Very Annoyed With Current Cats Behavior With New Cat

[Christoki]

So Bud, my 12yo that I've had for a year now, just reset the entire introduction phase with new cat and its really starting to irritate me.

Basically, for some reason, he's practically OBSESSED with being near the new cat or in the same room. But since she hisses and growls per every interaction, I've kept them separated until she gets used to him.

Well, I recently got them to a point where he can sit outside the door, I'm near it to keep him out, and shes on the other side of me. Today we hit a milestone where she wasnt aggressively eyeing him, but actually purring and very relaxed despite his close presence. This is also after a few days of getting her to actually come out the closet more and more.

Unfortunately Bud randomly decided to suddenly run into the room and jump over my legs to get inside the room, since I kept having to push him out. This caused me and Meja, new cat, to jump and she instantly got pretty tense, with deep growling, tail puffing, back arched up, and nothing nice about her body language. I immediately got Bud out, but now shes in the closet and wont come out again.

Honestly, this is getting ridiculous. I can't feed her, check on her, or even have the door open to get her to explore a little cause he's basically scared the poor girl by attempting to beeline in every time. He also keeps scratching at the door and meowing to be let in. I dont, but its just weird.

So anyone got any advice on why Bud is acting so obsessive over meeting Meja? Like I literally cant do ANYTHING without him as an audience and leaving the room is a game of getting him away from the door so i can actually open it and leave, cause he is ALWAYS standing right there when I leave and keeps trying to dart in there.

Btw theres nothing of his in that room but a litter box. Though I got him a new one cause in tired of him kicking litter out. Otherwise its all new stuff with Mejas scent, his stuff is still in the living room where it always has been.

Oh and she runs for the closet now if I open the bedroom door. And we JUST got to the point where she would honestly stay laying down and not do anything.

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi!
Are they neutered and spayed?
Health checks are good?

So, assuming yes, first, you're eventually going to have to let them interact, even if there's fluffing, back arching and hissing, and in the process of this you will have to be as calm about it as you know how to be.

Intervene only if fur is actually flying and blood is drawn.

I'd suggest a crate/carrier, or another room you can put him into, to ease YOUR frustration of going to in check on her. She picks up on your upset/reactions/stress, so do try and make things easier for you.

I'd even go so far as to put him into another room for a while, leaving the door open to her room so she becomes a little more at ease about that.

Secondly, try a calming product, there are a lot on the market besides feliway. thunderease and sentry have diffusers, calm-o-mile and composure have treats, there are collars, sprays, wipes, and every company has a different ingredient formula.

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[KarenKat]

Oh, Ye Olde cat integration woes, I know thee well. It gets so frustrating you just want to lock them in a room together like a cage match and then nip out and see a movie.

And the problem I have found over my 7-month integration is that no two integrations are the same, so asking for advice can be tricky since what worked for one won't work for another.

What I have learned is that there really aren't steps back if no one is hurt. You made amazing progress with her not growling, and that's awesome and should be celebrated! But it was a peak, and the average is still slowly going up. I found every time our resident Gohan didn't chase Olive, I was so happy and felt so hopeful and positive. Which made the next chase very upsetting to me, like all that progress was suddenly ruined. It will probably be back and forth for a while, and that's ok. The more he charges into that room (can't he just be a normal cat and stare from a distance!? Silly Bud) and nothing bad happens, Meja will file that away and start to realize he isn't a threat.

That happened with our other resident Trin. He hates closed doors and also really wants to walk up to Olive and get right in her face and, idk, maybe lick her eyeballs. If he gets the slow blink letting him know she's not a threat, does he return that blink and be polite? No, he wide-eyed stands up and charges over to her right to her face. She would hiss and he would get very offended, hiss back and stalk off. He's just not a very polite cat. Over time, though, she learned he wasn't meaning anything by it and now she doesn't hiss or growl and generally ignores him. She still growls when she sees Gohan because he actively chased her for so long. But even that is getting better. It take time, and sometimes it takes a long time. But Meja will most likely start to realize Bud is not being threatening.

Would a baby gate be better than the door? Would Bud be able to leap over it? Maybe if he can see into the room he won't be so eager to dash through. Or even a laser pointer could distract him from the situation so you can move in and out. Furballsmom had a great suggestion for the crate if nothing else works. and hang in there!

 

[Christoki]

I'll try yalls advice and see if that helps. Though getting either cat in a carrier is brutal, especially Bud since hes fully clawed, so I'll leave that one as a last option.

For now im just gonna stick him in my bedroom and try and get her to explore some more. Cant trust him anymore.

And yes, both cats are altered. No kittens here.

