.. but please send out all of the vibes & prayers you can for my babies..
Pumpkin also has been intermittently and increasingly ill since November with diarrhea, dehydration, lost two pounds in a year, etc.. I contacted many vets, but couldn't find one that would see him without my being able to pay 45%-75% of their estimate for full treatment after the first exam. It made/makes no sense to me.. I should have rehomed him from the very start of it, yet I made the awful decision not to do more.. what I should have done for him. Everything was so overwhelming, I was too selfish and in denial, not wanting to face the pain of giving him up, so I kept looking.
I'm just in this terrified panic, and feel overwhelmingly guilty, like I basically just killed Pumpkin because of the decisions I've made, including my other sweet boys by adopting Pumpkin in the first place, possibly spreading the FIV. If I hadn't have adopted him, he'd would have been cared for and wouldn't have gone through this, which I put him through basically, and my boys/kitten/fosters would have never been at risk. Can't stop bawling, having panic attacks, those "what if?" and "what have I done?" questions tumbling over in my head..
I'm sorry if this sounded pathetically dramatic or overboard to you guys, and I admit I'm a complete emotional and mental mess that's having a real difficult time coping right now, but I just had to get it out somewhere. I understand if some of you feel like giving me the "what for" over my horrible decisions.. but please send out all of the vibes & prayers you can for my babies..
