So much for meeting people...

[margecat]

You may remember a thread I posted recently about how hard it is to make friends as an adult. I did join an online meet-up group, and went to the bar crawl (Halloween theme) last weekend:

1. Bar was PACKED, and I mean, PACKED with very loud, noisy drunks. Within 15 minutes, some drunken guy came up behind me to touch me, as he "loved my costume".

2. Hardly anyone in the group made conversation with DH & I, but the others seemed pleasant enough, though we had trouble hearing them.

3. Within 30 minutes, two women stole my 2 of my costume accessories that I laid on the bar (we were awaiting our meals). I never got them back, despite the bar staff looking 3 times (they were very nice---this was their idea). I had never even gotten to use them before they were stolen.

4. DH went out to feed the parking meter. A college-age woman, drunk, yanked his hat off, and ran away with it. He chased her down; she wouldn't give it back until he, shall we say, got firm in his tone of voice.

5. The streets were teeming with drunken college students, lurching all over the place, and streaming into each of the 3 bars we went to.

6. We left 1/2 hour early; we were sick of the noise and the drunks.

7. DH & I had an idea that we would invite the members sometime in the near future, to a game night/party at our house. The organizer told me they don't ever go to members' homes. Not even a lousy thank you for offering to make the food, extending the invitation, etc.

8. I'll be resigning from the group very soon.

9. People are a pain in the butt, as my Dad used to say (except that he used another word!). Maybe being alone is better.

 

[rafm]

DH and I gave up on meeting people. I refuse to go to bars and being jumbled up with a bunch of strangers in loud, smoky bars is not ANY, way, shape or form. I'm too old now.

Have you guys tried a cooking group? Those always seem like fun to me but we don't have room to host functions like that.

 

[morningrl]

It is hard to meet people... I think the older you get it gets worse. Myself, I am very introverted so, usually, I don't care to have people around me... hence all the animals at my house

... I used to have a small group of friends that were like family, for 16 yrs we did everything together... til someone's husband messed around with someone else's wife... the broken trusts ended up sending the whole bunch of us in different directions.... So I agree with your father... People are a pain in the "butt"!

Do you share any hobbies... maybe you could take a class or somthing

 

[x2006nkg]

That sounds like an all around terrible experience. If the bar is too loud you can't even talk to people, which would make it hard to make friends! It seems silly that they don't go to members houses. Would be much more fun that being surrounded by a bunch of drunk students I imagine

 

[margecat]

Originally Posted by x2006nkg

That sounds like an all around terrible experience. If the bar is too loud you can't even talk to people, which would make it hard to make friends! It seems silly that they don't go to members houses. Would be much more fun that being surrounded by a bunch of drunk students I imagine

The organizer said it was due to "security reasons". Obviously, I wouldn't invite people I've never met to my house; I HAD met them, and they all seemed like nice people.

 

[MoochNNoodles]

Wow! I'd have left sooner than you did!! I have absolutely no interest in the bar scene. I didn't when I was younger either. Fortunately DH and I met when I was 18.

I'm sorry you had such a terrible evening.

 

[blueorchid]

What a terrible experience! I'm so sorry. If it is any comfort me and my husband have no friends lol. We have a three year old and a one year old so nobody wants to hang out with the crazy parents and screaming toddlers

 

[resqchick]

I wish you lived near me! I'd come over for game night and I'd love to meet your family and eat your food. I'd bring some yummies too, and then the next weekend you and DH can come here!

I don't like going out very often, because of the drunken idiots that are at the bars. It always seems like too much work to fight off the touchy feelie people.

 

[Winchester]

Originally Posted by resqchick

I wish you lived near me! I'd come over for game night and I'd love to meet your family and eat your food. I'd bring some yummies too, and then the next weekend you and DH can come here!

Count me in on that. I'm not much for the bar scene at all; I think I'm too old for it now.

