THis woman drives me mad...

[fwan]

Yesterday i went with my friends daughter to look at her appartment since she is selling her nearly brand new kitchen, bedroom and loungeroom.
Loungeroom i didnt like, i cant have light blue couches because with teufels hair it would be over, the kitchen was beautiful but just a little too big, and the bedroom stuff fits and im thinking of buying it, just have to discuss with ben.

ANyway we went back to the kiosk to talk to her mother and she asked me if i could make her two cappucinos, I get things there for free anyway so it doesnt bother me to make them one.
I come back out of my house and walk down the street... there was bens mother smirking at me and her husband said THANKS FRAN! and im like eh? have you finished renovating your side yet? and he said no, i went in and off they went to do their own stuff.

This morning, Ben goes over to his mothers and she screams at him telling him to get out of her house, that it was rude that i gave those people a cappucino, and that i am a stupid little ect.. you can immagine. And that i should have given them the cappucino...
Well i told ben all she has to do is ask, i dont just go over to people and give them cappucinos when they dont even ask because THEY may not even want it!!!!!!!!

Each time she comes over here she always comments about how her german coffee is soo much yummier and better than "our italian crap"

She makes me mad, i want to put an end of her being like this, backstabbing me because she is jealous that i gave them a coffee. Amongst other things,
last week ben and i were in a terrible 3 day fight because she drilled it into his head how bad i was at doing things around the house and how lazy i was.. and when i went to talk to her about it she was telling me to make it over with the relationship i just dont understand?

what can i do appart from moving further away in the country from her?

 

[lillekat]

I don't understand what you're doing wrong Fran - to my eyes I'm just seeing a two-faced cow who doesn't like the fact that her son is with you. Well that's tough. She's causing problems in your relationship and really it's nothing to do with her. I think perhaps you should sit down with Ben and have a word with him.. tell him how she's making you feel. If he has the kind of respect for you that he should, he'll tell his mother to back off a bit. Relationships are for two people.. three is a crowd. I would suggest that you try asking her what the problem is, but she doesn't sound much like a talking type. At least not face to face... she sounds more like the backstabber type, I'm afraid. But there has to be a choice now Fran... you can't go on like this. It's either you, or his mother. BIg big squidgy hugs from us

You know you can always come north and stay with me for a bit

 

[fwan]

He told me not to listen to her and he has told her to shut up and butt out of out relationship, He told her "why dont you fix your own problems first instead of going aroudn trying to fix and causing more for others" and then she hung up on him.

 

[lillekat]

Well it needed to be said. So good for him for having the balls to do that. (Pardon my language please folks) She really needs to learn. Perhaps you should try ex-communicating her!

 

[slitty_kittay]

She sounds like she she is jealous of your relationship with Ben. I get a similair thing with Dan's mother - although she doesn't sound anywhere near as bad as what you have to put up with. Dan's mother seems to have accepted that I am here to stay, it's just a case of bending me into her now.

Just try to keep your distance, and be yourself.

 

[krazy kat2]

She sounds like a rude cow, just like my s/o's mother. We had a bad family situation, mostly of her doing, and she told him he would have to make a choice between her or me, he could not have both of us in his life. That was 12 wonderful years ago, and we have only seen her once, accidentally, since then. I hope it does not come to that for you, but honestly, it is very liberating not to have someone ready to jump on you and pick you apart all the time.
Hugs to you. I hope it works out the way you want it to.

 

[kellyyfaber]

Fwan, you don't deserve to be treated that way.

She sounds mentally unstable. I mean, does she think you're a mind reader? Like you were just supposed to KNOW that they were outside and that they wanted cappucinos??? It really looks like she's LOOKING for reasons to get angry with you.

 

[hannahj]

Hi Fwan,
My Mother In Law is seriously crazy too. Sometimes she can be perfectly reasonable about things and even tell me "you're being too emotional." But then sometimes she will go crazy over the dumbest thing. ESPECIALLY about my husband/her son. She used to tell him when he was little "I'm the only woman you will ever love." and has really caused some problems for us with butting in all the time and saying that she "is tired of having to sort out our problems for us." HELLO? No one asked your opinion!

I think that she saw an opportunity to play a victim and turn the screws on her son a little more about how horrible you must be. Luckily Ben didnt fall for it. I think that you should just avoid her as much as possible, but if you do have to talk to her, let her know how boring you find Germany--that will get under her skin! (I say that because my MIL is Canadian and super-nationalistic. I love Canada and Canadians, but I love to bug her by saying that "Canada and America are just the same." I dont really believe that, but she will work herself into a tizzy and I stay calm. It's a great way to even the score when she really starts going crazy.)

