Sudden change in behaviour towards a guest

[nightmare_owner]

I've had my friend staying over for ten days now. He's scheduled to leave in four days so I'm guessing this'll resolve itself when that time comes but it still puzzles me.
My cat is usually on the meek side, very cuddly with me, though she is wary of people who, well, aren't me. When my friend fist arrived, she was cautious around him and would prefer to hide, so we just waited it out (best not to force that kind of thing). While she did seem to warm up to him, letting him pet her sometimes, and even coming to him on her own, a couple days ago (three?), there was a total 180 in her behaviour towards him. She hisses at him, sometimes growls, and she tried to attack him multiple times, twice when he did a motion (that I thought was maybe a little too fast, and I figured that maybe he just needs to make slow and or small movements), but then I also saw her trying to attack him when he was just sitting on the bed with his phone in his hands, doing virtually nothing. Any advice or insight? So far I only moved her to another room and closed the door when she was being aggressive but I'm not very happy about this, of course, as it's stressful for both the cat and the guest.

 

[VAMama]

Sounds like she's fighting him for dominance. At first he was a visitor, but 10 days later he appears to be a permanent resident. She doesn't know he's leaving soon. If you are her person, you're the only friend she has, and now she's sharing you. She wants him out of the equation. It's called resource guarding. My advice is for your friend to back off and give her space, and for you to spend a little extra time with her so she knows you're not angry.

 

[nightmare_owner]

Alright, I will try that, thank you. Her behaviour was sort of protective of me every now and then, so I was thinking maybe she perceives him as a threat, but since cats are pretty territorial, what you said makes a lot of sense. Hopefully if I shower her with attention she stops fighting him, the man already got scratched once and I don't think we'd want to repeat that.

 

[rubysmama]

Hello and welcome to TCS. Sorry though for the situation that's brought you here. It could be that your cat is jealous of your friend and the attention you're giving him. However, my first thought, especially when you said " she tried to attack him multiple times, twice when he did a motion (that I thought was maybe a little too fast, and I figured that maybe he just needs to make slow and or small movements)" is that she was startled by his movement which caused her to react in a defensive way.

Since your friend is leaving in 4 days, there's no urgency to try to repair / build a bond between him and your cat, so probably would be best for him to keep away from her, or at least let her lead any interactions between them.

TCS has an article called Do Cats Get Jealous? (And What To Do About It When They Do) - TheCatSite which you might want to read.

 

[nightmare_owner]

Alright, a small, just as confusing update: she keeps wanting to sit on his legs. Not really in his lap, but when he sits with his legs outstretched, she'll sit atop his knees/lower thighs. Her behaviour remains aggressive however. I've also advised my friend to leave her alone and so he does but she doesn't keep away from him at all?

 

[VAMama]

Yeah she's monitoring him. His best bet is to let her do her thing with no drama.

 

[nightmare_owner]

Thank you for the advice . This was a completely new situation so I was at a loss. Madame Nightmare seems calmer today, less vigilant, so hopefully she'll be okay with him staying for another two nights.

 

[rubysmama]

Good to hear she's calmer today. Is that Miss Madame NIghtmare in your avatar pic?

 

[Alldara]

As someone who doesn't believe this to be a dominance or jealousy issue...
Side question - is your friend taking any medication or recreational drugs?

We had a dog that was normally very friendly, but once a friend of my parent's came by, intoxicated. The dog went crazy and my mum asked the friend to leave. Turned out he was on a hard drug. The dog acted similar when someone came by on the non-street version (aka prescription) of the same drug type.

My previous roommate's cat would hide if someone had been drinking.


Otherwise, did your friend accidently (or, I hate to say purposefully) hurt your cat? My roommate closed a door on my cat's tail once and she was quite rude to my roommate afterwards even though it was honestly an accident.

Or is there a chance that someone like your roommate did so? (A previous home perhaps. Or it could be as simple as your roommate where the same body spray or smokes cigarettes like someone who previously hurt/scared your cat did.) My cats are still frightened of men. Men or deep voices even. Stompy man-shoes from workers coming by.

