Hi everyone, it's my first time posting, and I apologize in advance for the length, but I believe in being detailed. Most "not getting along" advice I've read so far has dealt with a veteran cat being aggressive to a new cat. This is a bit different, for various reasons.
First things first, let me introduce the cats in question:
Jaden: Born summer 2004 in Florida. Maine coon. Spayed. My roommate and I rescued her as a kitten from the street. She was the only pet, but in fall 2005 we moved to a bigger place with other roommates, and suddenly there was also a dog and a ferret, and eventually one more dog and one more ferret. She didn't like them, but eventually tolerated them. Indoor cat, but at one point she kept getting out through holes in the screened-in porch, and I think she socialized with other cats. By December 2007, I had no luck finding a decent job in Florida, and moved back in with my parents in Massachusetts, and took Jaden with me. They have 2 cats, and here's where the problems start.
Carter: Born late 2005 or early 2006 in Massachusetts, rescued from shelter. Neutered. Indoor cat. Part Siamese, part Russian Blue.
Benton: Born spring 2006 in Massachusetts, rescued from shelter. Neutered. Indoor cat. Mixed breed.
Carter and Benton are some of the nicest cats I've ever seen. Never intentionally clawed or bitten a human. Benton was friendlier as a kitten, Carter is friendlier now. Benton is dominant, but easily scared by noises and such. They wrestle sometimes, but often cuddle and have always gotten along fairly well.
When we got home, I took her upstairs to my room so that she could have some privacy for however long it took them all to get along. I probably shouldn't have introduced them on the first night, but my sister wanted to, and so I showed Jaden to Carter. He was very intrigued, and she hissed. Poor thing, she was still traumatized by the trip, and probably thought that this was just one more stop and we'd be back in the car tomorrow. Ever since then he's been obsessed with her, and she wants nothing to do with him. It's been six months now, and we still can't get her to accept him. He always tries to get in my room and see her. The first time we let him in, she hissed and took a swipe at him, and he started letting out the saddest meows that sounded more like howls, like he was shocked at the idea that anyone in the world could dislike him. But no matter how many times it happens, he just never gives up. He just wants to be friends. He would always sit outside my door and serenade her with his long meows, which he still does but not as much. He'll stick his paws under the door, and she'll claw at them and hiss. My carpet has been torn to shreds directly under the doorknob. Sometimes I'll open the door a little and just have them look at each other from a few feet away. In those times, he's usually good and he'll lay down with his feet underneath himself, or sometimes he'll roll around and stretch to show-off for her. She's sometimes calm for a while, but will end up growling and maybe hissing, and walk away. He tries to sneak in all the time if I leave the door open, or when I'm entering or exiting. She'll hide under the bed, and sometimes he'll stupidly go to see her, or sometimes try to eat her food or smell her litter box. He loves playing with her toys. Sometimes I let him stay for a little while, hoping she'll get used to him. But no luck so far. He's such a little stalker, and he never gives up. If he was a human child, he'd be in the special class. If he was a human adult, he'd be in jail for stalking.
It just sucks because she's cooped up in my room all the time, but it's her own fault. My room also smells from the litter box. I have an extra twin bed in my room, so that's where she sleeps. My parents like to keep their cats down cellar (NE term for basement) when we're all in bed and when no one is home, because otherwise they jump up where they're not supposed to be and knock stuff over. So sometimes, depending on my room temperature and house temperature, I leave my door open at night so she can wander around the house. And when I work as a substitute teacher I leave my door open, and then when I get home I put her away again and let them up from the cellar. Sometimes I leave it open if I know Carter is asleep on the couch downstairs or something, because sometimes she cries to be let out. She'll follow me around until she hides under the kitchen table. But then if she runs into one of the cats, she quickly changes her mind about being out of my room and runs back under the bed. Carter is uncanny, he has some sort of spider-sense, or he can feel the Force. He can be dead asleep, but he'll perk right up if she's downstairs, even in a different room. When he sees her, we have to restrain him, because he'll usually charge at her, running full speed. Of course, this makes her hate him even more. He's not attacking her, he still just wants to be friends, but he either charges like that to be playful or because he knows he hardly ever gets the chance and he's worried she'll disappear again. I know this because he's faster than her, but he'll usually slow down so that his face is inches away from her butt as she runs away, and he doesn't usually try to touch her. She sounds like a bobcat if he gets too aggressive or if he corners her somewhere (like behind my door) and she'll swipe at him and makes all sorts of angry noises, but he still just doesn't get it.
Benton, on the other hand, doesn't really care about her. I think he might be jealous of how she takes Carter's attention away from him, because they're cuddle buddies. If he ever runs into her around the house, he's just as startled as she is. He occasionally gets curious and comes by my room, but like 1% as often as Carter does. Sometimes she'll be walking around, and suddenly spot him on the couch or something, and hiss at him, and he'll look at her like "uh, what's your problem?" Every now and then he'll even hiss back at her.
She gets along with the rest of my family ok, especially my mom. When my mom opens my door, Jaden will usually run up to her and start meowing and brushing up against her legs. She's ok with my sister. She was terrified of my dad at first, probably because he's the heaviest and makes so much noise on our creaky stairs and floors. But she's better with him now. She seems more likely to let him pet her if she's outside of my room, instead of when he comes in to see her. She's usually nice to me, except for when she's agitated by one of the other cats. She does claw and bite too often, which is probably my fault for not teaching her properly when she was a kitchen.
So yeah, that's about it. Sorry again for the length. I have no idea how to get Jaden to at least tolerate Carter, and I have no idea how to get Carter to stop trying so aggressively to be friends. It's been six months and there's almost no change in their behavior. Hopefully I'll have a decent job soon and be moving out anyway, but who knows. Right now I'd just like to be able to leave my door open and let them all wander around freely.