 

[miss mew]

This woman sounds like she has a few screws loose. I can't blame you for being upset. I'd be fuming!. Someone said in an ealier post that maybe she's just jealous. I tend to agree. Nasty people usually have a hard time getting along with kind people. We remind them of all the thing they aren't.

Anyways good luck with all of what is going on. Just continue to be the "bigger person" and you'll do just fine.

 

[ugaimes]

This lady is a nutjob Fran

Ben really needs to take a STRONG stance against her and say, "Mom, this is the woman I love and play to marry. If you don't like it, BUTT out. Nothing you do or say is going to break us up, so GET over it." He absolutely needs to stand up for you b/c it sounds like she's never going to be willing to listen to what you have to say. She has unfairly judged you and I am so sorry you have to put up with her crap

.

 

[fwan]

Thanks guys,
Ben has told me since the first day we met that his mother was a nut case. I dont hate her seriously, apparently she seems fine now on the phone... i have yet not talked to her and i am keeping my distance.
Ben told me not to make coffees for anybody anymore.. and i told him that if they buy the coffee beans and milk i wont object to it?
I told him that i would just tell them that its broken becuse its old and he said there is no point lying. (i am such an awful lier anyway.. so) I am kind of over it, I will talk to them when i am bored or when i want to.. his mother is german and at the kiosk her husband is turkish, they are constantly having war with each other apparently he said something really awful yesterday morning to bens mother such as "you would look alot better with your pants off" but i somehow find this sentence twisted.
She has caused stress before saying that Ben should take his oldest daughter out for dinner and he went crazy at us, and then she twisted it later on pretending that he understood wrong what she said because "his german isnt fluent"
I am just very fed up, i got away from my parents because they were crazy and now she is crazy and she doesnt even live in the same house as we do and its making my head turn.. oh well i think its time to retire to my half broken bed.

Thank you for reading guys, i have literally noone to turn to

 

[turtlecat]

oh Wow... what a nut?!

First she hates your coffee and then she LOOOOOVES it as soon as you don't randomly appear with it in front of her.. Which I guarantee she would have turned her nose up at.. you're a better person than I to not have thrown something at her..

I hope Ben realizes how she is.

 

[hannahj]

Awww Fwan! You have everyone here! You have many people to turn to! Still thought, it helps to have a real person to support you there.
I really understand what its like to have a crazy MIL. No matter how hard you try to be good and understanding, you will not be good enough for her. You have to make other friends or acquaintances that can help take the pressure off of the relationship you have with her. Since she is Ben's mother, it is natural that she would have a great influence on your life together. It is unfortunate that she has chosen to be a negative and annoying influence rather than a positive one.

Please understand that it is not your, your abilities or opinions, or even coffee that is the problem here. It is that your boyfriend's mother is shallow and mean-spirited jealous woman. You are fine and wonderful.

Probably just best to elope and move to another part of the country!

 

[pat]

and I would love having coffee made by you

 

[rosiemac]

A bit of advice from one who had an interfering monster in law myself.

Don't live too close!. It's ok Ben saying ignore her, but he's known how to put up with her for all his life, but you havent.

 

[fwan]

he hasnt put up with all his life becuase shes always sent him away.

I'M honestly having second thoughts about all this and want to pack up and leave

 

[fwan]

SHe is here right now, but she isnt the one bothering me.
Ben is making remarks that im not happy with so i just feel like that i should punch him

 

[KittenKrazy]

{{{Hugs}}} Fran, hon.....some days I have that urge too...to just pack up and leave....trust me though...it's easier done now than after you're married!

 

[jcat]

Fwan, have I misunderstood, or are you about to move into the same house as Ben's parents? If so, I'd lay some ground rules. They must ring the bell, and wait for you to let them in, just like anybody else, even though they'll probably have a key. You are an adult, have your own parents to deal with, and will decide yourself what advice you'll accept; Ben's parents have no right to prescribe your behavior. The same applies to Ben. And please, don't let him put you in the middle - if there are conflicts between him and his parents, he has to deal with them, and not push everything off on you. If his mother starts about his behavior, just tell her to deal directly with him.
We had trouble with my in-laws early on (too many attempts to interfere), and I basically told them to f*** o**. Since my husband's relationship with them wasn't the best, they backed off. I'd say that our relationship, i.e., that between my in-laws and me, has been terrific for the past 20 years. Just the first 5 years were nervewracking. Just keep this in mind: They (I actually mean Ben's mother) have absolutely no right to tell you what to do. Suggest, yes, but that's where you draw the line.

 

[fwan]

thanx tricia,
ack i will not move into the same house as her, only the same appartment block,.
I have made ground rules, that they have to respect my appartment like they do here, and that she is not to have any double keys or anything, nor is she allowed to pop over when ever she wants because i live on the first floor, because she never just pops over here for no reason