The loss & guilt of losing my cat are controlling my mind

[maxcat08]

...and I hope Tazzy has met my Max.....he went to the Rainbow bridge not quite a year ago....March 27, 2008....and he had only turned 5 yrs on Feb 26.....as the first anniversary of his passing approaches, I am feeling a tremendous amount of sadness and lots of tears. I miss him so much. He was such a cuddly fellow.

He was the best cat...so sweet and good. Many years from now....I will not feel sad when 'my time' comes.....because I know I will see and feel, and pick up my Max again. In the meantime, I think of him fondly, remembering him in my arms, kissing that soft area behind his ears, hearing his purrs....and wishing for him a wonderful time at the Rainbow Bridge. I have my regrets with his death too.....I hope he can forgive me. I will never forgive myself....I can only learn from it and do better with his 'siblings'. I know he wants to see my smile, my bright eyes and hear his name being said by me.....not alot of tears and blubberings...LOL....that would make him sad. He knows that he was, and still is, loved 110%...unconditionally by me.

Your Tazzy has many friends to play with at the Rainbow Bridge...she is going to wait for you, and she will be so happy to see you when the time is right......smile for her. Smile at her.....she wants to see you being happy. Not happy that she is gone, but happy knowing that she's out of pain, and is content until you appear in her life again. I will ask Max to look out for her....I hope that they are friends by now.

 

[plebayo]

I think you're really looking at this the wrong way.

You gave your baby 13 AWESOME years of life. She isn't alone waiting for you. She's with all of our other furbabies that people like me have lost. I'm sure that wherever she is, she isn't alone and she knows that you didn't mean to cause her any harm. The difference between humans and animals is that animals have the ability to forgive and let go. They don't hold things against us, and when we're having a rough day they are their to comfort us.

I don't know if you believe in people that say they can talk to animals... but you might seek out an animal communicator in your area. Maybe they could help you find closure.

I went through something similar myself. The first kitten I ever owned I had for roughly 2 weeks or so... he crawled under the recliner I was sitting in, unknown to me. The phone rang so i jumped out of the chair and when I came back I found him. It completely broke my heart. I couldn't believe that I had killed him. I was so stupid to have assumed he wasn't under there. I felt so horrible, and I still do. However, I also realize now it was an accident and it wasn't something I meant to do.

You didn't mean for your cat to get sick. You didn't mean for her to die. It happened, and it's horrible, but it isn't your fault.

 

[ilovecats4ever]

I am just getting worse, I dreamed of my Tazzy again right before I woke up this morning, this time in my dream, I took much better care of her when she came home from getting declawed, I used the right litter, called the vet when I saw the first sign of anything going wrong, she purred when I pet her in my dream and then I woke up, I am living a nightmare right now, no matter how many times all of you tell me it's not my fault I can not believe that and never will, I never will stop blaming myself because the bottom line is, if I didn't pick up that phone and call and make her an apt to get declawed she would be here right now. I can't get over this, I will look in my phonebook again today for a counselor or doctor but I know in my heart, no-one can say anything to get me through this, the only way is if Tazzy was here, I am thinking beyond reality right now and I just can't get past it, I sat in my bathroom last night by the heat register on the floor where she used to lay and I cried my eyes out and put my hand out like she was there to pet, I am so lost without her. Thank you again for your stories and support, I appreciate it so much.

 

[ldg]

Sweetie, you may never get over the feeling that what happened is your fault. My husband fought in a war and killed civilians and children. It is a fact. It happened, and he can't go back and change that. BUT.... with help and time, you can forgive yourself. You can use the guilt to transform the world around you into a better place - a more aware place. You were not aware of what could happen from a declaw. The vet did not inform you. Why is this not the vet's fault? It could very easily be the fault of a system that encourages vets to provide a dangerous service for profit. You were a victim of that system. You were not alone in the decision, you were not alone in what happened. So many things contributed to the situation, it is NOT so black and white.

You are living in a completely "black" part of a "black and white" world right now, and that is just not what is real!

Right now you are SO focused on blame, and that happens when there is tragedy. A parent blaming themself for the death of a child in a car accident. A guardian blaming themself for the dealth of a pet because of a broken fence. There are SO many things that can happen to anyone, anywhere, at any time. The fact of the matter is that you are hurting, deeply, and you are stuck on "it is my fault." Everyone in the world can tell you it isn't your fault, and it won't help change how you feel. That is EXACTLY what professional support can help you with - tools to move on, tools to help you heal, tools to help you help yourself, tools to help transform the guilt - not erase it - and all of this will help you, your family, and they need you too.

...And, it will help honor the memory of the love for your Tazzy.

Do not let her death be in vain. Is she happier now that you are a wreck, hating yourself? Of course not. You need tools to find that place of love again, where her death will mean saving other lives, not ruining yours.

Laurie

 

[GoldyCat]

I agree with the others who have said to seek professional help. Also, don't refuse to take medication just because it's a "temporary fix". Drugs are supposed to be temporary in situations like yours. No pill is going to "cure" your feelings of guilt, but it can suppress or blunt the emotions enough that you can start working through your grief instead of being overwhelmed by it. Start by going to a counselor or doctor, and if s/he recommends medication, take it.
Sending many calming and prayers your way.

 

[Willowy]

Honestly, any vet who agreed to de-claw a 13-year-old cat should lose his/her license. Any surgery at that age is extremely risky, and removing bone is especially dangerous. Why are we not blaming the vet here? With proper education, perhaps you would not have decided to have Tazzy's claws cut out. The medical professional is the one who holds the blame. If you transfer some of your guilt feelings into anger toward that vet, maybe it would help some.

But, yes, talk therapy would do the most good. Does your state have a crisis helpline (here it's 211)? If so, they sould be able to refer you to a good therapist.

 

[libby74]

I also believe that your vet is the one that let Tazzy down.

That quote is from my post of 2/27. I agree whole-heartedly with this quote from Willowy---

Honestly, any vet who agreed to de-claw a 13-year-old cat should lose his/her license. Any surgery at that age is extremely risky, and removing bone is especially dangerous. Why are we not blaming the vet here? With proper education, perhaps you would not have decided to have Tazzy's claws cut out. The medical professional is the one who holds the blame.

My heart absolutely aches for ilovecats4ever; no one should feel this sort of guilt. We all do the best we can with the information we're given. If I remember correctly from the first page of this thread, the op had taken Tazzy back to vet when she noticed things weren't going smoothly. If a trained professional didn't realize just how bad Tazzy's condtion was, how could anyone else?