Territorial aggression - need help reintroducing cats

[inka]

Looks like I have messed it up for my cats and it's been only going downhill for the past month 

I will try to describe our situation best I can. It may get long, sorry for that.

As I wrote in my thread introducing our little family to the board, one of my 2 cats, Toto, passed away in April, at the age of 13. His life long bbf cat girl Sissi (about same age) and me were sitting in a heavy silence and misery for one week straight. 

Then I went to MDAS and brought home Teddy, a 2 y.o. neutered male cat, announced as stray. 

He is definitely not a feral cat, I believe he once had a home. Teddy was shy and scared for the first couple of days maybe, then bonded to me and to the home in no time. He has been nothing but joy and love, so happy in his new home, and so excellent with the litter box, eating, everything. Except with sharing his new home with the resident senior Lady Sissi.

I have rushed it, I admit. It was going so well... Sissi was initially very friendly and curious, so I let her come into Teddy's room after a couple days. The cats sniffed each other, both curious, no hissing, so I thought "wow, this is amazing", and I let Teddy out, end of introduction. 

In the beginning they were doing fine together, though she was not so happy for Teddy coming too close and hissed if he tried to play, but no fights. I was searching all over the places on the internet, and most said "Give it time". So I waited and did nothing, just babysitting cats and supervising for a couple of months.

Things have been gradually getting worse: first Teddy managed to get Sissi permanently out of my bedroom, just by staring at her (it is mostly psychological between these 2, they have never had a real fight). She was trying to stay, I was trying to make her stay, but she was too afraid of Teddy's intimidating look and left the 2nd floor for good (my bedroom, guestroom, hallway and laundry room).

Then the past month Teddy started to take over the living room where we all spend most of the time. Sissi started spending days and nights on a dining chair under the table, then jumping from there up on a sideboard and up on a cabinet. I placed a basket on the cabinet so she would have a safe retreat when needed. Then she stopped playing with us, and left her spot on the cabinet only for meals, toilet, or a short nap on a screened patio.

Now Teddy has gotten her out of the patio too... and she is also afraid to use any of the litter boxes placed around - no matter how many boxes I place and how much I turn the house into one big toilet.

Teddy on his side is not relaxed anymore either, because he has to check and supervise the territory and making sure she is not to see, or he will stare back on the cabinet. So he is cruising between his tower in the living room, and the porch all the time.

Fortunately neither of the cats have had any accidents outside the box, I believe it is due to many Feliway diffusers going on constantly throughout the house since Teddy's arrival. 

But she is scared of him. Not scared as the tail like a toilet brush, but scared and giving up on all of the space.

Yesterday she had to go to the litter box, but was too afraid. She was cruising around one in the hallway downstairs, coming closer, getting in and out, till I sat down on a bench next to and guarded her. She is barely walking on the floor anymore, except meal times - she has been living up on the cabinet for a month now, sneaking to a litter box at night when he is sleeping in bed with me and having time of his life.

That was the final alarm for me and a realization that what is going on, is by far no good.

Teddy is now back upstairs in his initial room, and I am thinking: now what?

I have red about proper introduction hundreds of times, but can not go by the book for the following reasons:

- there is no way she will eat by the door on the 2nd floor. Her eating place has been the kitchen for almost 14 years. I have tried, she is not even interested in going upstairs anymore.

- they have been eating side by side in the kitchen for the past 3 1/2 months with no problems. They do not have problems eating together or smelling each other, she can even eat from his bowl and vice versa. They already associate meal times as good time together - the only good time together, it is all the other time that the territory terror occurs.

- I have been weak and impatient, feeling sorry for Teddy. I have tried to let him stay in his room a few times, with big plans on counter conditioning, but then couldn't take him sitting there alone and let him out again... this is something I can work on and stop wiggling back and forth. The thing is also, because of my lack of persistence, Teddy perceives each time in his room now as a punishment and rejection, he gets sad and just wants out all the time.

So what do I do from here, I have no idea 

 

[inka]

I would like to add that I am also stuck in grieving, crying often, depressed and have not had much energy to play with the cats as much as they need. sometimes also start playing, but then thinking of Toto and can't continue, just sitting and crying.

I guess my depression does not help my cats much either...

Now have 4 weeks off from work, whole August, and want to use this time trying to help the cats getting along.

