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- Feb 1, 2018
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I need to vent. I’m sorry if this isn’t the right place for that... I’m just SO angry and upset right now. I don’t if my anger is warranted or if I’m just grieving and not thinking straight. And I don’t know how to process these feelings. This is going to be very long... no one needs to feel obliged to read all of it. I just have to express this or I’m going to go crazy.
Lost my girl Chai in early Dec, as some of you know. It was a pretty traumatic death and I am still having a very hard time getting through it. But my tumultuous relationship with the shelter she came from has only made this whole situation worse. I think I am directing all my pent-up feelings of anger against this shelter, whether they deserve it or not, and what they did tonight was just like twisting the knife in the wound of her loss.
Before I get to that...
Background:
-very disorganized, overcrowded, chaotic cat shelter with many stressed and sick kitties—terrible communication and the shelter owner is very possessive of the cats, and hesitant to let them get adopted even when they are clearly suffering in the shelter environment
-Jan 2018: I visited and applied to adopt Chai (then known as Iris)
-Jan 2018: they originally gave me the go-ahead, then backtracked saying she was “too wild,” and was “unadoptable,” but saying I could foster her first if I wanted, and I agreed
-Feb 2018: a week before picking Chai up, they suddenly said she was very sick and had been at the hospital for 5 days—but had no info on what her sickness was—kept sending me other cats to look at suggesting I adopt them instead (but I didn’t want them, I wanted her)
-Mar 2018 until Aug 2018: Never learned what she had been sick with. I asked about her frequently, looked at her photo every single day, but no one could ever give me much information about her—whether she was sick or not, whether she’d be adoptable or not... I had no idea but I refused to give up on her. I offered vet care and begged them to let me adopt her, but I was told ridiculous excuses like “you can’t trust all vets and we only trust this particular vet that’s not where you live and we want to keep her here in case she gets sick again.”
-Sept 2018: FINALLY they let me visit her again and agreed to let me adopt her. When I visited she was clearly sick and having breathing issues and mouth pain so I let the staff know she needed medical attention asap before I brought her home
-Sept 2018: a week later, when I came to pick her up and bring her home, the sickness hadn’t been checked out at all. I was and still am furious at them for not checking up on her during that time and however long she’d been suffering before my visit. Especially now that I know it was stomatitis and that she was in incredible pain for who knows how long. I even TOLD them she was clearly unwell and apparently no one listened or cared. They acted like it wasn’t a big deal.
After I brought her home, the whole time I owned her the shelter staff and head volunteer kept calling her Iris even though I told them specifically I’d changed her name to Chai. It bothered me, not because of the name itself of course, but because they acted like she was still theirs even after my adoption was completed. I was in contact with them a few times over the next few months, just to share photos and videos of her progress and how proud I was of her, but the constant calling her “Iris” really got on my nerves so I stopped. Unlike every other cat that gets adopted by them, they never made a Facebook post for her that she’d been adopted. Her profile on their webpage said “adoption trial” LONG after I’d finalized the adoption. But I was just so glad that she was out of their incompetent hands that I didn’t really care about that. Whatever. She was special to me and I was used to them constantly dismissing or forgetting her anyway.
When she was getting sick and had a seizure, I contacted them again BEGGING them to look for medical records for her to see if what she was sick with in Feb had any relevance to this. I got a “I’ll look into it,” and then a few days later a “How is Iris doing?” without any mention of the medical records, as expected. I told them Chai had FIP which had been confirmed by the vet and that I would have to put her down.
Somehow the shelter owner got involved and called me saying she didn’t think it was FIP (she had zero information about her symptoms, procedures, or anything that had been going on) and that I needed to take “Iris” to several of her vets instead. I refused. My vets had tested the fluid from her abdomen which gives a 90% diagnosis and I refused to drag my baby girl all over the city in the freezing weather and subject her for more and more stressful terrifying tests, in her last days, when she was already so weak and dying. The owner began sobbing on the phone and *I* had to comfort *her* which is pretty rich seeing as that cat never received proper medical care in her shelter in the first place.
