Urgent - what should I do?

[jcat]

The older she gets, the more radical my mom becomes. Last year she stole a dog that was chained outside in the worst weather and not being fed properly. She's not senile, either. My dad (a Marine in his wild days) used to tell us stories of prostitutes in San Juan concealing razor blades in their mouths and using them on their "johns" (clients), so I've always thought of San Juan as a pretty tough town.
The news here is not good. I saw Rascha yesterday, and her (physical) health has deteriorated. She has a staph infection that is not responding to antibiotics. There is an antibiotic (tetra-something - I didn't write the name down, but it wasn't tetracycline) that is normally used only for infections in cancer or AIDs patients because of the severe side effects (in other words, when it's a life-or-death situation). The drug hasn't been approved for use in Germany, but it has in Belgium, so she is going to be transferred back to the hospital in Brussels that originally treated her on Thursday. Closer to hubby, but she'll be in the ICU, and the hospital is very aware of the situation. She's very scared, which might be a good sign (i.e., she doesn't want to die). I'm very worried, because a friend and former colleague spent the better part of a year in the hospital here due to a staph infection, almost died, and ended up losing his leg.
I feel as if I were in the middle of a soap opera. I'm not an emotional person, but all of a sudden I find myself in a situation where I just don't have the right answers. It's a little bit hard to explain. As a teacher, you have to be "fair", meaning objective. A lot of kids think that teachers prefer students who "lick their boots" and aim for straight A's, but that's not really the case. Often the poorest scholars or most belligerant kids become your "pets" because you form an emotional attachment to them and want to "make things right". I'm not a religious person, but I think the only thing that will help now is that people pray for Rascha. She's a really sweet kid who has done nothing to deserve her current life.
We feminists can bitch all we want to about the "glass ceiling" in the industrialized world, but there are so many females that would find complaints like that utopian.

 

[yoviher]

Oh my gosh.....

praying she's okay.

At least we got a good sign of she's scared of dying. That means she isn't suicidal. Don't get worried about what happened to your colleague. At her age, she's got a lot more stamina and energy to deal with that much better than a middle aged person, I feel confident that she will deal better with it.

Don't expect to have answers for everything, this is not the kind of situation one can have them and you are not perfect. Just do everything in your power.

San Juan ain't that tought! I once found an old american newspaper article from the 40s talking that same tale. I found it in the General Archives, in the letters of the governor along with a memo talking about how that stuff is false rumours and they even wanted to telegraph the editor of the newspaper. Probably it was some tourist rumor that stuck, for in those days murders were so rare that when one happened they usually caught a lot of media attention. San Juan is dangerous nowadays in the night and alone (kind of like any big city, huh?), but I enjoy walking through it just of how beautiful it is in the night.

 

[jcat]

This thread is getting so long - sorry to bother everybody again. There's been a new turn of events. Rascha's mother called me Saturday afternoon - now that was a shock! She wanted to know what I thought about Rascha's finishing the semester (which ends the third week of July). I told her that Rascha didn't have any chance of actually graduating at this point, but if she stayed in Germany and continued to attend school she would get a report card. That would enable her to take an examination given by the Chamber of Commerce; if she repeated her last semester she could take an internal exam, and if she repeated her last two semesters she could take the state exam. Rascha's mother doesn't speak much German, and I speak no Arabic, but she seems to be leaning towards allowing Rascha to stay in Germany until the end of the semester, and, as I understood it, Rascha's father has more or less agreed to that. I don't know whether I should be cautiously optimistic or not, because it seems that her parents promise her things and then renege. However, Rascha's uncle is coming here in June, and perhaps he can do something (his wife is a professor, and his only daughter was allowed to choose her own husband). Rascha's mother is totally dependent on her husband. Right now I'm cooking up a plan where I drop in on her Friday morning, while her husband is at work and the older kids are at school. One of my students, who is female, half Iraqi, half Syrian and fluent in both Arabic and German, has agreed to come and interpret (she'll have to cut school, but the other teachers know how important it is). I discussed the matter with my boss today. She can be utterly impossible, but is very much a feminist, and she thinks that any efforts at this point will be futile, but that the effort has to be made. Rascha knows that her mother called me (I got several text messages from her), so maybe she won't give up on herself. This whole situation is a nightmare. I know that women are in horrible situations in Somalia, Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia, etc., but this is happening in modern, Western, industrialized Europe.

 

[valanhb]

It is certainly no bother for you to keep us up to date with this, and use this as a sounding board or place to vent. I haven't posted much to the thread, but am sure to read it whenever I see there is an update, and Rascha has been in my thoughts.

This sounds like the most optimistic news you've had in quite a while! I hope it works out for Rascha to be able to stay at least through the semester. Any additional time away from that monster she is married to, for you all to try to convince her that she cannot go back to him is nothing short of a blessing.

 

[KittenKrazy]

I think I can speak for the rest of the folks here who have been reading and following this issue, we'd really rather you keep updating us on the way things are going. All of us hope that "no news is good news" but we all know that its not always the case! So please don't worry about it, just let us know how things are going, and it'll help get it off your shoulders some too by talking about it.
Cindy

 

[jcat]

Thanks, Heidi! I really needed to hear that there is some hope. This is quite different from taking in a hungry, abandoned animal, because most of the time you don't have to deal with the "family" or any reprisals. At this point I'd just like to wrap Rascha up in a blanket and spirit her away to a safe place, as if she were an abandoned kitten or puppy. That obviously won't work.

 

[sweets]

Please don't stop posting and we won't stop praying for Rascha. This has become a daily stop for me in hopes of good news. If you can talk to her uncle, then maybe he can help get her out of this hell.

 

[thy451]

Hey Jcat, I saw this thread just now despite it having been on for quite a while. Not too sure if it is resolved or not. But anyway I wanted to tell you that I have sent you a personal message on someone to contact regarding situations such as forced marriage. I would prefer not to release that information to the public.

 

[yoviher]

Those are the best news since you started this thread! It seems to me that her mother is starting to realize the danger of this.

Keep us posted, Jcat. On the contrary, you bother me when I don't see any updates in a long while as I get worried!