 

[p3 and the king]

Cats that have been on the streets for any length of time, even strays, become more territorial and aggressive often, even after being brought inside.  It's a survival mechanism.  You have to see it from his point of view.  He was on the streets and had to fight for a place to sleep, get out of the weather, get a drink, find something to eat.  It's not a fun world for outside kitties. 

You need to rebuild her confidence and make Teddy feel safe at the same time.  The isolation might do him good.  Let him calm down for a week or two.  Keep interactions brief and then separate again and especially if they start in on each other again.  Try not to get upset.  Just remove Teddy or her and be as calm about it as possible.  Feliway doesn't work for all cats.  Consider talking to your vet about something stronger for Teddy.  Maybe Prozac?  Just until he's calm and feels safe and assured he isn't going back outside to fend for himself any longer.  Prozac isn't immediate but it can help a great deal for a kitty like him.

I know it's upsetting. Cats are very intuitive to your feelings.  They may even be acting out because of your feelings.  Both are unsure.  Just try to reassure Teddy and her and make both feel safe and loved again.  It's good that they can eat and be OK, that means there is hope. 

 

[inka]

Hi @P3, thank you for the advicies,  your words help me to understand how Teddy may be feeling about the whole situation.

You know, they actually don't have a problem with me being upset. I've been maybe even too calm, meaning lack of reaction, up to the point when their interactions bring both the cats more stress than joy.

I will follow your advicies and update on how it goes here.

Thank you for making me aware of Teddy's insecurity. I've seen he is very attached to a sleeping-perching tower he got short after his arrival here. It is actually too little for him, only 15 x 15 perch, he can't rest comfortably on there, and his legs hang outside when he takes a nap, but non the less he is taking naps, grooming himself, hiding there, rubs himself against it often and treating this little tower like his cherished asset.

So each time he goes to the room upstairs, I am dragging the tower up too, just that he does not feel like it has been taken from him. Sometimes have to laugh at the whole situation, while struggling with a cat tower up or down the stairs.

Spend a couple hours in his room, cleaned his box, changed the water, gave him food, then tried to play with a da bird and laser which are his favorites, but he didn't want to, just hiding inside the tower and looking sad. So I just sat there for a while talking to him. Think he starts having doubts about whether he's got a home or not. Made me think of what you wrote, thank you again.

Sissi on the other hand have perked up a bit. she has been playing a little and walking on the floor, but looking around her shoulder all the time. Well, I will travel between rooms for a week or two and follow your guidance, trying to make sure everybody feels loved.

Wondering if I should remove Sissi's hiding basket from the cabinet. They say one shouldn't encourage fear, and that giving her a complete hide may make her believe there is something to fear. On the other hand she is a senior cat and has more need for peace. She has her bed made inside the basket, and can also watch through the woven texture while at the same time nobody can see her. She seems to like it a lot.

The vet gave me Xanax for Sissi a few weeks ago. He didn't want Teddy on any medication, said Teddy seems happy so there is no need. Tried to explain the territory aggression, by wasn't given a chance - the vet discouraged me in trying to make these 2 get along, said no one can make cats like each other, rehome one cat and that's it, our time is up for today, here is the bill for consultation on behavioral issue. 

I tried the Xanax on myself first. The dosage is .5 mg and it knocked me out pretty much. She is only 9 lb, so I give her 1/4 of the recommended dosage and only when acts like in panic, don't want to get her addicted to this stuff.

1/2 made her legs unstable, plus she was sleeping all the time, and that's not the point either to knock the cat out.

Will try talking to the vet again about something for Teddy.

 

[p3 and the king]

 
Hi @P3, thank you for the advicies,  your words help me to understand how Teddy may be feeling about the whole situation.

You know, they actually don't have a problem with me being upset. I've been maybe even too calm, meaning lack of reaction, up to the point when their interactions bring both the cats more stress than joy.

I will follow your advicies and update on how it goes here.

Thank you for making me aware of Teddy's insecurity. I've seen he is very attached to a sleeping-perching tower he got short after his arrival here. It is actually too little for him, only 15 x 15 perch, he can't rest comfortably on there, and his legs hang outside when he takes a nap, but non the less he is taking naps, grooming himself, hiding there, rubs himself against it often and treating this little tower like his cherished asset.

