It's been 3 1/2 months since our daughter up and moved out without telling us. In all that time, DH saw her once and I haven't seen her at all---until today. I had a letter from her in Sept. that started out as an apology, and ended with an F-bomb and her telling me, "not that I'm saying you guys are bad parents...."
On Halloween, the 16 y.o. girl she'd moved in with came by with her bf; I got an earfull from them about how bad things were at the 16 y.o.'s house---all because of my daughter and her bf. Apparently, he's 'visiting' her until 3 a.m., is loud, foul-mouthed and a major bully. From what I was told, my daughter is imitating him. The 16 y.o. told her Dad that she was going to move out of her own home unless he did something about my daughter.
I got a message today from her, saying she needed a copy of her birth certificate. I sent her a text and told her to go to the courthouse (duh). To quote the text she sent back, "they don't have it, did you renew it, the circus (yes, really) clerk don't have it." She then came by the house to ask for a copy; I told DH to deal with her. He asked what she needed a copy for--for an apartment. Who was she moving in with---that didn't matter. Well, that told me everything I needed to know. I made her a copy, called her an unpleasant name, DH told her to stay away from our families, and she left.
And I cried like an idiot, then I got mad.
I've discovered a way to keep track of little things she's been doing---like writing a bad check for $3.75, like the fact that her bf is in his 3rd year at a 2yr. college, that she is paying for all their dates because "he's saving for college". DH & I are assuming the neighbor finally asked her to leave; she was complaining to the 16 y.o. about giving the neighbor $50 for rent because she "has bills to pay!" I'm sure moving out wasn't her idea. I'm also sure that she's going to be paying for everything. Around here, a landlord doesn't ask for a copy of your birth certificate, which tells us that she's going into low-income housing. We have no idea where she's going to be living, obviously.
In a way, this is a huge relief; we absolutely HATED the fact that she was living right across the alley from us. As DH put it, "It's like she and her bf are spying on us." On the other hand, she's finally going to get a taste of real life and I don't think she's going to like it very much. I'm not really sure how I feel right now. One part of me feels like bawling; I feel as if I've been punched in the gut, for some reason. She made no attempt to apologize, which didn't surprise me in the least. She ran into one of my nieces last month, who told her she needed to apologize to DH & me. Her reply was, "Why should I apologize? I haven't done anything wrong." Honestly, it was all I could do to keep from spitting in her face when I opened the door---and I don't like feeling that way.
As DH tells me, "There's nothing we can do about it; she's going to crash and burn all on her own. She's going to get sick of paying for everything because with her it's all about the money." She's actually broken up with bfs in the past because they didn't spend enough on her, so the fact that she's paying for everything now scares the bejeebers out of me. She's going to rack up debt she can't begin to pay, and there's not a thing I can do about it. I'm relieved she won't be across the alley, but at least when she was there I knew where she was and that she had an adult over-seeing things. (an incredibly naive,trusting adult, but an adult all the same)
I know there's no advice that's going to help, really. I know there's nothing we can do about our daughter's choices; she's 21 going on 12 and is making terrible decisions. I'm ashamed of her for taking advantage of people and being so ungrateful for their hospitality. And I have to admit it, I'm ashamed that she's going to be moving in with this lazy, loud-mouthed, trashy bully and basically trying to be his "Sugar-Mama". Most of our family are die-hard Catholics and this isn't going to set well with them at all---especially her grandparents. She's hurt them more than she can imagine. She's hurt my DH and me to the core. I honestly don't know if I can ever forgive her for that.
Thanks for listening; I think I just needed to get it out of my head, you know?
On Halloween, the 16 y.o. girl she'd moved in with came by with her bf; I got an earfull from them about how bad things were at the 16 y.o.'s house---all because of my daughter and her bf. Apparently, he's 'visiting' her until 3 a.m., is loud, foul-mouthed and a major bully. From what I was told, my daughter is imitating him. The 16 y.o. told her Dad that she was going to move out of her own home unless he did something about my daughter.
I got a message today from her, saying she needed a copy of her birth certificate. I sent her a text and told her to go to the courthouse (duh). To quote the text she sent back, "they don't have it, did you renew it, the circus (yes, really) clerk don't have it." She then came by the house to ask for a copy; I told DH to deal with her. He asked what she needed a copy for--for an apartment. Who was she moving in with---that didn't matter. Well, that told me everything I needed to know. I made her a copy, called her an unpleasant name, DH told her to stay away from our families, and she left.
And I cried like an idiot, then I got mad.
I've discovered a way to keep track of little things she's been doing---like writing a bad check for $3.75, like the fact that her bf is in his 3rd year at a 2yr. college, that she is paying for all their dates because "he's saving for college". DH & I are assuming the neighbor finally asked her to leave; she was complaining to the 16 y.o. about giving the neighbor $50 for rent because she "has bills to pay!" I'm sure moving out wasn't her idea. I'm also sure that she's going to be paying for everything. Around here, a landlord doesn't ask for a copy of your birth certificate, which tells us that she's going into low-income housing. We have no idea where she's going to be living, obviously.
In a way, this is a huge relief; we absolutely HATED the fact that she was living right across the alley from us. As DH put it, "It's like she and her bf are spying on us." On the other hand, she's finally going to get a taste of real life and I don't think she's going to like it very much. I'm not really sure how I feel right now. One part of me feels like bawling; I feel as if I've been punched in the gut, for some reason. She made no attempt to apologize, which didn't surprise me in the least. She ran into one of my nieces last month, who told her she needed to apologize to DH & me. Her reply was, "Why should I apologize? I haven't done anything wrong." Honestly, it was all I could do to keep from spitting in her face when I opened the door---and I don't like feeling that way.
As DH tells me, "There's nothing we can do about it; she's going to crash and burn all on her own. She's going to get sick of paying for everything because with her it's all about the money." She's actually broken up with bfs in the past because they didn't spend enough on her, so the fact that she's paying for everything now scares the bejeebers out of me. She's going to rack up debt she can't begin to pay, and there's not a thing I can do about it. I'm relieved she won't be across the alley, but at least when she was there I knew where she was and that she had an adult over-seeing things. (an incredibly naive,trusting adult, but an adult all the same)
I know there's no advice that's going to help, really. I know there's nothing we can do about our daughter's choices; she's 21 going on 12 and is making terrible decisions. I'm ashamed of her for taking advantage of people and being so ungrateful for their hospitality. And I have to admit it, I'm ashamed that she's going to be moving in with this lazy, loud-mouthed, trashy bully and basically trying to be his "Sugar-Mama". Most of our family are die-hard Catholics and this isn't going to set well with them at all---especially her grandparents. She's hurt them more than she can imagine. She's hurt my DH and me to the core. I honestly don't know if I can ever forgive her for that.
Thanks for listening; I think I just needed to get it out of my head, you know?