But you and I live in the same state, so it's not impossible. We should try to get together, if for nothing more than to do some shopping (I happen to know where the QVC store is now and I know you do, too

) and maybe have dinner together and spend some time chatting. I'd gladly contribute to dinner, too, that's not a problem. And we could meet all the cats!

We should try that.

 

[capt_jordi]

I get your frustration with meet people, but on the other hand, why go to a bar crawl to meet people? the whole point of a bar crawl is to get smashed and be in a horde of people. :shrug: If you are trying to meet people, why not post in the meet up about a quiet dinner out? Or maybe a large bbq at a park where people have room to mingle. It could also be possible to rent out a room at a restaurant or something like that so that you can have plenty of room to move about without it being in a loud area.

 

[melorix]

Originally Posted by capt_jordi

I get your frustration with meet people, but on the other hand, why go to a bar crawl to meet people? the whole point of a bar crawl is to get smashed and be in a horde of people..

Especially for a Halloween-themed crawl -- the crazies are bound to be out, and judging from your story, they certainly were.

I've found that culinary groups, whether it's cooking or eating out at various restaurants, tend to favor quieter gatherings. Book clubs and writer's workshops are the same way.

 

[arlyn]

Try looking for a wine tasting club instead maybe?

 

[gardenandcats]

If you really want to met people don't give up. Chalk it down to a learning experience. You just joined the wrong group! There are other types of groups to join. Do you go to or belong to a church? If not that might be a thought. Join a church and start attending. They have womens groups at church that met weekly and are almost always a nice Friendly group. Its a good way to met a nice group of people.

 

[kookycats]

Probably a bar meeting - especially for Halloween- is the worst place to go to. Don't give up on the group, I'm sure there are other functions that would be a lot nicer, just not the bar scene. We're definitely not bar people and hate noisy, smoky, crowded places like that. A barbeque, boat ride, dinner, theatre would be much better. Check out their other functions.
I just signed up for Meet-up.com here in FL but haven't attended any functions yet.

 

[calico2222]

Yeah, a Halloween bar crawl is probably not the best time to meet these people. Holidays, like someone said, bring out the idiots that use any excuse to party. Even a bar that is usually fairly quiet goes crazy on Halloween.

Don't give up on this group if you thought the other people were nice. Are the events decided by an administrator or can you through something out there yourself? If you can suggest something you can maybe do a dinner and movie night, then go to a quiet lounge somewhere afterwards so you can discuss the movie?

I can kind of understand the "no home" thing since you DON'T know these people yet so you don't know if they are trustworthy. They may have had problems in the past with people stealing things from other people's homes? Who knows.

Did you get any phone numbers from any of the other couples? Is there a rule that you can't ask them to dinner at your house on your own, outside of the group?

I wish you luck in this! I'm kind of in the same boat. The only people I do anything with is DH and MIL. I'm fine with that for now, but it would be nice to have someone else to talk to besides people at work.

 

[speakhandsforme]

Please don't give up because you tried a group of people who like bars!! There are plenty of people, on this thread and otherwise, who don't like bars. I'm 19 and in college and I HATE bars. And clubs. And anything involving masses of strangers, really. Concerts I can do. Maybe I'm antisocial, but there you are.

What other people said -- try different clubs. Wine tasting, book reading, sewing/knitting, cat people clubs, hiking, anything. There has to be something you'd like. I'm sure you could find SOMETHING. My mom is 42, she did Bunco at our house a few times.

 

[misssara]

My boyfriend and I have the same situation. After living together all these years, and us both being homebodies, we don't have any social interaction.
We also joined a meet up group, tomorrow is the halloween party that we're going to. I'm sure it's going to be ridiculously crowded and we won't meet anyone either though.

Making friends is so hard!! Especially when you're 21, everyone we know our age is just wayyy too crazy. We can't keep up with them.

Good luck! I think trying different groups is a great idea that's already been mentioned. People that are more lowkey, like you.