So each time he goes to the room upstairs, I am dragging the tower up too, just that he does not feel like it has been taken from him. Sometimes have to laugh at the whole situation, while struggling with a cat tower up or down the stairs.

Spend a couple hours in his room, cleaned his box, changed the water, gave him food, then tried to play with a da bird and laser which are his favorites, but he didn't want to, just hiding inside the tower and looking sad. So I just sat there for a while talking to him. Think he starts having doubts about whether he's got a home or not. Made me think of what you wrote, thank you again.

Sissi on the other hand have perked up a bit. she has been playing a little and walking on the floor, but looking around her shoulder all the time. Well, I will travel between rooms for a week or two and follow your guidance, trying to make sure everybody feels loved.

Wondering if I should remove Sissi's hiding basket from the cabinet. They say one shouldn't encourage fear, and that giving her a complete hide may make her believe there is something to fear. On the other hand she is a senior cat and has more need for peace. She has her bed made inside the basket, and can also watch through the woven texture while at the same time nobody can see her. She seems to like it a lot.

The vet gave me Xanax for Sissi a few weeks ago. He didn't want Teddy on any medication, said Teddy seems happy so there is no need. Tried to explain the territory aggression, by wasn't given a chance - the vet discouraged me in trying to make these 2 get along, said no one can make cats like each other, rehome one cat and that's it, our time is up for today, here is the bill for consultation on behavioral issue. 

I tried the Xanax on myself first. The dosage is .5 mg and it knocked me out pretty much. She is only 9 lb, so I give her 1/4 of the recommended dosage and only when acts like in panic, don't want to get her addicted to this stuff.

1/2 made her legs unstable, plus she was sleeping all the time, and that's not the point either to knock the cat out.

Will try talking to the vet again about something for Teddy.

I would switch vets.  Talk to your cat friends about a good cat vet.  Not all vets like cats.  It's a shameful fact.  Sometimes it can be hard to find a vet that likes and KNOWS them well.  I am of the belief that if you are going into the animal medicine profession, you need to love ALL types on animals.  However, not everyone feels this way.  They do it for the money or whatever.  Especially in my area, it's very hard to find vets that like and love cats.  I had to go to a few before I found the 2 I use.  I like to have 2, that way, I know that they are getting the best care.  I feel that each has their own specialties with them.  For big things, I go to Doc A and for the littler and perhaps behavioral things I go to Doc E. 

Ask about a behavior specialists you can consult with.  Vets are not behavior specialists and it is not part of their medical training.  A behavior specialist would be better able to access whether or not a medication could help Teddy.  And for Sissi, they can help you find the proper dosage or a better medication.  That's not right.  I would not be going back to this vet if I were you.  This is only my opinion of course... But, there has got to be a better vet out there that knows cats and understands their behavior better. 

His advice about not being able to make cats like each other may ring true to a point.  But you can certainly get to a point where there is no tension and problems.  That they co exists in the same household.  The eating together well proves this. 

 

[p3 and the king]

Also, just leave the tower in one place.  Cats don't like change and it can confuse him, the moving of the tower all the time.  I understand your thinking is that if he's going to be in "time out" or separated, he needs his tower.  Just leave it there.  Make that his own special place.  It'll help with things.  Plus, no reason to burden yourself dragging it back and forth.  Get a new tower for the other space. 

As far as Sissi's hiding basket.  Not until she is feeling more comfortable.  She needs it right now and it will be very upsetting for you to cut her off or disturb it at this time, so just leave it for now.  It's more important to get her medicine adjusted to a good level for her and for it to take effect.  Then, when she is more confident, remove the basket and shut out the cabinet. 

 

[inka]

Thank you so much @P3 for your time and patience

Your advicies mean a lot, and not standing alone with the situation makes a whole world of difference to me, as it may be hard thinking rationally when in the middle of a cross fire.

Well, this is a new vet. After Toto's passing I had hard time visiting our old vet, it was traumatizing, so I found a new doctor, but think I will go back to our many years family vet. He is a good doctor and a compassionate person. He let me among others bring Teddy without appointment for a total check and shots when on the way home from the shelter in Miami (it is a few hours driving) because I couldn't estimate when we'll be arriving.

He also helped Toto crossing The Bridge after his regular hours, just to give my beloved cat and me as much time and privacy as possible. 

