Sigh...I need boyfriend advise....

[ladycat]

thanks for everyones in put...unfortunatey what always happens...is then we have one good day...& I doubt. Did I mention I have a good friend who is totally in love with me to top it off

. I hate that I still have hope knowing...this is probably just going a big fat no where. I also think its sad that he is happy with just this...but anywho...

 

[hissy]

Sounds to me as if you know the answer before you even asked the question. We as gals sometimes hook up with the wrong man because we are afraid of being alone- don't think we are complete without a man, or a myriad of other reasons. Write down the pros and cons of being with this person- but it doesn't sound to me like he is vested much in showing you how much he cares. Cut your losses and move on- be happy within yourself and take care of those who truly love you. The rest will follow-

 

[dusty's mom]

I say give him what he deserves. Move, and quit calling him. And when he calls you, don't invite him out. Wait to see what he says. In other words I would treat him just like a friend and not like a boyfriend. Be cool and casual. No drama, no tears, no theatrics.

 

[dusty's mom]

Originally Posted by Dusty's Mom

I say give him what he deserves. Move, and quit calling him. And when he calls you, don't invite him out. Wait to see what he says. In other words I would treat him just like a friend and not like a boyfriend. Be cool and casual. No drama, no tears, no theatrics.

To add to above, I'd just be indifferent, which is exactly what he is giving you. No emotion, just indifference.

 

[lady rowan]

Says he wouldn't have done that if he didn't see us staying together. He just works in a weird way...is a bad to say...I think he thinks he loves me but doesn't really know what love is. His version of showing me how he loves me just isn't mine. So...yeh...

This part sounds a lot like my BF in a way.

 

[dusty's mom]

I think too many women don't feel complete unless there is a man in their life. So they are willing to compromise their ideal just so they can feel connected to someone, anyone, so long is he isn't violent or gay. QUIT SETTLING!

I watch my son (who is 38 and just became the father of triplets) and his wife. My son truly adores her and his constant thoughts are on what is best for his wife and his children. He would walk on hot coals if it meant proving his love.

If you want true love in your life, and who doesn't?, you won't take the indifference. If he doesn't put your welfare and your preferences at least on an equal level with his own, then he isn't worth the time you are giving him.

My husband is constantly showing his love in various ways. He makes me tea or coffee in the morning. He helps around the house and in the yard. He tells me he loves me, and shows me in numerous unspoken ways.

If you aren't in a relationship with a giving person, then get out. Life is too short to waste years on trying to teach someone what YOU need in a relationship while he gets what he wants and needs from you because you are desperate to try to "sell" him on what a great wife and mother you will make. Dump the selfish

and move on.

 

[bmw kitty cat]

Originally Posted by Dusty's Mom

I think too many women don't feel complete unless there is a man in their life. So they are willing to compromise their ideal just so they can feel connected to someone, anyone, so long is he isn't violent or gay. QUIT SETTLING!

I watch my son (who is 38 and just became the father of triplets) and his wife. My son truly adores her and his constant thoughts are on what is best for his wife and his children. He would walk on hot coals if it meant proving his love.

If you want true love in your life, and who doesn't?, you won't take the indifference. If he doesn't put your welfare and your preferences at least on an equal level with his own, then he isn't worth the time you are giving him.

My husband is constantly showing his love in various ways. He makes me tea or coffee in the morning. He helps around the house and in the yard. He tells me he loves me, and shows me in numerous unspoken ways.

If you aren't in a relationship with a giving person, then get out. Life is too short to waste years on trying to teach someone what YOU need in a relationship while he gets what he wants and needs from you because you are desperate to try to "sell" him on what a great wife and mother you will make. Dump the selfish

and move on.

Well said!!

 

[margecat]

It doesn't sound as if he's interested enough in your relationship. Please don't take this the wrong way, but, with all of the negatives about him, why are you staying in the relationship?

What the red flag for me was: when you said something about "How are we going to see each other when I move?", and he didn't say anything...I don't think that's a good sign for you. If he were truly interested in the relationship, he'd immediately say something to the effect, "Of course, I'll be with you/move with you/ etc." He didn't. If a guy loves you, he doesn't want to take a chance on losing or having another guy take his place. Even if he did love you, but was too wimpy to "fight" (not literally!) to keep you, he's not worth having, IMHO.

In my limited experience, men don't play games. They either tell you outright they're not interested, or give you clues, like I said above. And, when they DO want something badly enough, they will do anything to acquire it. I'll give you 2 examples from my past:

1. S.C. guy; long-distance relationship. Would not EVER consider moving up here, despite saying he loved me., etc. (and originally coming from this area, and having family here.) Was a HUGE sticking point. The relationship didn't last much longer, either. I remember thinking, "If we really loved each other, one of us would be insisting on moving, in order to be with each other. We're not. (I didn't want to leave my elderly Mom, who had never lived alone, nor my job. I'm not trained to do much, and had years of seniority there. He could get work anywhere.) I was going to move down there, despite all of this, though I hated to leave the only place I'd ever lived, and my family, friends, etc.

2. Fast foreword, 2 years later: Pennsylvania guy, who lived 100 miles away. PA guy would drive down every weekend (at his insistence) to be with me. (I did go up there a few times, though--my own idea.) Told me he loved me on our 2nd date. Got engaged 3 months later. He insisted on moving here, for the same reasons I stated with #1, above. Meet my hubby!

My point is: 2 people in love naturally find a solution to such things; it shouldn't be a fight or a big problem. Love finds a way...