 

[Furballsmom]

especially Bud since hes fully clawed, so I'll leave that one as a last option.

Oh, ok, yeah, never mind on that one - we're aiming for less stress, not more

 

[Shane Kent]

Furballsmom is so right about remaining calm. You really need to make sure you don't get stressed by them. They pick up on your stress. You need to step back and realize they are cats that have territorial instincts but can learn to adapt and coexist. I have four cats at home. First was Taz that I introduced in Zoe. Then I introduced litter mate sister and brother (Kitty and Rusty). It is a slow process and I do agree it is aggravating but try to avoid getting stressed. When I have to deal with the cats it always goes better when I am not stressed out by them.

All the best to you and the kitties.

 

[ArtNJ]

KarenKat said something very true. She said: "what I have learned is that there really aren't steps back if no one is hurt." My version of the statement goes like this -- unless: (1) one cat is so terrified out of his mind he won't use the box or eat; or (2) there is actual fighting, then at some point you have to know what will happen if you let their interaction proceed, because letting them do their thing and get it out of their systems can sometimes lead to progress. In other words, what is actually going to happen when Bud dashes in there and tries a playful something and gets swatted? Does he back off? Or is there going to be fighting. Right now, we don't know.

Slow and careful introductions make sense to be sure. Just saying, at some point, you need to let them work on things, and provided there is no actual fighting, they might be able to make progress on their own even if it seems like they are doing miserably. Its a myth that some perfect introduction process is going to take care of everything -- it just doesn't always work that way.

 

[Christoki]

I'd be more willing to test things out if the behavior from Bud didnt result in Meja being too scared(?) after the previous interactions to leave the closet. This resulted in her pooping in it and not wanting to come out to eat or drink unless I'm in the room.

We just got back to the casually chilling in the room stage and shes obviously eating without me present again, but idk maybe I'm being paranoid.

Thankfully Bud doesnt seem aggressive whatsoever, which is great since he ISNT declawed and keeps them sharp via consistent post usage. Idk how Meja will react with him close, but I dont want her to swat and him to react similarly, except with possibly bloody results.

 

[Christoki]

So I followed yalls advice and made some sort of progress, I think at least, as Bud and Meja are cohabiting relatively better than before. Mejas not hissing and growling at Bud as much, we've gotten to where they can be in the same room with minimum vocalized disapproval from Meja. And they calmly sniffed each other once. Right after, she hissed at him and walked away. So it's something better...

They sniffed again today, though Bud went in for a second time and before I could stop him she swatted at him. Thankfully, she's front declawed (though I couldn't tell if it was a clawless swat or not) but I went "okay enough interaction for today" and separated them.

So far they can sit in the same room and, little by little, closer. But it's on her terms and usually a once a day thing. Otherwise she's more open to exploring the apartment when the doors open and doesn't run from Bud automatically, if anything she hisses at him and continues to walk. He just stays away from her once she does, so I guess he's learning to only go to her on her terms. But it's still way better than before, so that's awesome! Plus, she's finally deciding to stay out the closet most of the day and I learned she has a thing for bed corners. The goofy feline likes to lie at the corner and meow/roll all over it while purring like a motorboat. It's actually ultra cute. She won't sit in the middle and do it, but at the corner and constantly has to catch herself from falling.

 

[RufusGizmo]

its always good to see some progress, even if it is slow. It's torturous at times, but it will be worth it!

 

[danteshuman]

I wouldn't worry about the bat to much .... or the hissing. I would see what happens if they sort themselves out. Sometimes cats have to establish the pecking order. Hissing means stay away.
I hope they become best buds!

My cat Salem (12 years) is friendemies with my punk Dante (11 years.) Sometimes that is the best case. Sometimes they snuggle. Almost every night Salem growls at him...... and I see Dante harress him but not attack him (like sniffing him when he is in the litterbox, pushing him off my lap to take his place or jumping on him and nipping him between the shoulders.) I gave up on them being buddies or not ever squabbling years ago!

 

[KarenKat]

Congrats on the progress! I'm so happy to hear things are going well!

 

[Christoki]

So weird issue. Meja has grown and is comfortable leaving the room she was in for cuddles in my bedroom. Except Bud, who's officially ignoring her mostly, cant come in my room without her growling and hissing consistently at him. He likes to normally lie on my pillow or rub up against me but now he takes a step in and she growls and hisses constantly, causing him to leave the room and meow for attention from outside.

Sad cause he really likes cuddle time and I hate having to kick Meja out JUST to cuddle with Bud some, but its the only way he comes in now. So any advice on how to get her to chill so he can at least come in the bedroom with me? Its literally ONLY this room, otherwise she doesn't react.