Updates: Sissi has perked up very well, she is spending time on the porch again, enjoying the beautiful weather, she plays much more and walks with her tail up again. I've also figured one more big mistake I made: after Teddy's arrival I removed a  rattan table from the porch and placed Teddy's tall tree right there - it was reckless of me as that table used to be her and Toto's favorite spot for naps, I just didn't think of it, so it was like I was giving her a message "You are out, the new cat is in".

Yesterday I moved the tree and brought back the table (luckily didn't throw it yet) and she jumped right on top of it and lied down for a nap. One more lesson learned. 

She has been through so much the past months: she has lost her best friend, got a new vet, a new cat arrived and pushed her out of the warmth, favorite furniture gone, "mom" acting like a lunatic... she needs lots of routine and life being predictable now.

I am rambling all this because maybe my hard lessons can be useful for someone - these little things that we may overlook while they mean so much to the cats.  

Yesterday night I let Teddy out of his room for a short supervised visit. Again thank you @P3, a few days away from each other seem to have helped already. They were friendly to each other, it even looked like they were both glad to see each other again and greeted each other with a brief nose butting. They ate together, again Sissi was peaking from Teddy's bowl and he didn't mind. Then they got treats and play, even played together with da bird for the first time, took turns on catching it. Then I took Teddy to my bedroom and let him spend the night there, while Sissi got the rest of the house.

Did the same today. Sissi removed herself from the porch when Teddy entered, but she seems to be in a good mood, wants to be petted on her tummy and doing this "sweet cat" thing.

Teddy is just happy for being out of the room, he is relaxing up on the other cabinet now and trying to make himself invisible so that he may stay here with us some longer. They are both listening to Clayderman right now and seem relaxed

I am so glad the tension between these 2 starts to weaken. 

I will let him stay for a couple more hours, then if everything goes well, repeat every day and increase his time here every week with one hour or so, till they are both completely comfortable with each other.

 

[p3 and the king]

This is good news.  Just continue to let them have their private and special places.  Do this for another week or so and they'll get the message.  And it'll help wonders.  Dealing with a lot of change at once is very upsetting and it seems as if Sissi has turned the corner as walking with tail upright is a very good sign.  Now, Teddy just needs to feel like this is home, forever home, and he doesn't have to worry about losing it and he'll be better, too.  His own space and lots of love, patience and understanding will have him feeling confident in no time. 

 

[pharber-murphy]

This is a terrific post. I'm so glad that you have helped Sissi and Teddy work things out. I hope they have many, many happy years together!

Thank you for the long(er) posts, too. You're right - this information could help a lot of people on this site. Wonderful :-)

Best regards,

PHarber-Murphy

 

[inka]

Thank you so much for all the uplifting words, really needed them after 4 months of this roller coaster.

Update: It's 5 in the morning here and I am sitting with my two beautiful cats that have finally decided it is OK to like each other

Sissi_Teddy_together.jpg

• inka
• Aug 11, 2014

 

[inka]

Update:

Things are getting better for every day

Teddy has been separated into his room only a couple times since my last post, for going after Sissi. Seems he's got the message, the past 2 days have been very peaceful. 

He hates being separated from us, so that works best. I don't use water squirts, loud voices or anything else - just taking him to the room upstairs for about 12 hours if he goes after her.

No play, no treats, no visits except feeding and litter cleaning, as it's not supposed to be fun being there. That is enough time to get bored and to miss the family.

He is very intelligent, the past couple days it has been enough for me to say "Teddy..." with a little warning in my voice when he was about to scare Sissi out of the litter box, and he changes direction prompt.

He knows I mean it

I have taken Sissi off of the heavy drugs too. Don't like what they do to her. They both get Rescue Remedy both in their food and behind their ears, and Teddy is wearing a calming collar too.

Works like a charm.

Sissi has started to go out on the porch like she did before, also walking relaxed in the area downstairs. She is still not approaching the second floor, but it's ok, she will do in her own time.

A funny thing: they both use one litter box. Doesn't bother them at all, and the other boxes are not being used. I am happy for that and cleaning the shared box like crazy.

Looks like Sissi is reestablishing her Alpha place. Teddy behaves somewhat submissive towards her now. i.e. feeding time, he is sitting behind her while waiting for the food, then waiting for her to start eating before he goes to his bowl. Same with treats - when I put a treat on the floor and say "for Sissi", he doesn't touch it. Then I put another one and say "for Teddy" and he takes this one. Amazing.