After Chai passed I did receive a kind sympathy message from the head volunteer, and I could almost overlook that he still called her Iris. But a few days later they posted a memorial for her on their facebook page (without even telling or asking me) and they still called her Iris. Saying “we will miss you.” Who?? Who exactly will miss her?? Shelter staff who were willing to let her wither away in pain and fear rather than go home with me in the first place and get a chance at health and happiness?? Volunteers who didn’t even know her name or that she existed, who called her Hitler kitty, who thought she was mean and hopeless because she hissed when they tried to touch her?? The owner who thought she was all high and mighty for “saving” her from the streets but failed to care about her at all as more than just another notch on the rescue cat belt, just another addition to the stressful overcrowded rooms of cats?? I realize I was being unfair, and reacting overemotionally. But I left a comment anyway on the post saying that her name was actually Chai, and writing briefly how loved she was in her forever home and what a wonderful girl she was.
So, whatever. That was frustrating. But I was forgetting about it. But then tonight they posted a document page of slides of cats who have passed away. I don’t know why they need another page when they already have a photo album for memorials. (Or why they are focusing on a memorial page when their adoption page is so horrendously outdated and needs work.)
But anyway... I clicked on it and found Chai’s post and was extremely upset to read “Iris (Chai) - adoption trial - seems to be forever home, fall 2018; passed away from what was thought to be FIP” alongside just a picture of her original adoption profile, with old scared sad pictures, describing how shy and wild she was. What??? What kind of f***ing memorial is that??? Refusing to acknowledge her by her name and putting it in brackets. Keeping “adoption trial” there, clearly just messily left over from her regular profile that they failed to ever update. Photos of her at her worst when I have sent them many photos of her at her best. Description of her terrified shelter self when they know full well I socialized her and she became the cuddliest, happiest lovebug there ever was. “Thought to be FIP”—it wasn’t a thought. It wasn’t a guess. It wasn’t something unknown. That’s what it was. I wouldn’t have euthanized her on a whim. I wouldn’t have euthanized her without making sure. I spent thousands of dollars on her. It was an EXTREMELY traumatic decision that I did NOT make lightly, and I made with the advice of three different vets as well as online resources and more. It WAS FIP. But furthermore, why does her cause of death have to be in there? Why that, and not “she was a sweetheart who loved to purr”? Why not “she loved her mom and sister and passed peacefully”?
But the worst was “seems to be forever home.” Seems to be? Just... why? Why would they write that? It just... broke my heart. It wasn’t seems to be. It wasn’t a trial. It WAS her forever home. I was her home. She was mine. They KNEW that. Everyone who clicks on that page and sees her photo is going to think this poor cat died in the hands of an incompetent, careless, noncommittal foster who euthanized her because of ‘thought to be FIP’ and who never promised to be her forever home, and that this shelter is the only one who cared about her. They’re going to think she died shy and skittish and never knew love and a forever home.
My memory of Chai is all I have left, and sharing it with others is the only thing that is bringing me healing right now. She lived a beautiful life and she was brave and good and strong, and she deserves to be remembered that way. She died with dignity and love and she was loved and cared for to the end of her days. To portray anything less than that, to see them soil her memory like this, feels like I’m being wounded all over again. How dare they? She wasn’t their cat to love. She’s not their cat to post photos and memorials of, even, not
without asking me, not to mention ones that are so horribly inaccurate and misrepresentative of her truth and her legacy. She was MY cat, whether they like it or not. She wasn’t their Iris. She was my Chai.
It all triggered a huge wave of anguish; I wept nonstop for about three hours and debated whether or not to send them a message demanding they change the info. Or even to just take it down. But I don’t know if it would even make me feel better, and the emotional energy required to explain to them why it is hurtful (when they are clearly so ignorant) is just too much for me.
I am furious and I am also heartbroken. I am trying really hard not to go down this path of thinking, since I know it is unproductive, but I really do wonder if she would still be alive if they had just let me adopt her in the first place. When I think about the agony of her untreated stomatitis and her terror and extreme stress at that shelter, I feel absolutely sick to my stomach, that they dare act like they took good care of her and that they will miss her. I know individual volunteers might, though to be honest I only met one volunteer there who ever treated her with patience and kindness. But the shelter as an organization is just a cruel evil entity as far as I’m concerned right now. Only one thing makes me feel better: Chai sure wouldn’t miss or thank or love them. Chai would say good riddance—now where’s my beloved mom and sister?
Jury’s still out on whether I will send them a message to edit or delete the post. I don’t know how I can write it without sounding angry.
I’m just so broken up over this. Chai’s death and then this is just like a slap in the face to all she lived for and triumphed over and the bond we shared. Maybe it shouldn’t matter, maybe I’m being silly, but I just want her legacy to stay pure and alive since she couldn’t and now they’ve gone and spoiled it. All of this is a terrible nightmare and I want to wake up and have my kitty again.
