[vent] Why Do People Think It's Okay To Pick Up Cats They Don't Know?

[marabelle]

I have a gorgeous, over-loving tabby cat. I currently live with family and while my kitty does allow few people to pick him up (myself and my mother), I keep a general rule to my brother that his friends can't pick my cat up. Most of his good friends understand, but whenever he has over a new female friend they ALWAYS think it's okay to pick him up.

I've talked to one of his (now ex) girlfriends about it and she would basically sass me over it, telling me she knew more about cats then I did. But, when she got clawed by him she wanted to blame it on me.

The female friend he had over tonight was cradling him like a baby when I walked into the room, and I asked her nicely to put him down. My cat can go from incredibly nice and loving to annoyed very quickly with people he doesn't know. She piped off to me that he was purring, but I could see in his face that he was stressed. I told her he was stressed out, and she put him down. After coming back inside he was laying on the floor and his tail was swishing angrily, and I left him alone so he could calm himself down. I let her know that purring wasn't just an indication that a cat was happy, and that she really shouldn't pick cats up that she doesn't know because she doesn't know their temperaments. She seemed rather annoyed but didn't say anything more.

Why do people think it's okay to pick up cats they don't know? And why do most of them get annoyed when you ask them to put your cat down? Most people wouldn't walk up to a dog and pet it without asking. Am I being overbearing?

 

[IndyJones]

No idea. My cats are cool with even being held upside-down by toddlers. But I never pick up strange animals unless I have to for a safety reason(injured, laying under a car etc) I was always told not to touch strange animals because they may bite out of fear, kneel down to their level and let them sniff your hand first then gently stroke them so they can see your hand. And never look them in the eye.

 

[Kieka]

Probably the same reason some people have no problem with touching a pregnant ladies belly or randomly petting dogs. I told my niece from a young age that you never touch any animal unless you ask permission from their owner. Personally, if someone tried to pick up Rocket she would run (I can't even pick her up easily), Link they would get what they deserve when he scratched and bit them to hell and Fury would probably squirm until he got loose. My cats are strong and fast enough to avoid or escape. The person who disobeyed my instructions when it comes to my cats wouldn't be invited back in and may be asked to leave.

 

[donutte]

I do professional pet sitting and would never pick up a cat I don't know. I'm even wary when the owners try to put the cat in my arms! I like to have them smell my hand and do whatever they need to in order to feel at ease with me, not pick them up! And I'll only pet them once they allow it.

 

[blueyedgirl5946]

Some folks just like to learn the hard way.

 

[cassiopea]

I have the same problem of people constantly stopping to take pictures or pet my horse and donkey without permission. People, seriously, they are not part of a petting zoo! they are private animals on private property. Beloved family members. You don't know their temperament and you are strangers on their land. Don't think they will behave all cutsey wootsey when stressed or concerned. Why do they think it is Ok? How would one feel if I randomly go up to your kid and started caressing it or jump into your backyard and touch your things? And not even just behalf of myself, but other farms.

And if you get bitten, kicked or things taken from you, that is your damn fault.

Side vent there


Anyway, it is a tad baffling. A guest should make a point to ask whether or not they can touch or pick up a pet. Surely a guest would respect other things about someone's household, cats shouldn't be an exception. A self titled "expert" of cats would know better, so that is clearly a bunch of bull poop.

I don't think you are being overbearing, especially since you were civil and polite about it; it is just common sense, and overall they are the ones being really rude.

Some folks do have funny or foolish ideas about animals altogether. They expect and behave a certain way, then blame the animal or owner when things go array, oblivious to their own stupidity or ignorance.

And some folks have a funny idea about cats in particular - they briefly get along well once with a kitty in the past and now they are suddenly cat whisperers, or believe cats are the equivalent of toy dolls. And so forth and so forth.

Doesn't your brother say something about it to them too? Shouldn't have to hold the full burden of reminding everyone else.


Good luck! Hope it works out better soon!

 

[arouetta]

I think it's a sense from animal lovers of "I love it, so it must love me too!"

I had to bark at a vet tech who was scratching my cat at the base of her tail. I thought the tongue flicking and head shaking would tip the vet tech off to stop with a brief scratch but she didn't stop immediately and after 5 or so seconds Shadow started chewing on her front leg. When the vet tech didn't immediately stop at that I got nasty. Geez, you're a vet tech and you feel your right to scratch a cat is more important than the obvious neurological symptoms the cat is having from being scratched???

 

[haleyds]

People do this with my cats and my dogs. My cats usually can run away because they're in a house but I can't tell you the amount of times I've been walking with my dog at the park and someone's kid just runs up and tries to wrangle her by the ears. Luckily she's very sweet but nonetheless who doesn't teach their kids to not touch strange animals??? My dog I used to have would have bitten their hand off because he had major fear aggression. People have no understanding of just because it's cute doesn't mean you touch it.

 

[kashmir64]

I had to quit taking my Dalmatian to Pet Smart for that reason. I literally heard a parent tell her 4yo child it was alright to pet him, because he was Dalmatian and the Disney movie shows they are friendly. Um...no. You don't go running up to a strange dog and pet it. I don't care what Disney shows in their movies.
And I can't even begin to tell you what it was like when I had one of my Miniature Horses out and about.

On a side note, this also reminds me of when I was pregnant. Some woman, in the store, put her hand on my stomach. (what is it with people touching pregnant women's tummy's). I smiled and returned the favor by touching her breast. Simply saying "Don't like it, do you?). She was appalled, but I got my point across.