He also responds to "Sit down and wait" when he gets too excited over meal or treat times.

And mind, I say all this in Norwegian... so he's got linguistic skills too, LOL

They can both sit on the table on the porch, or side by side on their scratchers. No fights, no fear, but Sissi keeps her buffer zone, which is about one foot now - if he gets closer, she will hiss, and he will leave.

That is all I want, don't have high hopes for these two being best buddies ever, but if they can live together peacefully and respect each other's boundaries, we are very fine.

They don't play together yet either, but each one plays willingly with me, taking turns.

I still separate them when not at home and at night. during the day one will stay on the porch, and at night we play some nice music for Sissi in the living room, and Teddy goes with me to the bedroom. 

He has some toys, a perching tower by the window, food, water and a litter box there. He loves it, that is HIS special time with me. 

From what I see, Sissi loves that time by herself as well, it looks in the morning like she has been playing with toys, and used the litter box nicely, also her mood has improved big time.

I believe, that I can very carefully say: "We've made it through the worse"

Thanks so much for your advicies and support, I was a wreck for a while from the whole situation and this board has helped me to get back the balance and to help my cats and myself 

 

 

[pharber-murphy]

What wonderful news. Again, I'm so glad that you worked things out for Sissi and Teddy. It sounds like a blissful home.

Best regards,

PHarber-Murphy

 

[inka]

Update:

Unfortunately, things are not going well here.

Since my last post it has been on and off with Teddy going upstairs to his room, because he just can't leave Sissi alone.

It does not matter if he stays there for 2 days or one week, as soon as he gets back to us, the more he warms up, the more he wants Sissi out of her safe spot and out of the house.

Yesterday again, after 2 days upstairs, he was resting on the porch enjoying the nice weather, and Sissi was up on the cabinet, sleeping in her bed. I was working and saw him in the corner of my eye coming in, staring at her first for a looong time, then sneaking up her stairs like he was hunting, I am not joking - tail down, head down, quiet steps one at a time... I didn't do anything because wanted to see if his intentions are really aggressive, or if I misread the signals and he is just curious (normally I would say "No" when he starts staring).

And yes, when he got up to her bed, he started immediately pouncing and scratching her while she was sleeping, waking her up all terrified. Then I said "Teddy" and he ran down and out on the porch with the speed of light.

Sissi got a scratch on her nose, thankfully not a bad one.

Poor Sissi, CFR, arthritis, and being a prey for Teddy

Poor Teddy, so insecure and in obsessive need of defending every inch of his home

In the so called meantime I adopted a third cat - a 4 months old kitten, Toto Jr.

I was thinking, maybe when these 2 won't focus only on each other, they will get a self esteem boost from a little room mate that does not represent a threat, especially Teddy. Or it will add insult to the injury. Ok, I fell in love with Toto Jr. and he has been here since the end of August. I adopted him from a wonderful foster home, he has already been neutered while in his foster home.

Well, both Teddy and Sissi are wonderful with Toto Jr., they adore him, protect him, reprimand him when needed and watch his antics with amusement. They let him eat of their food, take their toys, and even let him play with their tails.

Toto Jr. loves eeeverybody! He is happy all the time and cuddles with Sissi and Teddy like with parents.

That is beautiful, we all love our little Toto and no bad feelings there from neither of the adults.

However, Teddy still hates Sissi.

Currently he is back in his room, and both are treated with Rescue Remedy, while I am once again searching the internet like crazy, trying to find some secret formula for territorial aggression in semi-feral cats.

We have vet appointments with our family vet the 3 following Fridays. Sissi goes first for her blood work every third month since the CRF got diagnosed, then Toto Jr., then Teddy.

I believe we will have to treat Teddy with some kind of kitty Prozac.

Don't think Sissi needs it. She has been geting Senilife daily for a while and it improves her mood greatly - when Teddy is not here, she is playful, walks around with her tail up, checking on the kitten, lying together with him on the porch, eating well and having good time. It is Teddy that experiences the tension and can not relax nor share anything with her and only with her.

Toto Jr. runs between me, Sissi and Teddy upstairs, playing, chirping and happily unaware of the drama going on between the big cats.