Lost my girl Chai in early Dec, as some of you know. It was a pretty traumatic death and I am still having a very hard time getting through it. But my tumultuous relationship with the shelter she came from has only made this whole situation worse. I think I am directing all my pent-up feelings of anger against this shelter, whether they deserve it or not, and what they did tonight was just like twisting the knife in the wound of her loss.
Before I get to that...
Background:
-very disorganized, overcrowded, chaotic cat shelter with many stressed and sick kitties—terrible communication and the shelter owner is very possessive of the cats, and hesitant to let them get adopted even when they are clearly suffering in the shelter environment
-Jan 2018: I visited and applied to adopt Chai (then known as Iris)
-Jan 2018: they originally gave me the go-ahead, then backtracked saying she was “too wild,” and was “unadoptable,” but saying I could foster her first if I wanted, and I agreed
-Feb 2018: a week before picking Chai up, they suddenly said she was very sick and had been at the hospital for 5 days—but had no info on what her sickness was—kept sending me other cats to look at suggesting I adopt them instead (but I didn’t want them, I wanted her)
-Mar 2018 until Aug 2018: Never learned what she had been sick with. I asked about her frequently, looked at her photo every single day, but no one could ever give me much information about her—whether she was sick or not, whether she’d be adoptable or not... I had no idea but I refused to give up on her. I offered vet care and begged them to let me adopt her, but I was told ridiculous excuses like “you can’t trust all vets and we only trust this particular vet that’s not where you live and we want to keep her here in case she gets sick again.”
-Sept 2018: FINALLY they let me visit her again and agreed to let me adopt her. When I visited she was clearly sick and having breathing issues and mouth pain so I let the staff know she needed medical attention asap before I brought her home
-Sept 2018: a week later, when I came to pick her up and bring her home, the sickness hadn’t been checked out at all. I was and still am furious at them for not checking up on her during that time and however long she’d been suffering before my visit. Especially now that I know it was stomatitis and that she was in incredible pain for who knows how long. I even TOLD them she was clearly unwell and apparently no one listened or cared. They acted like it wasn’t a big deal.
After I brought her home, the whole time I owned her the shelter staff and head volunteer kept calling her Iris even though I told them specifically I’d changed her name to Chai. It bothered me, not because of the name itself of course, but because they acted like she was still theirs even after my adoption was completed. I was in contact with them a few times over the next few months, just to share photos and videos of her progress and how proud I was of her, but the constant calling her “Iris” really got on my nerves so I stopped. Unlike every other cat that gets adopted by them, they never made a Facebook post for her that she’d been adopted. Her profile on their webpage said “adoption trial” LONG after I’d finalized the adoption. But I was just so glad that she was out of their incompetent hands that I didn’t really care about that. Whatever. She was special to me and I was used to them constantly dismissing or forgetting her anyway.
When she was getting sick and had a seizure, I contacted them again BEGGING them to look for medical records for her to see if what she was sick with in Feb had any relevance to this. I got a “I’ll look into it,” and then a few days later a “How is Iris doing?” without any mention of the medical records, as expected. I told them Chai had FIP which had been confirmed by the vet and that I would have to put her down.
Somehow the shelter owner got involved and called me saying she didn’t think it was FIP (she had zero information about her symptoms, procedures, or anything that had been going on) and that I needed to take “Iris” to several of her vets instead. I refused. My vets had tested the fluid from her abdomen which gives a 90% diagnosis and I refused to drag my baby girl all over the city in the freezing weather and subject her for more and more stressful terrifying tests, in her last days, when she was already so weak and dying. The owner began sobbing on the phone and *I* had to comfort *her* which is pretty rich seeing as that cat never received proper medical care in her shelter in the first place.
After Chai passed I did receive a kind sympathy message from the head volunteer, and I could almost overlook that he still called her Iris. But a few days later they posted a memorial for her on their facebook page (without even telling or asking me) and they still called her Iris. Saying “we will miss you.” Who?? Who exactly will miss her?? Shelter staff who were willing to let her wither away in pain and fear rather than go home with me in the first place and get a chance at health and happiness?? Volunteers who didn’t even know her name or that she existed, who called her Hitler kitty, who thought she was mean and hopeless because she hissed when they tried to touch her?? The owner who thought she was all high and mighty for “saving” her from the streets but failed to care about her at all as more than just another notch on the rescue cat belt, just another addition to the stressful overcrowded rooms of cats?? I realize I was being unfair, and reacting overemotionally. But I left a comment anyway on the post saying that her name was actually Chai, and writing briefly how loved she was in her forever home and what a wonderful girl she was.
