Eurgh, my life is so stressful right now.
I'm 17, so am in my last year of mainstream education - In 7 school months, that'll be it and I'm expected to go to university. But it's so hard making a decision, and deciding that it's the right one.
Up until I got my AS results back in August, I wanted to do psychology. Absolutly dead set on it. Then I got an E and my teacher basically said that was all I was worth, which caused me to completly forget about it. After a few weeks hard deliberation, I decided that german would be a good degree to do, as it didn't need as high grades as psych and I am studying it at the moment anyway. I love german, it's a great language but it's hard!
Sometimes (like tonight) I feel it's too hard, and I'm way out of my depth even doing the A level in it. I can't get the grammar down - I still struggle with the basics, my vocablurary is very limited, my ideas are awful and I have no enthusiasm anymore. I think I'd really, really, really struggle if I took it further. One of my friends is a wizz at it (well, she's fantastic at everything, really). No kidding, she rarely gets less than 85% on a test, can answer everything off pat, has all the answers. She moans on about how bad she ist at it - she's applying to Cambridge to study Medieval Languages ffs.
If I didn't do german, then there's no other course I would want to do. I really liked the university of Kent, which is based on the top of Canterbury, and it's my main choice. If I didn't go to uni, I'd want to be around there; I don't know why but when I went to see it it just felt 'right'. If I didn't go through uni though, I don't know how I'd get there. I have no career plans; no ambitions, no wants, no ideas. At the back of my mind is policing, but I'm becoming increasingly disillusioned with the British police system. Not my cup of tea right now.
Everybody's pushing me to make a decision soon, telling me that I have to do it by next week, that I have to have it sent off ASAP. But I'm stalling majorly so I don't have to commit; what if in a month I change my mind again?
My only goal in life is to have a horse. I will do that, whatever - I will work in Tesco day and night if I have to, but I'll get it. I just don't seem to care or know how to get it. I don't know if uni is the right thing to do as I can't just drop out or carry on and not do the work, I have to commit completly (especially because all the german courses I'm looking at do a year out in between the second and third years). It's a huge financial thing too, I don't want to be wasting 30k that I'll have to pay back (and delay my horse). Plus it won't look too great on my future CVs.
*Sigh* To summarise, that was:
- Do I go to uni?
- If so, what do I study?
- What is the point of going?
- What do I want to do when I'm older?
- Why am I feeling so pressured by all of this, when no-one else is?
And the answer to all of them at the minute is 'I don't know!' (Which I feel like screaming from the top of my lungs at the next person who crosses, lol.)
I hate being a teenager!
I'm 17, so am in my last year of mainstream education - In 7 school months, that'll be it and I'm expected to go to university. But it's so hard making a decision, and deciding that it's the right one.
Up until I got my AS results back in August, I wanted to do psychology. Absolutly dead set on it. Then I got an E and my teacher basically said that was all I was worth, which caused me to completly forget about it. After a few weeks hard deliberation, I decided that german would be a good degree to do, as it didn't need as high grades as psych and I am studying it at the moment anyway. I love german, it's a great language but it's hard!
Sometimes (like tonight) I feel it's too hard, and I'm way out of my depth even doing the A level in it. I can't get the grammar down - I still struggle with the basics, my vocablurary is very limited, my ideas are awful and I have no enthusiasm anymore. I think I'd really, really, really struggle if I took it further. One of my friends is a wizz at it (well, she's fantastic at everything, really). No kidding, she rarely gets less than 85% on a test, can answer everything off pat, has all the answers. She moans on about how bad she ist at it - she's applying to Cambridge to study Medieval Languages ffs.
If I didn't do german, then there's no other course I would want to do. I really liked the university of Kent, which is based on the top of Canterbury, and it's my main choice. If I didn't go to uni, I'd want to be around there; I don't know why but when I went to see it it just felt 'right'. If I didn't go through uni though, I don't know how I'd get there. I have no career plans; no ambitions, no wants, no ideas. At the back of my mind is policing, but I'm becoming increasingly disillusioned with the British police system. Not my cup of tea right now.
My only goal in life is to have a horse. I will do that, whatever - I will work in Tesco day and night if I have to, but I'll get it. I just don't seem to care or know how to get it. I don't know if uni is the right thing to do as I can't just drop out or carry on and not do the work, I have to commit completly (especially because all the german courses I'm looking at do a year out in between the second and third years). It's a huge financial thing too, I don't want to be wasting 30k that I'll have to pay back (and delay my horse). Plus it won't look too great on my future CVs.
*Sigh* To summarise, that was:
- Do I go to uni?
- If so, what do I study?
- What is the point of going?
- What do I want to do when I'm older?
- Why am I feeling so pressured by all of this, when no-one else is?
And the answer to all of them at the minute is 'I don't know!' (Which I feel like screaming from the top of my lungs at the next person who crosses, lol.)
I hate being a teenager!