I will give it one year - first then, if we do not manage to work it out somehow, I will sit down and think of what is best for Teddy: a home where he will be the only cat, or living with us but in his own zone (I could maybe separate the floors so he would get the upstairs). Well, it is heavy, for now don't want to think of parting with any of my cats, still believe we can work it out with time and patience.

On a more positive note - Toto Jr. aka Love Bug 

Little_Toto_August_14_1.jpg

• inka
• Sep 10, 2014

Little_Toto_August_14_2.jpg

• inka
• Sep 10, 2014

Little_Toto_August_14_4.jpg

• inka
• Sep 10, 2014

Little_Toto_August_14_5.jpg

• inka
• Sep 10, 2014

Little_Toto_August_14_3.jpg

• inka
• Sep 10, 2014

Alle1.jpg

• inka
• Sep 10, 2014

Alle3.jpg

• inka
• Sep 10, 2014

 

[shadowsrescue]

I brought a 3 year old territorial aggressive feral/stray male cat into my home last year.  He had previously lived as a TNR cat in my yard.  I brought him into my house as he was causing so much trouble with my ferals.  He had been neutered, but he still wanted to fight and remove the ferals from their home.  I decided I would try to bring him inside.  Living inside my house besides 3 humans were my large dog and resident cat of 5 years.  The cat I brought inside (Marvin) had his own room for 2 months.  This allowed him to adjust to indoor living very slowly.  When I did introductions all seemed to be going well.  I then rushed the last few steps.  What a mistake.  This cost me months and months and months. 

The territorial aggression I saw outside continued inside.  Marvin was constantly after my resident cat.  It was all out fur flying fights every day.  They had to be separated when no one was home and Marvin continued to be put in his room for night time.  Fortunately he loved his room and never protested.  I was making progress once again when the holidays hit.  The biggest issue was us being gone for a few days at Thanksgiving and Christmas.  Marvin was a wreck.  He once again started attacking Jake. 

I was at my wits end.  I tried so many things and nothing worked consistently.  I finally hit a few things that worked:

1.  Feliway diffusers everywhere.  They are expensive, but you need them in every room where the cats hang out.  I have an open floor plan house and needed 4 of them. 

2.  I used a large dog cage and placed one cat inside.  I then covered it on 3 sides with a sheet.  The cats could see each other, smell each other, but not hurt each other.  During these interactions I offered yummy delicious treats.  I usually used plain cooked chicken.  This allowed the cats to associate each other with something good.  I often did this 3-4x a day for short 5-10 minute sessions.  We moved toward playing with a string.  One part inside the cage and the other part outside.  The boys learned to play with it.

3.  I also used a large wooden screen door that I bought from Lowes for $20 and attached it to the door frame with tension rods ($4).  I put a baby gate in the door threshold for extra protection.  The cats could see, smell and be near each other safely.  I only did this with supervised visits or when I was home.  I have pictures of the setup if you'd like to see.

4.  Play with the cats together.  This works best if you have someone to help you, but it can be done alone.  Have the cats play with a great wand toy or da Bird.  Really get them moving.  You want to tire them out, especially the more aggressive cat.  Reward with chicken after a play session.

5.  Composure liquid Max.  This really helped my territorial aggressive cat.  I started using it in treat form, but the cats didn't always eat it.  In liquid I could mix it in wet food 2x a day.  For the aggressive cat, he received 1/2 t. in the morning and 1/4 t. in the evening.  My resident cat received it too since he was so stressed with from all of the attacks.  He received 1/4 t. 2x a day for a few weeks.  Marvin received the Composure liquid Max 2x a day for almost 4 months, then down to 1x a day for another couple months.  He is now completely off!!  You can find this on Amazon or Entirely Pet.  I have never seen it in a pet store.

6.  I used an Animal Communicator to help.  She helped me so much.

It took almost 1 year to the date for the cats to settle down.  There were days I would just cry.  But I was determined to not give up.  I could not find another home for Marvin and I knew if I took him somewhere he would be euthanized.  I decided to give it a year.  He is now the sweetest cat.  He sleeps in our bed, plays and the two cats now live together.  They are not best buddies, but they will now show the same room for naps and we have even caught them playing!!! 

I would guess the stress of a 3rd cat upset the apple cart.  Allow some time for all to calm down and try the Composure.