Any help at all would be VERY appreciated!!!
First things first, let me introduce the cats in question:
Jaden: Born summer 2004 in Florida. Maine coon. Spayed. My roommate and I rescued her as a kitten from the street. She was the only pet, but in fall 2005 we moved to a bigger place with other roommates, and suddenly there was also a dog and a ferret, and eventually one more dog and one more ferret. She didn't like them, but eventually tolerated them. Indoor cat, but at one point she kept getting out through holes in the screened-in porch, and I think she socialized with other cats. By December 2007, I had no luck finding a decent job in Florida, and moved back in with my parents in Massachusetts, and took Jaden with me. They have 2 cats, and here's where the problems start.
Carter: Born late 2005 or early 2006 in Massachusetts, rescued from shelter. Neutered. Indoor cat. Part Siamese, part Russian Blue.
Benton: Born spring 2006 in Massachusetts, rescued from shelter. Neutered. Indoor cat. Mixed breed.
Carter and Benton are some of the nicest cats I've ever seen. Never intentionally clawed or bitten a human. Benton was friendlier as a kitten, Carter is friendlier now. Benton is dominant, but easily scared by noises and such. They wrestle sometimes, but often cuddle and have always gotten along fairly well.
When we got home, I took her upstairs to my room so that she could have some privacy for however long it took them all to get along. I probably shouldn't have introduced them on the first night, but my sister wanted to, and so I showed Jaden to Carter. He was very intrigued, and she hissed. Poor thing, she was still traumatized by the trip, and probably thought that this was just one more stop and we'd be back in the car tomorrow. Ever since then he's been obsessed with her, and she wants nothing to do with him. It's been six months now, and we still can't get her to accept him. He always tries to get in my room and see her. The first time we let him in, she hissed and took a swipe at him, and he started letting out the saddest meows that sounded more like howls, like he was shocked at the idea that anyone in the world could dislike him. But no matter how many times it happens, he just never gives up. He just wants to be friends. He would always sit outside my door and serenade her with his long meows, which he still does but not as much. He'll stick his paws under the door, and she'll claw at them and hiss. My carpet has been torn to shreds directly under the doorknob. Sometimes I'll open the door a little and just have them look at each other from a few feet away. In those times, he's usually good and he'll lay down with his feet underneath himself, or sometimes he'll roll around and stretch to show-off for her. She's sometimes calm for a while, but will end up growling and maybe hissing, and walk away. He tries to sneak in all the time if I leave the door open, or when I'm entering or exiting. She'll hide under the bed, and sometimes he'll stupidly go to see her, or sometimes try to eat her food or smell her litter box. He loves playing with her toys. Sometimes I let him stay for a little while, hoping she'll get used to him. But no luck so far. He's such a little stalker, and he never gives up. If he was a human child, he'd be in the special class. If he was a human adult, he'd be in jail for stalking.
It just sucks because she's cooped up in my room all the time, but it's her own fault. My room also smells from the litter box. I have an extra twin bed in my room, so that's where she sleeps. My parents like to keep their cats down cellar (NE term for basement) when we're all in bed and when no one is home, because otherwise they jump up where they're not supposed to be and knock stuff over. So sometimes, depending on my room temperature and house temperature, I leave my door open at night so she can wander around the house. And when I work as a substitute teacher I leave my door open, and then when I get home I put her away again and let them up from the cellar. Sometimes I leave it open if I know Carter is asleep on the couch downstairs or something, because sometimes she cries to be let out. She'll follow me around until she hides under the kitchen table. But then if she runs into one of the cats, she quickly changes her mind about being out of my room and runs back under the bed. Carter is uncanny, he has some sort of spider-sense, or he can feel the Force. He can be dead asleep, but he'll perk right up if she's downstairs, even in a different room. When he sees her, we have to restrain him, because he'll usually charge at her, running full speed. Of course, this makes her hate him even more. He's not attacking her, he still just wants to be friends, but he either charges like that to be playful or because he knows he hardly ever gets the chance and he's worried she'll disappear again. I know this because he's faster than her, but he'll usually slow down so that his face is inches away from her butt as she runs away, and he doesn't usually try to touch her. She sounds like a bobcat if he gets too aggressive or if he corners her somewhere (like behind my door) and she'll swipe at him and makes all sorts of angry noises, but he still just doesn't get it.
Benton, on the other hand, doesn't really care about her. I think he might be jealous of how she takes Carter's attention away from him, because they're cuddle buddies. If he ever runs into her around the house, he's just as startled as she is. He occasionally gets curious and comes by my room, but like 1% as often as Carter does. Sometimes she'll be walking around, and suddenly spot him on the couch or something, and hiss at him, and he'll look at her like "uh, what's your problem?" Every now and then he'll even hiss back at her.
She gets along with the rest of my family ok, especially my mom. When my mom opens my door, Jaden will usually run up to her and start meowing and brushing up against her legs. She's ok with my sister. She was terrified of my dad at first, probably because he's the heaviest and makes so much noise on our creaky stairs and floors. But she's better with him now. She seems more likely to let him pet her if she's outside of my room, instead of when he comes in to see her. She's usually nice to me, except for when she's agitated by one of the other cats. She does claw and bite too often, which is probably my fault for not teaching her properly when she was a kitchen.
So yeah, that's about it. Sorry again for the length. I have no idea how to get Jaden to at least tolerate Carter, and I have no idea how to get Carter to stop trying so aggressively to be friends. It's been six months and there's almost no change in their behavior. Hopefully I'll have a decent job soon and be moving out anyway, but who knows. Right now I'd just like to be able to leave my door open and let them all wander around freely.
Any help at all would be VERY appreciated!!!