So, whatever. That was frustrating. But I was forgetting about it. But then tonight they posted a document page of slides of cats who have passed away. I don’t know why they need another page when they already have a photo album for memorials. (Or why they are focusing on a memorial page when their adoption page is so horrendously outdated and needs work.)
But anyway... I clicked on it and found Chai’s post and was extremely upset to read “Iris (Chai) - adoption trial - seems to be forever home, fall 2018; passed away from what was thought to be FIP” alongside just a picture of her original adoption profile, with old scared sad pictures, describing how shy and wild she was. What??? What kind of f***ing memorial is that??? Refusing to acknowledge her by her name and putting it in brackets. Keeping “adoption trial” there, clearly just messily left over from her regular profile that they failed to ever update. Photos of her at her worst when I have sent them many photos of her at her best. Description of her terrified shelter self when they know full well I socialized her and she became the cuddliest, happiest lovebug there ever was. “Thought to be FIP”—it wasn’t a thought. It wasn’t a guess. It wasn’t something unknown. That’s what it was. I wouldn’t have euthanized her on a whim. I wouldn’t have euthanized her without making sure. I spent thousands of dollars on her. It was an EXTREMELY traumatic decision that I did NOT make lightly, and I made with the advice of three different vets as well as online resources and more. It WAS FIP. But furthermore, why does her cause of death have to be in there? Why that, and not “she was a sweetheart who loved to purr”? Why not “she loved her mom and sister and passed peacefully”?
But the worst was “seems to be forever home.” Seems to be? Just... why? Why would they write that? It just... broke my heart. It wasn’t seems to be. It wasn’t a trial. It WAS her forever home. I was her home. She was mine. They KNEW that. Everyone who clicks on that page and sees her photo is going to think this poor cat died in the hands of an incompetent, careless, noncommittal foster who euthanized her because of ‘thought to be FIP’ and who never promised to be her forever home, and that this shelter is the only one who cared about her. They’re going to think she died shy and skittish and never knew love and a forever home.
My memory of Chai is all I have left, and sharing it with others is the only thing that is bringing me healing right now. She lived a beautiful life and she was brave and good and strong, and she deserves to be remembered that way. She died with dignity and love and she was loved and cared for to the end of her days. To portray anything less than that, to see them soil her memory like this, feels like I’m being wounded all over again. How dare they? She wasn’t their cat to love. She’s not their cat to post photos and memorials of, even, not
without asking me, not to mention ones that are so horribly inaccurate and misrepresentative of her truth and her legacy. She was MY cat, whether they like it or not. She wasn’t their Iris. She was my Chai.
It all triggered a huge wave of anguish; I wept nonstop for about three hours and debated whether or not to send them a message demanding they change the info. Or even to just take it down. But I don’t know if it would even make me feel better, and the emotional energy required to explain to them why it is hurtful (when they are clearly so ignorant) is just too much for me.
I am furious and I am also heartbroken. I am trying really hard not to go down this path of thinking, since I know it is unproductive, but I really do wonder if she would still be alive if they had just let me adopt her in the first place. When I think about the agony of her untreated stomatitis and her terror and extreme stress at that shelter, I feel absolutely sick to my stomach, that they dare act like they took good care of her and that they will miss her. I know individual volunteers might, though to be honest I only met one volunteer there who ever treated her with patience and kindness. But the shelter as an organization is just a cruel evil entity as far as I’m concerned right now. Only one thing makes me feel better: Chai sure wouldn’t miss or thank or love them. Chai would say good riddance—now where’s my beloved mom and sister?
Jury’s still out on whether I will send them a message to edit or delete the post. I don’t know how I can write it without sounding angry.
I’m just so broken up over this. Chai’s death and then this is just like a slap in the face to all she lived for and triumphed over and the bond we shared. Maybe it shouldn’t matter, maybe I’m being silly, but I just want her legacy to stay pure and alive since she couldn’t and now they’ve gone and spoiled it. All of this is a terrible nightmare and I want to wake up and have my kitty again.
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This shelter is very popular with people who want to rescue cats here, especially foreigners. But personally I could never recommend them to anyone. Even my vet, who works with that shelter’s cats often, told me that he could never recommend them and that they have a big problem with sick cats as well as bad management. 