 

[inka]

1.  Feliway diffusers everywhere.  They are expensive, but you need them in every room where the cats hang out.  I have an open floor plan house and needed 4 of them. 

Check, 6 diffusers going on through out the house since April. Not sure how much they do for the territorial aggression, but believe they reduce the stress in my cats greatly, as we have not had one single outside the litter box accident yet, despite all the drama that has been going on.

2.  I used a large dog cage and placed one cat inside.  I then covered it on 3 sides with a sheet.  The cats could see each other, smell each other, but not hurt each other.  During these interactions I offered yummy delicious treats.  I usually used plain cooked chicken.  This allowed the cats to associate each other with something good.  I often did this 3-4x a day for short 5-10 minute sessions.  We moved toward playing with a string.  One part inside the cage and the other part outside.  The boys learned to play with it.

Check, have the largest dog crate I could get. Tried it, but Teddy gets really depressed being placed behind the bars. He spent over 1 month in a crate at MDAS prior to coming home to us, looks like he hates crates. But you know, now after almost 5 months, maybe the crate trauma has lessened, I will bring the crate back this weekend and try again, thank you.

3.  I also used a large wooden screen door that I bought from Lowes for $20 and attached it to the door frame with tension rods ($4).  I put a baby gate in the door threshold for extra protection.  The cats could see, smell and be near each other safely.  I only did this with supervised visits or when I was home.  I have pictures of the setup if you'd like to see.

Check, here they have a screen door between the patio and living room, which has been very convenient. However, neither of them wants to be locked out of the other's area, so Teddy cries to get in and Sissi cries to get out, or the other way around. But will try it again, more persistent this time, trying do not bother with their cries and see how it goes.

4.  Play with the cats together.  This works best if you have someone to help you, but it can be done alone.  Have the cats play with a great wand toy or da Bird.  Really get them moving.  You want to tire them out, especially the more aggressive cat.  Reward with chicken after a play session.

Check, if I play more with the cats than I already do, I will have to quit work and also give up on having any life besides taking care of cats. I play with them several times a day.

However, Teddy is less and less interested in da birds, lasers or anything as he is getting more and more focused on a real prey: Sissi. Especially since she is acting like she wears a big target sign on her butt, she is a perfect victim.

5.  Composure liquid Max.  This really helped my territorial aggressive cat.  I started using it in treat form, but the cats didn't always eat it.  In liquid I could mix it in wet food 2x a day.  For the aggressive cat, he received 1/2 t. in the morning and 1/4 t. in the evening.  My resident cat received it too since he was so stressed with from all of the attacks.  He received 1/4 t. 2x a day for a few weeks.  Marvin received the Composure liquid Max 2x a day for almost 4 months, then down to 1x a day for another couple months.  He is now completely off!!  You can find this on Amazon or Entirely Pet.  I have never seen it in a pet store.

Check, I decided to use Rescue Remedy, based on comparing the reviews of RR and Composure. Have a Rescue Remedy supply for a whole village, they had a great offer on Amazon. It does calm the cats down in general, but it does not quiet Teddy's desire to get rid of Sissi and to take over her last spot where she spends most of the time when he is around.

6.  I used an Animal Communicator to help.  She helped me so much.

Check, did it twice, got to know that "Teddy loves you and he is jealous", paid several hundreds for that priceless information, don't think I will do that again.

It took almost 1 year to the date for the cats to settle down.  There were days I would just cry.  But I was determined to not give up.  I could not find another home for Marvin and I knew if I took him somewhere he would be euthanized.  I decided to give it a year.  He is now the sweetest cat.  He sleeps in our bed, plays and the two cats now live together.  They are not best buddies, but they will now show the same room for naps and we have even caught them playing!!! 

So glad it has worked out for you, and I can relate to the tears from time to time. Then again, trying to remind myself that having wild (seemingly domesticated) animals as pets invites to experience their wildness in some ways. After all, I am trying to force them to share a territory, it is my goal and apparently not theirs. 

But still hoping they will finally settle down, if not for other reasons so in lack of other options.

I would guess the stress of a 3rd cat upset the apple cart.  Allow some time for all to calm down and try the Composure.

You know, actually it doesn't. Toto Jr. is only 4,5 month and kinda knows his place on the ladder - on any occasion he lies down and demonstrates his submissive attitude, so the big cats "don't count him" in their territory battle. Thus they let him just run around and play nearly on their necks with no worry, as I wrote in my previous post.

