Today I had an interview at Walmart. I've wanted to work there for months because of the benefits and all and I've really needed a job...Sofar it looks like I've got it. He was very postitive...I wont know for sure untill after the drug test comes back tuesday(which will be fine cause I'm clean). He said I'll be getting about $6.25hr and it'll be 4-11pm. This is great because I can finally get a regular income and hopefully enough money saved up now so that I can go to the technical colledge in FL with Lyle instead of waiting untill he returns since I dont have money. I'm most likely hired. Good benefits. Good hours. You'd think I'd be happier then heck. I'm not. My main problem is I'm still not over the deer accident(do a search for "I hit a deer and cant let it go"). I think it's been a month by now, but I'm still not over it. I've only drove about 4-5 times during the day and none at night since then. Everytime I ride with someone I'm freaking out and so uptight I could scream at any second. A about a week ago, Lyle and I was out and a small animal ran across the road. It was the first thing that had since I'd rode with people. I started to have a full blown panic attack...which sucked cause I've not had one since I was able to quit my medicine in high school. Then earlier this week, grandma and I was at my parents house in another county. It was pouring down rain and on our way home there were 3 female deer on the side of the road. I started screaming deer and she didnt see them and didnt even slow down much because she's used to them because she works in a national park. I started bawling. I hate this. I'm going to have to work and drive home in the dark.....I dont know what to do I am so so sooooo x's a zillion scared out of my mind! I thought by now I could be over this, but I'm not. It makes me feel something's wrong with me. I have not choice but to work second shift. I have to do this. I just dont know how. I dont want to drive. I dont want it to happen again. I honestly dont know what I'll do if an animal much less a deer runs across the road when I start to drive again. I dont want to hurt anyone. The whole reason the deer was killed was because I had a line of cars on my butt and I knew I had to choose which to save. I hated it. I still do. I dont want to hurt anyone and I did everything right before, but who says I will if it happens again. I just dont know what to do....if anyone can help me get over this..please do....I'm susposed to know by tuesday if I'm getting the job 100% or not....by then I've got to be able to drive. Lyle might try to make me drive this weekend since he's off and can follow me home. ARG! This is all so frustrating! If I didnt have anxiety problems already I just wonder if I'd be this freaked out still....I wonder how much of this is normal. *sigh* I hope you guys dont think I'm nuts....sorry this is long. I needed to vet and I need help. Thanks.
P.S. Once I get the job and the health insurance kicks in, I plan to get some counceling..not just for the deer, but also for my anxiety problems. Problem is I have to get over this so I can keep my job long enough to have money to pay for what the insurance doesnt while I'm getting help. That's part of why I need help so bad. I can get 'help' unless I get help getting over this enough I can work.
P.S. Once I get the job and the health insurance kicks in, I plan to get some counceling..not just for the deer, but also for my anxiety problems. Problem is I have to get over this so I can keep my job long enough to have money to pay for what the insurance doesnt while I'm getting help. That's part of why I need help so bad. I can get 'help' unless I get help getting over this enough I can work.