This will be long, so please bear with me.
Many of you might know that I recently had a baby girl. I was home for 8 weeks with her and began to feel a bit lost as a woman and wife. I knew I was a mother, but I never want to be defined by my children, so feeling lost wasn't so great.
I knew I would return to work and I was excited. In that 8-week period of being home, I forgot about how it is to work where I work. I was desperate to start getting out of the house and to be ME again, and I didn't pay attention to just how stressed and unhappy I might be here.
I've been in this job for 6 years. In that time, I have dealt with supervisors who made promises that they couldn't or wouldn't keep. All our raises and pay increases are merit-based, and that system is pretty subjective based on how your supervisor uses the system.
My former manager, for three years, kept telling me ways I could improve my performance to be considered "exceeds expectations" and every time we came around to review time, I met the criteria she laid out to exceed, but she swore she wasn't allowed to put me in that category because she was only "allowed to make one person exceeds and I was told it had to be so-an-so."
That manager is no longer employed here (she left on her own accord) and we now report directly to her supervisor. Since then, I have been given less and less work but she keeps telling me I need more work otherwise I'll never be able to "exceed."
Here's the thing, I received two 1/2 percent raises in the last two pay increase cycles. This may seem like a good thing, but when that 1/2 percent is only $180/year before taxes, it's really just crumbs. Our graphic designer, who misses deadlines, has a reputation of being difficult to work with and who cannot keep assignments organized, told me today she received a bigger raise than I did (1 percent, but she makes more so it's more of an increase).
I am feeling so extremely discouraged by this, but what really gets me is THIS part:
We're hiring a new writer. The person they chose has been described as being inexperienced and will need training. She's being offered $2k/year more than I currently make.
I feel like no one is being honest and for some reason, they refuse to either fire me or help me get ahead.
What I need vibes for is that DH's last two raises (he's gotten SIGNIFICANT raises) are enough that I can stay home.
I thought I wanted to be back at work, but this stress and feeling completely worthless here is really not helping me. Did I feel lost at home? Yes, but I never felt disregarded or useless.
Could I talk with my supervisor? I have and she thinks that having me deal more with students and non-writing tasks is a good thing, I don't want to. I want to write if I'm a writer. To not give me writing assignments is guaranteeing that I do not meet or exceed expectations because I have to have at least 40 writing assignments in the review period. I can't meet that goal if I don't get writing assignments. I really do feel as if I'm being set up to fail, and I have no idea what to do about that.
So any vibes would be appreciated and if you were able to get through all of that, I appreciate it.
Many of you might know that I recently had a baby girl. I was home for 8 weeks with her and began to feel a bit lost as a woman and wife. I knew I was a mother, but I never want to be defined by my children, so feeling lost wasn't so great.
I knew I would return to work and I was excited. In that 8-week period of being home, I forgot about how it is to work where I work. I was desperate to start getting out of the house and to be ME again, and I didn't pay attention to just how stressed and unhappy I might be here.
I've been in this job for 6 years. In that time, I have dealt with supervisors who made promises that they couldn't or wouldn't keep. All our raises and pay increases are merit-based, and that system is pretty subjective based on how your supervisor uses the system.
My former manager, for three years, kept telling me ways I could improve my performance to be considered "exceeds expectations" and every time we came around to review time, I met the criteria she laid out to exceed, but she swore she wasn't allowed to put me in that category because she was only "allowed to make one person exceeds and I was told it had to be so-an-so."
That manager is no longer employed here (she left on her own accord) and we now report directly to her supervisor. Since then, I have been given less and less work but she keeps telling me I need more work otherwise I'll never be able to "exceed."
Here's the thing, I received two 1/2 percent raises in the last two pay increase cycles. This may seem like a good thing, but when that 1/2 percent is only $180/year before taxes, it's really just crumbs. Our graphic designer, who misses deadlines, has a reputation of being difficult to work with and who cannot keep assignments organized, told me today she received a bigger raise than I did (1 percent, but she makes more so it's more of an increase).
I am feeling so extremely discouraged by this, but what really gets me is THIS part:
We're hiring a new writer. The person they chose has been described as being inexperienced and will need training. She's being offered $2k/year more than I currently make.
I feel like no one is being honest and for some reason, they refuse to either fire me or help me get ahead.
What I need vibes for is that DH's last two raises (he's gotten SIGNIFICANT raises) are enough that I can stay home.
I thought I wanted to be back at work, but this stress and feeling completely worthless here is really not helping me. Did I feel lost at home? Yes, but I never felt disregarded or useless.
Could I talk with my supervisor? I have and she thinks that having me deal more with students and non-writing tasks is a good thing, I don't want to. I want to write if I'm a writer. To not give me writing assignments is guaranteeing that I do not meet or exceed expectations because I have to have at least 40 writing assignments in the review period. I can't meet that goal if I don't get writing assignments. I really do feel as if I'm being set up to fail, and I have no idea what to do about that.
So any vibes would be appreciated and if you were able to get through all of that, I appreciate it.
