Things are so bad...

[stormy]

Emma, I'm so sorry to read you are going through such a tough time.

Though I guess I don't know the full story I have to agree with all of wonderful post already written. Has there been any consuling going on?...maybe that could be helpful to you and your son.

Sending lots of good vibes to you.

 

[ash_bct]

Emma, you are so young (not a bad thing) and you have been hurt more than most people in a lifetime. I would like to say that I think I would be feeling the same as you are.

I can not give you any advice other than to say, Alex is your son and you know best. You really do whether you want to believe it or not. Ignore your Ex's stupid comments. He is trying to hurt you in anyway he can.

Please PM me, I have something else I would like to talk to you about but only if you want to. In the meantime I am here for you

 

[beckiboo]

Emma, sounds like you are very overwhelmed. Initially the idea of Alex going to live with his dad sounds like an option, until I learned he abused you. The chances of him abusing Alex eventually are great. And the chances of him teaching Alex to be abusive towards women is extremely great.

Alex is NOT his Dad! Through your choice to procreate with the wrong person, Alex has some features from his Dad. I know, I have 2 kids from my ex, and I hate to see his features in them. But he deserves a non-abusive parent to raise him!

Call the psychiatrist's office, ask for a sooner appt, let them know you feel you are in a crisis. You said Alex says you hurt him, is it just kidtalk, or have you lost your temper and acted abusively? Does he need to he a therapist, too?

I'm in Illinios, and we have something called SASS at the psych clinic where I work. The SASS workers go into troubled homes with the goal of working things out for the benefit of the child. Is there something like that near you?

My oldest, now 22, is the spitting image of her Dad in so many ways. And she was the most difficult child. I finally gave in and let her go live with him in 10th grade, when it seemed like I couldn't control her behavior. My life got more peaceful, but he was neglectful of her needs. She didn't get a drivers liscence til she was 20! (After she came back to me.) He never showed her any affection, made her feel like an unwelcome guest in his home. And she was the apple of his eye as a little girl. Sometimes the other parent isn't a good option.

 

[lillekat]

I just wanted to say thankyou to you all. I'm thinking a little bit more rationally now - though I'm still really off-balance. All these problems have been coming for years and it's only now that my pride and stubborness has buckled enough for me to admit that things aren't right. I feel better just to be able to share something so painful with special people like you - people who don't judge me for anything other than who I am. It's so easy to sit here on the other end of a modem connection and pretend like everything's fine, when you type, no-one can see the tears or the hurt. I really appreciate what all of you have said to me - all of it is something for me to think on. (As if I have a choice as to what I think about these days). And for those of you who have even PM'd me to let me know they're thinking of me, that's meant more to me than I could say. I don't feel quite so alone. Thankyou.

 

[5catsandcountin]

Emma,

I don't know you and I don't know your situation, but I do have 4 kids and I went thru an abusive marriage and had to make some really HARD decisions a few years ago. A lot of counseling and time for healing and everyone is great now.

But what I wanted to say...the first step to healing the situation is admitting there is a problem...and you have done that. Which means, you have taken steps to be on the right track....it will be a long road filled with a lot of pain...but the trip is worth it...hang in there...and good for you for being able to see some of the issues in yourself and otehrs....and I hope everything works out.

 

[diane8704]

Originally Posted by LilleKat

I could never have imagined this in an entire lifetime of my worst nightmares. I feel so lost and very alone. I'm supposed to move in July to Copenhagen to be with my partner - as all of you will know by now. Over the last few months, my relationship with my son has deteriorated.... it's been coming for years, but the last few months it all seems to have gone downhill so quickly. I can't keep up with him any more and the only way I know how to react to him is to tell him off for something. I can't bear for him to hug me and playing with him is so hard. I've tried so hard to push away the resentment I feel - every time I look at my son all I can see is the man who hurt me. I've tried so hard. I've given it everything I've got to try and get rid of this feeling... I've spoken with a doctor and I'm STILL waiting to see a psychiatrist... but now I've tried so hard for so long... I've got nothing left in me to work on repairing the damage.

This is tearing me up in a way I coudln't even begin to explain. I've asked his father to take him for a while... and that could even become a permanent thing. I hate to do it, but Alex deserves better than I'm giving him and I don't want to screw him up by keeping on as I am. I love this child so much... but I don't understand why I can't seem to show it. I feel like I'm being torn is every which direction. I had my ex on the phone giving me abuse about now I was manipulative, devious, underhanded.... and I was lousy mother and how he could do so much better than I.... and even went so far as to say "no wonder Alex tries to escape form the house and the garden with a psychotic mother like you." My ex's girlfriend was horrified and she gave him what-for... but he cut me so deep and the damage was already done. I want so much to turn tail and run away and just get as far form this situation as I can, but I have to stay and be brave for my son. I don't want to lose him, but by the same token, I don't want to keep him here when he's not getting the affection he craves and needs. I've tried so hard... so hard... and I can't do it any more. But what mother runs out her children? I'm so lost and I'm so hurt. I'm ashamed and devastated that I can't feel what I'd like to be able to, that I can't seem to make it better. I feel like a coward and a failure. I've let so many people down, the most important one being the little boy I love. I might not be around for a while... if I am, it won't be for long afternoons of posting. I'm trying my best to make things right again - my mother moved in with me three weeks ago to see if she could help and so far we've only really succeeded in giving eachother the cold.

I'm utterly heartbroken. I'm so used to being so much stronger than this... please can I ask you just to pray that Alex gets the best... whatever the outcome is?

I want to tell you how sorry I am that you feel so lost right now. But I think the thing that you have to work on is separating your son from your ex. He cant choose his family, and hes an innocent party in whats going on.
I dont think its a good idea to let him go with your ex. You may never see him again, and you need to realize that everything your ex said to you on the phone was his way of keeping some sort of control over you. You are not psychotic. You are mentally and emotionally devestated. I think you need to get yourself into counseling. Is there anyone that your son could stay with? Maybe you have a sister? I dont know the whole situation, but I think your son is better off with you, regardless of your issues then he would ever be with a father that thinks its acceptable to verbally abuse and punish the mother of his child. I hope that you can find a resolution you can live with.
Keep us posted, and ya'll will be in my prayers.

 

[beckiboo]

Hang in there, Emma. We are here for you!