 

[Winchester]

When I took Banshee over to my Public Speaking class (my assignment was a demonstration and I decided on "How to Groom a Cat" with Banshee as my groomee), she was a purrfect Queen B. We walked in, I opened the carrier door, she walked out, strutted around a bit, as only the Queen B could do, and then sat down on my desk, tail wrapped around her body and I had my arms around her. When it came time for us, she and I went to the front of the class and went through our routine. She was utterly perfect; I stopped dead during my demonstration and said, "Dear lord, you are beautiful, aren't you, Baby Girl?" And everybody started laughing. She took it all in stride. Her behavior was impeccable.

After class was over, I was gathering my things together and Banshee stayed right at my desk waiting for me. A girl walked over to her and remarked that she really was a beautiful cat. I told her, "Look, the Queen B is very well-behaved, BUT don't try to touch her. She doesn't know you and she has a reputation for slapping people on the face when they get too close and she doesn't know them." "Oh, she won't smack me!" And about that time, the Queen B gave a hiss and a spit and smacked the girl right across her face. She squealed and put her hand to her face, looking for blood (there wasn't any). I looked at her and said, "Calm down. I warned you. This is not her fault." The girl wasn't amused. I didn't care; I had warned her.

I picked the Queen B up, plopped her in the carrier, finished gathering my stuff and Banshee and I drove home.

(I got an A; the Queen B got an A+. Turns out the prof was a complete and total cat person. And he thought she was gorgeous!)

 

[narelle]

Not overbearing at all! If someone doesn't know the animal, and its not their pet, they have no right to disobey the owner's wishes. They don't know your pet, you do. Doesn't matter how much they think they know about cats, they are all individuals and they don't know your individual cat.

I had to bark at a vet tech who was scratching my cat at the base of her tail. I thought the tongue flicking and head shaking would tip the vet tech off to stop with a brief scratch but she didn't stop immediately and after 5 or so seconds Shadow started chewing on her front leg. When the vet tech didn't immediately stop at that I got nasty. Geez, you're a vet tech and you feel your right to scratch a cat is more important than the obvious neurological symptoms the cat is having from being scratched???

This one! My family cats are generally very friendly, and come to greet people and ask for attention. Its fine for people to pet them and interact with them. But everyone always thinks its okay to scratch a cat's tail end like a dog, and misinterprets this response as a positive one! And then have the audacity to argue with me when I tell them that's a negative thing and not to do that.

I've also had vet techs that I've had issues with. My late senior kitty was a biter in her youth, so her records had the "Aggressive" flag on the first page. But in her old age, she'd mellowed out. Even though we told them that, the oldest records still showed "aggressive", which is the first thing anyone would see, so she still got treated that way. So I had this one vet tech come in and snatch her up suddenly, and shake her head by the scruff to keep her still and disoriented for bloodwork, which I understand is common practice for aggressive cats. But this was a frail, 5 lb, 18yo cat that was no longer aggressive, and the woman was literally bouncing her head on the counter. I nearly snatched my cat away and bit the woman's head off, but they finished quickly enough that I didn't have to. We requested not to see her or have her handle our animals again.
But she probably didn't know that, so on one of this cat's last appointments we were hanging out in the exam room waiting for labwork or something, and my cat was curled up pressed against me for comfort. This woman came in and tried petting and talking to her, petting her in ways she obviously didn't like, and was completely oblivious to my venomous glare. The cat is uncomfortable enough in the vet's office, some strange vet tech getting in her space and touching her is only going to stress her out more. My cat had also gone blind by that point, so add that to the reasons not to come up unsolicited and suddenly bother her.
I bit my tongue though, she wasn't there long. I wish I was bold enough at the time to speak up for my cat sooner. I'd like to think I am now, and will be better at that with my current cat.

 

[doomsdave]

I had to quit taking my Dalmatian to Pet Smart for that reason. I literally heard a parent tell her 4yo child it was alright to pet him, because he was Dalmatian and the Disney movie shows they are friendly. Um...no. You don't go running up to a strange dog and pet it. I don't care what Disney shows in their movies.
And I can't even begin to tell you what it was like when I had one of my Miniature Horses out and about.

On a side note, this also reminds me of when I was pregnant. Some woman, in the store, put her hand on my stomach. (what is it with people touching pregnant women's tummy's). I smiled and returned the favor by touching her breast. Simply saying "Don't like it, do you?). She was appalled, but I got my point across.

OH
DEAR
GOD

(petting Dalmatians? like the ones I lived next door to 40+ years ago? Ha!)

 

[marabelle]

Oh my gosh. I'm really bad at the internet and I tend to forget about a lot of websites that I'm on!

In response to some of the questions:
"Doesn't your brother say something about it to them too?"
My brother is rather scatterbrained at times. I got onto him about not saying anything to her, and he completely and totally apologized.

Apollo is a former stray kitty, and he's probably around three to four years old. When I first got him he was aggressive and not very trusting. Over the span of two years since I've adopted him he's doing significantly better, he's a lot more trusting of people he knows and comes in contact with. He'll love on newer people that visit the house after the initial, "Why is there a stranger here." is worn off. For my best friends and a few of my brother's friends who come over often, he'll curl up in their laps even.

My main concern is when I first got him, he would flip moods unexpectedly. I remember a few times he'd be cuddling up in bed with me, around my head, and suddenly I'd be awake with a cat latched around me with his claws. Again, he's doing much better since and is now a huge snuggle bug

I'm just mostly afraid (because I've seen it happen before) of his moods flipping quickly when new people are around because they won't leave him alone. When he's done with you he'll walk away, but I've seen (and corrected) a few people that would go after him and even pick him up when he walks away. A few people I know say I'm being overbearing, but I just wanted to double check to make sure it wasn't just me.