That is a big win, I've been lucky there, could have gone the other way...

Found an article yesterday, some food for thoughts:

www.theglobeandmail.com/life/relationships/my-cat-is-a-big-bully-how-do-i-stop-the-bad-behaviour/article11910754/

Well, we are not done yet

Will keep trying to help them, also trying to stop being a constant "helicopter parent" for Sissi (which I have been big time till now), follow your advicies and update in a while.

It is a kinda funny - when I got Sissi and Big Toto 

 for almost 12 years ago, I knew nothing about cats, had no expectations, didn't know if the fur flying was good or bad, thus didn't but into their business as much as I do with Sissi and Teddy, there was not much talk about proper introduction at that time, and after a few weeks with chasing and fighting they became BBF for the rest of their lives. Maybe I was just being lucky, or maybe it is as the article states, that it is us, humans, that is the problem...

 

[inka]

Just wanted to give an update on our situation:

Sissi's blood work shows her liver is fine, but the CRF is progressing slowly. Had a long talk with our family vet and set up a plan on hopefully slowing the progress.
Also decided to not poke her with fluids and stuff her with meds when this time comes, as I did with Toto to prolong his life in misery.
She is getting plenty moisture in her food, only canned food, no special diets - she is getting all the food she likes best, Nutro and Weruva (she likes the paw lickin'), 1/4 pepcid a day, Dasuquin to keep her joints smooth, and Senilife that contains antioxidants. We are monitoring her blood pressure and will treat it with medication if it gets too high. But no other meds.
I have got her orthopedic memory foam mattress and elevated food bowls. Other than that, only love, lots of peace, nice music and whatever non pharmaceutic that will make her more comfortable. Made the guest room for her in case she would like to get away from seing the other cats, but she prefers staying with the family.

Toto Jr. got his 2nd booster and microchip, he is healthy, still loves everybody and everybody loves him. No problems, none, just a happy cat.

Teddy, unfortunately, has been put on Fluoxetine. I say "unfortunately" because I feel like crap doing this to him.
The vet prescribed 10 mg daily, but that was way too much, knocked the cat out. He is getting 5 mg daily, tablets. we are in week 2.

The first week he experienced a big time decrease in his appetite, so he was free fed with dry kibbles, just to make sure he gets in anything whenever he feels like.
He also developed a phobic fear of me, because of the pilling, and stayed under my bed most of the time. Didn't want anything to do with me.
That was the hardest part, that almost made me stop the treatment.
Tried pill pockets, sour cream, butter, sticking the pill to a treat, hiding it in pill pockets between the kibbles, no way.
Had to use force, heavy duty gloves and shovel the pill and the water down his throat
A traumatizing experience for both of us. He was also somewhat dopey during the first week.

The second week finally figured a way that works. Temptation treats, that they normally don't get.
I throw some to the floor and he gobbles them up all happy. Then at some point, without wearing gloves, I open his mouth very fast, throw his pill wrapped in a piece of a pill pocket, and right back to treats. This has worked so far, he will barely notice it was the pill, and started spending time with us again, even gets on my lap. He is much more mellow, not all stressed and patrolling around the clock anymore. His appetite is coming back, the dry kibbles have been taken away and he eats about 80% canned food of what he used to. That is good, can't ask for more at this point.

His mood has improved big time. For the first, he does not care about Sissi at all. No staring, no climbing up to her, nothing.
He is playing again with the toys, and sharing his best spots with Junior.
He is more irritable though and hisses one short time and goes somewhere else when Junior jumps at him. But no attacking any of the cats, and no signs of anxiety.
No constipation so far either. The vet says his irritability will go away once the medication settles.
I'd like to try on going down to 2.5 mg daily as soon as I see Sissi having the courage to walk around and Teddy not minding her being around.
He gets plenty of these Temptation treats, which messes with our diet plan, but that is ok for now - he is losing weight, just not as much as scheduled in his plan, so it will take more time.
I really hope we can get a permanent improvement and gradually take him off of the medication so he won't be doomed to take this happy pill forever.
Have check up at the vet scheduled to next Friday, want the doctor to see and check him just in case.
The pills are our last resort, and my hopes are not anymore about Sissi and Teddy being friends - just tolerating each other and relaxing in each other's presence will be a gift.