We had to say goodbye to our 15yr Bengal and struggling with the guilt, regrets etc. She had underlying health issues but no definitive diagnoses, but had all the symptoms of kidney disease. She also had hyperpigmentation of the Iris that had gotten worse in the last year and was becoming more and more neurotic. Whenever she would have a hairball she would urinate which most of the time was on our bed. One night I laid down on something sharp and yelled out and she jumped in the bed and started hissing at me and because I was caught off guard and had 2 other attack incidents in the last 2 yrs, I ran out of the room and she chased me and actually bit my leg. She had never bit me before and was almost possessed. We slept together every night and after that I had to sleep in another room. I wasn’t sure I was ever going to feel comfortable sleeping in there again. She continued to hiss at me anytime i went in there for a few days. Our house is small as it is and we are in a furnished month to month. We were concerned that she may attack again even if I did nothing to provoke her, but she slowly started to come around, but was still uneasy. A week after the incident she finally let me pet her again, but I still don’t know if I would ever sleep in there again. We had talked about having to put her down, but shew wouldn’t let us near her to get her to the vet so I had to call in an house vet. She gave me gabapentin and I became hopeful that maybe we could have more time with her and she would mellow out, but she refused to take it and the feliway and reduce remedy just wasn’t enough. I told myself that when she had another incident that it may be time because she would go under the covers and it would allow the vet to come in. That day she started vomiting again and peed in the bed again and went under the covers. Sometimes this would last for days if she couldn’t get the hairball up and she wasn’t comfortable letting me go in that room much and i really felt at a loss. The only time the vet would be able to come was if she was under the covers, I just didn’t expect it to happen that quickly and made the decision in that moment. She was still playing for about 10min in the day (in the bed) and eating and drinking. I just always pictured the end being that they don’t eat/drink and are frail, etc. She spent 90% of her day in the bed and would not go in the rest of the house. She was becoming more and more neurotic in the last year. She was on edge a lot. Just me laughing loudly she would get in defense mode. I wonder if maybe something neurological was going on. Maybe the hyperpigmentation had progressed. It’s just really hard that she was still playing some, but maybe she was in pain and hiding it.
I have guilt for not continuing to try more supplements/medication, but she knew anytime I put anything in her food and wouldn’t eat it and would not eat pill pockets. I couldn’t get her in the carrier because of the attack. I feel guilty for not giving her more time to come around and trying to spend more time saying goodbye. We thought maybe we had 1-2 more weeks to spend with her. We had just had 3 weeks prior to this where she had no vomitting, constipation etc and her new high fiber food was helping her. She was more energetic, etc. I don’t know if this was her gift to us because the prior 6 weeks she was really sick and was the longest bout with it she had. I have overwhelming guilt for not being able to be by her side when she was giving the injections. When she gave her the sedative she yelled and cried and it broke my heart so I had to go outside. I talked to her through the door, but I couldn’t bare to see her. It was our first pet and never gone through euthanization before. Just wondering if anyone has been through something similar not knowing if it was the right time and what helped them get past the guilt, regrets, etc. Thank you.
I have guilt for not continuing to try more supplements/medication, but she knew anytime I put anything in her food and wouldn’t eat it and would not eat pill pockets. I couldn’t get her in the carrier because of the attack. I feel guilty for not giving her more time to come around and trying to spend more time saying goodbye. We thought maybe we had 1-2 more weeks to spend with her. We had just had 3 weeks prior to this where she had no vomitting, constipation etc and her new high fiber food was helping her. She was more energetic, etc. I don’t know if this was her gift to us because the prior 6 weeks she was really sick and was the longest bout with it she had. I have overwhelming guilt for not being able to be by her side when she was giving the injections. When she gave her the sedative she yelled and cried and it broke my heart so I had to go outside. I talked to her through the door, but I couldn’t bare to see her. It was our first pet and never gone through euthanization before. Just wondering if anyone has been through something similar not knowing if it was the right time and what helped them get past the guilt, regrets, etc. Thank you.