 

[nightmare_owner]

As someone who doesn't believe this to be a dominance or jealousy issue...
Side question - is your friend taking any medication or recreational drugs?

We had a dog that was normally very friendly, but once a friend of my parent's came by, intoxicated. The dog went crazy and my mum asked the friend to leave. Turned out he was on a hard drug. The dog acted similar when someone came by on the non-street version (aka prescription) of the same drug type.

My previous roommate's cat would hide if someone had been drinking.


Otherwise, did your friend accidently (or, I hate to say purposefully) hurt your cat? My roommate closed a door on my cat's tail once and she was quite rude to my roommate afterwards even though it was honestly an accident.

Or is there a chance that someone like your roommate did so? (A previous home perhaps. Or it could be as simple as your roommate where the same body spray or smokes cigarettes like someone who previously hurt/scared your cat did.) My cats are still frightened of men. Men or deep voices even. Stompy man-shoes from workers coming by.

My friend is abstinent in all the ways you can possibly imagine, he does not use any drugs, he doesn't even smoke or drink alcohol. Also, I feel like the issue would arise earlier than a week in, should he indeed use any drugs at all (which he does not). What might be difficult for Madame Nightmare is that he has ADHD and stims frequently, and he does sometimes talk in a rather big voice when he gets excited about something. Like I said earlier, though, she did calm down – over the course of today a considerable amount, actually – though she still prefers to stick with me rather than him.

He also does not recall ever harming Nightmare in any way. We've been friends for years now but as he is a foreginer, this is his first time coming over – but I've known him to be quite a gentle guy towards animals. He's had two cats of his own, too.

I've had Madame Nightmare since she was about a month old; she was born to a barn cat and given to me, and it's been almost four years since then. I do live alone though so she is not used to other people. Based on what I can see, this is a combination of her not being used to other people at all and what VAMama said.

 

[nightmare_owner]

Good to hear she's calmer today. Is that Miss Madame NIghtmare in your avatar pic?

Yes, it is indeed! She always looks grumpy/judgemental, lol. Despite her name, though, she's very sweet.

 

[BeccaCat]

As someone who doesn't believe this to be a dominance or jealousy issue...
Side question - is your friend taking any medication or recreational drugs?

We had a dog that was normally very friendly, but once a friend of my parent's came by, intoxicated. The dog went crazy and my mum asked the friend to leave. Turned out he was on a hard drug. The dog acted similar when someone came by on the non-street version (aka prescription) of the same drug type.

My previous roommate's cat would hide if someone had been drinking.


Otherwise, did your friend accidently (or, I hate to say purposefully) hurt your cat? My roommate closed a door on my cat's tail once and she was quite rude to my roommate afterwards even though it was honestly an accident.

Or is there a chance that someone like your roommate did so? (A previous home perhaps. Or it could be as simple as your roommate where the same body spray or smokes cigarettes like someone who previously hurt/scared your cat did.) My cats are still frightened of men. Men or deep voices even. Stompy man-shoes from workers coming by.

My Smudge is skittish of my adult son, only when he is wearing shoes. I think it’s the big footsteps (son is 6’3”). Anytime son isn’t wearing shoes, Smudge is fine, even allows pets and gives kisses. But if son walks in with shoes on, Smudge scampers away. And it’s only my one son. Other son and husband can come in with boots on and Smudge could not care less. It’s super weird, but my one son does have very heavy footsteps.

 

[Alldara]

My Smudge is skittish of my adult son, only when he is wearing shoes. I think it’s the big footsteps (son is 6’3”). Anytime son isn’t wearing shoes, Smudge is fine, even allows pets and gives kisses. But if son walks in with shoes on, Smudge scampers away. And it’s only my one son. Other son and husband can come in with boots on and Smudge could not care less. It’s super weird, but my one son does have very heavy footsteps.

My cats don't even like me wearing different shoes they're fine with me popping around in slippers with soles but the second it's outdoor shoes and the odd time I have to move through to the kitchen...nope! But we have a no-show house so I suppose that's why.